


Lizbob Supernatural Watching Notes (season 5)

by lizbobjones



Series: Lizbob Supernatural Watching Notes [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Fanwork Research & Reference Guides, Meta, Meta Essay, Non Fiction, archived from elizabethrobertajones blog, cross-posted to Tumblr, watching notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 23:57:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 111,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16862425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizbobjones/pseuds/lizbobjones





	1. 5x01

Or: it’s not a party until Lucifer shows up?

* * *

Honestly Dean looks while he’s on the plane like he’s seriously contemplating if getting in an unarmed fist fight with the newly risen Lucifer may be more fun than a turbulent plane ride?

* * *

Oh my god swine flu gets a mention within the first 5 minutes INCLUDING the extra long “Previously”… Probably 2 minutes of episode and first real dialogue? THIS is how you do continuity. :P

I also remember getting swine flu the year this season aired, and then I caught up everything afterwards, and I was just laughing. Like, yep, I had a close encounter with the apocalypse. Go me.

* * *

> SAM  
>  Dean, look—
> 
> DEAN  
>  Don’t say anything.
> 
> A pause.
> 
> DEAN  
>  It’s okay.

Sam’s back sitting in the car with Dean like no biggie discussing plot stuff and up for long drives back to Chuck’s place. I mean OBVIOUSLY he’s upset about it and everyone’s angry with him including Sam, and this doesn’t get totally handwaved, but after last episode he does just kind of fall back into at least the SHAPE of what the regular format of the show is. :P They’re not asking us to forgive him yet, but for the sake of the story structure they’re forcing surface level normality and so Dean brushes it off for now.

* * *

> DEAN  
>  Well, whatever. It’s the least of our worries. We need to find Cas. 

Priorities. :3

* * *

… Oh, okay, that doesn’t look good. I’m sorry, Jimmy. Now I guess you begin your wait for Amelia to join you. >.>

Also the fact that soulmate heavens must be super boring until the other dies bugs me. :P Maybe he had his own random nice memories with fake versions of his family or something until Amelia got there.

Suddenly wakes up randomly in the empty house like, what’s going on here, there’s no memory?

Goes downstairs and finds Amelia walking through the door…

Okay, I made myself sad about an episode like 100 down the line based off a single blood splatter. :P

* * *

Always amused by divine wrath raining down on Sam in the form of a toilet plunger to the head. :P Teehee.

* * *

> DEAN  
>  Your eyes went black?
> 
> SAM  
>  I didn’t know.
> 
> DEAN  
>  Where’s Cas?

HONESTLY Dean’s priorities. :P I mean he really just doesn’t want to have this conversation with Sam, but it’s amusing me.

* * *

Awww, have your first “Dean thinks Cas is dead” look. :D

I think it’s great that Dean’s top priority for managing the crisis is find Cas - maybe for plot reasons, but he’s CONCERNED and deflects from Sam issues he still can’t bear to talk about to Cas… I mean the house is a mess so it’s kinda obvious SOMETHING happened here, but he needs to know after Cas rebelled for him and made such an impression in such a short space of time. 

And whatever the motivations, you basically have all the Dean dialogue in the whole season so far (thanks to us being only 6 minutes in) focussed around worrying about/needing to find Cas. 

* * *

Teehee. Bad statistics ftw.

* * *

(Also, since this is the first motivating plot force and then the ‘Cas isn’t so exploded as we thought’ reveal comes at the end of the episode, there is a sort of arc aaalmost framing the episode about Cas and his conspicuous absence. I’m just appreciating that as a Cas fan even though that’s somehow even more spurious than my bad statistics based off the first 6 minutes. :P)

* * *

Anyway. Sam has a weirdly humorous moment about Chuck having a molar in his hair while Dean is kept blurry in the background and turns away and has to take a minute? And then he sounds utterly wretched and close to tears.

> DEAN  
>  Cas, you stupid bastard. 

Yes, explode one half of my OTP like a “water balloon of chunky soup” and make the other cry about it more pls. 

* * *

Um, sorry, I’m not done with this yet. :P

> ZACHARIAH  
>  You’re upset.
> 
> DEAN  
>  Yeah. A little. You sons of bitches jump-started judgement day!

Zach calls it “playtime” which I think refers to the whole escapade since Cas zapped him away, and then accuses Dean of being upset. We’ve literally just seen what moves Dean to near tears, but he deliberately switches focus to it being about the obvious plot stuff for apocalypse in general, ignoring any Cas-specific mourning he’s still doing, because, well, he DOES have these better reasons to be specifically angry with Zach.

Then Zach, after blaming Sam for the apocalypse in his “fun” way, says: 

> ZACHARIAH   
>  ‘Cause like it or not it’s Apocalypse Now.

It’s right after “like it or not” we get this little split second moment:

where he casually examines some of the more obvious Cas splatter around the kitchen, making a point to demonstrate the loss and that he’s aware that mess is all Cas. 

I mean talk about rubbing it in. 

It’s so brief, but hey, it’s Zach making a point he knew exactly what Cas died for (and apparently how futile it was since his dialogue is basically saying “lol lol lol and it happened anyway would suck to be Cas if he wasn’t painted all over this room!”) and how much he knows that will hurt Dean to point it out again for kicks.

And probably as a threat.

* * *

> DEAN  
>  After what you did, I don’t want jack squat from you!
> 
> ZACHARIAH  
>  You listen to me, boy! You think you can rebel against us? As Lucifer did?

Holy crap Dean being used as a parallel to Lucifer.

It’s like the metaphors need to be funnelled through him first before they become relevant to Sam (for being the rebellious son within their own family) and Cas (for being the angel who fell). Lucifer’s big symbolic crap doesn’t hit Dean until season  _nine_  and we don’t know it until the end of season 10. :P 

This basically just shows that Zach (and stuffy angels in general) seem to treat any form of rebellion as Lucifer-like, which I suppose is the doorway to understanding Sam n Cas this season: making it clear the two distinct threads they take from this (Sam the personal stuff, Cas just the enormity of what he gave for Dean - see also: his rant in 5x02). And of course the only reason this isn’t directly put on Cas instead of Dean is because Cas is currently dead, and so the idea has to be introduced, but then it means more once Cas is alive for him to have turned his back on Heaven so dramatically.

On the other hand, further to [this ask](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/126599514338/why-was-cas-sent-to-the-green-room-in-4x22-a-test), which I am now up to part 3 of answering, Cas made Dean swear loyalty to Heaven in 4x21, and they appear to have been holding him to that standard very strictly, as if him breaking the contract DOES put him in the exact same rebel from Heaven state as Cas. I mean, yeah, he then spends the entire season ducking the angels for obvious plot reasons, but the thought of him being held to this contract and him and Cas rebelling TOGETHER is a beautiful thing.

* * *

> DEAN  
>  Learned that from my friend Cas, you son of a bitch. 

OKAY I SWEAR WE’RE 9 MINUTES IN AND I HAVE FOUND ALMOST NOTHING BUT DESTIEL (and Dean’s fear of flying) HERE.

Unfortunately now at the expense of Anna’s existence and influence since she was the first one we saw using it (to BANISH CAS). Though we talk about Dean’s photographic memory, he did see this sigil much more recently and memorably from Cas as Cas’s means of rebellion, and then Zach’s previous line about Dean rebelling and then Dean doing this has a very clear link between the two of them. Since he thinks Cas is dead he basically dicks Zach over again one more time, in Cas’s memory, using the same sigil he did, which, again, is the practical, obvious plot thing, but this is Dean making it MEAN more. 

I would guess that Dean probs does remember learning this from Anna, but because he’s busy swearing at Zach for teasing him about Cas being dead and the entire thing being an allusion to Cas’s rebellion it’s very significant to him to make this dedication.

Basically until Dean finds out Cas isn’t dead after all, he’s sort of trying to honour his poor dead friend and what he gave for him by walking in his footsteps. :’)

* * *

Yay dodgy inner-city hotel that has significance to Bobby’s relationship to them.

I’m just going to go ahead and write this episode up as 3-1 Bobby saving them. :P

… I have no idea why this is an ongoing theme but it is.

(see 4x14 for an extended ramble about hotels and Bobby and the scorecard :P)

* * *

Aaand Sam and Dean finally have to talk about the elephant in the room.

Sam uses “I’m fine” in its bizarre second meaning of “I am actually okay? Somehow?”

I mean emotionally he’s pretty NOT FINE, but regarding what Dean actually asked him about he’s doing okay. :P

> DEAN  
>  It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.
> 
> SAM  
>  Well, that’s good. Because what can I even say? “I’m sorry”? “I screwed up”? Doesn’t really do it justice, you know? Look, there’s nothing I can do or say that will ever make this right—
> 
> DEAN  
>  So why do you keep bringing it up?!

Dean is still trying to ignore the bigger issues. Sam takes his “don’t say anything” to try and say some more, and then Dean snaps because “don’t say anything” is sort of really important for him to be able to cope with Sam right now and deal, because he needs to do that thing where he stays surface level focussed on the issue at hand, and worry about how to deal with the emotional crap later when he can:

> DEAN  
>  Look, all I’m saying is, why do we have to put this under a microscope? We made a mess. We clean it up. That’s it.
> 
> SAM nods.
> 
> DEAN  
>  All right, so, say this is just any other hunt. You know? What do we do first?

* * *

Hi Nick.

…

that awkward moment when Satan follows you home from work.

* * *

You know what, DON’T invite Lucifer to your sleep over parties. These are terrible pranks.

* * *

Ugh Becky tag your wincest fic. :P

(I’m joking. She’s pretty unflattering as a fandom avatar in the show but everyone’s talked that one to death so I’m just going to sigh and look past this. >.>)

* * *

I do wonder about her showing up right now and blatantly favouring Sam while having her own weird ideas about who Dean is, so much so that one glance basically puts her off. Of course right now in the present moment Sam has just done the whole thing that made him “unsympathetic” and she doesn’t know even about the sanitised version of the season 4 story yet. However she does have up to season 3 and Sam did have some pretty scary moments in there…

So let’s assume she has at least a vague idea of the “sympathetic” Sam from the books as a distinct character from our Sam, where we know Chuck has been favouring his viewpoint and sanitising it for his readers and generally taking creative licence if Sam does something scary to sell it so the reader won’t be put off their main character. And yet seeing Sam she knows instantly who he is out of the two brothers, and at least outwardly he lives up to her expectations.

There’s probably a commentary on their projected images, that Sam in the immediate aftermath of this worst moment still surface level comes across as his Gospels iteration, and Dean who is always projecting an image anyway somehow just immediately doesn’t gel with who his story iteration is because he has so many confusing layers.

Also wondering if Becky has her own ideas just because she’s writing them: she doesn’t have a clear idea of who Dean is supposed to be, so much as that she has the more general description of him and yet looking at him she instantly finds him lacking and I wonder if it’s because she’s headcanoned a load of stuff onto him.

I  _think_  in her fan fiction she is favouring a Dean POV to be romanced BY Sam i.e. putting herself in Dean’s headspace so she can enjoy a story of Sam falling for her through the character of her fan fic Dean:

> BECKY  
>  “And then Sam touched—” No. “—caressed Dean’s clavicle. 'This is wrong,’ said Dean. 'Then I don’t want to be right,’ replied Sam, in a husky voice.” 

based on who’s the active and passive one and what we know of her own preferences as a Sam girl. (If she emotionally prefers writing as Sam and this reflects her attitudes she’s instead projecting onto Dean her ideals of someone to be romanced, and we know she does seem to have a dominant attitude which would make Dean’s treatment in there as the one being romanced by Sam, in character for her. Either way, she’s seeing something in him that repels her from the way she’s come to read and write him)

We know the little bit of Dean POV we got was much more limited than the Sam POV in 4x18 (e.g. the Sam stuff told us directly what he was feeling; the Dean stuff implied it through the description) and so she is probably using the lack of deep emotional characterisation in Dean as the handy void in which to insert herself - i.e. Dean is the transformative space she writes in either way. And so the real thing wouldn’t measure up.

*shrugs*

* * *

Some more lol it’s funny to sexually harass Sam stuff. Yey. >.>

The background in the hotel room has a load of rounded diamonds or something. It’s a weird pattern.

I guess diamonds/stars are Lucifer? This seems to be a fandom agreement.

* * *

Yay, the car returns! Bobby gets a pretty badass reintroduction. I have a feeling they had a random person do this shot since it’s all waist down, but it does have the guy holding Bobby’s hat, so it makes it a random iconic character entrance.

Plus, he was trusted to drive Baby long-distance, which I think is a first for him?

* * *

I just realised that this bit where they use the picture of Michael that got recycled in 10x20 they’re talking about an angel’s sword and then in 10x20 they’re looking at the same thing and talking about angels’ swords in a totally different context.

I feel dizzy.

(Also 2 for 1 on Angel Heart today. Whoops.)

* * *

Is Bobby a demon the whole time? He’s certainly a very helpful demon.

Did that means a demon drove Baby?

* * *

Oops, I guess he is possessed because we fade right to him shouting at Sam.

> SAM  
>  You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood, but I didn’t listen. I brought this on.
> 
> BOBBY  
>  You’re damn right you didn’t listen. You were reckless and selfish and arrogant.

Sam is getting sort of punished here in having what he would have  _expected_  the reaction to be - what he actually gets is sympathy and Dean trying to do his best to deal  _without_  lashing out like this for the bulk of the episode. I’d bet the demon is probably channelling up some feeling Bobby did have but never would have said, just like Dean is struggling not to talk about it with Sam. It’s really harsh but it’s delivering this idea to Sam without it ending up being meant by anyone (it doesn’t count when it comes from demon possession - the ongoing rules of when something does or doesn’t matter when it’s said, a guidebook by Dean Winchester, probably :P) so these thoughts can be expressed in the text without having any of the main characters  _actually_  say them to Sam. The viewers are given a much more complicated range of reactions to Sam’s screw up than the characters are, basically. 

* * *

Why did the demons NOT care to just grab Sam? I mean sure he’s as hidden as Dean but he’s the one they need and they used Bobby to find the boys and then they drive Sam away and… don’t grab him when he’s wandering moodily down the street?

Everyone’s after Dean today. :P

* * *

Woop, Dean x books, featuring demon!Bobby:

* * *

> BOBBY  
>  I never would have guessed that your daddy was right.
> 
> DEAN  
>  About what?
> 
> BOBBY  
>  About your brother.
> 
> BOBBY  
>  What John said—you save Sam or kill him. Maybe…
> 
> DEAN  
>  Maybe what?
> 
> BOBBY  
>  Maybe we shouldn’t have tried so hard to save him.
> 
> DEAN  
>  Bobby.
> 
> BOBBY  
>  He ended the world, Dean. And you and I weren’t strong enough to stop him proper. That’s on us. I’m just saying, your dad was right.

This is especially pertinent to realising it’s not Bobby considering last episode literally pitted John and Bobby’s ideologies about saving Sam etc against each other and caused Dean to reach out to Sam when he thought he was past saving on Bobby’s advice. 

I suppose the demon is just trolling Dean to upset him by spouting stuff like this, but Dean’s so used to this crap that he’s barely listening and realises that there’s a clue in there to finding the thing. 

I’d hope later in hindsight Dean would notice “your dad was right” is something demons tell him with approval and takes note. :P

This whole section is tragic in really underhand ways.

* * *

> BOBBY  
>  So you think your dad had the Michael sword all this time? 

Ahahahahaha. See above, and also how for lack of better face, Michael often ends up with young!John’s look in fanart stuff that I’ve seen. :P

* * *

Heya demon!Meg. 

Gosh I love Rachel Miner’s voice.

> DEAN  
>  My god, you like the sound of your own voice. 

Um, whoops?

That was me typing moments before Dean said the line. :P

* * *

I like how he immediately assumes it’s Ruby just because that’s the worst thing evar he could imagine: that she isn’t even dead and back to haunt them. Also interesting how Meg shows up again after a 2 season break. Lots of old faces popping up again who weren’t in season 4: it was a pretty isolated season, all things considered, with just Cas, Ruby and Bobby as the consistent other main characters? Jo n Ellen weren’t mentioned at all and Meg has been gone 2 seasons, Rufus got an off-screen mention in 4x21… 

I dunno, different approach to side characters this season.

* * *

> MEG  
>  But you, on the other hand, you’re the only bump in the road. So every demon—every single one—is just dying for a piece of you. 

Yep, it’s a popularity contest this episode. :P

Woo everyone sexually harass Dean day as well. >.>

* * *

Lol lol Bobby does the thing because that is not at all foreshadowing for the end of the season.

* * *

Sam just instantly knows that it’s Meg when he sees her. Not sure if they just know each other better or if he’s still got a little uncanny ability in some ways. I wonder if he could see demon’s faces while he had demon blood powers.

(And still made out with Ruby anyway. Ew :P)

The Dean wondering if it was Ruby thing might just have been in contrast to this tbh. Making him look a bit stupid in comparison.

* * *

Oh yeah, Meg ditches out of her poor meatsuit (who is probably also called Meg and for all we know the demon is literally also called Meg and has a fun sense of humour about possessing girls called Meg) so this poor woman aaalmost gets to go home, except Meg decided she liked her hair and came to possess her again.

(She does have nice hair)

* * *

This episode is a fun exercise in making you think that everyone close to the Winchesters is dead. Hilariously, if this had been the last season, Cas would have been exploded and Bobby dead and staying that way at the end of the season as well most likely, so foreshadowing we missed out on but would have given us more narrative neatness by the time anyone recovered from the original projected ending. :P

* * *

> DEAN  
>  The demons heard where the sword is. We got to get to it before they do, if we’re not too late already. Come on! 

Hahaha hahahaha ha ha 

* * *

I know I had [an ask about Dean’s look after the “god has left the building” line](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/126694391083/dean-looks-genuinely-startled-when-zachariah-says), but at the moment he hasn’t  _quiiite_ ended up where he gets about the whole… No destiny for you, mate… bit of the apocalypse. Zach has still been telling him he has a part to play without explaining what, and like it or not, Dean knows there are sides in here greater than Dean vs Heaven, so at the very least he needs to set that aside to grab this mysterious sword before the demons get it, and then work out what next on his own terms.

Whoops.

* * *

Oh look, the caged lights are back. Is it tragic I basically think of these as Cas’s halo by now thanks to associations?

* * *

Good old John Winchester demon traps.

Unless Zach and his lot dealt with them.

> DEAN  
>  Oh, thank god. The angels are here. 

Said no one, ever.

* * *

The same caged halo lights are in here too!

* * *

> ZACHARIAH  
>  What, you thought you could actually kill Lucifer? You simpering wad of insecurity and self-loathing? No. You’re just a human, Dean. And not much of one.
> 
> DEAN  
>  What do you mean, I’m the sword?
> 
> ZACHARIAH  
>  You’re Michael’s weapon. Or, rather, his…receptacle.

Mmm destiny.

* * *

> ZACHARIAH  
>  There is no other way. There must be a battle. Michael must defeat the serpent. It is written.
> 
> DEAN  
>  Yeah, maybe. But, on the other hand… Eat me. The answer’s no.

Written, huh? Not a good way to make Dean do things. Were you not paying attention in 4x18?

(I still think Dean going off-book there with Cas’s help butterfly-effect’d the whole apocalypse re: what is ~written~)

* * *

Dean is really pretty this episode.

* * *

… Apparently saying that is how to summon BAMF Cas.

* * *

Aww Cas, killing your first angels on screen. :<

* * *

I am pretty sure Cas is completely bullshitting this - he looks pretty terrified of Zach even if he’s actually confident about the God thing? He also says it’s scary and it should scare Zach so I think Cas may also be a little scared about it himself, but just going along with it since he’s alive and able to help so no point having an existential crisis yet. 

(I kind of feel like this random death and resurrection is never brought up again? It happened off-screen and so the use of the Swan Song explosion in Angel Heart to explain what happened to Jimmy is reasonably understandable if wrong, and then 6x20, again, the resurrection in 5x22 was way more philosophically interesting to Cas than this one, as it seemed pretty clear what he had been brought back to do and he did it. It was the “what next” that tripped him up. But that means that the show itself pretty much never looks back beyond Swan Song for Cas after Kripke era even when 10x09 and 10x20 could have actually mentioned this was where Jimmy died in more explicit terms :P (”An archangel” helpfully applies to Raphael AND Lucifer so that’s infuriatingly murky.))

(Yes it’s been months I’m still grumbling. Hi, I’m Lizzy have you met me? :P) 

* * *

Hey is this the  _exact_  same storage locker from Bad Day At Black Rock? There’s the same coffin in it. Or John just collected coffins.

I’m assuming it’s the same place because of how Dean remembered it. 

Sometimes, rarely, with divine intervention, Dean will recall past canon.

* * *

I like how Cas walks right up to DEAN to brand both their ribs. Like, eye to eye contact with his fave Winchester. lil poke to Sam.

Although his eyes do dart to Sam when he says something about Lucifer and his vessel.

I’m always wondering why Lucifer didn’t just go for Sam. Perhaps he guessed the exact same thing would happen that Zach just ran into with Dean, and was smart enough to go for low hanging fruit with a compatible but not particularly durable vessel while he set his plans in motion, because he couldn’t afford to just hang around sweet talking Sam all apocalypse.

* * *

Cas has this stupid curl on his forehead and I can’t see anything else in this scene.

Help.

I meant to look out for any of those lights over his head and now I have to go re-watch everything because Misha has curly hair.

* * *

Oh well I guess I had better watch Cas fight again as well just so I don’t miss anything. :P

* * *

Honestly the fact that like in 4x01 you have a bit where Dean is kneeling in front of Cas AGAIN. And Sam’s not playing along, and with the composition and his colour scheme, HONESTLY, may as well not be in the picture.

* * *

Cas’s attention on Dean when he brands their ribs seems even MORE ridiculous the second time through. SAM IS HERE TOO CAS.

*Cas glances over at Sam*

*goes back to ridiculous amounts of attention on Dean*

Oh man, Lizzy vs season 5 Destiel - this is going to be a battle to the death and one of us is already legendary. >.>

* * *

Okay so they don’t use the caged halos on Cas but when he flaps away you can see the light is basically directly above where he was standing. (Right in front of Dean.)

Maybe he’s free from that cage now. :3

(Teehee room full of dead people)

* * *

Uh anyway I guess Nick isn’t having a very good day either.

* * *

> SARAH  
>  Nick. You’re dreaming, Nick. But it doesn’t mean this isn’t real. 

…

9x18:

> GABRIEL  
>  Here’s the thing… none of it was real, but all of it was true.

Well, Metatron. Either way the parallel is interesting. 

* * *

> LUCIFER  
>  You people misunderstand me. You call me “Satan” and “devil”, but… Do you know my crime? I loved God too much. And for that, he betrayed me—punished me. 

Mmhm. 

I know Lucifer says he never lies but I’m not even sure this is is true within the already established continuity never mind how much the story gets screwed around with later.

You know I honestly can’t remember if we’ve had a proper back story or if there even is one coming up rather than just random historical events ascribed to Lucifer? (Lucifer is generally the villain on this show I rank pretty low in interest. I’m vaguely intrigued by some of the folklore about the devil, but all the deep biblical stuff… *makes whooshing noise and waves over my head* I’m along for the ride, but the symbolism and how and whys don’t capture my imagination too much.)

* * *

> BOBBY  
>  You believe that yahoo?
> 
> DEAN  
>  Screw him. You’ll be fine.

Aw Dean. Don’t. He knows that he agreed with Zach that Bobby would never walk again for the sake of Dean not becoming Michael’s vessel and so him being all cheerful and good bedside manner about this is him holding back that he knows that an angel probably caused this permanent diagnosis on Bobby and it’s technically Dean’s fault for not sacrificing himself to save Bobby from this fate. (And it takes Crowley to fix it… I do wonder if the leg thing was magically caused in some way, although Zach seemed to have no problem causing actual physical damage/illness to Sam n Dean…)

* * *

> DEAN  
>  What if we win?
> 
> BOBBY stares at him. SAM turns to face DEAN, who sounds a bit too confident.
> 
> DEAN  
>  I’m serious. I mean, screw the angels and the demons and their crap apocalypse. Hell, they want to fight a war, they can find their own planet. This one’s ours, and I say they get the hell off it. We take 'em all on. We kill the devil. Hell, we even kill Michael if we have to. But we do it our own damn selves.
> 
> BOBBY  
>  And how are we supposed to do all this, genius?
> 
> DEAN  
>  I got no idea. But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell attitude, and I’ll figure it out.

Hm. :P

* * *

> BOBBY  
>  I was awake. I know what I said back there. I just want you to know that…that  _was_  the demon talking. I ain’t cutting you out, boy. Not ever. 

And Bobby and Sam get their first (! I’ve been counting, or, not as the case may be) serious bonding moment. Caused by a demon making Bobby say something so terrible he HAS to say something affirming to Sam. :P

I think he and Sam just kind of don’t click as easily as him and Dean. Probably because of Bobby’s ongoing dislike of John, and how Sam always reminds everyone of John.

* * *

> DEAN  
>  I just said a bunch of crap for Bobby’s benefit. 

Made it as far as the parking lot.

Oh, this is where it all comes out every time Dean has dodged the conversation so far this episode because he didn’t want to say anything, like Bobby through the demon, that he would regret. >.> I think he needs to say this and it’s harsh like what Bobby said, but actually coming from Dean. I wonder if hearing Bobby apologise sort of made him realise he had to say something because it was too uncomfortable for him.

> DEAN  
>  I tried, Sammy. I mean, I really tried. But I just can’t keep pretending that everything’s all right. Because it’s not. And it’s never going to be. You chose a demon over your own brother—and look what happened.
> 
> […]
> 
> DEAN  
>  I just don’t think I can trust you. 

So there’s a good start to the season :P

I mean this is basically the arc of the season seeing as we have to get to Swan Song where Dean extends Sam trust to do the thing. And that’s hard won.

Wooooo on with the bro drama all season.

Good thing there’s a ridiculous amount of Destiel in between. :P

(Aw that last shot of Dean getting in the drivers’ seat of the car and Sam just standing there watching him like he’s going to leave without him. Of course he doesn’t - or at least, they are in the same place next episode still - but the SYMBOLISM.)

… just ignore how I can go from wearily sighing about Bro Drama to squeaking about a good shot signifying the Bro Drama. :P


	2. 5x02

I am always amused by how the title of this episode literally only seems to cover the opening scenes with Cas and then he buggers off and then it’s like “and now for something completely different”?

* * *

> DEAN  
> It’s been like three days now?
> 
> DEAN  
> We got to cheer him up. Maybe I’ll give him a backrub.

Heh. I still think Dean’s doing pretty terribly with Bobby so far this season. >.>

Which is a subplot all of its own, with a little arc. It never gets resolved that Dean lied to Bobby about why his legs don’t work as far as I recall, but he’s being very flippant about it and I think he’s hurting a lot and we KNOW he takes blame onto himself - he would have if it was JUST the aftermath of the fight. But Zach put it directly on him (for all we know Zach just knew the diagnosis and used it to screw with Dean’s head by making it sound like he caused it) and so Dean’s relationship to Bobby this season is now marred by the fact Dean feels he’s deliberately maimed him as part of his refusal to be Michael’s vessel.

I am sure this will have NO ongoing significance. :P

* * *

*takes a moment to appreciate that that writing is still probably on Dean’s ribs*

Even if he’s probably broken his ribs a fair few times since so who knows how solid it is. :P

* * *

> SAM  
> Hello? …Castiel?
> 
> DEAN  
> Speak of the devil.

Do you need to get a lot more careful about your casual turn of phrase when it’s a season with the literal devil lurking around?

Or is this a subtle way to remind us to apply the Lucifer parallel that has so far only been applied to Dean this season to Cas, seeing as he’s the actual fallen angel on the team.

Dean’s “why is Cas phoning Sam and not me?” face though.

Sam’s awkward “Castiel?” 

Dean’s FACE.

“Sam why does Cas have your number? Sam, why did you give your number to Cas? Sam I said I didn’t trust you maybe you can have a little honesty here and tell me WHY CAS IS PHONING YOU AND NOT ME”

* * *

Cas does a big dramatic entrance because of course.

Like “Hello I have arrived.”

*coat billows*

> DEAN  
> Cell phone, Cas? Really? Since when do angels need to reach out and touch someone?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> You’re hidden from angels now—all angels. I won’t be able to simply—

Um.

Is “reach out and touch” some American slang for making a phonecall?

Because I was like 90% kidding about Dean’s jealousy about Cas phoning Sam and then he goes and says this?

Meanwhile, if Dean could just tear his eyes away from Cas he’d realise just how intensely focussed on him Cas is and how much Sam is currently the third wheel and so there’s not so much point in jealousy. :P

* * *

> BOBBY  
> Get over here and lay your damn hands on. 

I know, if only from my D&D/WoW days that that is clearly a term for religious healing of SOME sort since it’s the Paladin heal spell in both games, that’s not a dodgy phrase.

But like we were literally just talking about Cas touching people. 

First it’s all “touch touch touch” about the ribs, then Dean’s talking about Cas touching Sam to phone him, and now this line?

* * *

*Cas brushes past Dean to come into the room*

* * *

> BOBBY  
> You’re telling me you lost your mojo just in time to get me stuck in this trap the rest of my life?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> I’m sorry.
> 
> BOBBY  
> Shove it up your ass.

Aw, Cas n Bobby. I think they’ve pretty much only met once in 4x01 before? They get a little closer by like… mid-season 6. Slightly less terrible than Sam n Cas failing to make friends until season 9 especially given their exposure :P

Anyway as Cas is apologising, Dean is looking down and away in the background because, well, he blames himself for this, and if not Bobby’s legs, then Cas falling and by result not being strong enough to heal Bobby. That’s a complicated web of blame. :P

* * *

Dean makes another non-joke about Bobby and then Cas is all back in his personal space and Sam is like RIGHT THERE but nope you’re no in this conversation, mate.

* * *

Well he sort of tries, and gets some hilarious reaction shots but Cas is mostly focussed on Dean like it is quite obvious that Sam asking questions is drawing his attention away from Dean.

Briefly.

We cut to a commercial break and when we come back Sam has wandered over to the window to chill with Bobby and Dean n Cas are having their intense personal conversation.

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> The one who resurrected me and put you on that airplane. The one who began everything. God.
> 
> I’m gonna find God.

Welcome to Dean’s season 1 arc, Cas! :P Nothing like hunting down your absent father figure after he kicks you off on a mission, only to discover along the way that he just does not care about you like you thought, and that he can resurrect you as much as he pleases, it’s not going to fix that empty hole he’s left.

Since the last time Dean heard about God it was Zach saying he’d left the building, I feel like Dean is almost being kind to Cas with all his bitter snark.

> DEAN  
> Listen, Chuckles, even if there is a God, he is either dead—and that’s the generous theory—
> 
> CASTIEL  
> He is out there, Dean.
> 
> DEAN  
> —or he’s up and kicking and doesn’t give a rat’s ass about any of us.

Cas has hard evidence in the form of the fact all of them are literally alive and in the same room talking to suggest to him that God is behind this, but Dean has already been told that he doesn’t care, which fit very much into his world view BEFORE all this awful angel stuff started happening and tried to change his opinion on it, so he’s just gone through a literal arc, as in, up and back down again. Their problem at the moment is that with these two mindsets they just can’t reconcile their two world views together…

* * *

> DEAN  
> I mean, look around you, man. The world is in the toilet. We are literally at the end of days here, and he’s off somewhere drinking booze out of a coconut. All right?

The theory that God n Death are chilling on a beach grows ever more compelling. I forgot about this line. Beach myth arc 2k16.

While Dean is busy griping about the state of the world, he walks around behind Cas. Cas carries on listening while facing in the original direction - very much showing his disapproval of Dean’s words by not caring to look his way while he says them.

Or just showing off his profile to Dean.

I dunno.

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> This is not a theological issue. It’s strategic. 

Heh. Caaaas. <3 this is why I love him… He’s emotionally affected by this quest, sure, but he’s just sat there and figured out that if God has shown his hand by moving him around like a pawn on the chessboard of the apocalypse, then dammit he’s going to find that hand and have words since it can also move Lucifer around if it so pleases.

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> I killed two angels this week. My brothers. I’m hunted. I rebelled. And I did it, all of it, for you, and you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world—
> 
> SAM looks down.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> —and I lost everything, for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself.

Oh man. If you just see this in gifsets for months and months you forget how low and whispery Cas’s voice is at this point. He’s SERIOUSLY menacing at this point. Dean does not back down or lean away from him even as the camera suggests that Cas is so close he’s basically able to lick Dean’s nose (the other angle from Cas’s POV puts them a foot apart at least. I find it funny that Cas seems closer from the over the shoulder perspective for Dean like that’s how he feels it.)

Of course like with Bobby and his legs this arc for emotional issues bubbles over in Point of No Return with that scene where Cas beats the crap out of Dean while yelling about similar things but from the POV of much more personal disappointment than EVEN THIS. This sets up those thoughts from Cas. (I guess everyone’s mental state depends on Dean and how he treats them or how he feels, and so when he gives up everyone else implodes along with him as he spends that episode insulting and escaping from them.)

Also notable that Zach’s little comments at the START of 5x01 pretty much pointed out without saying anything, that Cas would be this pissed off if only he were alive, and surprise surprise here he is and pissed off. :P

(And it, all of it, was for Dean. Don’t think that line doesn’t kill me :P)

* * *

I like how Bobby asks Cas a direct question and Cas keeps on talking directly into Dean’s face in the same pissed off whisper for another round of dialogue before he looks away.

Also I’m just saying he probably looks at Bobby because he had the amulet first and then gave it to Sam to give to  ~~John~~  Dean. There’s still some never-answered questions about how Bobby ended up with it and how it came into Dean’s hands. :P 

* * *

I mean obviously you can’t miss it chillin’ on Dean’s chest the entire series but.

*This is probably a fair chunk of my ‘Dean is the centre of the universe’ theory right here*

* * *

Cas never learned to say please but he did learn to have a whole silent conversation with Dean.

Dean’s face is not one of someone who got silently asked please.

I just love how it’s resentfully given, but Dean trusts him with it and even though he thinks the whole thing’s stupid he humours Cas.

It’s an actual sacrifice from him, though, like, giving up something which is such a part of him it’s been commented on many times in the narrative? (I know Jensen didn’t like wearing the amulet hence its demise but that’s by the by to how it was written out LIKE killing off a main character :P)

I dunno, obviously Dark Side of the Moon is the place to really get worked up about this (especially as we are five minutes into the episode and the other, completely different, story for the remaining 35 minutes hasn’t even been hinted at yet :P) but I like that at this early stage Cas and Dean are sort of emotionally linked by what they’ve been through but the rebellion itself was not the grand gesture it could have been by its failure to pay off, and I don’t know if Cas deliberately tore into Dean to make him feel like he owed Cas big, or if that’s just a beneficial side effect of Cas getting annoyed about Dean’s lack of faith (in him OR God) - hey this is a parallel to 4x01 again? - but there’s this really resentful angry give and take between them. This sacrifice from Dean balances them out again, but they’re in a sort of emotional battleground where Cas has done this HUGE gesture and they’re almost regretfully important to each other. Yet Dean was genuinely upset Cas was dead. Cas genuinely was moved to rebel BECAUSE of and FOR Dean…

I mean just assume season 5 is an accidentally married fic and I think this kind of covers the level of accidental commitment to each other. :P

Anyways, on a less whimsical note, Dean giving Cas a big show of trust right in front of Sam because Cas earned it, after what Dean said about not trusting Sam any more, is yet more fodder for the ongoing non-friendship of Sam n Cas, and probably tbh one of the moments floating in Sam’s mind when he complained about Dean trusting an angel over him in 8x23 - I really think that was about historical offences like this not anything from season 8, even if it was paralleled to Benny.

(Obviously Dean is rather on the spot here so it’s not like he intentionally did it to rub it into Sam’s face that he’s taking off the precious bro-symbolic amulet and an extension of himself and casually handing it over to their new bestie who Sam still awkwardly calls “Castiel” when he phones up, but from Sam’s perspective Cas blows in, gets all intense with Dean, and disappears off again with a significant chunk of trust stolen from Sam.)

* * *

Apparently there’s a whole other episode still to go.

* * *

Hi Rufus! Lookin’ badass. 

I suppose either this is one of those traps like for ants where they fall in and make panicked ant signals and all the other ants come to help and fall in as well, hence the phonecall to Bobby being just another layer of the trap (taking out the phone signal happens several times in this series so it’s notable that they can still phone for help), or else War put up enough demon signs and waited for hunters to show up before really kicking off, since this game works better with people who know about demons already on the field.

Hm.

Probably a bit of both.

* * *

I’ve never got the whole one road into town thing. Do American towns all just kind of bubble off from a highway by a single path with no connective tissue to other towns? Everyone seems to build their towns beyond a river or something that blocks access… No wonder there’s this cultural sense of isolation that shows up in literature etc all the time. I mean it can’t ALL be like that but I suppose going by the cultural tropes it’s enough of a thing? It’s never commented on like it’s weird these places only had one way in.

(In the UK pretty much everywhere seems to be on a road to London or a nearby bigger city. :P You have to go pretty far to find proper isolation, and towns tend to appear on crossroads even then, so there’s always a signpost in the middle to 4 other towns in another direction… We’re just very cramped.) 

* * *

Love the music intro to the town, with it switching from soundtrack to the creepy abandoned car radio. Yesss. I am here for stuff like this.

* * *

Pfft, of course it’s a Mustang. Because horsemen.

Every single time I watch this I facepalm over the pun. :P

* * *

I do like how this is basically a post-apocalyptic scenario like, within the one town, it fits that genre. Right from the get go this season does feel apocalyptic - the random episodes in towns where it hasn’t seem to hit yet or people are ignoring it taking place actually feel unsettling for being normal after this and the multiple other towns we see or hear about being wiped off the map.

It’s this sort of large scale mess we literally never see again. :P

Well like 1 episode of the Leviathan’s food zombies in one town. 

But yeah, season 5 was an interesting change of pace and everyone seems to like it by and large? None of these episodes are my favourites but they’re interesting nonetheless. :P

* * *

> ELLEN  
> You can’t pick up a phone? What are you, allergic to giving me peace of mind? I got to find out that you’re alive from Rufus? 

I feel like this is a comment on how long she’s been out of the story, also turned to blame on Dean. :P She and Jo didn’t really do anything past season 2, right? Ellen may literally be referring to the fact Dean got out of Hell, which would come third hand from Bobby telling Rufus telling her.

> DEAN  
> You’re hunting with Jo?
> 
> ELLEN  
> Yeah, for a while now.

You know, the Winchesters ARE pretty terrible friends. Someone should introduce them to the idea of sending Christmas cards to all their living acquaintances… If nothing else for an at least yearly reflection of gratitude for whoever are the 3 remaining people they know at any given time. :P

* * *

*Dean continues not to trust Sam to cross the road without falling into a demon blood addiction*

* * *

It always bothers me how Sam doesn’t notice the demon death effects from the knife. If nothing else it makes a pretty loud crackle. 

* * *

Or how they bleed out SO MUCH when demons normally don’t seem to leave pools of blood when they die?

* * *

I mean I actually clocked that the first time I watched this episode before I knew what was going on, in a rare case of me be astute about plot hints. :P

* * *

I suppose he is very distracted by the presence of the blood. I have wondered if he was looking at it wondering if he was tempted to drink it or not, like, couldn’t tell if it was or wasn’t actually demon blood, and was wondering how much the addiction still affected him if he couldn’t tell, or if he basically saw the blood, didn’t consider what it was (most likely) and was just struggling with realising he still kinda wanted to drink it just because he THOUGHT it was demon blood and not because he was magically compelled or something.

Anyway he didn’t drink any and it doesn’t LOOK like he drunk any but Dean comes in and gives him this hugely disappointed look just for being in that situation and looking like he’s struggling with it.

Dean really isn’t too supportive here. >.> He’s too busy being horrified by it and disappointed that Sam IS still affected in any way to deal with the situation in an emotionally stable way. Instead he just looks at Sam like he betrayed his trust for defending his own life against the “demons” which Sam obviously could not help. I suppose it’s more “I was right you never should have come here because now you’re tempted to drink the blood again”.

Bah. :P

Bro angst.

* * *

Aah man, that depressing conversation:

> AUSTIN  
> Fallujah. Two tours. Got back a little over a year ago. Takes one to know one. Where’d you serve?
> 
> DEAN  
> Hell.
> 
> AUSTIN snorts, amused.
> 
> AUSTIN  
> No, seriously.
> 
> DEAN  
> Seriously. Hell.

Dean always has a smile for an attractive guy who knows how to handle his weapon, though.

* * *

Gosh more bro angst.

> SAM  
> It’s just…at the store. Those demons were possessing teenagers. I mean, I had to slit some kid’s throat.
> 
> DEAN  
> Come on, Sam, you had to.
> 
> SAM  
> I know. I just…it used to be like…
> 
> SAM pauses.
> 
> SAM  
> I just wish I could save people like I used to.

Is that a little coded regret about killing Cindy? That killing meatsuits for the first time since sends him into regret about the last time he killed someone just because there was a demon in them?

I hope so. I am assuming Sam is regretting it or else he becomes unbearable. :P This helps a lot.

* * *

> SAM  
> Oh, that’s right, I forgot. You think I’ll take one look at a demon and suddenly fall off the wagon, as if, after everything, I haven’t learned my lesson.
> 
> DEAN  
> Well, have you?
> 
> SAM slams DEAN into the wall. The door is still open; ELLEN looks over.
> 
> SAM  
> If you actually think I—

On the other hand Sam has a ton of residual anger as well, and hitting Dean right after you had that awful fight at the end of last season (3-4 days ago?) is a TERRIBLE idea. *yells at Sam through the screen*

I need them to take their holiday already. :P

* * *

> SAM  
> Demons don’t get cold. Makes you wonder what they’re burning. 

There’s a little hesitation in there where he aaallmost could have worked it out but nope. :P

* * *

I am quite proud of Dean not rushing off to immediately try and save Sam with no plan. Admittedly used to show him NOT being all his usual over-protective brotherly self, so it’s a “bad” thing but it’s the right decision for the situation as he understands it to stay with this group of survivors. Suppose it shows him not being addled by his training to protect Sam for once.

> DEAN  
> The whole thing’s off.
> 
> ELLEN  
> What’s your instinct?
> 
> DEAN  
> My instinct? My instinct is to call Bobby and ask for help. Or Sam.
> 
> ELLEN  
> Well, tough. All you got’s me, and all I got’s you. So let’s figure it out.
> 
> DEAN  
> All right.

Hm. Dean is initially really sluggish to figure it out: he knows something’s up but he hasn’t had any real clues as to what. He works it out eventually but with prompting and some griping about how he would rely on someone else to work it out for him. Considering how often smart!Dean moments are him working out the case all by himself (or, as with other stories where they’re separated and this one, in conjunction with Sam figuring it out) he’s clearly under-selling himself, but I think he does feel like he needs that sort of mental back up to bounce off… I dunno. It’s another of those things where he looks like he’s being dumb and needing hand-holding through it and then it turns out he was smart enough all along. (Just last episode he figured out the riddle thrown his way off a random association but he needed Bobby talking about other stuff to get there.)

* * *

> DEAN  
> That cherry Mustang parked on Main.
> 
> PASTOR  
> You can’t think that a car—
> 
> DEAN  
> It’s the way I’d roll.

Have I mentioned how much I love Dean vs the horsemen today? :P

Because he IS the iconic car guy: Bobby bringing him his car last episode was basically a mirror of the way the other cars were introduced. And not for nothing, he stops the apocalypse with his special car too.

I just like how Dean is just immediately on their level with the car thing. 

* * *

There are an almost obscene number of candles in the room Jo and Rufus are keeping Sam in.

* * *

Ooh Sam doesn’t work it out, he just catches War out loitering and gets a guessing game to play with instead. I forgot that. :P

* * *

This is actually a really good (if slightly on the nose) Sam characterisation moment, and a really good dramatic conversation. I like this guy.

I was gonna say, “this sounds like Sam vs the demon blood and Ruby’s speech at the end”

> WAR  
> Frankly, you’re really vicious little animals, Sam.
> 
> SAM  
> No. You’re doing this.
> 
> WAR  
> Please.

And then War just went right there anyway :P

> WAR  
> Oh, that’s adorable, considering you’re my poster boy. 

[…]

> WAR  
> Save your protests for your brother. I can see inside your head. And man, it is one-track city in there. Blood, blood, blood. Lust for power. Same as always. You want to be strong again. But not just strong. Stronger than everybody. Good intentions—quick slide to hell, buddy boy. You feel bad now? Wait till you’re thigh deep in warm corpses. Because, my friend, I’m just getting started. 

It is interesting that each brother is paired with a horseman. Dean n Death is an ongoing thing for the whole show, mostly because Death survives and it’s just thematically fascinating from the very start before they were ever getting into the specifics of it (or perhaps realising the horsemen would ever be actual characters), but this horseman articulates a lot of Sam’s vengeance issues which have been apparent since the start as well, what with season 1 being his struggle with the revenge mission and at least in that season rejecting going down the path that would make him like John. War’s much less important (like Famine, no apparent reach outside of his own episode, while Pestilence is retconned into Croatoan, and has a season-long background influence from The End onwards). 

Sam’s issues are much more forefront for obvious reasons, so kicking us off with War and Sam hashing out his dark arc from last season for everyone to hear and understand where Sam is right now, is a good place to start for using the horsemen to explore the characters.

(Because obviously Sam doesn’t want to be the guy War describes, but hearing War tell him exactly how he feels and how that darkness has worked its way inside him and so on is probably the stark realisation that makes him take his holiday at the end? He goes full on pacifist which is probably an important word choice considering who they’re up against here :P)

* * *

Yay rare early sighting of Dean with demon eyes. 

* * *

> RUFUS  
> I’m getting too old for this. 

Surprisingly, he actually lives for over a season worth of episodes after saying that line.

* * *

Sam gets to be the one to cut off the ring (with a lot of help from Dean working as a team - similar to how they killed Ruby except with less suggestive stabbing) and dispel War’s influence, so good for him. That is a nice symbolic end to him and satisfying for his relevance to Sam. 

Dean seems somewhat sad the car disappears along with War. :P

(Well okay he just looks a little perturbed War disappeared along with everything, but I can headcanon Dean would have liked to borrow the car and at least get it back to Bobby’s. He could have it as a weekend ride. :P)

* * *

I honestly have no idea what I’m saying any more.

* * *

He should have put it on to see what happens. So close :P

I guess he’s LITERALLY referencing the series that tells you why it is a terrible idea to put on random magic rings that you find but eh.

* * *

I am never over how many TREES there are in the background. It’s just a random rest stop and it’s more dramatic than practically any landscape I could find. :P

* * *

> SAM
> 
> No, listen. This is important. I know you don’t trust me.
> 
> Just, now I realized something. I don’t trust me either.
> 
> From the minute I saw that blood, only thought in my head…and I tell myself it’s for the right reasons, my intentions are good, and it, it feels true, you know? But I think, underneath…I just miss the feeling. I know how messed up that sounds, which means I know how messed up I am. Thing is, the problem’s not the demon blood, not really. I mean, I, what I did, I can’t blame the blood or Ruby or…anything. The problem’s me. How far I’ll go. There’s something in me that…scares the hell out of me, Dean. In the last couple of days, I caught another glimpse…
> 
> DEAN  
> So what are you saying?
> 
> SAM  
> I’m in no shape to be hunting. I need to step back, ‘cause I’m dangerous. Maybe it’s best we just…go our separate ways.

*Dean looks horrifically pained*

Of course Sam doesn’t say Dean should stop hunting or they go on a vacation together because it’s the start of the apocalypse: they can’t actually take a break, and even if the apocalypse wasn’t looming, hunting is very much in Dean’s life, in the way where he’s married to the job since he was tiny (I think being mistaken for an army veteran again this episode was also no coincidence as well as giving us a clue that War is relevant to his life too, though not addressed in this episode).

> DEAN  
> The truth is I spend more time worrying about you than about doing the job right. And I just, I can’t afford that, you know? Not now. 

(Which was shown in that little bit where Dean backed off running after Sam when he heard he was caught.)

Sam parrots enough words that War said to tell me that War got in his head (well, by getting in his head) and given 5x04 I would probably say this is intentional (since War wouldn’t have been allowed to kill Sam what with him being the chosen vessel of his boss and all) and that splitting up Sam n Dean was the next step in the game plan. 5x04 implies they never reconciled after this very conversation.

So of course, this was War doing what he does: creating the necessary strife between Sam n Dean. Doesn’t matter his ring was cut off and the spell ended on everyone else: what’s between them is enough various stressful factors that the break can easily go beyond a spell. 

* * *

Heh, Dean offers Sam the Impala, probably as a way to look after him without being there, but just makes me think Dean is probably regretting that War’s car disappeared even more. :P

… AU where he traded up for the rest of the Apocalypse.


	3. 5x03

In summary:

  


* * *

You think I’m kidding but I already had to make one pre-emptive post about just how far down the rabbit hole this went.

* * *

Does Lucifer need to possess people who are afflicted with man pain from dead wives/girlfriends? I can’t tell if it’s an MO or just the background noise of this universe that all guys have dead loved ones. Anyway for the sake of Nick only being created for the 1 episode it’s an intentional parallel. :P

* * *

Jess is super chill about dropping in after 5 seasons, like, hey Sam.

This is probably a good sign he should be suspicious. 

> SAM  
> Jessica. I’m dreaming.
> 
> JESS  
> Or you’re not. What’s the difference? I’m here.

It is painfully awkward that Cas has done this like twice to Dean already and so Jess n Sam are infringing on their territory.

I mean obviously she is Lucifer, but right now? Sam rolls with it and is very happy to see her and talks to her like she’s actually Jess, as if the assumption that loved ones just show up in dreams is an expected thing, which, if you look at past canon with Cas showing up in Dean’s dreams and him just rolling with it, uh, is a trope on the show. Whoops. :P

She seems to be acting more as his internal voice at this point, at least for the sake of this scene while Lucifer is softening Sam up and not wanting to trip him up by mentioning stuff beyond his knowedge:

> JESS  
> Even at Stanford you knew. You knew there was something dark inside of you. Deep down, maybe, but you knew. Maybe that’s what got me killed.

This is especially cruel given how we eventually find out more the hows and whys of Jess’s death. Lucifer is operating on the level of what Sam would think, though… I suppose he’d probably blame himself anyway for existing, but the reveal of just how MUCH of his life was orchestrated does at least take weight off this line of thinking…

Anyway Jess says some terrible stuff to Sam based off all his insecurities and then disappears because she’s fun like that. Sam is left panicking because he’s not so good at this whole dream invasion thing. 

Sam this is how Dean feels all the time.

Except Cas actually likes him. You can tell because he’s grumpy and resentful about it. :P

* * *

I am always annoyed with Sam for burning his IDs just because, you know, hard work making them and all.

I know, I know, he is symbolically burning his identity as a hunter (or, well, fake identities that mark his actual identity as a hunter) in order to assume a new fake identity as whatever fake name he came up with at the bar… This is a mess. Who IS Sam? 

Anyway he’s cutting ties.

And Dean is wearing ties!

And getting vampire blood in his mouth. Ew, Dean, you KNOW how vampires get turned.

He’s in scary over-kill mode with the vampires - they’re being used as default monsters to reflect Dean’s feelings again, and since he’s cut off from Sam, he goes into stabby stabby mode and gets a ton of blood on his face in a way reminiscent of 2x03, that first time he was shown taking out his rage on vampires when things were bad because of Sam related drama.

(I think this is the first time they’re just random insert monsters that are just shown to be killed?)

I think Dean needs someone to come along and balance him out a bit while Sam’s away.

You know, like what third wheels are good for. :P

* * *

I do appreciate the back and forth in the open showing Sam n Dean are leading totally parallel lives in their weird ways because then it makes their adventures over the episode parallel.

Also according to Superwiki there is a cut scene where Sam hooked up with the bartender and I can only assume in the way these parallels work that it was at some pertinent point in the other branch of the story in all those hours and hours unaccounted for between Cas n Dean. :P

(This is like the Siren episode’s parallels again but they’re split up for the entire episode.)

The use of the parallels are always interesting because their lives are always either in direct opposition or direct mirrors. In this case they’re mirroring each other while doing the direct opposite.

* * *

Anyway I guess it is this scene. The ultimate “JUST KISS” moment.

I find it funny that Bobby told Cas where Dean was and then once he had that info he could pop up like 1 millimetre behind him. I mean, did Bobby say “yes at exactly 9pm Dean will be leaning over the sink washing his jacket; if you hurry now you can catch him while he’s still in the bathroom”?

(ALSO Cas still isn’t contacting Dean directly - first he finds them via Sam’s phone last episode, now he calls Bobby for info on Dean?? Does he just worry that Dean is narky enough with him not to tell him where he is? When he came back from the dead Dean wasn’t that pissed off with him which doesn’t explain the hospital thing, although the aftermath of that would be fair enough for this call.)

(Cas just likes surprises.)

* * *

I mean look at all the flowers in here: Dean is surrounded by them.

(I remember pointing the same flower boxes out in Mystery Spot’s diner and someone else saying something about flowers and Carver episodes or flowers and something… uh, they were in the Sam and Ruby scene at the motel in 3x02 (not a Carver episode) which was important development for their relationship so there is that. 

For all I know I’m thinking of myself remembering THESE flowers and pointing them out and saying it was a Carver episode back then with intent to follow up that thought here but as you can see it has been too long if there was anything else to do other than just point at the flowers again. :P)

* * *

Cas kind of chills in the bathroom for a moment, I swear checking to see if Sam is literally  _in_  the toilet or something before asking if he’s accidentally scored some alone time with Dean. He then wanders right back up into his face. Dean is temporarily distracted by plot stuff (aka how hilariously pop culture has ruined the name of a fearsome angel) and doesn’t shove Cas back out of his personal space.

Still think he only doesn’t like it when Cas makes him jump. Which is a problem when Cas likes surprises. :P

> CASTIEL  
> I’ve heard whispers that he’s walking the earth. This is a rare opportunity.
> 
> DEAN  
> For what? Revenge?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Information.

Hm, I guess Cas is listening in on angel radio but not getting the full story of the apocalypse: they know he’s out there and he doesn’t seem to have any angels on his side this season (is this episode specifically the “you’re the only one who’ll help me” situation or is that another I’m thinking of?) Anyway, his phrasing makes it sound like Raphael deigning to come down is unexpected even for the apocalypse: other angels may be popping down for various fights but Raphael doesn’t seem likely to come back.

They’re sort of the odd one out of the archangels: Raphael doesn’t even have anything to do over the grand finale; they just kinda chill in Heaven. I’d almost wonder if they were waiting it out.

They’re also is the one who monitors the Prophet: there’s not much to indicate that Raphael and Michael work together, rather than just existing in the same strata of Heaven and having roughly the same goals. I maintain my theory that what was ~written~ has already been changed, although no one else knows it yet. Swan Song’s framing suggests the story is already decided, and so I feel like Raphael may have been reading along and worked out what was happening close to the end, and chillaxed through it all, waiting to be the last standing archangel so they could do things on their own terms since they were shafted for power and importance all along this arc.

ANYWAY I also like that little comment from Cas at the end because once again like with how Cas says, no we’re going to go find God for strategic importance, he has no overt interest in the emotional side of finding Raphael. He certainly ENJOYS having the upper hand once he catches Raphael, but once again it’s strategy. Cas’s relationship to God and the archangels is totally by the by to stopping Lucifer.

I mean he really thinks outside the box like woah.

* * *

This is your hourly “I can’t believe how much I love Cas” moment.

* * *

Cas does the thing where he continues talking into the distance without looking at Dean for a moment. Dean gets his attention by asking him if he’s serious, then wanders right up to him referencing Thelma and Louise. *still has no idea what on earth was going on here or why Dean’s face*

*neither does Cas* *who is probably wondering why Dean is thinking gay stuff at him because he can read people as this episode points out and if he’s baffled by what Dean is saying he could always glance inside his head and - oh. They’re kissing. What.* 

*confused squint*

I wasn’t joking about this season being an accidental-married fic though. I mean imagine 4x21′s non-kiss was actually their wedding moment, when Dean swore himself to the service of Heaven via marrying Cas, and then they both rebelled together and then 5x01 had them sort of re-affirming their NEW vows as both being branded rebels from Heaven CONTINUING their weird bound-together-ness from the other side. And then this episode Cas comes swooping down to ask for Dean’s help: he’s the only one who will help Cas because they are bound together, alike in rebellion and so on… Yesss.

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> I need your help because you are the only one who’ll help me. Please. 

Oh yeah, that was this conversation.

That was intense. Cas started out with a terrible plot-relevant reason (“Because you’re Michael’s vessel and no angel will dare harm you.”) and just made Dean angry. He gives up and actually goes for the slightly more defeated but honest response and Dean gets more sad and sympathetic. I suppose he may still be remembering Cas’s rant from last episode where Cas pointed out how much he’d given for him (which until Cas laid into him about that Dean had already, while he thought Cas was dead, felt bad and been made to feel bad for the above reasons, so it’s really only awkward because Cas is alive. :P)

Anyway Cas finally learns to say “Please”

After repeatedly looking at Cas’s mouth Dean says yeah.

*Cas probably wondering less about why Dean was thinking about some random kissing scene with no context or relevance to the situation*

* * *

Aah, Winchesters and blonde bartenders… :P

She’s dressed very similarly to how Ann-Marie in 10x01 was and there were a lot of comments comparing her to Mary.

I suppose the same could apply here. Of course Sam also has his blonde dead girlfriend haunting him while Lucifer’s courting him, so there’s that comparison too. Jess didn’t wear much other than pyjamas and stereotypical white murder-dresses, but in 2x20 she was wearing a white jacket… I dunno, this lady is a blonde in white, so she’s fitting somewhere on the scale of the show’s fridged women in parallels somewhere. :P

(There’s also Jo but Dean was way more connected to her and she was fine last episode and no one had any meaningful moments with her because they were v. busy with War.)

* * *

Sam uses his skill at darts to make himself very unavailable and mysterious. Tease.

That bit where he hears about all the apocalypse stuff on the TV in the bar reminds me of Cas at the end of 9x06 looking at the news report and later deciding to get back into the job.

Except Sam didn’t get back in so easily since this is just the start of his story. :P

And also Dean kind of tried to convince Cas he didn’t want to take part in the story any more when he really actually did. 

…

Sam’s little arc here has a lot of superficial symmetry to 9x06 Cas but you don’t want to look at it as anything more than a very dark version of that story. :P The bartender would be Nora, and those random hunters who show up would be Dean >.>

* * *

Anyway current Cas is learning to be an FBI agent. :3

Dean n Cas both squint at each other in confusion about their respective suggested plans of attack, which I think is adorable and we don’t talk enough about their baffled back and forth about what the other thinks is acceptable for dealing with people. Dean pulls the human card and wins.

…

I feel like I have somehow fake-memory-inserted an ass slap after Dean is done sorting Cas’s tie out, and it was both extremely jarring and disappointing to discover that isn’t there. 

* * *

Cas is openly rebelling against Dean for the lying thing for the next exchange, including being completely don’t give a fuck about the badge. He ain’t clueless.

* * *

I’m still bitter about the ass-slap.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Seriously? You’re going to walk in there and tell him the truth?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Why not?
> 
> DEAN  
> Because we’re humans.

[…]

> CASTIEL  
> It’s angels and demons, probably. 

I call bullshit.

* * *

Cas is probably still bitter about the lack of ass-slap.

* * *

Like, Dean was 100% gonna do it, and Cas (as well-established at another point in this episode) can see inside him well enough, and then Dean walked off and Cas was like “…”

* * *

“I have no idea why he was so set on slapping my vessel’s rear end but he clearly was too cowardly to do it, just like he didn’t kiss me after referencing those women in the car, and therefore I have to assume he just displayed a terrible human character defect consistent with all his issues with emotional repression and denying his obvious bisexuality so why should I care about what he says about lying?”

* * *

I’m still stuck on the accidentally married thing and them being partners here is the teething problems stage of being stuck together for wider plot reasons. :P

* * *

Omg but okay to actually be vaguely serious for a moment (about shippin’ Dean n Cas) there’s that moment when Cas goes all serious and intense about the archangel, and both the deputy and Dean just get really interested in Cas and Cas looks at Dean and it’s just… the eye contact happens in 2 separate frames but it’s an amazingly intense and beautiful moment where after all the dorky stuff and hilarity of trying to scale down the job they do to an angel, he goes full on Heavenly weird in just a couple of words and Dean just, like, D:

> FRAMINGHAM  
> Wasn’t your usual fireball. It was, um—
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Pure white.

  


The deputy keeps talking but Dean’s looking off in the other direction over his line and the focus is on him STILL reacting to Cas’s little moment rather than listening to the plot info. There’s no way to tell you how intense it was (at least at this stage of my headache :P) but the music gets all serious and there’s these weighty pauses and just the mood shifts around and everyone’s randomly in love with Cas. :P

* * *

And then it gets supposedly kind of silly again with Cas being all “ _SAINT_ Pete’s” but there’s a weird sincere edge to it after the serious moment and Dean’s face is… well he’s staring very thoughtfully at Cas trying to be helpful, and it’s not so obvious trolling from Cas, so much as him now being really into the job.

I dunno, I think it’s a moment.

it’s a moment if I say it’s a moment

* * *

…

Okay so Raphael’s vessel ended up (catatonic) in a wheelchair, and he used to be a mechanic, and like, okay, everyone knows the thing about how John used to be a mechanic, and AU Dean was as well, but consider this: very shortly after we cut to Bobby getting a phonecall from Sam, and he’s introduced by a shot of his socked feet sitting in the wheelchair.

I dunno, my head is very weird right now but it’s interesting. :P

* * *

Especially given how Bobby feels like he’s so useless in this fight now. 

* * *

> SAM  
> All right, listen to this. ‘And upon his rising there shall be hail and fire mixed with blood.’
> 
> BOBBY  
> Well ain’t that delightful.
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah. But we already got hailstorms and fire so I’m guessing blood can’t be too far behind.

Oh haha this ends up being about blood for Sam (and he’s sitting it out because of blood)

* * *

> DEAN  
> Where’ve you been?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Jerusalem.
> 
> DEAN  
> Oh, how was it?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Arid.

Oh good they’re making angry small talk. Now Dean is the dissatisfied husband who can not believe Cas disappeared off to Jerusalem in the middle of work. Cas has no time for Dean being snarky about this but fights back by actually just answering his questions in the shittiest tone possible.

Honestly their shotgun wedding by Heaven is the most canon thing ever. :P Isn’t this basically [Not Part of the Plan](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Farchiveofourown.org%2Fseries%2F56211&t=NjkwZmYwMTk0MTJkZDc5ZjU3NGY1ZTI2ZjE3MjE2NGZlOTkwMGZhYyxjU1I2dU52aQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F127030083828%2Fspn-hellatus-rewatch-5x03-in-summarymore-you&m=1)? I never realised it was such a canon-based fic.

* * *

Bury me with season 4&5 Destiel.

* * *

… despite being in a creepy rundown shack, unlike every other instance of this there’s just the one modern storm lantern instead of zillions of candles, because it’s very gay to have 2 dudes alone and a billion candles and the lines that follow should not be said in the presence of every candle the set people can get their hands on at short notice, unlike every other use of creepy shack in the show.

Maybe Dean was too busy getting junk food while Cas was on holiday in Jerusalem to bother with the candles.

* * *

God this bit is awkward to actually watch. >.> Dean seriously I know you mean well but pls you don’t need to pressure Cas to do stuff he doesn’t want to do. He looks genuinely unsettled for the first time in ever (literally?) 

And the fact you didn’t offer to help him out personally after wussing out of slapping his ass is frankly offensive.

Anyway I can not believe that the Thelma & Louise and Bert & Ernie lines come in the same episode, in like 10 minutes or so of each other.

I don’t care what Dean’s stated intent is on taking Cas out - their relationship is being layered up with all these random allusions.

Honestly my season 5 theory for if they all died at the end and that was it for the show after Swan Song, is that these gaps and allusions would have basically been a way to suggest they did hook up… Just that as canon rolls on and things change in the way the story is told and they’re characterised, these missing moments become actual missing moments where they would have/could have/should have, but thanks to the text rolling on, lose their potential to allegorically suggest it and just become frustrating moments where thanks to their ongoing non-hook up state in canon and that their characterisation can’t allow for a sexual history in season 5 in the same way, it drifts out of the realm of possibility (by season 8 it’s ridiculous to think these guys are nursing a bitter past of hook ups, but season 6 works good with them having left over feelings from the apocalypse and their allegorical marriage/hook up :P). Just like eventually 9x06′s fan fiction gap’s aftermath, should Dean n Cas ever get out of their season 10 funk, slowly lose its current compelling suggestion that this is the could have/should have/would have where it most realistically could have happened and still fit with canon.

But in the here and now before hindsight, they totally did it this episode/were an item in Endverse. :P

* * *

Oh good Sam’s wearing the terrible shirt I don’t like. Is that the last time he wears it?

Him wearing it here while he’s out of the life pretending to be an innocent civilian sort of matches the bartender’s white overshirt. Of course Sam’s shirt is always paired with red underneath the white, which probably in this instance isn’t symbolic of anything like a lurking addiction to blood under his terrible attempts to play Keith where even his white shirt has red patterns seemingly bleeding through from the inside. :P (I typed “shite shirt” by mistake, but eh.)

* * *

> LINDSEY  
> That is it. Enough with the kung fu wandering the earth thing. 

*eye aggressively twitches*

…

Nah I don’t have time for this. :P

I swear this came up and I just now went and looked at the blog I thought it had been discussed on but there was nothing about this on their tag for the episode. Am now wondering if I can’t remember who discussed this or if I dreamed the whole thing, which is a really weird thing to dream but my brain is ridiculous lately so…

I also helpfully have been absolutely terrible at tagging anything before season 9 on my own blog in the past and my meta tag is too long to casually wander into, so I guess I will never find a coherent discussion of this line being thrown at Sam in hindsight of 10x18 which was, I’m pretty sure, something that lined up with this discussion. 

Argh. 

* * *

TBH I don’t even know if I reblogged whatever I’m thinking of at all. >.>

I definitely can’t remember the point of the discussion :P

* * *

Anyway, Dean continues to push Cas at random sex workers because this is what friends do, and Cas, bemused husband who is now out of his depth in several ways but also religiously and spiritually on top of the obvious if he were just a dude (asexual dude with pushy friend but c’mon if you can’t let “dude” casually cover that you’re doing it wrong :P), continues his mission to fuck up Dean’s attempts to make him be human by doing that thing where he reads people (see above: failed ass-slap which I am now taking as canon because canon needs more Dean thinking about touching Cas’s butt and Cas daring him to do it) and picks the worst possible thing to say to Chastity. I would suppose his suit n tie look probably had some hot dad thing going for her until he said that. I don’t know, perhaps he thought it would help to say something on topic to her thoughts.

He definitely was not pretending to be human at this point (see also: the failed butt slap conversation where Dean told Cas that if humans want something they lie. Cas doesn’t want this and he’s not human, so…) by just outright saying something that proved he could read her mind, he drives her off.

Considering how well he read Dean at points in their first 4 conversations or so (also: by mentioning his father to manipulate him :P) I like to give Cas back his agency in this scene by being pretty sure he worked out the most strategic way to end that encounter without bloodshed and/or having to do anything sexy. :P

* * *

This also conveniently cockblocks Dean’s cheerful drink with another girl which may have gone somewhere.

I hope Cas kept the money that Dean gave him in this scene.

… 

Next time we see him pay for anything isn’t 8x22 is it? Because that would be hilarious.

* * *

> DEAN  
> This whole industry runs on absent fathers. It’s, it’s the natural order. 

Also running on absent fathers: this entire show’s mytharc; TFW’s individual personal arcs. 

No relation.

* * *

Anyway once they’re back outside, Cas has successfully turned the evening around from uncomfortable unwanted sexual activities to having actual fun with his husband and making him laugh, which is really all he could have wanted for this last night on earth. He actually cracks a confused smile himself. :3

Dean, meanwhile, has to be a downer and start thinking sadly about how having fun with Cas is such a trade up from all his stress lately, but then he’s just remembering Sam. 

I swear this next point is just using a metaphor and not Wincest meta because the show does this a lot, using married tropes etc for them. 

> DEAN  
> Demons, you know, drink, adultery. We all have our demons, Walt. 

I mean, Dean does have his demons. :P I think his discussion of vice is more than just a random comment in there: he IS snatching time with Cas WITHOUT Sam which is not the ideal TFW set up, and the looking at the empty seat in the Impala at the start of the episode (and end?) underlines that. While this episode is all very fun for the Destiel shipper, Dean is drawing a more complex feeling from it. He’s enjoying being with Cas, but he feels bad - maybe even guilty in this moment - that he’s laughed harder than he has in years, and he realises just how stressful driving around with Sam is, but at the same time thinking about Sam brings down his mood just because there’s a moment when he’s focussed on his absence. And with Dean, that is a POWERFUL absence no matter what their current state is.

(I don’t literally think Destiel is cheating on Sam obviously, but for the sake of this episode, it’s using Cas to fill a gap and while we really like them together, and Cas IS weirdly matched to Dean while being his own unique self… he’s not Sam; Cas is good to have around for making Dean laugh and lift his mood and angrily snark back at him, and be married to him, but the point is Dean can have his husband and his brother at the same time, and this episode is good for highlighting how Dean n Cas are great, while ALSO pointing out NOT at the expense of Sam. 

I said it was complex. :P)

(And I have too weird a head to express that well today so I hope that made any sense since it’s contradictory ideas almost >.>)

* * *

Sam and the bartender have a nice dinner together. She has salad. Can’t tell if stereotypical girl thing or contrast to Ruby eating all his fries. There’s mustard and ketchup between them.

I guess she’s quite a nice bookend to Ruby. 

> LINDSEY  
> So do you. Look, Keith. I don’t know you and I’m the last person to be giving advice, but I do know that no one has ever done anything so bad that they can’t be forgiven. They can’t change.

* * *

If they hooked up directly after this (to continue bookending Ruby), unfortunately this leads immediately to revealing Dean n Cas after their [THE NEXT DAY] timeskip. 

(as established with these lines:)

> DEAN  
> So this ritual of yours, when does it got to go down?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Sunrise.

It’s reasonable to assume that following their date Sam and Lindsey would have most logically hooked up, and therefore Dean n Cas’s parallel “date” goes with that. We can assume the days are running somewhat parallel?

Unless Sam does hook up AFTER the whole demon blood fiasco. Hm. >.>

* * *

Anyway Cas is back to being a full on badass now he’s managed to deal with his husband’s annoying need to fill time with human crap like devoting a whole evening to ignoring that, being already married to Cas, who has already repeatedly demonstrated Dean’s ruined him for any other human, if anyone was going to help Cas out with the whole ‘not going to die a virgin’ thing it was the Bert to his Ernie… And Cas is allowed to do his own thing. 

Like setting random fires in hospitals with no regard to what’s normal or chill (Dean is paranoid enough to close the blinds at least thanks to his trivial human concerns - this is why they are a good team).

* * *

Do you ever lean back and think about how he’s trying to catch Raphael here which is the introduction of holy fire rings, and eventually he gets caught in one himself while still fighting Raphael?

If nothing else they’re the spare archangel for Cas and plagues him in just the same way Dean and Sam have their appointed archangels. All 3 of them have this focus on their appointed nemesis archangel over these 4 opening episodes, just Cas’s doesn’t get wrapped up for another season.

* * *

Hello storm angel. :3 I’ve never looked up if the archangels have specific elements attached to them but as I’ve mentioned before this season does a pretty compelling argument for Raphael = air (storms, lightning) Michael = fire, Lucifer = ice (water) and Gabriel is left over to have Earth. As he does. :P

(not gonna make a joke about him and porn being earthy pleasures except apparently I have no filter today so :P)

Anyway Raphael’s entrance here is the most badass thing ever and I am always weeping we never got more of them in season 6 as a sustained villain and Cas’s arc way more interactive. If only if only. *sigh*

* * *

Dean has a lot of fun being allowed to snark an archangel because he doesn’t fear being killed by something a billion times stronger than him for once, thanks to the hands off notice. You know, until Raphael tries to get scary. Then Dean’s expression falters because there are threats still out there.

Cas on the other hand looks quietly freaked out to start with so I think Dean’s casual snark is less “lol you can’t kill me but you can kill Cas” (i.e. “don’t look at me it was his idea”) and more trying to help Cas chill out because obviously if Dean was worried about Cas getting exploded again he WOULDN’T try to provoke Raphael. Dean being chill with the situation extends outside his own bubble anyway. :P

(I am aware I am spending more than usual time defusing Dean looking like an asshole moments through this episode. He does kinda look like a jerk all through this episode and you know what he kinda is and that’s why I love him. :P)

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> Where is he?
> 
> RAPHAEL  
> God? Didn’t you hear? He’s dead, Castiel. Dead.

Raphael does seem to have a different opinion to everyone else despite the actual evidence of God interfering (and later the confirmation from Joshua that God IS alive in this universe). I wonder if Raphael would have been led to believe something. Or WANTED to believe something, for the lack of accountability this POV gives them. Also season 6 is a sort of become God arms race between Raphael and Cas, so there is that. 

Anyway this is the only opinion which isn’t “God abandoned us” which is weird because this episode literally applies the “absent fathers” theme openly, and Dean uses the jab about it ON Raphael… Not sure what airing this opinion is about except perhaps to try and make Cas back off from his search? (Because if Cas is successful it’s not just Lucifer who’s in trouble: Dean makes a heavy point about Raphael and Michael throwing a party while Dad’s away.)

* * *

Dean n Cas share another very significant look like their earlier significant looks.

(Dean is starting to look scared, Cas, now he’s caught Raphael, looks way more confident because his plan is working because Cas is a BAMF strategist.)

(He’d definitely be the one who plans their wedding if they had a proper one some day.)

* * *

Meanwhile Sam is cleaning tables.

* * *

> TIM  
> Saying it twice don’t make it so, Sam. You see, this demon, he, uh, he told us things. Crazy things, things about you, Sam.
> 
> SAM  
> Demons lie.
> 
> TIM  
> Yeah. I’m gonna ask you one last time. The truth. Now.

I swear Sam has used that ‘demons lie’ thing before, a while back? Or someone else did. And it was a thing where the truth was very much coming from a demon’s mouth. :P

Demons basically never lie because it’s more fun that way. Telling some random hunters that Sam Winchester fucked up is funny to a demon because then they will go after Sam and he’ll have no ground to defend himself because it’s the truth…

* * *

Cut immediately to:

> RAPHAEL  
> But there’s no other explanation. He’s gone for good.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> You’re lying.

Raphael actually isn’t telling them something true, but he seems to believe it. Or at least have rationalised how it looks and come up with a truth.

It’s interesting that these instances of a demon and an angel passing on some information are paralleled anyway. Sam can’t deny the truth… Raphael is trying to get Cas to think the same about this idea, despite how it goes against Cas’s actual experiences.

* * *

I’ve always wondered about angels being left to watch over the Earth while God backed off, and NOT getting involved in these atrocities to stop them? Like, they have spent all this time silently watching and not interfering, and yet they were supposedly in a sort of guardian role? Yet the most contact any angel has is when they get fed up and nope out of the “mission” to live life on the ground in the varying approaches Metatron, Anna and Gabriel took. (And Cas was forced onto: he’s already picked humanity in 4x22 technically and it’s got him ostracised and cut off from Heaven even while he’s still an angel. Never mind how he’s forced to experience his fascination close up a few times.)

* * *

> RAPHAEL  
> Who ran off and disappeared. Who left no instructions and a world to rot.
> 
> DEAN  
> Daddy ran away and disappeared. He didn’t happen to work for the post office, did he?

*Dean n Cas share another look because Dean is basically that “imagine your OTP” post about volunteering to be a human disaster to take home to meet the family for Thanksgiving as far as Dean’s successful interaction with the in-laws right now* Cas hasn’t reached this point yet - he is still holding out hope. Dean does not share that optimism. 

But he does point out the flaw in Raphael’s thinking: the only thing he has evidence for is God’s absence, not his death. Dean understands the story much better this way and relates it back to the experience he and Cas shared. I think he’s sympathising with Cas by making a joke about it, but Cas is… yeah, not there yet. :P 

He’ll get there.

* * *

Oh man but thinking about significant eye contact, THIS is painful:

> DEAN  
> And? What, you and the other kids just decided to throw an apocalypse while he was gone?
> 
> RAPHAEL  
> We’re tired. We just want it to be over. We just want…paradise.

When Raphael says “we’re tired” the camera goes to Cas. And again after “paradise” and this is extremely intense, and… Cas looks tired.

It’s a really significant shared moment between them: I think Raphael is still trying to convince Cas of this… Maybe not taking seriously that he could ACTUALLY convince him to just drop everything and get back on their side, but definitely to poke something in him. Because it is the same shared absent father. Raphael is admitting something almost more blasphemous than doubts in Heaven: doubts in God. He sees a way to get the world back on track in a way that would relieve the angels of this tiresome duty and finally give everyone the promise that was made for paradise… The apocalypse just becomes being tired of waiting for God to return. And Raphael is trying to convince Cas he’s on a fool’s errand for hoping to bring him back.

Baaah.

* * *

*Cas shields Dean from exploding glass because he is a good husband even when Dean is terrible at this whole thing*

* * *

> RAPHAEL  
> Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lucifer raised you?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> No.

I just love how CERTAIN Cas sounds about that. Like, nope, he took it as a sign from God and that meant no reason to doubt from then on.

If this was meant to plant doubt I guess the fact he gets resurrected from Lucifer exploding him after Lucifer is gone again to be reassuring but I suppose it’s a long wait. :P

* * *

Also Lucifer wouldn’t have moved Sam n Dean onto the plane.

* * *

Anyway it’s this that makes Cas rude. :P

Mmm, badass Cas. Learning rude words from Dean.

Who has no idea how to top it.

Honestly his defeated “What he said” is A+ snappy Dean Winchester wit. Yep.

* * *

Meanwhile Sam has a struggle not with words but with demon blood. ACTUAL demon blood this time.

It does amuse me how these hunters back off like 10ft after putting the demon blood in Sam’s mouth like they expect him to explode after drinking it or something.

*Sam is a badass*

*Sam struggles not to kill the hunters and only really backs down after seeing Lindsey staring at him in horror with the blood all over his face and the knife at the guy’s throat*

While we’re talking about terrible parting lines after a terrifying encounter:

> TIM  
> Don’t think we won’t be back.
> 
> SAM  
> Don’t think I won’t be here.

I think Cas n Sam are paralleled there. Dean is left in the dust. :P

*faint sound of Dean muttering ‘what he said’ in the background*

* * *

*Cas looking angsty in the Impala and Dean noticing and worrying about his mental state*

LOOK, DEAN CARES. DEAN IS GOOD HUSBAND. It took all episode but he is finally displaying proper behaviour. All of Cas’s angry squinting when Dean was a bad husband has finally paid off. :P

> DEAN  
> Look, I’ll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but I do know a little something about missing fathers.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> What do you mean?
> 
> DEAN  
> I mean there were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead, but I knew in my heart he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas, what do you believe?

I don’t think anyone ever suggested that to them? And they started getting mystery text messages pretty early on? I think Dean must mean the very first few episodes of season 1 when they had nothing to go on and he’d found all of John’s work basically bequeathed to them… Same early days struggle of the search as Cas is facing now, only 1 episode after he’s started his search.

*Dean n Cas share one more significant eye contact* It’s beautiful how many times they’ve had an emotional moment of synchronised turning to look at the other this episode. 

* * *

> DEAN  
> What about me? I don’t know. Honestly, I’m good. I can’t believe I’m saying that, but I am, I’m really good.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Even without your brother?
> 
> DEAN  
> Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I’ve had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I’ve had with Sam in years, and you’re not that much fun. It’s funny, you know, I’ve been so chained to my family, but now that I’m alone, hell, I’m happy.

*Dean’s the most unconvincing person ever when talking about being happy*

Hard to tell if that’s just because he’s permanently unhappy, or what. :P

But no, Cas disappears off on his quest because of Dean’s supportive encouragement, so Dean pretty much made ANOTHER one fly the nest that month. Literally fly, this time. The episode carries on its balancing act of showing that Cas can be good for Dean, lighten his mood, work well with him… even distract him from the fact Sam isn’t there in this case. THIS speech shows that Dean isn’t fully complete with just Sam either since their relationship has all that unhealthy crap which makes Sam a burden even when Sam actively is holding himself up: Dean just thinks of him that way by default in the back of his mind, enough that Sam being in his immediate vicinity just automatically having caretaker mode enabled. He checks his behaviour, is too busy being paranoid about Sam to relax, and doesn’t have that assurance he did when joking with Raphael to show that he didn’t even think Cas would get exploded again: not something he’d have done with Sam’s life on the line. (And that attitude WORKED on Raphael, showing the carefree attitude rather than getting angry and defensive and scared for the other person with him has its uses… Just a random one off illustration but it worked :P)

And then Cas can tell that Dean without Sam is an “even?” moment, which just forces Dean to think about that absence again when Cas flaps off.

Basically… Solid argument that Dean should have both to hang out with, to keep everyone happy and balanced. We have henceforth reached the “Dean needs Cas” stage of the show which is basically from now to forever. :P

* * *

Also without Dean around, Sam kisses Lucifer, which, honestly, maybe Dean’s right about stressing about looking after him but sometimes you need a short leash. :P

* * *

> JESS has been LUCIFER all along. 

Okay, but AU where…

(I don’t ship Samifer, that’s more for the horror realisation that Sam just had but writ large.)

> LUCIFER  
> Why do you think you were in that chapel? You’re the one, Sam. You’re my vessel. My true vessel. 

Ah, cool, there’s textual confirmation within the episode that Lucifer wouldn’t have put Sam on the plane. Nice. 

* * *

> SAM  
> I will kill myself before letting you in.
> 
> LUCIFER  
> I’ll just bring you back.

I do like how this is exactly what Zach said to Chuck to get him to comply and keep writing: dick angels do dick angel things, no matter what side they’re on.

Also Lucifer says he’d never lie, but I think Zach’s omitted certain truths line seems pretty relevant to this, especially the earlier conversation with “Jess”.

* * *

> LUCIFER  
> But you will say yes to me.
> 
> SAM  
> You’re wrong.

Aah, Sam vs destiny. Much more complicated. He has to go along with the destiny and defy it from within. Dean and Cas are much better at just being “screw that” to the whole thing.

Hence Michael having to show up in Adam for the big day. :P

There’s probably a lot more to say on this theme but given the total trainwreck status of this rewatch above all others so far, I think that’s better saved for another time. 

Also: dramatic conclusion to this little 4 part arc up next and it’s effin’ Endverse so I’m not hanging around here any more. :P

My apologies to anyone who read all the way through this. I’ve had a bad few days. This is how I coped. :P


	4. 5x04

Things I haven’t done over this whole summer:

  * read [Down to Agincourt](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Farchiveofourown.org%2Fworks%2F1733861%2Fchapters%2F3698672&t=ZDc1ZjFmNDUwZTAwZjAxNTc0YjNlYmJmNmZhNWQ0NTZmZjlkYTA2YyxYeXZpOGNzeQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F127198985663%2Fspn-hellatus-rewatch-5x04-things-i-havent-done&m=1)
  * get a decent 8 hours sleep that felt like sleep rather than a mugging



There’s a correlation.

(Also to the increasingly frantic tone of the rewatch notes over the summer :P)

Anyway enjoy your non-DtA-addled rewatch of this thing, whatever it is.

If this episode even means anything to the fandom any more without the extended edition of 600k of fanfic. :P

* * *

That moment when your recap starts off with loads of season 1 and 2 stuff because you literally haven’t mentioned Croatoan for 3 years and recap the Colt which has been MIA for over a year. “Oh yeah hey remember all this vital plot stuff?”

“… No. I was but a wee child when this was last plot relevant.”

“Whoops.”

* * *

> RELIGIOUS MAN  
> Excuse me, friend, but have you taken time out to think about God’s plan for you?
> 
> DEAN  
> Too friggin’ much, pal.

Following on from last episode, I think A: hilarious and B: that poster the guy is handing out is extremely ironic because the whole discussion has been what if God is gone/dead/doesn’t care for like 5 episodes in a row, and this episode is going to handwave the angels’ involvement in Endverse to simplify things by saying THEY all left too once Lucifer won.

* * *

Anyway here is Dean n Cas’s Robbie-retconned romantic conversation. It includes blaring truck noises, Dean lying on his bed telling Cas where he is right now and complaining about his human needs, and Cas being so done with Dean. 

I think Edlund dibsed their first phonecall hence the need to make Cas communicate through Sam and Bobby first, just so he could slip in this joke. (On the other hand I think the first 2 writers wanted to have their own fun with Cas calling up or dropping in and didn’t think of the potential, so Edlund is handed their first ever phonecall on a platter.)

(Anyway I have seen multiple different mugs and badges and t-shirts IRL belonging to different people that have the “it’s not funnyyyyy Deeeeeean” line in its entirety on them somewhere.)

(Aside from bumping into someone with a Wincest Hello Kitty t-shirt a million years ago when I only knew about the first 2 seasons, that line is basically my sum experience of fandom outside the internet apart from that time I walked past a girl wearing the Samulet but was with family and wearing a lurid orange raincoat of a suspiciously trenchcoat-like design so didn’t want to start something I couldn’t finish.)

* * *

> DEAN  
> We’re talking about the Colt, right? I mean, as in  _the_  Colt? 

I like how it just pops up again out of the blue because Cas has heard something about it existing. I would assume this is one of Crowley’s grapevines that was unsuccessful at converting into them coming to get it for another 6 episodes/five years. 

It has always bothered me how Cas has heard something and it doesn’t get followed up on right away after this. Between interruptions from traffic and Dean wanting to catch some shut eye and falling into a terrifying future the fact that Cas phoned up with a Helpful Plan is completely swept under the rug and then they have to wait for Becky to re-confirm that the Colt is a thing and she knows where to find it.

I feel Crowley is already frustrated with Cas and the Winchesters and he hasn’t even MET them yet.

* * *

I also wonder where Cas has been chilling and who he’s been talking to to find out these things. Like, there must be somewhere he went and heard this so he’s probably been interacting with people. Or following up clues. Indiana Jones style adventures? National Treasure perhaps? Or sitting in bars chatting to people?

I want to know what Cas was up to in this missing time and he was in LAST EPISODE. 

* * *

> DEAN  
> Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, come on, man. I just drove like sixteen hours straight, okay? I’m human. And there’s stuff I got to do.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> What stuff?
> 
> DEAN  
> Eat, for example. In this case, sleep. I just need like four hours once in a while, okay?

Honestly the fact last episode taught Cas some boundaries about Dean and his humanity and the fact he likes him well enough not to be like “well that’s shit” and grab him anyway is A+ character development from last episode. :P I mean he seems to treat this as a new development he hasn’t come up against yet that Dean has human things he needs to do, but he allows him to have it.

Maybe the waiting really is a romantic gesture.

* * *

* * *

I’m still amused by Robbie turning Cas waiting out Dean sleeping into a ballad. There were very slim pickings for what scenes from season 4-5 could be turned into a love song “safely” and Cas emphatically not sleeping with Dean in this instance is one of them. :P 

I mean there’s probably something if you dig. If we go back to my “they’re totally married” breakdown from last episode, Cas may not be comfortable enough to just pop over to be with Dean when he’s sleeping (despite how they’re married and probably hooked up last episode :P) and this moment highlights how he won’t come join him out of sheer awkwardness and not understanding where they’re at and the fact it becomes a strange issue where Cas is caught frozen on the spot speaks of how him standing there  _is_ a weird thing to do and highlights his lack of going anywhere by putting him frozen in a nonsensical place - because there is somewhere else more logical to be.

Snuggled up with sleepy Dean.

And “I’ll just wait here then” as a sweet pining song for Dean is partially a lullaby he’s not singing Dean because Dean hung up on him and partially expressing how he can wait out Dean’s terrible relationship crap because of all the reasons why Dean is important and Cas loves him so much blah blah. It’s best to just let him rest as Cas says :P Don’t overload him with the mushy feelings.

Cas’ll just wait here then. :3

* * *

I do wonder what Sam thought when Dean answered the phone with that “DAMMIT CAS I NEED TO SLEEP”

* * *

If Sam phoned up at 4am because it was important, does that imply that the events of 5x03 only just stopped happening for Sam? And that their timelines actually didn’t match up at all because Dean has been driving to Kansas for whatever reason for… 16 hours? And so he’s at least a day behind Sam by the end of 5x03. I mean obviously the events are layered up for narrative’s sake, but it’s interesting there’s this implication they WEREN’T as in sync as they looked: by taking all the narrative for Dean and booting it back a day or two, it unsettles them further because of all those episodes where they had perfect narrative synchronisation.

* * *

Dean continues to be too tired to even freak out about Sam being Lucifer’s vessel. (Which he really ought to have seen coming.) 

Either Dean has to numb himself to Sam turning evil and allowing Lucifer in, or numb himself to Sam being put through Hell to make him let Lucifer in (he’s already experienced the warm up of what the angels will do to him to make him say yes to Michael after all) and generally at this point “there’s something awful about Sam” has become such a regular plot trope even DEAN is tired of it.

(Only got like 3 more seasons of it after this :P *counts on fingers* wait 3 and a half? four and a half? I am losing track of how much shit Sam goes through.)

* * *

Sam is driving somewhere (on the PHONE while DRIVING how are they not DEAD?) so I guess he just picked up sticks and left after the weird Lucifer dream.

* * *

Anyway Dean figures all this bad news pretty much fits with how he’s feeling about dealing with Sam’s crap (see: 5x03) being too much. I kind of feel for Dean the “love, family” distinction is “I actually like this guy and don’t want bad stuff to happen to him” vs “I feel horrendously obligated to keep him alive and last time we were chilling an angel removed his lungs to try and make me do something because everyone  _knows_  I’m horrendously obligated with my messed up sense of family thanks to a couple of generations of soul-selling etc” 

(If nothing else setting aside his myriad issues with Sam, there’s always the possibility Lucifer would remove HIS lungs to make Sam do stuff, which is a valid concern. See also from 5x03: how Lucifer and Zach work very similarly.)

Anyway, mentioning “family” is a bad word to Dean because all his weariness over this is because of his obligation to look after Sam - and how he had a random stress free moment for the first time in a billion years with Cas and freaked out at the feeling. The obligation is built in to his entire mindset - for example the stuff he and dream Dean yelled at each other in Dream a Little Dream, or any of the other times so far Dean’s bubbled up about resentfully looking after Sam and how John put too much on him blah blah. 

That’s what “family” means to Dean at this point. :P A totally separate construct of his obligations and duties abstracted from actually loving his family.

* * *

*talks about it so much Dean falls asleep for 5 years*

And doesn’t wake up covered in dust. 

* * *

(I know I know but it’s funnier this way. How a fairy would have done it to him vs an angel just picking him up and plonking him there :P)

* * *

Dean is REALLY unimpressed at room service.

* * *

Hey look it’s their whole CGI budget for the season. Nice hellish landscape.

* * *

I’ve never been clear on how much the world is ruined. I think just random cities are hit? Because there’s active military presence, the sign on the fence isn’t much older than the current date, which is confirmed by a current newspaper. (And the fact they’re fencing off certain areas as if still trying to contain it.)

Unless Zach whipped one up to demonstrate what was happening.

I think there’s probably still active media and stuff. 

The camp is just full of weird survivalist people who for various reasons like being, I dunno, Dean or Cas or Chuck, need to lie low. :P

But no phone or radio signal. 

> ZACHARIAH  
> “Croatoan pandemic reaches Australia.”
> 
> ZACHARIAH has arrived in the shotgun seat, startling DEAN; he reads from a newspaper.
> 
> DEAN  
> I thought I smelled your stink on this  _Back to the Future_  crap.
> 
> ZACHARIAH  
> “President Palin defends bombing of Houston.” Certainly a buyer’s market in real estate. Let’s see what’s happening in sports. That’s right—no more sports. Congress revoked the right to group assembly. What’s left of Congress, that is. Hardly a quorum, if you ask me.

I guess camps like theirs are probably common in this future? Getting out of the dangerous cities etc. I don’t know much about America’s survivalist post-apocalyptic rapture-ready zombie-apocalypse-is-nigh kinds of people in all their varying flavours, except that there’s enough you actually hear about them, and people tend to stock food and guns and it’s sort of the best place to be in an apocalypse?

But yeah I’d guess the community isolation theme (from 5x02) comes into play again here in that people are surviving by cutting themselves off from major hubs of civilisation.

(I don’t get how producing newspaper is better than running a pirate radio station. I think Zach magicked it up as a demonstration.)

* * *

I like how the world is literally just randomly on fire.

(and oh no the broken tail lights. Never a good sign.)

* * *

This is the most depressing way to not write Bobby into an episode. Compare to 4x10 when he was just casually at the beach.

* * *

Oh MAN Dean talking to Bobby’s bloody chair for advice. 

And knowing where to get the journal. :<

* * *

I like how the camera whooshes over Cas in the photo in particular; he’d probably been placed there just for some extra attention from the camera. Which we can read as Dean doing a confused double take at Endverse Cas before refocussing to look for info.

* * *

Okay very specific question which will probably be super depressing and have no answer: Dean looks through the fence and sees a clearly well-organised patrol passing, times his sneaky entrance to make sure they’re gone, and hurries over to see Baby… And End!Dean was just… there? The patrol looked like they were doing what they were supposed to… So what if he was doing exactly the same as his past self and waiting for them to pass before making a break for the same thing?

Either he comes to chill with the car and be sad at night, or he was sneaking OUT (stopped by the car to share a moment) and ran into himself on the way and had a priority shift.

He doesn’t seem to have anything with him, so he’s PROBABLY wasn’t bugging out and leaving, but imagine if he was bugging out and leaving.

* * *

Anyway no Dean is going anywhere now.

What I love about this is that it’s the one time this is actually DEAN that Dean meets. Sure, he’s completely messed up and all, carrying a completely different awful burden of responsibility and guilt that even all his years so far hadn’t prepared him for, but he’s still actually Dean. He’s not out to get himself for some magical monster reason or demonically altered or just a projection of some specific thought… He’s the actual complex Dean we’ve seen up to this point, then plus 5 years of off-screen character development which is basically “all of the above but worse” for his character trauma cheat sheet. 

Also his default expression is sort of turning out to be the rage pout a minute in and that’s very amusing.

* * *

… 

> DEAN  
> Look, man—I’m no shapeshifter or demon or anything, okay?
> 
> 2014!DEAN  
> Yeah, I know. I did the drill while you were out. Silver, salt, holy water—nothing.

2014!Dean lives in a happy world where he’s chronologically beyond season 7 but doesn’t know to check for Leviathan.

I guess they stopped doing that after season 8′s opening but it’s still funny to imagine Leviathan!Dean playing a long scam by pretending to be himself but a timetraveller. Because that’s easier to explain somehow.

… He’d just want to eat everyone he doesn’t need complex motivation. Leviathans hate tragic back story.

* * *

2014!Dean has the caged halo! It’s so perfectly lined up over his head? I’m crying.

This may or may not be the cabin the council of war is held in later? I’ll keep an eye on that halo.

* * *

I like how “Zachariah” is the easy explanation. It’s so weird to think of 2014!Dean remembering Dean Smith here (not least because he and End!Cas are mercilessly shipped) just because of the opposite effect they have. Dean Smith was a call to action for Dean (as I said, enough to get him to Lucifer’s return, anyway) and 2014!Dean is a symbol of defeat to Dean - something Zach wants him to see in order to make him capitulate.

Except Dean Smith was a figment of an unrealised character that Dean briefly inhabited the skin of - both of them did - and End!Dean is his own guy… Remembering being that absolute opposite self.

I don’t suppose he would muse on the philosophy behind his use as a moral lesson in comparison to the last time it happened, but still. The fact that Dean used that moment where they were altered into another personality entirely as implied by bringing up Zach as someone who would have the mojo and past form to swing such a thing. The very fact it goes totally unspoken (although obviously Cas is the one who’s demonstrated how angels use timetravel to teach lessons) means that they both were on the same page about that.

It’s a sort of Dean fractal or something.

* * *

I feel like “if you’re me tell me something only I would know” is possibly the worse question Dean could ever ask himself? From a “if this is actually me I’m going to get flayed for this” perspective. :P I may have just been rambling about how projection or dream he was not, but Dean’s self-loathing would, well, be very well understood between Dean and Dean as an “out to get me” situation and it’s OUR Dean that’s handed the chance to be the one to throw his insecurities back in his own face. :P 

2014!Dean, now confident this is himself, probably feels like he got off very lightly.

His little head tilt as Dean says “Rhonda Hurley” like “Oh MAN you’re going there. Of course you are, you’re me.”

“You are definitely me and you know how I know? Not because you knew that secret but because you are a total fucking jerk who picked  _that_  thought out of all the various options that just crossed our mind.”

(I wonder if he picked this one memory because he’s slightly more balanced in this respect, being the “default” Dean at the moment, and End!Dean he can kind of see projecting way more than the usual macho bullcrap to stay afloat - and Dean knows he does it because it takes effort to maintain - and so he’s taunting HIMSELF about their contrary desires, since, shamefully buried as it is for our Dean, he knows it will ruffle this one more?) 

* * *

Also: 2009!Dean completely confident that he is talking to himself and that 2014!Dean’s behaviour is himself enough so far to not even doubt for a moment that he might not be the future version of himself in a way where he is actually trustworthy (so far as, you know, not just killing him or handing him over to Lucifer or something, but still at heart,  _Dean_.)

I mean he had to be in a certain level of comfort to know that secret wasn’t going any further than the four walls of his head it already lived in.

* * *

“What about Sam?”

[rage pout intensifies]

* * *

> DEAN  
> Okay. All right. Fine. But you don’t have to cuff me, man. Oh, come on. You don’t trust yourself?
> 
> 2014!DEAN  
> No. Absolutely not.
> 
> 2014!DEAN leaves.
> 
> DEAN  
> Dick.

I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU SOUND SURPRISED, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO BROUGHT UP RHONDA HURLEY.

* * *

What a glorious time to be alive.

* * *

Incidentally this is accidentally telling Dean that nothing is ~written~ because there’s a very valid possible future where he did not say yes to Michael out there. Sure it all went wrong, but it means that The Plan is not the ONLY way things can go. I think they’ve been off-course a while (since Monster at the End of the Book) but there’s no decided future yet and ever since then the decisions Sam n Dean n Cas make have all been spiralling off creating these futures. At the moment Dean has just decided to cut himself off from Sam for good, hours before, and so this is currently the most likely future, but as Edlund says in some interview I have in my queue for this episode, basically just by sending Dean here it’s invalidating this future’s potential because whatever Dean does from here, obviously End!Dean does not remember this happening and so this branch can’t be what happens to our Dean  _exactly_  and Dean is meant to take one lesson or another from this which will shape him to make one Big Decision or another.

Considering Big Decisions, the end of this episode  _may_  be when the story aligns itself to what we got. I’ll keep an eye out. :P

* * *

It took Dean at least a good portion of the night and morning to get himself free. It was dark when 2014!Dean found him and he is off on his errand which has to be in easy driving distance (the first suspicious suggestion it’s a trap :P) while it is still dark. Dean gets free and it’s daylight, and 2014!Dean comes back after an apparently pretty continuous flow of time.

I’m just saying, that heroic escape from the handcuffs took probably absolutely forever.

* * *

I have an idea that End!Dean only wanted Dean to be absolutely inconvenienced for sure long enough for him to leave on his “errand”. He knows himself well enough that he’s pretty sure he’ll find himself wandering around when he gets back because that’s what he’d do. He’s just got to hope for crisis management and his past self not being a total homewrecker and the tiny chance he actually can’t pick the lock.

What he didn’t want is Dean coming on this “errand” with him.

Because right now (whether he was originally fleeing the camp or just taking a very heavy moment with Baby before the big day) 2014!Dean knows that Zach would not send Dean here to see a random day in the life. If anything this is confirmation that the run to get the Colt will yield results, and the following mission may also be the significant one. It’s a big confidence booster to 2014!Dean that this day is important.

And of course he is going to settle this on his terms in his timeline. 

If time travelling Dean is here, with Lucifer still in his early days, and this is the day 2014!Dean gets the Colt and he knows it now because time travelling Dean is here there’s pretty much one easy conclusion:

What if 2009!Dean was here to steal the Colt? :P

2014!Dean needs to see this fight through and so on. He has much the same motivation as Zach in telling 2009!Dean NOT to go down this path and invalidate this future because he doesn’t want to be living it, but he’s sure as hell, having lived 5 years of this, not just going to throw away their one chance to kill Lucifer on the OFF CHANCE that being an educational field trip for his former self will yield results to end this future.

And even if 2009!Dean seems to just casually agree with this:

> 2014!DEAN  
> Touché. So, what, Zach zapped you up here to see how bad it gets?
> 
> DEAN  
> I guess.

That’s not to say he won’t get any funny ideas if he sees the Colt and suddenly thinks of a much FASTER way to end the conflict back in his own time, and steals the Colt, leaving 2014!Dean with no way to fight back in HIS time.

Of course Dean doesn’t trust himself. It’s what he’d do. :P

Anyway, not letting Dean come along though he’d be handy on the grocery run to get the Colt means 2014!Dean can be absolutely sure he gets it and keeps his hands on it.

* * *

There is a huge satellite dish in the background of the camp. I guess no demons in space (yet) so regular radio waves and phone signal are offline but satellite is still a thing? I don’t know their relative easiness to hijack/listen in on.

That or the cities still run re-runs of satellite TV to keep the remaining population complacent and the camp is run by Dean Winchester so what do you expect if TV is happening elsewhere and he’s not invited? :P

* * *

Chuck may not be writing any more as far as we know but he is absolutely 100% the camp gossip and Dean knows it within seconds. He’s like “did we?” about him and Risa, checking with Chuck, who nods. I’m extrapolating that he pays at least moderate attention to all the comings and goings as part of his quartermaster duties.

(I’d assume the supplies he’s wrangling would also include condoms and stuff so there is also that.)

* * *

Dean’s nervous hesitation before he asks Cas’s name though, like, after hearing Bobby and Sam are dead he can barely dare ask about his last remaining family member.

* * *

Honestly who let Cas have all those candles? He probably nicked them from a church or something.

He’s got to have learned the idea of wastefulness by now.

Maybe he still doesn’t eat despite everything else so he trades in his food rations for extra candles.

* * *

Or both and Chuck hates him. :P

* * *

Cas is a drain on the camp’s resources.

* * *

Do you ever get really sad thinking about this:

> 2014!CASTIEL  
> So, in this way. We’re each a fragment of total perception—just, uh, one compartment in that dragonfly eye of group mind. Now, the key to this total, shared perception 

Because he’s still obviously at least a little psychic or special some way (probably just because he’s made of different stuff inside) but that sounds an awful lot like the experience of being an angel and having a line to angel radio all the time - loads of thoughts of all the other angels buzzing in his mind - all these whispers and rumours Cas has been talking about when hunting Raphael or hearing about the Colt… And of course all the other angels are gone and so angel radio is as silent as the car radio… And Cas has found a way to put that experience back in his head with the help of the drugs and sex. :(

I don’t think he’s necessarily at all interested in the sex (” _surprisingly_  physical” like he thinks they’ll be as surprised as he was to learn this?) because it sounds like that connection is his real end goal, and if it happens to involve piling a huge heap of people actually on top of him to get there then he’ll happily exploit his apparent attractiveness, knowledge and reputation as an ex-angel to get a little spirituality/sex cult going.

Hahaha ha End!Cas is so broken I can’t bear this. 

* * *

Anyway he instantly recognises Dean, because he is magic and also likes staring directly into Dean out of habit (see also: Cas’s shitty mood for the entire of 4x03 after he realised Dean almost but didn’t kiss him three times in 5 minutes :P) and instantly guesses it was Zach’s doing. I suppose he also worked out that if Dean was here something bad/dramatic/important was going to happen.

* * *

I do wonder what he thought his Dean would have wanted with him before? Because it took until Dean was up close and Cas was giving him the customary soul-searching look to realise Dean wasn’t his Dean, and if nothing else that means Cas had some motive to search 2014!Dean’s thoughts/soul for something.

Maybe he thought Dean was coming back from his mission and was sneaking a peek to see if he was happy he had the Colt or not to save on long unnecessarily hostile conversations. :P Anyway he knew it was important enough to send his sex cult away to talk to Dean. (Probably talk Dean into unwinding with them before he had to make any more important decisions?? Rekindle that connection??)

I dunno, this part has been talked over so much and I don’t have a ton of contradictory or wacky headcanons. :P

* * *

Poor broken Cas.

Anyway we get an undisclosed amount of time that passes that is long enough for 2014!Dean to finish his errand and get back, and for all we know it’s instantly after that conversation or 3 hours later that Dean comes out of Cas’s cabin. :P

* * *

Ah, the old infamous look over Dean’s shoulder to Cas. The discussion bubbles up from time to time that “pretty messed up situation” was addressed to Dean about Cas not the random dudes about time travelling Dean. This time through at least I’m pretty sure that it is just about the presence of a second Dean chilling at the camp, but the fact Cas followed Dean out and Dean looks to him for a reaction is interesting in itself if we go with the surface level interpretation (because obviously the other is still a valid interpretation based off camera choices to at least suggest the alternative through these visual associations). 

But if we take it as 2014!Dean just addressing the troops to sooth over the weirdness of another Dean blundering in (his weary “dammit” is both ‘oh no he got out’ and probably not a small amount accepting he sort of knew this would happen :P) then we have our Dean taking a moment to remember Cas is there while busy being very disappointed with himself, to check what Cas thinks of this whole thing. And gets that weary, sad look but not one of surprise or seeming at all perturbed that this isn’t how things can be. Basically, he checks himself against Cas. Like Cas’s opinion on who he is is what’s important.

Hahahaha. 

(It still looks like End!Dean points and Dean turns as a result to look at Cas on a brief re-visiting of the moment to catch dialogue - I feel like they may have messed up editing the reaction shot or something because Dean turns so quickly for no apparent reason after being pointed at to look at Cas that the association is almost too obvious?)

* * *

Anyway Dean sees Cas upset enough to be angry with End!Dean on his estranged-by-time husband’s behalf. If Cas doesn’t like it, Dean not going to sit around and let it happen.

Meanwhile End!Dean is just annoyed that Dean went wandering, and drags him back to the cabin. They argue with the halo light between them. 

*quietly inserts the looming presence of Cas into the conversation* :P

(Hence: 2009!Dean being upset on his behalf; Cas’s opinion of them lurks over this whole episode.)

(He likes past!Dean :P)

* * *

I like how when they start wandering around they each head towards a window (with pink curtains! :P) and they put this space between them and the cabin is shown as being comparatively lighter and airier than it seemed before, as Dean tries to come to an understanding with Dean:

> 2014!DEAN  
> No, you look. This isn’t your time. It’s mine. You don’t make the decisions. I do. So, when I say stay in, you stay in.
> 
> DEAN  
> All right, man. I’m sorry. Look, I—I’m not trying to mess you—me—us up here.
> 
> 2014!DEAN  
> I know.

TBH he might just be jealous Dean went to chill with Cas aside from the whole upsetting random guys with guns at the camp. :P

> 2014!DEAN  
> Everywhere. They’ve been moving it around. Took me five years, but…I finally got it. And tonight—tonight, I’m gonna kill the devil. 

*fed up Crowley noises in the background*

Well, Lucifer set the trap so he probably got Crowley pretty early, got the Colt off him and actually started playing with it? He knows it won’t kill him, but it’s fun to give Dean something to do, I suppose…

* * *

Anyway Cas is all dressed up in his boots and hunter clothes so I’m distracted :P

* * *

The whole table on feet thing is blatantly an “I learned this from my husband” moment of Cas fitting in with being human by being Dean.

(Stuff like this is how we get the sliding scale of: humanity > Dean representing humanity metaphorically in the show > Dean representing humanity to Cas > Dean, for that infamous line :P)

And of course a great deal of possessive posturing especially towards the Dean he’s pointed his feet at, considering the odd love connections in the room of Risa, an important leader in the camp to be at this otherwise exclusive meeting between Cas and Dean(s) but also a hook up still pissed at being tricked into liking Dean; past!Dean that Cas likes; Cas that 2014!Dean likes; and Cas liking both versions of Dean for different reasons. 

* * *

*laughs bitterly to self at Cas laughing bitterly to  _himself_  about Dean having a ‘connection’ to Risa* “Now, the key to this total, shared perception—it’s, um, it’s surprisingly physical.”

 Seriously when I die project this episode on my gravestone.

Because we have that parallel to the way Dean n Cas are apparently sleeping their way around the camp, with both of them emphasising the “connection” they’re making to their partners as the selling point to get them into bed and neither of them clearly very happy about their crappy make-do connections. 

But Cas and Dean DO have a connection, and this episode reminds us strongly it’s there throughout, but it’s not like this is new information, even setting aside my various OTT meltdowns on the subject through this rewatch. :P Literally last episode was establishing that Dean n Cas were close, in a kind of Bert & Ernie or Thelma & Louise way… This episode isn’t so much about Dean n Cas’s relationship, but it’s a powerful force going on here nonetheless.

* * *

Anyway 2014!Dean is standing under the halo light again, as is Cas. Aw :P

  


The close up Dean one is interesting because there’s a couple of different close up shots of his face, but this one occurs when he’s talking about being really sure of his info - because he’d got it through torture.

Those caged halos are seeeeriously bad news.

* * *

> 2014!CASTIEL  
> What? I like past you. 

Rude.

The tension between the 3 of them though. >.> Cas using Past!Dean to score points and remind his Dean of how it used to be - the relationship they used to have. Dean just being a jerk to 2014!Dean because he doesn’t approve… 2014!Dean being made jealous that Cas likes past him - BECAUSE it’s not some other person, it’s a reminiscence of what they once had. Aargh.

(Since THAT at least then reflects this relationship BACK on our present day Dean n Cas - the final missing link being the absent version of Cas - and so THERE is that connection.)

Bam, made the sexual tension between Endverse Dean n Cas properly relevant in more than a “well if they like each other then past them like each other” way. :D

* * *

> 2014!CASTIEL  
> Of course. But why is he? I mean, he’s you five years ago. If something happens to him, you’re gone, right?
> 
> 2014!DEAN  
> He’s coming.
> 
> 2014!CASTIEL  
> Okay.

I think Cas knows better than anyone what would happen to Dean and is just asking the question to convey the info. :P 

I wonder what happens to them when Dean changes his mind? Because Dean’s all about changing the past even if it means deleting his shitty future for the sake of the greater good (hey, Song Remains the Same coming up soonish)… But do they become only a possibility that never happened, or is Dean just going to go down a new leg of the trousers of time after this and this shitty future with Lucifer in charge continues existing?

*simmering tension continues as well*

For like 10 minutes on screen interaction these guys and their hell hole life dominate fan fic for some reason. :P

* * *

Dean brings Dean up to speed on where Sam is. Dean is not impressed. 

Dean’s sad and terrified headshake though. 

How does Jensen have visible on screen chemistry with himself though? He keeps on doing it and it’s almost uncomfortable. :P 

(Because unlike Tatiana Maslany, who I literally forget is every character in Orphan Black so completely miss the point that she’s doing this thing, it’s obvious Dean is talking to Dean.)

2009!Dean may be standing on something? Or he’s just taller? I suppose it’s the crushing weight on 2014!Dean’s shoulders. 

> DEAN  
> Oh, no. There’s got to be another way.
> 
> 2014!DEAN  
> Yeah, that’s what I thought. I was cocky. Never actually thought I’d lose. But I was wrong. Dean. I was wrong. I’m begging you. Say yes.
> 
> A pause.
> 
> 2014!DEAN  
> But you won’t. ‘Cause I didn’t. Because that’s just not us, is it?

I find this great because Dean gets his own character… And Dean DOES this. He frikkin’ doesn’t take his own advice and tries another way… He just tries a DIFFERENT other way from how 2014!Dean tried it. 

Please take a minute to think about endless variations of worse apocalypse after worse apocalypse and Zachariah sending Dean after Dean after Dean to meet the previous iteration of Dean, who then goes on to make another dumb mistake that is neither saying yes OR averting planetary destruction, and then when the next Dean comes to him, tells him not to do what he did.

Just think about what End!Dean saw when Zach tried to convince him. :P 

(The other reason the “Oh it’s Zach” comment works so well. :P)

* * *

Aww End!Cas :<

You really should not be driving considering what’s in your system. Seriously.

How did Dean ever dare get in a car with him.

*sobbing because this whole conversation kills me*

> 2014!CASTIEL  
> Dean, I’m all but useless. Last year, broke my foot, laid up for two months.
> 
> DEAN  
> Wow.
> 
> 2014!CASTIEL  
> Yeah.

Baby in a trenchcoat >.> (MINUS THE TRENCHCOAT)

I wonder how much Cas still feels like his worth is dependant on his grace and what power he can offer? (Despite the fact many of his best/most useful qualities are nothing to do with his mojo) Obviously what happens to End!Cas is so much the worst case scenario and he’s filling in the gaps and pain because everything in the world is awful and there’s NOTHING to offer him. But thanks to the writers always needing to play with his power to keep him manageable as a character to them, he goes through a LOT of this crap, and this is just the first case, as well as the example worst case.

I dunno. I mean obviously season 6 is a literal power grab, making himself even stronger than default and paying for it…

On the other hand, he’s learned a lot emotionally along the way, largely BECAUSE he was stuck without power so many times. 

I dunno.

It’s an interesting discussion. For later.

* * *

> DEAN  
> So, you’re human. Well, welcome to the club.
> 
> 2014!CASTIEL  
> Thanks. Except I used to belong to a much better club.

Cas isn’t bitter at all. Nope.

*too sad to comment on the last bit of that speech even to smirk at Cas calling Dean ‘baby’ in the middle of it* 

I suppose Cas is basically a child, like, 5 years old at most, but adult and with billions of years of life behind him already, just learning everything about being human in this harsh world and from bad teachers with no time for him. 

Even Cas’s slow off and on again relationship with humanity through further canon is a kinder teacher because of the environment and sorts of lessons he goes through. None of it is too great, but there’s hope and love thrown his way from time to time - stuff he mentions as human things in the actual 2014 when he’s driving around with Hannah in 10x01… And stuff End!Cas would never have been exposed to in the same way, hence the hollow comforts he has.

* * *

Ohh nooo Cas knows Dean’s plan is a suicide run. I mean he kinda made it obvious in all his discussion of the plan/life in general, but when Risa questions it and 2014!Dean is like “trust me” 2009!Dean isn’t the only perturbed one. Cas is looking at her so sadly. :( 

* * *

… 2009!Dean still kinda looks taller than 2014!Dean even though when they’re standing face to face in the wider shot they’re obviously the same person/height.

… as they talk 2014!Dean gets the higher ground while explaining why he’s doing his plan, but 2009!Dean gets to be taller again while saying “something is broken in you”

* * *

> DEAN  
> Yeah. See, I know your lying expressions. I’ve seen them in the mirror.

I hate when 2009!Dean manages to be more depressing than End!Dean just by saying something to casually reveal how he lies to himself.

Interesting that last time we had Dean facing off with himself they talked about mirrors too - how Dean hated what he saw. Now he’s talking to himself (hey once again “current” Dean being super harsh to 2014!Dean) about how he lies to himself in the mirror? Is that a comment on practising the good old Winchester definition of “fine” or is this a good opening line for discussing the façade Dean builds for himself?

i.e. the mirror shows the truth of himself, and Dean lies about that TO his reflection and yet sees it telling him with that familiar lying tell that he’s making it all up?

* * *

> DEAN  
> You mean you’re gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Cas, too? 

*quietly clutches face hard enough to leave nail-marks in my cheeks*

HE AND CAS ARE A DISTINCTION ABOVE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS LIKE ‘FRIENDS’.

You could almost say they have a connection.

Or… like, a profound bond or something idk

I wasn’t gonna go there.

* * *

Seriously how fucking tall is 2009 Dean? I assume this weird angle is to save on doubling up faces, but.

* * *

> DEAN  
> These people count on you. They trust you.
> 
> 2014!DEAN  
> They trust me to kill the devil and to save the world and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.

DEEEAN WHY DO YOU CARRY THESE BURDENS? 

Somehow this is the perfect microcosm example of Dean taking on stupidly unfair burdens and thinking it’s his responsibility. And it’s always a no other choice situation but this is NOT GOOD FOR YOU DEAN. :<

* * *

What? Oh no, this is where the gifset of Dean waking up in a pile of leaves I scrolled past earlier today came from. I was gonna reblog it and then I was like “ha ha I will never know what episode that is from ever” and was too lazy to just reblog it with no tags.

Commemorative screenshot of Dean communing with nature in memorandum of things I won’t reblog. :P

* * *

*Cas dying somewhere offscreen*

* * *

Hey Lucifer.

Dean looks like 10 years older suddenly.

* * *

> LUCIFER  
> You ever hear the story of how I fell from grace?
> 
> DEAN  
> Oh, good God, you’re not gonna tell me a bedtime story, are you? My stomach’s almost out of bile.
> 
> LUCIFER  
> You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him. More than anything. And then God created… You

*randomly drops another token in the Dean = humanity box for no reason* 

I mean it’s not like this was a critically important theme this season or nothin’.

Anyway, yeah, “good God” doesn’t seem the best phrasing here. Accidentally annoying Lucifer?

Lucifer’s own words don’t really get contradicted in canon until season 10 do they? I’m amazed they let him tell his own story that long. In that respect season 10′s theme of the story being wrong did pay off pretty well. 10x23 doesn’t have a great many admirers, but that WAS the season 10 theme from start to finish practically, and established earlier in season 9 at least, so toppling The Big Story seemed perhaps inevitable in hindsight?

* * *

> LUCIFER  
> And I said, “Father, I can’t.” I said, “These human beings are flawed, murderous." 

Ooh, and then of course we have it so Lucifer corrupted Cain, Father of Murder, earlier. I honestly do not know if Lucifer did that in the Bible or not? It never seemed to come up in discussion? *so not a Bible scholar* but yeah anyway he’s mentioned this season and then in season 9 we learn this was also Lucifer’s fault so actually this speech has already been undermined by later canon even in early season 9.

Basically Lucifer bitching about humans being murderous is him complaining about his ants attacking each other after he shook the ant farm.

* * *

Again Lucifer also talks about how pristine the planet is an how people ruined it, but it was MOST pristine before he did the whole garden of Eden thing (I remember he was responsible for THAT in the Bible at least) and season 9 makes it about him tricking Gadreel (aaand we’re back to stuff I have no idea about in the actual Bible :P) to get in the Garden, ergo, him bitching about people getting all over creation is kinda his fault.

I honestly don’t know how much of this was intended to be true but since we mostly get his word for it and then we’re out of Kripke era after this does it even matter? :P

Later canon is just like [DEBUNKED] to this speech regarding his intentions and motivation.

* * *

Dean snarling at Lucifer about him being a monster and how he’ll kill him is especially hilarious since he’s delivering it to Sam’s face and, you know, end of season 4 and all. I’m not even that huge on sobbing about the bro bond and that one hurts me. :P

* * *

> LUCIFER  
> I know you won’t. I know you won’t say yes to Michael, either. And I know you won’t kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up—here. I win. So, I win. 

Hm. Maybe my theory of endless variations of Dean failing epically to amount to a change is right, and we’re basically not seeing a Groundhog Day loop regarding the apocalypse that has actually been happening, of which End!Dean is the last unsuccessful variation and our Dean finally the one who beats it?

Imagine if the Apocalypse as a whole was Mystery Spot…

… But the angels were the only ones who remembered it.

* * *

I suppose Dean metaphorically met with Lucifer again over the Mark arc five years later? *ignores that line that everyone panicked about meaning literal Endverse by season 10*

* * *

> DEAN  
> Oh, I’ve learned a lesson, all right. Just not the one you wanted to teach.
> 
> ZACHARIAH  
> Well, I’ll just have to teach it again! Because I got you now, boy, and I’m never letting you—

Wait.

Endless loop Dean is canon.

Cas saves him from it. :3 

* * *

First recorded instance of heart eyes this is not a drill this is not a drill. It’s MUTUAL.

* * *

And symbolic shoulder touching. :3

* * *

I like that Cas clearly must have had to zap the car out from under Zach’s nose as well. I hope he was standing right next to it fuming and then turned his back for half a second and bam Baby was missing too.

*Zach in the distance shaking his fist and yelling Cas’s name*

Dean probably spends way too long wondering if that counts as Cas driving her but reckons after End!Cas drove him places it’s probably fine since his Cas is much less high. :P

* * *

> SAM  
> So, what do we do now?
> 
> DEAN  
> We make our own future.
> 
> SAM  
> Guess we have no choice.

Dean all like “yeah screw what the Plan might be for us” and trying to be all woo free will yeah, and Sam all like “we have NO CHOICE but to do the free will option”

… Sam I know I am a little harsh on you about this and it’s only for fun because you have your own key role in TFW but honestly you have such a grim outlook on free will and it bums me out. :P

It’s a very interesting contradiction. And goes right along with the way Sam plays into his role (and DOES say yes to Lucifer making this line hilarious:

> DEAN  
> We keep each other human.
> 
> SAM  
> Thank you. Really. Thank you. I won’t let you down.

but does so in a way which is on his terms and uses supposedly going along his destiny to save everyone and basically make it not happen the way it was supposed to after all.)

* * *

Oh no, now this little arc has wrapped up it’s back to business as normal. Whyyy do MotW at a time like this? Why.

I suppose it means I can go a LOT faster, brain allowing, for a while. I’ve been stuck in Myth Arc central for weeks. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to breeze through MotW episodes. :P


	5. 5x05

Or: This is very much one of those episodes that’s fun the first time you watch it and then you sort of forget it ever existed. 

Fame is fleeting. :P

* * *

*has next to no interest in the opening* 

Sam is as confused as we are about why we’re returning to MotW format after such a strong start.

> SAM  
> Yeah, definitely, uh, but, uh, we got bigger problems, don’t you think?
> 
> DEAN  
> I’m sure the apocalypse’ll still be there when we get back.
> 
> A pause.
> 
> SAM  
> Right, yeah, but I mean, if—if the Colt is really out there somewhere—
> 
> DEAN  
> Hey, we’ve been looking for three weeks, we got bupkis.

So I guess they DID end up following Cas’s lead from last episode (yay! Working with Cas! So much working with Cas it has to happen off screen to make room!) but they’re pretty fail at finding it and probably judging by the rest of this conversation talking about trial runs for working together, this hasn’t been an easy three weeks? Dean’s trying to get them back on the road by taking the first random case that shows up that looks easy, so they can focus on doing the thing that they do.

This is not the first or last time they try to reset to season 1 operating mode to smooth things over. The whole show works on this nostalgia in-character and from the writers. :P

* * *

Oh hey Dean uses “Agent Bonham”. 

He and Sam are doing the whole “training wheels as a team” thing so for the interviews they swap back and forth sitting in the foreground so the camera has to shift back and forth in focus when one of them is talking, unlike how Cas n Dean sat/stood next to each other in 5x03 - I suppose because Sam n Dean aren’t back on the same footing so offsetting them from each other with distance/camera stuff makes it clearer they’re not on the same team yet.

The police guy is more than usually dense about not allowing for alternative explanations. Even if you weren’t thinking of ghosts, the footage from the cold open that was captured on film mostly has the guy freaking out in horror to find his friend dead. So for the quiet ongoing theme of allowing for ghosts to be happening as the alternative, informed reading, you have a guy presented with obvious evidence that he should at least TRY to think outside the box even if he doesn’t have the answers, but refusing to give it his time.

* * *

Blah blah Dean talks about James Dean’s car.

I wonder if the real thing was actually cured, like, actual serious cursed object. I don’t know what the story is about where it was and why it was so hard to track down in our universe, but perhaps in their universe the real thing is in the equivalent of a big curse proof lock box garage after some hunter tracked it down before it killed again. :P 

*wanders back halfway through the rewatch because complaining about this episode led to [iwatchthepie](http://tmblr.co/mNVKHEcvz-Mgb2ySEuYpkNA) sending me a link with the apparent story*

[http://jalopnik.com/5113390/the-curse-of-james-deans-little-bastard](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fjalopnik.com%2F5113390%2Fthe-curse-of-james-deans-little-bastard&t=ZDQ1NDA0ZjlmNTA5YWNhMjYyYzRmMzEzNmJiOWRkNGUyN2MwZTI4MiwwcHVlcllxVg%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F127278285108%2Fspn-hellatus-rewatch-5x05-or-this-is-very-much&m=1)

I’m pretty sure if that’s all true it was kidnapped by someone for the sake of everyone’s health in our universe too :/

* * *

> DEAN  
> Okay, baby. I’m not gonna hurt you, so…don’t hurt me. 

Frankly I am offended Dean calls the car baby even lowercase :P I was all ready for him to cheat on Baby with the red mustang belonging to War, but this feels cheap.

* * *

I mean this episode has Dean in shirt sleeves so it can’t be completely terrible. :P

* * *

*Dean insists Sam do an entire day’s worth of research and knocks off to go to the bar where he does no research and tries to fraudulently pick up the bartender*

Hm.

*is slowly realising I have no memory of this episode for probably quite intentional reasons of not wanting to remember it*

S’been a while since we had intentionally awful Dean characterisation. :P I’m remembering after a peaceful break that there’s a big difference between “he has to be a jerk this episode for [xyz reasons]” and “Dean is a jerk and that is his personality go nuts”

* * *

> CARNEGIE  
> I want you to use a, a fine-tooth comb. The evidence is here, we just gotta find it.
> 
> DEAN  
> Heard you got another weird one.
> 
> CARNEGIE  
> Uh, well, it’s a—it’s a little strange on the surface, I admit, but, uh…you know, once you—you look at the facts…
> 
> […]
> 
> CARNEGIE  
> Well there’s gotta be a reasonable explanation. There always is. 

More on that theme, which is something I guess. :P

Actually his theory that it’s professional killers because they never leave finger prints is almost clever and also maybe suggests he’s encountered a lot of ghostly murders before and come up with this explanation. I dunno, maybe?

* * *

*Sam speaks Spanish because he knows languages*

*except for when he reads off the Latin translation from a website and pretends like he’s actually translating it*

Consuela is rightly hesitant to just tell them it was Lincoln and lets them come up with that one before she dares agree that was what she saw. :P

* * *

They have an extremely boring brown motel. Aggressively so.

Maybe Wanek had a bad week.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Yeah, Abraham Lincoln and James Dean, can you believe that? …Why so kill-crazy? Ah, maybe the apocalypse has got ‘em all hot and bothered. Yeah, well, we all know whose fault that is. …Well I’m sorry, but it’s true. 

*Bobby defending Sam off screen and probably telling Dean he’s a jerk*

I guess this is the mid episode fight?

… Nah, they just bitch at each other and rush off to burn some historical artefacts.

> SAM  
> So we’re just gonna pretend I didn’t hear what I just heard?
> 
> DEAN shrugs.
> 
> DEAN  
> Pretend or don’t pretend. Whatever floats your boat.
> 
> SAM  
> This was supposed to be a fresh start, Dean.
> 
> DEAN picks up his jacket.
> 
> DEAN  
> Well, this is about as fresh as it gets. Now are we going or not? 

I can bet the last three weeks were hilarious unless Bobby was crisis-managing them like crazy to keep them apart and occupied. :P

Dean seems to be reserving the right to be upset at Sam as he pleases, despite 5x04′s message so it just seems painfully out of character to the fact he ought to be working harder. Maybe being given reasons to struggle. I dunno, feels like the writer got the notes for where they were supposed to be at this episode and came at them backwards, or without considering how the journey of the previous episodes would come across, or just wanted to try and switch it up so we have Sam sympathy this episode after all the Dean heavy episodes, and instead we just get Dean being a jerk.

I’m enjoying this episode. >.>

* * *

Dean switches to making jokes to try and cheer Sam up or something, which falls completely flat for everyone involved. Now it just feels grim and depressing. Maybe that was the point? :P

* * *

They can’t have been there for more than 2 days and there’s already beer and wrappers all over the place in the motel.

* * *

*sighs about Dean making fun of Gandhi*

I don’t know why Sam brought up that he was a vegetarian anyway because ghosts/monsters tend to always be more murderous than they were in life/before they got turned. That’s literally the whole point. It should be enough that a pacifist was wrestling with him, never mind that he tried to bite Sam. :P

I dunno. This whole thing is ridiculous and not in the fun way. :P This is poor characterisation on them just for being hunters. Their issues with each other shouldn’t get in the way THAT much. :P

* * *

> SAM  
> So first you drag me into town, and now you’re dragging me back out.
> 
> DEAN  
> You ain’t steering this boat. Let’s go, chop chop.

Whee dictator Dean. Worst Dean. 

Blah blah, Sam stresses with inequality, brings up a perspective on the whole theme of “got to be strong, Dean is weak” from last season from the other side where he’s actually analysing his behaviour a little and trying to understand how he was twisted against Dean:

> SAM  
> Dean, one of the reasons I went off with Ruby…was to get away from you.
> 
> DEAN  
> What?
> 
> SAM  
> It made me feel strong. Like I wasn’t your kid brother.

Like, this was the issue Sam had been struggling with that was played on and exacerbated to drive him that far away from Dean, and he recognises that now, so good?

When they fight they say all these things but in a bad way and then when they’re not fighting they don’t want to say stuff so it never gets dealt with properly. :P

> SAM  
> You’re gonna have to let me grow up, for starters. 

I think this is a theme that is wrapped up in that nice little dialogue at the start of Swan Song where they actually sort their issues out at last.

* * *

(You know, that conversation about how everything that comes after is slightly manufactured because they actually worked their shit out once upon a time. :P)

* * *

> DEAN  
> Paris Hilton’s not dead as far as we know, right?
> 
> SAM  
> Pretty sure, no.

I do wonder about his pop culture gaps after Hell. He probably caught up most things he cared about but stuff like that he wouldn’t? :P 

* * *

*Dean waits outside while Sam does gross stuff in the coroner’s office*

Honestly that’s got an incredible amount of past form for Dean’s squeamishness, so I don’t THINK despite the pattern of Dean making Sam do everything this episode, it really counts? I hope Sam remembers how squeamish Dean is and doesn’t continue to be angry after their fight. :P

* * *

I have like no screenshots so far, so here:

> BABY  
> I can’t believe Dean was calling other cars ‘baby’. I thought we had a connection.

* * *

Heeey it’s more Green Man art!

> LESHI
> 
> Leshi means Forest lord from “les”, the Slavic for forest. There are also leshachikha/leszachka (wives of the leszy) and leshonsky (children of the leszy).
> 
> The Leshi is satisfied only with blood sacrifices from his worshippers. He grants protection and guards his forest. Legend tells of Leshi’s territory to be in the Balkans. The legend of te [sic] Leshi has mostly been forgotten due to the completely deforestation of the area since the early 1970s.
> 
> Leshi could change his size from that of a blade of grass to that of the highest tree. The Leshi could take the shape of a familiar person and lead you astray with the sound of their voice. He could also become a hare, wolf, bear, raven, pig, horse, rooster, flaming fir tree or even a large talking mushroom.  
> Places.
> 
> The Leshi is fond of trees and is said to be heard weeping when one is cut down. He is also said to live in deep caves that lie in the mountain areas.  
> Leashii (leszy, lesi, lesij, lechie, leshiy is a woodland spirit in Slavic mythology who protects wild animals and forests. The Church turned him into an evil creature and gave him the features of a demon, also known as Bonuza
> 
> He is analogous  to the Woodwose of Western Europe, the Green Man of Britain and the Basa-[indistinguishable] of the Basque country.  
> A leszy has a close bond with the wolf, and is often seen in the company of bears as well. In myth and art, the Leshy is often associated with the psychotropic mushroom Amanita Muscaria. This may connect him in some way to Shamanic mind-altering techniques.
> 
> In his evil form, Leshi became a terribly mischievous being that could imitate voices of people familiar to wanderers and lure them back to his caves, where he would tickle them to death. He has many tricks, including leading peasants astray, making them sick, or tickling them to death. His is also known to hide the axes of woodchoppers.
> 
> Upon entering a forest, one always uttered a protective spell or prayer lest they run into him. Should one ever encounter Leshi, one must thwart him immediately by turning all your clothes inside out and backwards as well as the collar of one’s horse, and placing your shoes on the opposite feet. Other remedies include the sign of the cross or singing “Sheep’s [indistinguishable] wool”, but in the worst extremity, setting the forest [indistinguishable but almost certainly “ablaze” judging by the first 2 letters :P]

Oh so the Green Man thing is actually legit and namedropped and I henceforth redact my previous bitching about this from season 3.

* * *

Dean must be so upset he didn’t have the option of burning a whole forest down to kill a monster.

This is probably why the original forest isn’t there any more.

* * *

*they find the missing girl, who is wearing Generic Victim Shirt*

I swear it’s the same one as the actress playing the screaming girl in Hollywood Babylon was wearing, or close enough. :P

* * *

There’s probably a commentary about them finding the forest god in this fake waxwork museum forest and the use of waxworks when talking about false idols etc but the theme is either way too obvious on the surface or would require a huge essay gathering multiple examples and analysis I’m not interested enough to write. :P

It all fake consumerism is terrible the modern world sucks blah blah fans just feed celebrity I dunno.

* * *

Honestly I haven’t had much contact with Paris Hilton related media outside of this - at least nothing personal like interviews or watching her in other stuff she may have done or whatever - but I’ve never really followed the drama either. :P The fact this, aside from glimpses of gossip mag stuff and so on, is the main knowledge I have of her with her being willing to send herself up, does make me feel like she can’t be 100% awful, even if that’s the wider media’s impression of her they sell. She’s a free pass to hate a celebrity for a lot of people, because of her background/actions together not adding up to a great overall picture. Eh. Maybe this is the most “intellectual” medium she’ll get to discuss her relationship to fame, I dunno. :P 

* * *

> LESHI  
> Someone tripped the apocalypse. And I thought, what the hell, I’m tired of watching what I eat. 

Oh yeah they have to make literally everything about the apocalypse. See also: that bit at the start where everyone was baffled about the point of going back to MotW when there was a lot of major plot looming all over them.

* * *

I mean especially the first time I watched this I gave that line a lot of credit for tying this back into the wider story just because I was feeling that sense of being adrift from the main plot arc after such a good run and the crushing pointlessness of MotW interrupting a good story hit me. :P

(I did think this episode was funny the first time through but it’s just that this must be at least the 6th time I’ve watched this just adding up how many full re-watches I’ve done since 2010)

* * *

> LESHI  
> No. But I can totally read your mind, Dean. I know who your hero is. Your daddy. Am I right?
> 
> DEAN doesn’t reply. She smirks and walks over to the tree with the axe embedded in it. When her back is turned, DEAN pulls at his ropes again.
> 
> LESHI  
> And this belonged to him. Didn’t it? Poor little Dean. All you ever wanted was to be loved by your idol. One distant father figure, coming right up.

… Dean didn’t even wear the jacket in or something? It’s the random axe.

Speaks for the whole not having to see John thing anyway, I guess. :P It’s a thematic let down for it just being a random axe that’s been mouldering in the back of the car for like 10 years before they had a specific need for it. :P

I suppose this episode is pretty good for dropping by a ton of major themes along the way. Obviously the absent father theme is in full swing and it doesn’t hurt, given the John idolisation that can happen in casual fandom, to remind everyone he’s super problematic and that idolisation in itself is a bad thing. Dean’s relationship to him is boiled down to comparing John to a god or idol or celebrity and the “distant” is emphasised. Obviously the parallel to God capital G is emphasised all season long as well, so Leshi making a comparison that her MO as a god fits perfectly with Dean’s idolisation of John is nice and on the nose. :P

Because, yeah, no matter how much Dean admires him it is distantly and at a remove. 4x19 where they found out about Adam gutted Dean to discover John had a personal life and had flaws and human needs and was capable of keeping personal, family secrets. That shook Dean a lot but never enough to lose the whole hero worship thing of John as a hunter that Dean is prone to fall into.

* * *

*Sam vents some anger into Leshi*

Or the axe is just really blunt so he needs to take so many hits to sever her head.

* * *

I think Sam making fun of Dean for being “whaled on by Paris Hilton” kind of breaks the tension as well, since he didn’t laugh at Dean making the joke about the hat, but some things I guess are just too amusing not to laugh, and then laughing is taking them back to old, more friendly patterns.

(the whole love vs family thing from The End where love is, you know, actually liking each other, and family is the awful obligation to work together, exemplified by Dean bossing Sam around everywhere for the bulk of the episode and basically taking control of him…)

* * *

> DEAN  
> Hey, listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday. About me keeping too tight of a leash on you.
> 
> DEAN  
> Hell, maybe you’re right.

They finally have the discussion how no one is to blame for the apocalypse (except for the greater forces manipulating them) which is a nice healthy realisation.

> DEAN  
> Point is, I was so worried about watching your every move that I didn’t see what it was actually doing to you. 

And some acknowledgement that Dean does have this unhealthy sense of obligation to Sam… I guess putting Dean in full jerkass mode for the episode did serve as an (annoying) example so they could repeal it by the end. I dunno. :P I feel like it was too much of an overcorrection even if it was the point of the episode, but then I suppose Dean did say he and Sam should pick a hemisphere LAST episode so over correcting in proportion? :P

* * *

> SAM  
> But, we  _can_  stop wringing our hands over it. We gotta just grab onto whatever’s in front of us, kick its ass, and go down fighting.
> 
> DEAN  
> I can get on board with that.

You would, that sounds like half your self-defeating speeches. >.> But of course it’s inspiring when Sam says it.

(And then he goes down fighting at the end of the season. Lol.)

* * *

Dean lets Sam drive for like the first time in a billion years. 

I mean Sam has *driven* the car from time to time recently, but on the other hand Sam hasn’t been given an obvious choice/chance to drive where Dean’s actually held out the keys and suggested loudly that he do it. 

Probably part of his demonstration that things actually are now supposedly equal and fair between them for now. Giving Sam some agency (literally the car is agency and freedom in all sorts of layered ways, from driving around and “being in the drivers seat” a phrase meaning in control, to Sam breaking a force overpowering his mind via help from the car at the end of the season… Yeah. :P

* * *

I am sad Leshi didn’t turn into a giant mushroom though.

That would have been much more memorable.


	6. 5x06

Or: literally all this episode seems to be remembered for is bitter complaining about where this kid went. 

Australia. And then he got stuck there because his power was tied to Lucifer being free.

Stopping the apocalypse was child endangerment.

There, saved you the trouble of watching this. :P

* * *

Oops, I was sitting here watching TV brushing my hair and the girl was watching TV and brushing her hair AND THEN SHE DIED.

Shit I guess I will never watch TV or brush my hair again.

* * *

> AMBER  
> Bed—now!
> 
> JIMMY  
> Okay, okay. Just wait.
> 
> AMBER lets go. JIMMY turns around and takes off the headband.
> 
> JIMMY  
> Wait. I’ll go to bed  _if_  you let me touch your boob.

Classy. >.>

Considering the title, not a very bright future. :P

* * *

Sam n Dean are back on the same page, apparently. 

*blinks because the TV is planting words in my brain*

* * *

(They used their Led Zeppelin aliases :P)

* * *

Uh what I was going to say before I got distracted by bad puns was that they show up on screen at the same time holding out their badges in unison which, after last episode showing them separated even when they were working together, is a return to the norm for them.

* * *

*scritchy scratchy*

* * *

*Dean tries and fails to bond with a kid because the kid is completely freaked out by having killed the babysitter with his innocent prank*

Dean resorts to being a scary fed to get the kid to cooperate.

> DEAN  
> We gonna start talking truth, or are you and me gonna have to take a little trip downtown? 

He’s like 12 or something?

* * *

I am honestly trying to remember if there’s any time outside of Plucky Pennywhistles we see Sam “acting” as the Fed as a non-standard plot point rather than the usual witness interviews/crime scene crashing/morgue visits etc which would be an interchangeable nondescript part of the job anyone could do and only happen for the sake of raw exposition rather than character stuff.

Hm. Soulless Sam in that episode where he slept with a ton of ladies and there was the spider monster, I think he was “in character” while hooking up with them.

*brain quietly ticks over*

It bothers me because I make all these points about Dean and his weird relationship with this alter ego of his and never notice if Sam is doing the same thing, but it just feels like he isn’t? Or not in a way that makes a pattern worth commenting on like Dean?

I’ll keep an eye out.

Anyway meanwhile Dean is just constantly doing stuff while in a suit, where he leans into being a fed to get his way. Being default Dean, i.e. dorkily bonding with kids and telling them personal things about himself, doesn’t work here, and he has to go back into character to make the boy open up.

* * *

Dean this is not a responsible healthy way to cook ham.

* * *

Oh my god the ridiculous cartoon American flag backdrop in this motel. 

I was gonna crop Sam out for the sake of Tumblr having fixed sizes horizontally but not vertically that I’ve ever run into, but then I noticed he was in the Rusty Bacon Shirt which is all sorts of hilarious while pointing out the stars and STRIPES while Dean is nuking a HAM.

* * *

Do you ever get sad about how they’ve never had a proper Christmas and so they’d never ever have dealt with the leftovers of a giant roast?

Sam refuses to eat any of it, which puts more on Dean’s plate (lol this is a 4am rewatch so puns ahoy apparently). 

Sam’s a bit more careful about what crap he ingests these days. :P

* * *

I like how in the joke shop Sam has the mannequin in the clown wig behind him for like the whole time. It’s watchin’ and waitin’.

I’m not sure but I think he gives it a wary look when he comes in the door.

* * *

Forever sobbing about the violent over-kill of the rubber chicken.

Whyyy.

* * *

OMG the tooth fairy kid is so cute. I am normally pretty immune to the adorableness of sticky small humans, but this one is pretty sweet. >.> Ugh I was literally just laughing about a kids’ toy getting murdered horrifically. :P

* * *

Anyway she also sics the toothfairy on her father so she’s not too bad. :3 You go. :3

* * *

*Dean flirting for information*

I wonder if the nurse did the face that froze that way for Dean. 

I bet she did. :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> I thought sea-monkeys were real.
> 
> SAM  
> They are. They’re brine shrimp.
> 
> DEAN  
> No, no, no, I mean like in the ads. You know, like the sea-monkey wife cooks the pot roast for the sea-monkey husband, and the sea-monkey kids play with the dog in a sea-monkey castle—real. I mean, I was six, but I believed it.

Deeean. :D

(Knowing his tragic back story, with this 2 years after Mary’s death, he PROBABLY resented the hell out of the sea-monkeys for having their balanced typical family life, especially with the mention of a roast >.>)

* * *

> SAM  
> And now they’re coming true. Okay, so whatever’s doing this is—is reshaping reality. It has the powers of a god. Or—
> 
> SAM rolls his eyes.
> 
> SAM  
> —of a trickster.

I feel like we’re being subtly primed for the Trickster’s return. I’d say a run of wacky episodes leading up to Changing Channels to make us ready and THINK we know how nuts the show can be is fair conspiracy. :P

*Sam looks extremely pissed off to think they might be up against their old foe*

* * *

> SAM  
> Dude, seriously—still with the ham?
> 
> DEAN  
> We don’t have a fridge.

Seriously ongoing depressing thoughts about Dean vs leftovers, while we’re on the subject of normal family stuff.

I am amazed this episode didn’t end with food poisoning. :P

* * *

It is convenient how Jesse’s house is in the middle of absolutely nowhere with no connected properties, she says, ignoring a house in the background in favour of the map they showed.

* * *

Jesse looks at Dean’s FBI badge and accepts that it’s real.

> DEAN  
> Come on. You can trust us. We’re the authorities. 

So that probably goes with earlier where he had to be the FBI guy to get through to the kid because his honest personality didn’t work… 

* * *

Aww Jesse saying that he’s not a kid. :(

You are tiny and tragic and Sam is bonding with you about making your own dinner. Not a good episode about food. :P Though for the lying theme that comes up - obviously Jesse believes all this crap because they’re harmless lies kids get told (the toothfairy in particular is a way to make an inevitable gross part of childhood bearable) - but they come in lying to him about who they are, including fake names, Sam even offers the fact he’s called Robert as an extension of just being “Agent Plant” (In other episodes they’ve called each other Sam and Dean in front of people or used that as their names even while going under a fake surname) 

I dunno obviously people lying to Jesse is kind of the major plot point by the end but it’s built up interestingly at least with the harmless lies and the lies by matter of course that the Winchesters do - and highlights just how MUCH they lie by the time you cycle up to the big stuff…

* * *

> JESSE  
> What, didn’t your dad tell you about the tooth fairy?
> 
> DEAN  
> My dad?
> 
> DEAN chuckles.
> 
> DEAN  
> My dad told me different stories.

TBH if the tooth fairy looked more like this, then Garth’s Tragic Backstory™ is much more impressive.

Anyway I suppose any prolonged contact with a kid means the Winchesters relating constant depressing stuff about their childhood so I don’t even know where to start with this whole branch of them missing out on typical childhood experiences of harmless monsters in favour of learning about actual monsters.

* * *

Random theory: because Jesse believes that they’re the authorities, Sam sort of had to introduce himself as “Robert” because that’s what was on the ID and they temporarily actually are FBI agents called Jimmy Page and Robert Plant without noticing for the duration of the episode.

* * *

I can assure this screenshot is entirely to point out the bedspread is more stars n stripes:

* * *

*takes a shot for “get this”* It’s a good thing it takes way too long to watch this for the Get This game to mean anything. :P (And the fact the liquids on my desk are always tea or water)

* * *

My mind is totally blurring if this is even a thing or what in this show, but Jesse’s mom has a horseshoe over her door.

Keeps out evil spirits and stuff. :P

* * *

Jesse’s mom inspects their badges really closely - wonder if they were still real left over from Jesse believing them? :P

The theme of vines growing on everything extends to her wallpaper.

* * *

Her checking they’re not demons by throwing salt at them is adorably precious. She isn’t to know!

* * *

Her teacup also has leaves on it and a rose. While I’m collecting this theme. :P

* * *

> JULIA  
> But I was there. I heard a woman beg for mercy. I…felt a young girl’s blood drip down my hands. 

*cut to Dean* who is looks kind of concerned but just asks about the salt. Don’t know if he was actively meant to be thinking about Hell or not… 

* * *

Anyway terrifying anti-Christ birth.

It’s interesting to have another specific moment of someone overcoming a demon early in this season. (I have wondered how this foreshadowing even with Bobby’s little moment in 5x01 works with the apparent ‘everyone dies’ ending that Kripke wanted, and how early he knew he was handing over for season 6)

> JULIA  
> When it was over, something changed. Maybe the—the demon was tired or if the pain helped me fight it, but… Somehow, I took control. And the demon wailed inside me. It pounded against my skull. I thought my head was gonna explode. But I knew. I knew what I had to do.

Obviously not quite the same as pushing out Lucifer, but it’s actually 2 points of data with Bobby’s thing, and she gives a pretty clear description of the whole process and sensations, as well as implying that at some of her screaming etc during the birth came through - even if the demon laughed, there’s a whole lot of automatic biological processes happening in her body through it, so I suppose her own biology over-rode the demon by taking control?

Demons can get shot and stuff and they keep the wound and just don’t bleed out, so it seems like they have some moderate control over keeping the body in stasis or something like it as well. Have we ever met someone who’s been possessed for centuries? Generally old demons pop in and take new vessels.

I mean since witches can preserve themselves fairly easily (oh hey next episode :P) even to the point of needing special magic/potions to kill them once they’re too powerful (we’ve also seen less powerful witches killed by normal means) so it seems like stopping the body from doing stuff is fairly easy. Ruby implied she also picked up her meatsuit 2.0 again after leaving it dead somewhere, and Crowley’s repossessed his quite likely dead meatsuit.

So yeah maybe part of the possession is keeping the body completely locked down and that includes a surprising number of autonomous systems. Got to let the body take over for a birth though, so that hands her a pathway to get her own body back?

* * *

Hey Cas!

You’re not good with kids yet, are you? 

Here’s what I referenced at the top of this rewatch:

> CASTIEL  
> With Lucifer risen, this child grows strong. Soon, he will do more than just make a few toys come to life—something that will draw the demons to him. The demons will find this child. Lucifer will twist this boy to his purpose. And then, with a word, this child will destroy the Host of Heaven. 

*basically just kind of disregards the rest of this scene because it’s weird, the prank falls unwatchably flat, and has characterisation I don’t like* Cas is all busy on his mission to find God and really doesn’t seem to have any time for them - he’s talking mostly to Sam and THAT’S unpleasant because their interactions have been much more fraught so far and Cas doesn’t hide that he’s got his attention on Dean 99% of the time even in scenes where Sam and/or Bobby are around… But Cas is in sort of dickish season 6 mood like “I don’t have time for this” which, fair enough to season 6, does give it a precedent in this episode. But he’s narky to Sam, and basically just goes “kill him” about Jesse and everything after that is a pointless argument he doesn’t want to be having.

And I love grumpy Cas but still:

> SAM  
> We’re the good guys. We—we don’t just—kill children.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> A year ago, you would have done whatever it took to win this war.
> 
> SAM  
> Things change.
> 
> […]
> 
> SAM  
> So we tell him the truth. You say Jesse’s destined to go dark side—fine. But he hasn’t yet. So if we lay it all out for him—what he is, the apocalypse, everything—he might make the right choice.
> 
> A long pause.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> You didn’t. And I can’t take that chance.

I like Sam n Cas too much to enjoy this. >.> It’s funny when he and Dean are arsey to each other because that’s what they DO and they have already earned their bond many times over so they CAN have shitty moments at each other. This is just part of the process of setting back Sam n Cas’s friendship.

And even when Dean intercedes and steps into Sam’s place to try and say placating things and nice alternate options it very quickly gets back to Cas making his black and white morality on the subject personal. Like, basically implying maybe the better option would have been to smite Sam before he could raise Lucifer. I wonder if there is guilt there about what he was made to do with letting Sam out of the panic room (and of course I can’t remember if it’s actually stated anywhere in the episode, but Sam was labelled the anti-Christ enough times in his career for this to FEEL personal without all this, AND the baby addled by demon stuff before it had a chance relates very directly to his story, the only difference being Jesse had much more exposure).

(Oh, this is also apparently Dabb/Loflin’s first time writing Cas. He’s not exactly OOC but he’s not given a very sympathetic/nuanced look and aside from this Sam antagonism he’s basically here for plot.)

But yeah, I feel like Cas has been avoiding Sam a little over this season anyway (5x01 and 2 he talked directly to Dean when Sam was right next to him; 5x03 and 4 Sam was separated and while Cas was concerned about the effect that had on Dean in 5x03, he didn’t seem overly fussed he’s not there for big plot stuff (see: 8x10 (? the episode with Samandriel wherever it is), scooping Sam up and forcing him and Dean to work together after a fight to help him, once he understands them a bit better)

So it’s pretty likely (especially with this being their first time writing Cas) they had a cheat sheet on how Cas is feeling right now, but just went into overkill with scary Cas. There is an arc of Cas coming to be moderately friendly and tolerant of Sam by the end (they still don’t have a great deal of quality time) so I suppose if this was the arc they did need to actually make it clear Cas was having issues with Sam, and focussed pretty much exclusively on that, to the detriment of his ongoing emotional development. Like, yes, Cas is narky a lot, but the last time we saw him was the OTT heart eyes at the end of 5x04. It’s an abrupt change.

Anyway there is the contrast as well, comparing this to 5x02 because of the similar Cas-getting-in-their-face thing of how different the blame is here: Cas is levelling everything at Sam with the implied regret he didn’t stop him when he had a chance, while with Dean he was blaming him basically on giving him feelings and that turning into his choice to rebel, so the difference in care and blame is that much more obvious.

Meh. :P Cas n Sam is a nightmare relationship. I REALLY LIKE when they get along but the issues they have with each other are  _ridiculous_  and half the time they interact they’re just making things worse.

In this case I think their only 2 personal conversations so far as I can recall have been 4x16 (Sam making it worse) and this (Cas making it worse).

Poor Dean wrangling them. :P

* * *

This motel is ALARMINGLY patriotic.

* * *

Ew, it’s the same demon come to posses her again. :<

* * *

Aw Cas no you are so bad at kids. 

Would not trust season 5 Cas to babysit.

I mean he does apologise after a long moment looking at how scared Jesse is and actually sound kinda messed up that he has to do it - not that it stops him trying - but I suppose he remembers what Sam n Dean were saying about him and has a moment where he feels sympathetic to the kid but his core belief is still that it’s for the greater good and evil things have to be killed blah blah.

* * *

It’s kinda sad he doesn’t get to be around for the next conversation because I feel like he could have benefited from it as well. Bleh. :P 

* * *

It’s not a TERRIBLE likeness.

* * *

> JESSE  
> Was he your friend?
> 
> DEAN  
> Him? No.

Heh, this whole section is them lying to Jesse so of course the fact Cas is friend is pretty clear. Also because Jesse asks after seeing Dean reverentially put the little toy Cas up on the mantelpiece after presumably carrying it around in distraught confusion about what to do with Cas.

I mean technically that was Dean’s husband so there’s no lying going on there. :P

*continuing with the “married until proven otherwise” game*

* * *

I like when Dean n Cas do the thing where they stand next to each other.

* * *

I do think it’s interesting that Jesse’s adoptive parents aren’t even in this discussion at all. And his human mom is possessed, so the only people actually present are the various factions fighting over what to do with him - no one who just cares about him. Sort of leaves him taking things into his own hands and everything because there’s no one to help him. Kinda feels like he got that from his nice human mom who got rid of her demon. :D

* * *

Anyway yeah, Dean lies a load, throws in his idea of what being a hero is again:

> DEAN  
> You’ll be a hero. You’ll save lives. You’ll get the girl. Sounds like fun, right? 

He comes up with this from time to time (Monster Movie the last time it was explored AND subverted) and it’s interesting that obviously we’re coming up to the biggest subversion of it for him ever: season 5′s end/season 6′s crash and burn relationship with Lisa. Who I have written a lot about how they’re kinda doomed to that by season 3′s extended narrative exploring their relationship, so it’s not a new thing. Anyway, I just think him saying it in the “lie” section of the discussion is interesting.

Because this whole part is sugar coated lies for kids: turning Bobby’s grim fate of the season (don’t think I’m forgetting Dean’s emotional connection to that either) into a cute Professor X reference, turning him into a superhero… I mean he’s gonna be locked in the panic room same as Sam was most likely until they can figure out what to do with him, so it’s all about keeping him complacent and calm… A tooth fairy story for him.

Then his biological parents walk into the room and the demon delivers a ton of harsh truths to break all that: smacking Dean around and dismissing his narrative as lies (and it’s what Dean DOES: sugar coat stories to make them easier and where he can, try and live a head-in-the-clouds hero role which comes up a LOT in random side comments he makes).

The demon turns all the lies told to protect Jesse out of love (misguided choices or not) into something that basically proves that because they lie they don’t love him:

> JESSE  
> My mom and dad love me.
> 
> DEMON  
> Do they? Is—is that why they leave you alone all day? Because they love you so much? These people—these imposters—they told you that the tooth fairy was real and that your toys could hurt you and a hundred other things that aren’t true. They love you so much, they made your whole life a lie. Look into your heart, Jesse. You’ve always known you weren’t theirs. You’ve always known you were different. Everyone has lied to you. They’re not FBI agents. And you’re not a superhero.

Which is ALSO bad but in different ways, for forcing him to grow up too quickly or something. Conflating white lies and murky grey lies with the idea that all lying is evil and since the demon is telling the truth it has to have his best interests at heart, while actually just upsetting him and manipulating him another way.

* * *

*Jesse gets angry*

Aw look, his parents are slightly involved in this scene!

* * *

Sam gets his chance to tell the truth and actually try things his way. Which also just serves to make Sam right in his fight with Cas from earlier, which I also don’t like about this episode. >.> 

I mean yeah he gets his little landmark along the road to recovery, but at Cas’s expense? Boo. There’s a rift built up between them this season which is rarely addressed, and this instance isn’t even about Dean being caught in the middle. There’s a few other points along the way that fit this, and a few more caught in the middle points. Basically, stuff like this is why I just can’t see them being built up to be friends until much later, because the narrative sets them on opposing sides and treats them that way and it’s  _harsh_  on them.

(Anyway, ongoing narrative. Mentally bookmarking that this happened for further discussion. If you remember and I don’t, smack me upside the head about this after 99 Problems and the “abomination” line :P) 

* * *

Significant Sam moment re: coming to terms with his mistakes:

> SAM  
> Yes. But you’re half human, too. You can do the right thing. You’ve got choices, Jesse. But if you make the wrong ones, it’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. 

* * *

Aw Cas nooo he fell on the floor and then the fireplace grate landed on him. SUCH INDIGNITY.

I mean Cas hasn’t really got a sense of human indignity so the whoopee cushion didn’t work on him emotionally? But this might have ruffled some feathers. I hope he wasn’t consciously aware of all this. :P

Thank you Dean for picking up the grate and rescuing Cas.

Gratuitous pic of Dean holdin’ Cas’s booty:

* * *

> DEAN leans down and picks up the CASTIEL action figure, which fell down at some point.
> 
> DEAN  
> Look, uh, truth is, he’s kind of a buddy of mine. Is there any way you could turn him back?
> 
> JESSE  
> He tried to kill me.
> 
> DEAN  
> Right. Uh. But he’s a—he’s a good guy. He was just confused.
> 
> JESSE says nothing.
> 
> DEAN  
> Okay. It’s been a long night. We’ll…talk about it later.
> 
> DEAN puts the CASTIEL action figure back on the mantel.

This is absolutely the bizarrest moment in their relationship. Still, this is like the second or so time ever Dean calls Cas a friend? Buddy? Pal? I dunno. It’s important that Dean is coming clean about actually knowing and liking him EVEN THOUGH Cas is frozen in the act of trying to kill Jesse. Like, that’s a pretty big ask considering all the kid knows about him. :P

(Cas really has a terrible time of it this season. Changing Channels is his next outing and he spends the a good chunk of it banished probably to some awful show of Gabriel’s choosing. :P)

* * *

> SAM  
> You’re powerful. More powerful than…pretty much anything we’ve ever seen. That makes you—
> 
> JESSE  
> A freak.

Baaah ongoing depressing Sam relating to the anti-Christ. :P

He seems to be a little calmer about that label now anyway, I guess because he has to show Jesse it’s not something to be instantly ashamed of and he wants to believe earnestly that Jesse has a chance… So by allowing him that it sort of reflects back on Sam’s opinion of himself trying to make it not sound awful for Jesse? I dunno :P

* * *

> SAM  
> There’s nothing more important than family. We get that. And if you really want to take them with you, we’ll back your play. But you got to understand—it’s gonna be dangerous for them, too.
> 
> JESSE  
> What do you mean?
> 
> DEAN  
> Our dad…he would take us with him wherever he went.
> 
> JESSE  
> Where is he now?
> 
> SAM  
> Dead. A demon killed him.

THAT IS SORT OF OVER-SIMPLIFYING IT. He didn’t die when they were kids because of them going everywhere with him. Okay he did die for the sake of keeping Dean alive, but it’s not the same as hapless Muggle parents travelling with the anti-Christ. :P

* * *

Sam randomly manhandling Cas. Hastily puts him down when Dean comes over.

“He was kind of a jerk to me but this seems harsh.”

* * *

HEY CAS.

I’m glad you’re squishy and huggable again.

* * *

> DEAN  
> You know, we destroyed that kid’s life by telling him the truth.
> 
> SAM  
> We didn’t have a choice, Dean.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah. You know, I’m starting to get why parents lie to their kids. You want them to believe that the worst thing out there is mixing Pop Rocks and Coke—protect them from the real evil. You want them going to bed feeling safe. If that means lying to them, so be it. The more I think about it…the more I wish Dad had lied to us.
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah, me too.

Oh moral lesson spelled out at the end. HELPFUL.

*scraps the whole rewatch except for the screenshot of the chicken*


	7. 5x07

Or: AU where they play high-stakes Shithead.

* * *

Except I found out that even between East and West Sussex schools there were alarming regional variations in the rules of Shithead. I suppose a travelling Poker Witch would have to stick to something everyone knows. :P

* * *

How to keep the mytharc going while completely and utterly ignoring the mytharc for MotW episodes:

(this might be the least apocalypsey episode of the season? I’m trying to remember if there ARE any other MotW that aren’t apocalypse related)

* * *

> DEAN  
> You got it. And, by the way, how you doing?
> 
> BOBBY  
> Doing?
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah. You know, just…in general?
> 
> BOBBY  
> Oh, you mean my legs. Well, I’m just weepin’ in my Haagen-Dazs. Idjit.

*sigh*

I tend not to remember what happens in this episode aside from Sam vs the Poker Witch for some reason, but I suppose this would be a place where there’s a fair exploration of this theme, what with Bobby involving himself. 

I dunno, stopping to point out that Dean is the one openly voicing concern about Bobby, at the extremely likely risk of exactly what happened happening to him. :P

(Also at the risk of making Bobby feel grumpy and useless and come along to challenge the Poker Witch.)

* * *

Wheee generic racially stereotyped ~exotic~ brothel. Why do you do these things, SPN. Why.

(totally random and unrelated, but welcome to getting writing credits, Jenny Klein!)

* * *

*averts eyes for the next minute or so*

* * *

I’m so not good with second hand embarrassment on top of that. :P

* * *

Also… No one told us until AFTER Dean randomly inspects the guy’s junk that he had a birthmark there? It’s not in the original conversation with the wife.

* * *

Heh, Irish guy called Patrick. Of course >.>

* * *

On the other hand, awesome Dean moment with him bribing the bartender to tell him where the game is. :D

It’s always nice to see them doing sneaky illegal stuff like this because of course Poker Witch is working on their turf for their second set of jobs which actually give them cash money… They’re all so confident to go play him because they all know poker and they all have a reasonably certain feeling they’re good enough to beat Patrick because that’s how they earn a modest living.

* * *

Ooh, right, so Bobby loses a few years, and Dean takes it back on himself to fix him, as he does. Obviously in the situation that’s a knee-jerk reaction for Dean protecting people he loves at the risk of himself, but the wider picture has him taking responsibility for Bobby’s health some more. Cool cool, themes and all. *nods*

* * *

Hey Poker Witch! 

*excessive Irish noises*

I got seriously emotionally compromised by a guy at uni with this approximate accent. I’m not very objective about this witch tbh. :P

This bar has a ton more red lights (I wasn’t going to comment in the brothel because ew and also very obvious colour choice there, but this bar has all sorts of red lights and Dean and Patrick talk back and forth with a light between them that’s caught in both shots and a further red light behind both their shoulders.

Also Dean looks like he’s ready to shoot the guy’s junk off based on his under the table gun angle.

Wait when did Bobby get here? :P

* * *

Hey look, it’s my favourite light!

I suppose it’s quite important that there’s a small uncaged light over Dean and Patrick, and Bobby has a big heavy cage right over him and he’s the one they’re playing over. I dunno. 

* * *

Ah, Patrick seems to be speaking Gaelic or something like it again, which comes up a lot for witchcraft over the years.

* * *

I’m always sad that we don’t see the Dean n Patrick poker game.

* * *

Not least because that’s the last Dean we see for the rest of the episode. :P

* * *

>   SAM  
> I was gonna say Emperor Palpatine.

Aw Sam, you dork with your Star Wars references. :3

*ignores all the rest of the ‘old people are gross’ stuff that follows*

> BOBBY  
> You just don’t get it.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, I get it, Bobby. You saw a chance to turn the hands of the clock back and get out of that damn chair. Pretty tempting. I can imagine.
> 
> BOBBY  
> No, you can’t.
> 
> DEAN  
> You got me. I never been paralyzed. But I tell you something—I’ve been to hell, and there’s an archangel there wanting me to drop the soap.

My god these two are bad at talking to each other sometimes :P They get each other, sure, but at the cost of being extremely hostile whenever any emotional issues come up and not actually understanding how to say anything remotely helpful or emotionally comforting.

I don’t think Dean relating his ongoing problems to Bobby’s is at ALL helpful; pointing out he’s suffered too doesn’t count as sympathy. He’s empathetic to Bobby’s problem, but not sympathetic? I think that’s the right way round for those definitions or I’ve not been using them properly all this time. :P

* * *

*Patrick continues blowing years of his life on cheap car stealing tricks because WHY NOT* 

Given his approximate age he’s presenting as, I’d wonder if it was the years he stole from Dean that he blew through :P Since they were the newest ones the witch would have.

Dean is impressed with Patrick’s swagger, anyway. (If they weren’t so hostile in their initial interactions Patrick would 100% be the sort to be Dean’s type, part of why I was grumpy we didn’t get to see the game and they don’t have any more meaningful interaction, because I’d bet otherwise Patrick would end up on those lists of random male characters Dean flirted with. :P

> DEAN  
> I got to say, I kind of like the guy. 

I mean that’s basically all he said about… Rick? The ranger who got eaten in 7x09? And I’ve seen him get put on The Endless List.

* * *

Since this is such a catastrophically lousy Dean episode I’m taking what I can get. :P

* * *

Poker Witch’s house redefines “fire hazard”

His cabinet has a ton of spare unused candles in it which is quite thoughtful of the props department.

* * *

> PATRICK  
> You boys want chips? Take ‘em. They’re just chips, Einsteins. It’s showmanship. This may come as a shock, but the magic does not lie in a pile of crappy plywood or in any phony abracadabra. It’s in the nine-hundred-year-old witch. 

Love this guy.

* * *

I wonder if Dean panicking about Sam being allowed to play poker with Patrick is because Dean’s just being over protective or if it’s an actual bluff for the eventuality that Sam will have to play with him - I have no idea how sharp they all are about this. :P I’d go with unintentional gut reaction about Sammy being in danger that just coincidentally helps. I’m pretty sure they must have at least one argument where Dean doesn’t think Sam can do this just because that’s how this have to go all the time. :P

(Also, you know, subtle foreshadowing of Dean not letting Sam do a thing because he’s worried he’s not strong enough/canny enough/whatever which is what basically the last episode of the season is about :P)

* * *

Oh god, the clap. This episode gets better. >.> Sam getting STIs two episodes in a row. (Well we don’t know if he ACTUALLY had herpes for the sake of next episode (that is how to do it in a less gross way :P), but he definitely is  _linked_  to STIs twice in a row.)

* * *

Oh look here’s the argument I was wondering about.

> SAM  
> You know, I still think I should play.
> 
> DEAN  
> No, no, no. You’re not good enough. I’m better. Bobby’s way better. We both lost.
> 
> […]
> 
> SAM  
> Look, I’ve watched you hustle plenty of poker—
> 
> BOBBY  
> Knowing the game is not enough, Sam. It’s not about playing the cards.
> 
> SAM  
> It’s about playing the other guy. I know that.

So Sam is not the primary breadwinner for poker. :P We’ve seen him hustle pool once in 4x09, but he was chilling outside in season 1 when Dean was doing this sort of thing.

* * *

*Bobby expresses depressing feelings about being stuck in a wheelchair and how he feels useless which would be great and all except that he gets magically cured at the end of the season*

Anyway, setting up some more for the arc for the season especially between them.

* * *

See this scene with Poker Witch giving his old man friend some years back really makes me like him. I dunno maybe he was doing it to show he wasn’t all bad to Sam, but I like him as another chaotic entity who picks his own idea of right and wrong and enforces it (whether he’s ACTUALLY good or not is totally by the by :P). (I say this thinking ahead to next episode :P) 

Maybe this old guy and the one from the opening who got young weren’t perfect guys (this guy is probably okay; Thursday nights at the brothel guy not so much) but they tickled the witch and he does something decent for them as a personal favour, or because he enjoys feeling occasionally benevolent and like his powers are helping… Little god complex moment for him.

Anyway, he has his fun and I respect that. Characters like this are really interesting to write about. :P

* * *

Really, Patrick digging at Sam for being the little brother (when he saw them arguing about letting Sam play against him IN FRONT OF HIM) is preeetty easy and the fact Sam showed up to play him at all is sort of a sign they at least let him take the training wheels off for this, even if he knows that Sam’s there to steal the toothpick for the spell. :P

* * *

You know, if Patrick and Lia just  _talked_  no one would have got hurt? Another witches’ domestic dispute episode. Well, the  _classic_  witches’ domestic dispute episode. :P

* * *

Hey look now they’re fighting over Lia and she’s the one trapped in Patrick’s arrangement, and Sam is like the knight errant riding in to champion her along with Dean off-screen:

I do like these caged lights. :3 Such easy visual shorthand. And eeeeverywhere these last few seasons.

* * *

*Sam panicking about Dean while pretending to be fucking up because of panicking about Dean but actually being stone cold badass*

Aaargh.

Also Poker Witch totally losing his cool because of Lia’s betrayal. I should mention that. :P

> PATRICK  
> Don’t do that, Sam.
> 
> SAM  
> I can’t leave until it’s over? Fine. It’s over. Now, where’s my brother?
> 
> PATRICK  
> Look, there’s poker and then there’s suicide.
> 
> SAM  
> Just play the hand.

*everyone is crying and there are ridiiiculous close ups*

* * *

> PATRICK  
> Well played. You know, that whole…going-out-of-your-head bit—very method. 

Sam CAN be a good actor. :3 But only when it’s ACTUALLY deadly important and revolving around lying and concealing feelings?

* * *

I do wonder why Lia didn’t make her daughter immortal too - perhaps because she couldn’t bear to corrupt her like that. (More points to Rowena’s selfish love. :P I have no memory of if anyone’s talked about that, but I had some thoughts about it at least after 10x23 - not particularly coherent thoughts so I was sort of waiting for someone else to get there and then no one did as far as I recall).

* * *

I am so glad Dean’s back. :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> You don’t stop being a soldier 'cause you got wounded in battle. Okay? No matter what shape you’re in, bottom line is, you’re family. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but me and Sam, we don’t have much left. I can’t do this without you. I can’t. So don’t you dare think about checking out. I don’t want to hear that again. 

Dean giving everyone the family lecture over the years :P Giving people an anchor on him and Sam as well - which is part of why especially Kevin was awful because he got this approximate speech and then immediately died exactly because he stuck around depending on them. 

(Bobby falls under the bracket of “went down fighting” which always seems to imply some choice in the matter for willingly walking into dangerous situations in the first place, which is fine when there isn’t a window a small reasonably athletic person can easily climb out of with laptop under her arm. *cough* #frodo lives) (the day I don’t tag that is the day it stops meaning something >.> It’s practically compulsive at a mention of her at this point :P)

This conversation is also important for Point of No Return’s fight, which is where all the emotional arcs bubble over, because Bobby points out there that the reason he’s still alive is because he’s been keeping himself going FOR Dean and Sam, exactly as Dean coaches him here.

So yeah, it’s not exactly selfish for Dean to give Bobby a reason to live being that he’s useful to other people - but this IS the reason Bobby gets so angry with him when Dean gives up because Dean encouraged him to put his own worth on Dean as a dependable fixed point.

(Season 7 is interesting too for Dean trying to make himself a dependable fixed point for Sam while he’s suffering his hell visions… I’ll probably be as old as Dean was this episode by the time I ever get there though and I can’t remember off the top of my head. :P)

* * *

> BOBBY  
> Thanks. Now, we done feeling our feelings? 'Cause I’d like to get out of this room before we both start growing lady parts. 

Do love how they can’t have TOO many healthy life-affirming conversations. :P Ah Bobby. *shakes head* 

* * *

*Bobby takes the last moment of the episode to look privately sad*

Aw Bobby. 

I have trouble staying annoyed at him even for saying discouraging things to Dean. :P I’ve basically adopted him as like another uncle. (He fits the broad pattern of my American uncles except none of the others are hunters so far as I know. :P)

* * *

*continues to quietly hope the Poker Witch is having fun playing poker out there in the world somewhere*


	8. 5x08

Or: I feel we as a fandom do not consider the lasting emotional damage this episode probably did to Dean’s Dr Sexy crush.

* * *

Nice recap. Just tell us it’s the Trickster, why don’t you? Nothing suspicious about that at all.

* * *

I think the most beautiful thing about this show is how cheerful colour is a sign of doom. 

Also they’ve ditched the gloomy filters for the most part by now, and so everything in later seasons is just perpetually doom and gloom by dint of being bright and cheerful with loads of rich colours.

It’s a pretty impressive feat.

Anyway this episode starts off by inducing a migraine in order to make the rest that much more surreal. Well played.

* * *

Since I had the expectation that there isn’t very much to discuss intelligently in the open of the episode I was pretty much going to screencap this to cackle publicly about “SMEAT” but the mustard is interesting.

I did a very lazy google search and it seems to be a fake brand. 

I’m wandering aaaaaall the way back to 2x15 to grab this screenshot out of my rewatch:

Obviously it was like direct opposition to this: dirty, dark, inner city hotel in a cramped room, and there was a POINT about the fridge being disgusting in that episode while here sitcom!Dean is cheerfully making a giant sandwich with fresh healthy ingredients.

But yeah I still don’t know why or if this is intentional or what it’s all about but the word showed up again? :P I’m pretty sure they had no idea the Trickster would be THAT important either. I’m not even sure it’s ABOUT him except it’s something I remembered from his intro episode and this is his reveal episode.

*shrugs loudly*

* * *

I like this kitchen. It looks like a kitchen from the Sims. My entire idea of what interior design should look like comes from either SPN set design or years of playing the Sims, and so I am always gratified when they cross over.

I headcanon that Wanek plays a lot of Sims.

* * *

I know that sitcom!Sam and sitcom!Dean are not actually “alternatives” of themselves, but they’re playing along and actually in-character at this point. What amuses me about this one is that the sitcom is not something they’d expect to find on TV (i.e. Dr Sexy is an actual program Dean is watching IRL for him and the others are clear homages to real TV) but something which seems to be  _literally_  a sitcom of their own lives. 

Earmarking this thought for when “the Trickster” shows up in it later. :P

* * *

I have a weird feeling like watching this and seeing their names actually attributed to them in the credits was the first time I knew for sure Jared was Sam and Jensen was Dean.

This was like probably within 72 hours of watching The French Mistake if I remember my delirious trip through seasons 1-6.

It was a steep curve. :P

* * *

It’s weird how changing the colour and his expression can make him look like the “authentic” Dean.

Also the authentic Dean is not a horndog who skips out on research (<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/tagged/dean-x-books> :P) but a complex human who drools over two hot doctors makin’ out.

Interestingly to me, these two doctors are paired romantically together in the “real” show, but Dr. Piccolo also has some romantic history with Sam’s character and so it creates this weird bridge of Dr!Sam > Dr. Piccolo > Dr. Sexy > Dr!Dean for the Gabriel version’s love quadrangle :P 

(At a guess: Piccolo loves Dr!Sam, the brilliant yet cowardly cerebrovascular neurosurgeon. Dr!Sam being brilliant yet cowardly is terrible at just, like, asking her out. In the mean time she vents her frustration with elevator make outs with Dr. Sexy, who I’d assume from the name is the hospital bicycle, and being the hospital bicycle, is an object of considerable interest to Dr!Dean. Dr. Sexy’s relationship to Dr!Dean? Complex. He appears to be an authority figure to Dean and Dean rebelliously does face transplants without his authorisation. There must be hella tension. If it’s not at LEAST as intense as Destiel’s weird moments and staring I’d eat a shoe)

(Yes I have memorised this episode)

(It’s a guilty pleasure)

  


> DEAN  
> Hospital show.  _Dr. Sexy, MD_. I think it’s based on a book. 

Dean. *shakes head* You don’t have to pretend you don’t know. :P

* * *

I do like the motel. When it’s not eye-searing.

It obviously is designed for the eye-searing moments because of the cheery flower theme, but in this gritty, dirty iteration where everything is weathered a little to go along with the filter you get this real parallel to shiny perfect for TV sets and the aesthetic that this show likes where it makes everything deliberately grotty (there actually is separate furniture, look):

I don’t think this motel room would stand out as particularly damaged and grotty compared to the average motel of the week, which just makes it all that more obvious when they have this contrast.

I can’t remember what green generally symbolises but it can’t be good. 

* * *

> OFFICER  
> Kathy Randolph went through a hell of a trauma. She’s confused. 

Some more for the pile of male authority figures dismissing what women say when they report seeing supernatural happenings.

> KATHY  
> No, it must have been a bear. 
> 
> […]
> 
> KATHY  
> No, I, I remember clearly now. It was definitely a bear.

And Kathy trying to convince herself of the “normal” reading of the moment, probably because the story that has been offered to her is so much more comforting.

*vague ongoing themes mention*

* * *

I do like the little nerdy moment of pinning down exactly  _which_  Hulk it was she saw. :3

* * *

> DEAN  
> No. Uh, no, it’s just…is there, uh, would there be any reason that Lou Ferrigno, the Incredible Hulk, would have a grudge against your husband? 

*canned laughter*

* * *

In the next scene Sam comes in from investigating in much the same way we had him come in to discover Dean eyein’ up his giant sandwich, and… discovers him researching. 

*canned gasps of shock*

* * *

I like how the Trickster’s calling card is “Just Desserts” and candy wrappers.

AU where he was never revealed as Gabriel and opened an ice cream shop called Just Desserts.

(What am I saying this is like 99% of what he does in the background of Destiel fics which have him lurking as Cas’s brother and for all I know a good portion of AU Sabriel stuff.)

Sam’s having a real “MY OLD FOE RETURNS” moment and honestly the mention a few episodes ago of him along with Sam’s bitter expression is perfect for reminding us that this is the nemesis that got away. :P 

This whole run up was somehow priming us for this; Fallen Idols has the famous personalities intruding in real life thing like the Hulk; 5x06 had the Trickster overt mention along with wacky magic; 5x07 had the Poker Witch acting with similar “just desserts” rules as he gave and took life at a personal whim… I dunno, the MotW usually mirror the plot in some way, and I was sceptical before I started this run up to this episode about having this tightly bunched load of “wacky” episodes as the MotW… and I’m still not a FAN of any of those 3 episodes, but actually they do sort of do with their wackiness what serious foreshadowing does for other plot points at different times in the show. :P

* * *

Anyway I am imagining Gabriel standin’ around at the scene of the crime just hastily eating his way through a ton of candy FOR PLOT REASONS.

This is totally my excuse next time I want to binge on chocolate.

* * *

I also think that it’s great that we have that Sam moment because obviously he has a pretty deep beef with the Trickster, but (and Jesse’s episode probably reinforced this idea by comparing their powers and Sam wanting the same from him there) he’s willing to set aside that beef in order to ask for help. 

Perhaps he feels like after Mystery Spot the Trickster owes him. :P

Thinking of: really unappreciated meta moment since the episode OPENS with a broken fourth wall -

> DEAN  
> Good. I’ve wanted to gank that mother since Mystery Spot. 

Dean apparently has absorbed the names of their episodes as described in the Winchester Gospels and now mentally refers to their various escapades by title. :P (Or an ongoing lingering sense of unreality where TV show rules are quietly in place and in their “reality” they are Sam n Dean the characters on the TV show so they know the literal episode names as we do in Meatspace :P)

Anyway, Sam is the one with the personal connection to the Trickster: Dean only knows about the awful stuff that happened to him completely second hand. He knows it messed up Sam, thanks to the extremely squeezy hug he had when things were back to normal at long last, but aside from that he only remembers the slow boring day where Sam randomly discovered the trickster, and then they woke up the next morning and left. :P Sam has the memory of months of hunting the Trickster down and him basically being a mirror for his obsessive hunt for Lilith the next season, so it’s not a light encounter. 

AND YET.

> SAM  
> The world is gonna end, Dean. We don’t have the luxury of a moral stand. Look, I’m just saying it’s worth a shot. That’s all. If it doesn’t work, we’ll kill him. 

So this is one of those good moments of showing Sam’s willingness to set aside various emotional concerns - in this rare case offering peace when it wouldn’t be expected - to get things done, because ends justify the means and if he can put his own humanity on the line for the good of the world, sucking it up and asking the Trickster for help is basically nothing. :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> A bloody, violent monster, and you wanna be Facebook friends with him? Nice, Sammy. 

For that moment in season 10 somewhere where it was implied Dean didn’t know what Facebook was?

He’s come a long way since not knowing what Myspace was already. :’)

I mean that one has cultural permeation so Dean doesn’t necessarily need to know how to USE it or actually have a Facebook, but still.

* * *

Once again, Dean sharpening stakes in the background. 

The curtains are blowing all over the place through the view of the camera while they’re finding out about the “Trickster” thing on the police radio. Probably symbolic of their impending trip to another universe? :P

* * *

For the sake of argument TV Land is a pocket dimension.

* * *

I am pretty sure drinking every time someone says “doctor” in this section would kill you.

* * *

Seriously. Seriously?

The dialogue on Dr. Sexy MD writes itself.

* * *

I like how the exit signs in the hospital are green instead of red. I don’t know if this was a borrowed hospital or a set or what, but hey, it’s a change up from the omnipresent red ones. :P For the ongoing faintly green theme of the whole episode (hey: Hulk.)

* * *

Uuh, look I am not… trying… to make a direct comparison here or anything, but:

> DEAN  
> The sexy yet earnest doctor

> DEAN  
> The doctor getups. The, the sexy interns. The ‘seriously’s. It all makes sense. 

> DEAN  
> There goes Dr. Wang. The sexy but arrogant heart surgeon.

> DEAN  
> Of her. The sexy yet neurotic doctor over there. 

> DEAN  
> what makes Dr. Sexy sexy 

I count 2 interns if they mean those working on the desk (there’s a group of young doctors in scrubs but without white coats and I have no idea if they’d be interns or not but one of them is a dude) so that’s either a 5:1 or 6:2 ratio for Dean finding ladies sexy versus dudes. (He specifically doesn’t label Johnny Drake as sexy, probably because as far as I recall from my friend Catwin endlessly relating the plot of Grey’s Anatomy to me this was the JDM character?) 

Anyway, seems fairly accurate ratio over the stretch of the show if we include all his love interests, crushes, 7 season long pining unrequited love stories and random moments of eyeing people up? :P 

* * *

I am honestly fascinated by the layers at work. Dean n Sam are clearly in a sort of “viewer” level because they can see the ghost guy, and they’ve got interaction with the main characters because they’re part of the story, but they’re not totally involved with the story because they’re given free will to participate, so they can just float around in the hallway with everyone walking past with nothing more than a “Doctor” unless one of Gabriel’s constructs wants to directly interact with them for fun. 

(ALSO considering that Dr Sexy turned out to be him and I am pretty sure most of the “main” characters in all the shows that had significant interaction with them were literally the Trickster, Gabriel’s both Dr. Piccolo and Dr. Sexy)

But, like, their characters also have their backstory on the show. And Sam is baffled but Dean is participating as a viewer who recognises the story, and offering us brief character analysis (well, judging by Piccolo’s dialogue they probably just tell each other their character types every other line :P) and is engaging with the text. And so his encounter with Doctor Sexy is as both a fangirl with a crush and trying to be a responsible hunter and catch out the Trickster, because the moment they get through the door they’re assuming pretty much exactly what happened to them accurately, AND Dr Sexy confronts him about something his “character” did and Dean pretends to play along until he catches Gabriel out…

* * *

Honestly we do not talk enough about the music when Dr Sexy shows up.

If we assume Gabriel is providing TV accurate soundtrack and Sam n Dean aren’t standing around in silence waiting for the sound effects, that means he literally introduced himself with a sparkle of music. :P

Assuming he’s not JUST screwing with them and enjoying the intro, and this is “part” of the show, I’m going back to my theory about Dr!Dean and Dr. Sexy having a pretty charged relationship if we were to get a full episode of this. :P 

* * *

You know, if everyone is introduced as “sexy yet…” but Dr Sexy just *is* does that sort of make him the main character by dint of having no flaws to have the “yet” qualifier? :P

I assume a less biased report than Dean’s would probably come up with some extra adjective. He’s pretty harsh about disciplining Dr!Dean for the unapproved face transplant after all.

* * *

Not gonna lie I am shipper trash - Dr Sexy talking to Dean about “you want to give me one good reason why you defied my direct order” sounds a heeeelll of a lot like the way Cas would talk, with his low gravelly (sexy) voice. :3

* * *

Except they do not normally talk about face transplants.

* * *

I will never be over how it’s bashfully looking away from the direct eye contact because he’s so thrilled to be playing alongside Dr Sexy that gives away to Dean that he’s talking to the Trickster.

* * *

Also: Sam not playing along with Piccolo because he’s just baffled; Dean having nooo idea what’s going on regarding what they’re supposed to be doing, but rolling with it for a second when given a scenario with Dr Sexy: he probably would have tried to come up with something to answer the question if he hadn’t noticed the shoes? If nothing else, WOW does this boy love roleplaying.

* * *

Betraaaaaayal

* * *

Hey Gabriel!

Sorry, “Hellooooo? Tricksteeeer.”

* * *

So yeah the rules of the game are pretty clear. :P Dr Piccolo won’t listen to Sam saying he’s not a doctor and when Dean denies it he gets shot.

I wonder if there’s anything symbolic about their roles.

Dean as an apparent specialist in transplanting faces (WHY IS IT SO URGENT THIS DUDE’S WIFE HAS A FACE TRANSPLANT? IS SHE THAT UGLY?) and he’s good at wearing a ton of different faces? 

Sam… I have no idea :P

> DR. PICCOLO  
> You are a brilliant, brilliant—
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah. A coward. You already said that. But I got news for you. I am not a doctor.
> 
> DR. PICCOLO  
> Don’t say that. You are the finest cerebrovascular neurosurgeon I have ever met, and I have met plenty. So that girl died on your table. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.
> 
> SAM  
> I have no idea what you’re saying to me.
> 
> DR. PICCOLO  
> You’re afraid. You’re afraid to operate again. And you’re afraid to love.
> 
> DR. PICCOLO leaves, sobbing.

At a guess this is some more about his damage from season 4? The girl that “died on your table” could be Cindy, the innocent nurse he killed to drink the demon blood to kill Lilith? Obviously “afraid to love” is the trauma from Ruby, and he’s dealing with the blood in the head - the demon blood went to his head? I dunno. :P 

Anyway, if so, handwaving Cindy’s death as understandable collateral damage which is how he has to justify it to himself to deal with it: sometimes people just die (when they’re in a meatsuit possessed by something they have to kill) and this one that died on his table just… meant more because it was personal.

Knowing the Trickster and the questions from the gameshow, this is probably all about subtly reminding him of his screw ups if he’d take a minute to think about these words. :P Although after Cindy spent a day on a table by his doing that one should spring to mind…

* * *

*Dean gets shot and puts an end to this drama*

* * *

I am not surprised Sam freaked out about Dean getting shot while they’re in proximity to the Trickster.

* * *

I know it’s always bugged me how he doesn’t improvise with the surgical stuff on hand - the knife, thread etc are at least available in surgical equivalents. Surely he can ask for antiseptic… Like, what part of this is so baffling Sam Winchester can’t figure it out?

It’s I suppose a subtle way of him NOT playing his role, not entirely as expected: he plays along but subverts it in his own way.

Sam vs destiny - more Swan Song foreshadowing :P

* * *

There is no way the gameshow host is not the Trickster.

* * *

> SAM  
> Uh, I, I don’t, I don’t understand Japanese. 

Their relationship to the language problem is fascinating because they legit have NO IDEA what is going on (BOBBY KNOWS JAPANESE) but Dean when he “plays his part” actually tries answering the question and the Japanese words come out his mouth, and I am PRETTY SURE he doesn’t know what he’s saying? So it’s words dragged out of him to make him express something awful against his free will… Foreshadowing him giving up and going along as per the mid-end of the season? Gabriel trying to show him how easy it is to just give up and let the words come out of your mouth?

* * *

Anyway you have to agree that this is one of Cas’s best entrances and he should always appear in an ethereal cloud of stage smoke.

I will always laugh at how baffled Cas sounds in “what are you doing here?”

> CASTIEL  
> It’s me. Uh, what are you doing here?
> 
> DEAN  
> Us? What are you doing here?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Looking for you. You’ve been missing for days.

#married

I WONDER WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE TO CAS.

He doesn’t realise the Trickster is Gabriel until he meets him out of disguise, and he seems rather baffled about how Sam and Dean managed to end up where they are. Maybe they ARE in the set of this show, or the pocket dimension is sturdy enough to mimic it to the eyes of another angel, never mind how completely real it looks to Sam n Dean and their human senses.

Anyway his utter bemusement says a lot.

I also like how the Trickster’s plot importance is revealed by Cas’s involvement because at this point Cas showing up always means something Apocalypse-related (see: Jesse) but in this case he seems to be looking for them out of personal interest at least for now and only later does his plot involvement become apparent that this is an important episode for the arc. Right now he’s just showing up in the middle of an admittedly extremely wacky and overblown expensive MotW but still technically a MotW (Dean even reminds us that by their definition the Trickster is a monster earlier). 

I dunno, I like when they use the show’s rigid formula like this. :P Like, until 8x08 Cas is literally ALWAYS main arc guy. That’s why it’s such a novelty episode. :P

* * *

I like how even in this completely neutral scene Cas manages like 75% eye contact with Dean and is looking at him while trying to zap him. :P

* * *

I don’t think we talk enough about Dean’s look after “pretty boy angels.” Like, he does the full blink and look around like “What.”“Why does the Trickster not like Cas because he’s pretty?” “I’d like Cas because he’s pretty.” “Brain. What.” “You thought Doctor Sexy was pretty 5 minutes ago.” “OH THANK GOD HE’S ASKING ME QUESTIONS” “WAIT I STILL DON’T SPEAK JAPANESE”

… I need to get out of Dean’s head. 

* * *

Hang on:

> HOST [in Japanese]  
> Would your Mother and Father still be alive… if your brother was never born?

SPOILERS.

(For “The Song Remains The Same.”)

Which would be where Dean actually does manage to tap into this thought and vocalise it properly.

* * *

Dean’s “Oh god I’m going to get hit in the nuts” face is hilarious.

* * *

> SAM  
> I am doing all I can to slightly lessen the spread of—of genital herpes. And that’s a good thing. 

What is the Trickster’s fascination with their dicks? :P

* * *

(That was a real “don’t answer that” question although given the subject matter I’m sure someone has)

* * *

Watching them argue with the laugh track is great.

*canned laughter*

* * *

Hi again Cas. You’re looking good. 

This is the first time we’ve seen Cas really genuinely outmatched (Jesse turning him into an action figure aside) at an extremely unfair disadvantage. Which, in hindsight by the end of the episode, duh, but at this point is surprising and one of the main clues of what the Trickster really is.

* * *

> TRICKSTER  
> Oh, you know. Sam starring as Lucifer. Dean starring as Michael. Your celebrity death match. Play your roles. 

So yeah, Gabriel’s built them this alternate too-bright AU of their own lives. It’s a sort of 4th wall breaker that they actually ARE a show, but to their perception it’s a bizarre mockery of their own lives turned into an OOC glossy fun version where Dean is a loser and Sam is a nag and they play these weird prescribed roles  _in their own lives_  - he’s not just making them play along to TV at this point. He’s already moved on to making them engage with their own lives this way. AND it has the added bonus of showing that they do play roles to each other - these might be wild exaggerations but both have things they do for each other or that annoy the other. So this is not just showing them that they play along to TV: it’s showing them that playing certain roles always has been a part of their lives one way or another. A whole, trapped by destiny, trapped by life circumstances (compare the glossy motel to the shitty one they started in) and trapped by behaviour. They’re already trapped together after the last angel tried meddling to make them play their roles and made Dean realise he needed to stick with Sam - 5x05 was an exercise in showing how they were trapped together and learning their roles relating to each other again.

> DEAN  
> Oh, you’re somebody’s bitch.
> 
> The TRICKSTER’s smile vanishes. He grabs DEAN by the collar and slams him into the wall.
> 
> TRICKSTER  
> Don’t you ever, ever presume to know what I am. Now listen very closely. Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and play the roles that destiny has chosen for you.

I find this amusing to mirror Dean catching on to Dr Sexy not being Dr Sexy. In this case Gabriel is doing the wall-slamming and they are still fighting over who Gabriel really is. The shift in power sort of suggests that the Trickster will let Dean push him around but ~whatever~ he actually is so won’t stand for it and now he’s gone from interacting with them as the Trickster to interacting with them as the *whispers* archangel.

He really hasn’t been paying attention if he thinks telling Dean to accept destiny will get him anywhere. :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> I hate this game. I hate that we’re in a procedural cop show and you wanna know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows. There’s like three hundred of them on television and they’re all the freaking same. It’s ooh, plane crashed here—oh shut up. 

*canned laughter*

Poor channel surfing Dean. 

He likes his soap operas, he’s a guy of simple tastes.

* * *

Sam once again does that thing he does with playing his role where he has the idea to use the game to play along but only with the intent of killing the Trickster, not because he’s actually accepted his role in it. ~foreshadowing~

* * *

B)

* * *

I can not believe the cop gestured so close to the wound with his lollipop. Ew ew ew.

* * *

*Dean finally gets to poke something with a stick* ONLY TOOK 3 SEASONS

* * *

I think that guy they stabbed who wasn’t the Trickster, confusingly, also was the Trickster.

* * *

Oh Jesus Christ I forgot about the parallel to Gabriel’s death with Sam (Lucifer) catching him out and stabbing him when the distraction fails.

I mean like almost every episode Gabriel/the Trickster gets stabbed so he has a LOT of practice for that face (you know, until the time Cas does it and the knife just floats through him). But that one was particularly harsh with his upcoming death and all. :P

* * *

> DEAN  
> I’m worried, man. What that SOB did to Cas. You know, where is he? 

Yes, good, be a worried husband. This is important. :P

* * *

I have always liked how the motel clarifies there’s COLOR TV.

* * *

Oh my god Dean’s eyes in this shot. What the hell.

Who allows colour like this??

* * *

Poor Sam.

Anyway, yeah, Dean’s the one who pieces it all together when he and Sam talk it through. I’m sure that’s important to some idea I meekly didn’t type out an hour ago when I had a brainwave based off something someone said about it that made me feel it was v important that Dean works out what’s up, but that has long gone because I was feeling too lazy to do the scroll of shame if I was wrong about this point.

And then I wasn’t. Oh well!

* * *

> SAM  
> Should I honk? 

*canned laughter*

* * *

> DEAN  
> Whoa whoa whoa, not so fast. Nobody’s going anywhere until Sam has opposable thumbs.
> 
> TRICKSTER  
> What’s the difference? Satan’s going to ride his ass one way or another.

AU where Gabriel never turned him back and Lucifer had to possess a fuckin’ car.

Ironically… That would have been THE ONE WAY how to beat the Swan Song scenario that ended up happening.

* * *

(and working on the assumption that this is the ending that was already ~Written~ at this point, a near miss ;))

* * *

Angels need to learn to worry a lot more about the sound of lighters when they’re in casual conversation.

* * *

> TRICKSTER  
> Where’d I screw up?
> 
> SAM  
> You didn’t. Nobody gets the jump on Cas like you did.
> 
> DEAN  
> Mostly it was the way you talked about Armageddon.
> 
> TRICKSTER  
> Meaning?
> 
> DEAN  
> Well, call it personal experience, but nobody gets that angry unless they’re talking about their own family.

Teehee. Sam n Cas may have their teething problems but I like how they showed Cas looking at Sam in alarm earlier as a way to give Sam this line because OCCASIONALLY they need to have a moment once in a blue moon or they’d probably still legit think the other is a total dick/an abomination. :P TINY WEENY BABY STEPS.

(Also this goes with my thought process that Dabb/Loflin writing Cas for the first time just weren’t subtle enough with this relationship antagonism but eh, now that’s a part of the show we have to have little recovery moments. :P)

* * *

Anyway yeah that “personal experience” is like 90% of the show’s huge falling outs and resulting sulking periods. :P I’d say Dean is qualified.

See also: that line in The End where Dean made a hefty distinction between “love” and “family”

* * *

> SAM  
> So which one are you? Grumpy, Sneezy, or Douchey?
> 
> TRICKSTER  
> Gabriel, okay? They call me Gabriel.
> 
> SAM  
> Gabriel? The archangel?
> 
> GABRIEL  
> Guilty.

SAM’S RAGE SHOULDERS ARE BACK.

He must be delighted to have a face with a name. Honestly, finding out the Trickster is an angel was probably something he just wearily accepted because  _of course_  Heaven picks on him, even before they KNEW about Heaven picking on them. (Of course Gabriel isn’t technically representing Heaven but Sam’s had such a terrible run of it with angels so far…)

(See also: the alarming antagonism from Cas in 5x06 I guess :P)

* * *

GABRIEL  
I skipped out of heaven, had a  **face transplant**

*LOUD CANNED LAUGHTER*

* * *

> DEAN  
> What did Daddy say when you ran off and joined the pagans?
> 
> GABRIEL  
> Daddy doesn’t say anything about anything.

Gosh it’s fun every time this subject comes up. In this case Cas isn’t actually here to hear it - I wonder if he would have given up quicker if he had, or if Dean updated him on the List of Archangels Who Say God Is Gone?

* * *

Aw Sam trying to reason with him for help just like he wanted all along:

> SAM  
> Then help us stop it.
> 
> GABRIEL  
> It can’t be stopped.
> 
> DEAN  
> You wanna see the end of the world?
> 
> GABRIEL  
> I want it to be over! I have to sit back and watch my own brothers kill each other thanks to you two! Heaven, hell, I don’t care who wins, I just want it to be over.

*important stuff for Gabriel’s redemption arc considering which side he picks*

* * *

> GABRIEL  
> You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That’s why there’s no stopping this, because this isn’t about a war. It’s about two brothers that loved each other and betrayed each other. You’d think you’d be able to relate.
> 
> SAM  
> What are you talking about?

Gabriel’s expression when Sam says that though. Like, “WOW I did not realise how dense you guys were. And I mean I have spent months tormenting you and I did not realise exactly how dense you could be.”

> GABRIEL  
> You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy’s plan. You were born to this, boys. It’s your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other. 
> 
> […]
> 
> GABRIEL  
> Why do you think I’ve always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always. 

Hey season 1 personalities. :P I still think this is kind of a retcon or rather a fine-tuning of the “plan” especially since with Heaven not an agent in the plot until season 4 everything was done through the demons. Of course Heaven spent most of season 4 just watching the demons do their thing but close up and letting it happen, but basically yeah. :P The original outlines of Azazel’s plans as presented on the show look a million miles from what they ended up.

One quick headcanon is just that he didn’t know WHICH would be the fated siblings, so all the process of elimination stuff and even the long ago historical attempts to kick things off, were all about just trying to locate the vessels and Azazel didn’t even REALLY know it was Sam until he passed the test in 2x22 - and even then Jake had a sister, so he wouldn’t know until Sam had absolutely passed, even if with experience of their families it had become quite obvious just from observing season 1 that Sam would be the most likely one based on this pattern.

* * *

Dean vs destiny: just immediately saying “no” after an archangel - messenger of God even - tells them the full plot and their part in it at long last. :P

* * *

I love the shot of them all upside down in the pool of water. Such a great image of their reflections, as they literally discuss themselves as mirrors for the archangels. 

* * *

> DEAN  
> Yeah. Or we’re going to dunk you in some holy oil and deep-fry ourselves an archangel. 

Teehee. Once again… eventually happens.

Great that this is how they get Cas back too. :P

* * *

(AND HE DOESN’T HEAR THAT EITHER)

* * *

I wonder if that 4 on the door I noticed and didn’t comment on when they went into TV land is to do with finally mentioning the 4th archangel? I mean we haven’t MET Michael yet but this is the last to be mentioned by name.

* * *

> DEAN  
> No. We’re not, 'cause we don’t screw with people the way you do. And for the record? This isn’t about some prize fight between your brothers or some destiny that can’t be stopped. This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your family. 

:3 The magic words, tbh. I mean, that last line is what Gabriel parrots back to them in his, uh, last will and testament? Porny farewell? I have no idea how we’re supposed to talk about that. :P

* * *

*Cas quietly closing the door to the warehouse in the background when they’re back outside* Ever hear of a door handle? Yes, apparently, when he’s taking one last look at Gabriel in the grumpy stare-off of the century. :P

(Honestly they’re pretty alike in motivation and alignment what with the whole humanity thing, but it’s still kind of over-sentimental in 9x18 and that is the weedy “strongest” criticism I will ever dare level at that episode. :P)

* * *

Uhhh? They didn’t even say goodbye to Cas?? 

I mean like I suppose he came with them? There’s got to be SOME sort of debriefing. Some reason Cas was looking for them in the first place? Or did Bobby just start pestering Cas with phonecalls when Sam and Dean dropped off the radar and now he’s located them he can go back to doing his own thing?

Cas just… hangin’ in the background uselessly. Sam n Dean hopping in the car to drive off to their next adventure. Bah, I say. 

> DEAN  
> Well I’ll tell you one thing. Right about now I wish I was back in a TV show.
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah, me too.

*fade to black*

Wouldn’t that be easier.

WOULDN’T IT INDEED.

*canned laughter*


	9. 5x09

Have you ever noticed that the ghost story in this is a metaphor for the apocalypse, with Leticia Gore as God, the three angry little ghosts as the archangels (minus our new friend from last episode) and her son as humanity?

Once they get rid of her the 3 ghosts just go wild with killing everyone and it turns out her kid got screwed over by them all ages ago. :P

* * *

The recap starts with what I’m fairly sure are the random scenes that get quoted by LARPing people in this episode. That’s a hell of a good fake out for making you think some Huge Historic Brother Strife is coming by throwing those at us. :P

* * *

It’s nice to know that you can always distract Dean in the middle of Dire Situations by showing him a line of pretty cars. He does his stop and stare and all “me likey” face before Sam distracts him.

I assume those are some of the alternate Babys they have for various things, all put together?

* * *

> SAM  
> Oh, ah, Becky, right?
> 
> BECKY  
> Oh, you remembered. (Her voice lowers) You been thinking about me.

Me when extrapolating from the slightest disinterested incline of Dean’s head that he’s been thinkin’ about Cas.

Sam really struggles to put a face with a name, though. :P I think Dean is at least a little better at remembering his husband. :P

* * *

The Scarecrow cosplayer is so much scarier than the prop scarecrow Dean burned in 10x05, which, after seeing Sam and Dean jump violently at the sight of this (Dean’s more freaked out than by meeting the real thing, so points to the cosplayer), makes me think that I can stop holding a grudge against Robbie for making it so cute. I mean he did this exact rewatch probably taking notes on things that would be hilarious to reference, and repairing this episode was an obvious priority so a non-scary run at the scarecrow is a subversion. :P

* * *

She says, looking at the audience. Ugh I am so glad for the existence of Marie. *clutches my lil nerd close* 

I wonder how she felt reading about the actual (not that she properly realised it at first?) SPN Convention in the unpublished works online, and if the people AT the convention presumably kept reading and at least some must have contributed to the same fandom spaces… So you get this cross over episode where they’re all like yeah we were there the thing with the ghost totally happened Chuck’s a legend, blah blah and then the book has “Sam and Dean” written in to, uh, join in the adventures? Tie in the cool happenings at the con with the further canon? Since obviously chronologically Chuck would have written this either immediately before, offscreen during, or immediately after, it’s extremely plausible for the fandom to extrapolate he threw in a Sam n Dean adventure to go with this, especially since they weren’t the active agents in the story but their cosplayers did the legwork. :P

And then Becky (and the two roleplaying guys maybe? I seriously must have done a memory dump on this episode - I don’t remember if they knew for sure or only would have worked it out when they read this later :P) know Sam and Dean were ACTUALLY here, so there’s a few people who could share it…

Combining the mixture of the texts and reality along with the fact the book fandom knows the Ghostfacer webseries (AND HAVE SEEN ACTUAL FOOTAGE OF ACTUAL CAS IN THAT CASE) there’s a whole lot of later complete and utter blurring of the lines, in-universe. Which is to be expected in a reality where it actually happened, but is just fascinating for what the readers, especially the fandom engaged ones who seek out the extra stories and extra textual stuff like Ghostfacers (which, in universe, is not INTENTIONALLY extra textual except to the actual grand plan of the universe :P).

I mostly wonder if Marie went home that night and re-read all the Chuck books and It’s a Terrible Life and Ghostfacers (their series continues to reference Corbett and the events of the missing footage apparently) and just put it all together? Now I can’t remember if she ever knew for sure they were Sam n Dean either.

* * *

> CON MANAGER  
> Welcome to the first annual Supernatural convention. At 3.45 in the Magnolia room we have the panel, ‘Frightened little boy, the secret life of Dean’. And at 4.30 there’s the 'Homoerotic subtext of Supernatural.’ 

The fact this is basically what significant chunks of the actual fandom is interested in writing though and I feel caught out feel like my entire rewatch has been pointing out various things along this theme. :P 

*does not resist very hard pointing out the frightened little boy with all the homoerotic subtext raising his eyebrows to the sky at the mention of all this*

They can not possibly coordinate all of their gay shit (says the accidental spawner of the [No Homo Intern](http://nohomointern.tumblr.com/) after a very similar comment) so I have to believe for my own sanity that Dr Sexy coming immediately before this was not exactly a calculated attempt to say anything. :P They’re obviously not unaware of the subtext as random sporadic moments. It’s the old subtext is subtext school of thought that clashes with what modern audiences are after… But, for the sake of random Tumblr bloggers watching through and adding up everything they can in one place, or hypothetical book fandom doing the same, does make the pattern, and the fact everyone curates extensive Dean is bi tags with ridiculous amounts of evidence and discussion is probably way more than they’d ever have allowed for if the writers ever wondered what that fictional panel was like. :P

Anyway, the fact it’s compared with a very valid meta argument for Dean, or at least, a reading that won’t instantly be refuted for gross heteronormative reasons, does make me feel like they’re at least validating the idea of making the  _reading_  if not applying it (although dudebros I’ve talked to seem to think it’s just as hilariously outlandish to look below the surface of Dean’s facade for any reason including non-gay reasons like examining his childhood scars and valid discussion drawing from textual sources in the show about that… Like, Dean is surface Dean and that’s all there is to it and him occasionally showing random weakness or softness or any emotion whatsoever really is all some sort of joke without it ever adding up to mean anything or creating a more complex picture of him, like it would devalue him instead of enriching him). 

(may still be harping on a drunken argument)

Obviously this episode has a hell of a lot of issues in the discussion between fandom and show and creators and understanding each other, but this one line at least I’ve always found encouraging rather than offensive. :P

* * *

> BARNES  
> Hey, Mr Edlund. Uh…big fan. I was just wondering, where’d you come up with SAM and DEAN in the first place?
> 
> CHUCK  
> Oh, ah, I…it just came to me.

Ehehe. I love Sam and Dean’s “YEAH GO ON TELL US” moment. :P I like this for the complex relationship with truth and lies that this show plays with a lot: Chuck literally is describing that he had divine inspiration to write, and yet no one will think he LITERALLY means that.

* * *

I know Becky isn’t a very popular character and season 7 does a number on her which even previous decisions about using her to represent fangirls in the audience didn’t come across that badly… But I do love the actress and how amazingly bouncy and wicked and scowling she is by turn. :P 

Like her “defend Sam from criticism” face.

* * *

> CHUCK  
> Thanks to a wealthy Scandinavian investor, we’re going to start publishing again. 

I’m like 99% sure that’s all Crowley and his resources. Pays to be able to demand drafts and try and figure things out ahead of time. :P I mean this is literally the same episode he’s first name dropped and he suggests next episode he slipped in the reference to get them on the path of the Colt at last… Again in 4x18 I was puzzling over the time frame and how recently the last books would have been published, and figured it was pretty likely the end of season 3 could have been released while season 4 was ongoing, and 3x16 published not long before 4x18. 

* * *

I think in season 8 where Crowley’s shown apparently reading the books for the first time, it’s just a time-displaced retcon where the nuances of this conspiracy theory get lost :P

* * *

> SAM  
> (Reading, and frowning) “Dad’s Journal. Dear Sam and Dean, this hotel is haunted. You must hunt down the ghost. Interview witnesses, discover clues, and find the bones. First team to do so wins a $50 gift card to Sizzler. Love Dad” 

Season 1 was fun.

* * *

I like how all the fake Dean LARPers have his same pick up line somehow. Cosmic resonance for getting in character I suppose.

There’s probably a comment about how them being around subtly influences the LARPers or something I dunno :P I mean its more of a magical, living text at this point than anyone really realises.

* * *

> HOTEL MANAGER  
> We generally don’t like to publicise this to…normal people…but yeah 

Heh, the blurring of hunters/geeks as random “non normal” people on the fringes of society. 

Probably a useful point in any essay discussing the Other-ing of hunters and that as a parallel to other fringe groups etc.

* * *

Love a creepy attic. I am always a little unsure at each change if I’m going to see actual Winchesters or roleplayers investigating stuff. There was so much spooky attic meta after 10x06 and it’s prooobably not relevant here because for once in their gosh darned lives neither Winchester is on a dark arc (what is with season 5? I’m so lost without tracking someone’s descent :P). 

*bemused point about how there’s no meta*

* * *

> DEMIAN  
> Where’s the body buried kid. We’ll light her up nice and toasty.
> 
> The BOY points behind them. They turn, seeing nothing. When they turn back the hallway is empty.
> 
> BARNES  
> Wow. Fast runner.

Thinking of the other sort of meta, watching Demian and Barnes go in and out of character is hilarious over this part. Demian finally manages to make Barnes consistently do the voice and then he makes this OOC comment about the ghost in his weird IC voice.

* * *

You know the son ghost doesn’t do himself many favours by defending his mom by being like “she loves me thiiis much” while showing off his bleeding scalp. I suppose obliviously demonstrating the “this much” just by stretching his arms but of course drawing aaaalll the attention to his gaping head wound which he’s not thinking about because he’s doing some mindless gesture from life that has nothing to do with it… Sure makes it look like she scalped him though. :P

* * *

Sam just identifies that the map is ancient and guesses its age from a snatched touch. Dork.

> DEAN  
> (Signing) Yeah right. Gimme the map, Chuckles.
> 
> DEMIAN  
> Yeah well you’re the Chuckles, Chuckles.

HE SEEMS TO BE GENUINELY STRUGGLING TO COME UP WITH A BETTER RETORT. Either he really is a good actor or everyone is getting legit character bleed from them being present and the walls of reality thinning as a result. :P

* * *

*amused by Dean seriously intending to threaten to shoot the LARPers*

> DEAN  
> What! They’re freakin’ annoying. 

* * *

> DEAN  
> No. I am not a fan, ok. Not fans. In fact, I think that the Dean and Sam story sucks. It is not fun. It is not entertaining. It is a river of crap that would send most people howling to the nut house. So you listen to me. Their pain is not for your amusement. I mean do you think they enjoy being treated like… like circus freaks?
> 
> DEMIAN  
> Uh….I don’t think they care, because they’re  _fictional characters_!
> 
> DEAN  
> Oh they care. Believe me. They care a lot.
> 
> SAM  
> He..uh…he takes the story really seriously.

That one moment per annual rewatch where I feel a little guilty for hovering over Dean Wichester’s life with a fine toothed comb.

* * *

I feel like that might be a good chunk of dialogue to drag into any discussions of Dean vs identity totally setting aside the ridiculous meta nature, and the rather obvious reveal that Dean thinks his life sucks (interesting to compare to the fact he does have his own romanticised view of it but it is more the story he tells himself to keep on going, and seeing it all laid out and consumed as fiction like this just complete ploughs through that in a way that makes it a rather irrelevant point to how he sees their life right now)

I don’t know, just Dean talking about himself and Sam in third person about how they feel, like, with the amount of emotional honesty in this show, interesting that it’s at a proxy when seeming to offer literary analysis instead of discussing how he himself feels as himself?

* * *

> DEAN  
> Ah, maybe because of the high and tight she gave you, huh? How bout some thanks.
> 
> SAM  
> Ahem.
> 
> DEAN  
> Well, I’m just saying a little gratitude might be nice once in a while.

I can not believe Dean was rude to a child ghost. He’s having a bad day. :P

* * *

*random annoying fan who asks too many questions and thinks too much about the books is murdered*

*tries not to think too much about this*

* * *

> SAM  
> Yeah. So all right, let’s say those three orphans were playing cowboys and Indians.
> 
> DEAN  
> LARPing as cowboys and Indians.
> 
> SAM  
> Whatever.

I love when he enjoys using his new vocabulary with enthusiasm.

Admittedly last time he did this it was for “long pig” I think. :P Ew.

* * *

> CHUCK  
> No, there’s really no such thing as a Croatoan virus for down there. You really should see a doctor. 

I extremely do not want to know.

* * *

The actress’s ringtone is terrible. :P I hope whoever was calling her knows they almost got her killed by ghosts. I hope she changed it.

* * *

I like how there’s a moment where it looks like the ghost just wants to cut Sam’s hair.

Worse than death for him, tbh.

* * *

Blah blah cringey emotional ending I don’t even know what to look at. *doesn’t look at it*

> DEMIAN  
> All right. In real life, he sells stereo equipment. I fix copiers. Our lives suck. But to be Sam and Dean, to wake up every morning and save the world. To have a brother who would die for you. Well who wouldn’t want that? 

I mean considering the navel gazing for Dean coming up next is Sam, Interrupted, after Abandon All Hope, which does just that, he’s not taking a positive message about his own life much further than this episode. :P It’s all very temporary reassurance. I do think that it’s at least momentarily flattering to his back and forth stance on idealising himself/the job as heroic, notably with a change around on how noble it is depending on if they’re actively about to be attacked by a monster with the prospect of digging graves in the cold, vs sunny next day most people are alive we won scenarios. :P 

But yeah, mostly it seems to be fandom commentary etc with the whole “you do your weird thing if it makes you happy” mentality. (Similar to Dean’s eventual reaction to the 10x05 situation as well)

(TBH I have no idea of the fandom backlash from Dean’s “ew gross” in 4x18 so this might just be repair :P)

* * *

Becky’s break up with Sam is so sad though.

:<

Poor Sam.

(Let’s just pretend season 7 doesn’t happen to them.)

> BECKY  
> Will you be all right?
> 
> SAM  
> Honestly I don’t know. I’ll just have to find a way to keep living, I guess. 
> 
> BECKY  
> God bless you.

* * *

I think Becky likes Bela :D Well she seems to have the same fangirling squeak for everything in the books but I am here for female characters supporting each other even if one of them think the other is fictional and ESPECIALLY since this is a Kripke episode and all the fraught drama with Bela being killed off and everyone hating her and blah blah… I will TAKE a happy fangirl moment over her from Becky of all people, since it’s like the one and only other time Bela is mentioned after she dies probably. :P

* * *

It would be funny if they accidentally got in one of the fan cars and had to come running back for Baby like “sorry sorry sorry”

I assume the key wouldn’t work but eh, fandom and the story collides. :P

* * *

It is very worth your time to watch the deleted scenes.


	10. 5x10

Or: tragedy for everyone! \o/

(except Lucifer I guess)

* * *

Hello Crowley. /she says in the Crowley voice

Remember when his life was easy? :P

I feel you get a pretty good upfront idea of his stance on the apocalypse just from this:

> CROWLEY  
> Enjoy the obscene wealth. See you in ten years. 

Immediately you get the idea he’s putting business first and is enjoying himself too much just doing what he does. :P

(HONESTLY the fact Crowley is an Edlund character (his next outing is Edlund too) who’s wandered too far from base in the years since… I will wax forever about how fun season 5 Crowley is and my fascination with his corrosion as a villain over time. I often think about how all he wanted at this point was just to keep doing this forever… Season 10 kind of semi-intentionally sucked the life out of him (I think that was the point but it also wasn’t fun to watch and only Rowena and Dean bouncing off him actually made the scenes worth it while he played miserable and bored, and it recast the previous few years in a grimmer hindsight of him wandering off track as a character :P) and I’ve got enough nostalgia for old school Crowley JUST from his 2 main episodes in season 5 that I still kind of wish he’d slip free and finally get his quiet eternity making deals and go back to this guy. :P Anyway, herein lies the problem of his original characterisation vs his application as an active villain who actually has other goals in mind aside from saving his own skin vs being a passive villain who isn’t doing anything at all and I’ll just keep shush about it from now on because obviously his season 5 episodes are my faves for him and I’ve got nothing to complain about :P)

(I may not refrain from other season 10-related comments of a completely different nature about Crowley though. My ‘[Worst ship on the Show](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/tagged/worst-ship-on-the-show)’ tag got quite fearsomely huge over season 10′s run :P)

* * *

Nyoooom.

* * *

Would have been funnier if it zoomed in ALL the way from over there.

* * *

* * *

Listen. 

I know “Huggy Bear” is a reference to some neutral character, but Dean says “Going down!?” very loudly and incredulously and Sam doesn’t turn around, and then he says “Huggy Bear” and Sam’s head cracks around.

* * *

Heya Jo. How about you go home right now and don’t spend any more time in this episode? :P I mean it’s great to see you after so long and all and your hair looks great but maybe we can do this some other time?

* * *

*spends the entire Crowley encounter cackling and not taking any sensible notice of what’s going on*

It’s  _still_  funny, okay?

Dean expresses some random concern for Crowley for the sake of wondering where the double cross is, which is pretty hilarious because that’s probably the most “concern” he’ll ever express for him again despite everything. :P (Was 10x17 concern? I honestly can’t remember if it was anything more than nostalgia. Presumably not for this scene.) 

I feel like Crowley yelling in his face and then casually throwing him the ammo for the Colt sums up their relationship, as well as the posturing with pretending to aim the Colt at Dean for show while talking, Sam ACTUALLY trying to kill Crowley but being thwarted and Dean just being like… 

> CROWLEY  
> Well, I forgot you two at best are functioning morons—  
>   
> DEAN  
> You’re functioning…morons… 

* * *

Aw season 5 Crowley. Aw Edlund. 

*disappears into a pile of nostalgia*

* * *

Ellen why don’t you just chill here drinkin’ with Cas for the rest of the episode? We’re all having fun.

It’s my tragic opinion that being friends with Cas is extremely bad luck. >.> 

* * *

> SAM  
> It’s gotta be a trap, right?  
>   
> DEAN  
> Sam Winchester, having trust issues with a demon. Well, better late than never.  
>   
> SAM  
> Thank you again for your continued support.  
>   
> DEAN  
> You’re welcome. 

…

*considers how mean it would be to put a picture of Dean n Crowley in cowbo hats all BFFs from their honeymoon after this comment*

I mean Dean IS giving Sam shit for it still so maybe he deserves it. :P Although Sam seems mostly cool with this and they’re actually kinda making jokes so maybe they’ve finally managed to move on to the stage where this isn’t an instant ticket to the angst and drama train.

* * *

You know, Cas and Ellen and Jo have been busy partying while Dean researches, and the fact Sam is just being handed the results of the research suggests that he came over to see what Dean was up to, which means everyone else was partying in the kitchen, and Dean was off being lame in the corner doing his research.

*sitcom!Dean sobbing miserably from TV Land*

* * *

*actual Dean gets jealous of Cas n Ellen n Jo having all the fun and goes to try his last night on earth thing on Jo, despite the fact Cas is like right there in the room*

side note: Ellen is right there in the room? The fridge is not that far away from where they were chilling. Dude, Dean. 

side note 2: Cas is right there in the room, has been given the “last night on earth” speech from Dean once already, and now gets to see it in action again - I swear Dean actually glances in his approximate direction (okay he’s probably checking Ellen isn’t watching but Cas’s chair is facing that way-ish :P) and now he gets to see what Dean meant by it.

If, you know, nothing did happen in 5x03. 

*continues operating on 2 levels of “it totally did” and “it probably didn’t but now that scenario is funny for this reason instead!” :P*

* * *

I wonder if Dean awkwardly asks if the speech would work because he had problems with it with Cas. :P

Teehee.

> JO  
> No. Sweetheart, if this is our last night on earth, then I’m going to spend it with a little thing I call self-respect. 

*Cas silently rooting for her in the background*

*figures knowing how to deal with Dean like that would have at least got him out of the brothel visit* :P

…

I honestly don’t even know what I think about all this I’m just saying dumb crap because there’s no plot to comment on so we’re going full soap opera while I ignore the tragic photo op :P

* * *

I like how Cas rode with Ellen and Jo, even if it means less Dean n Cas interaction (Cas ducking out of chillin’ with Sam?) but it does mean more Ellen n Jo n Cas which is a 3 minute friendship and we never get the delight of them meeting or the off-screen “oh angels are real now?” moment or whatever. 

And then Cas casually teleporting out of the car and Jo n Ellen not even blinking about it like this is just an expected part of being his friend.

* * *

I love all the Cas vision in this episode.

* * *

But I mean imagine being one of the extras playing the reapers.

* * *

GOSH I JUST LOVE ALL THE CAS IN THIS EPISODE. That whole sequence with him walking through the town is chillingly fantastic and has his best teleporting camera trick of the show.

* * *

* * *

I’m also aware that my queue is pretty much all Cas from this episode. :P Whoops?

* * *

I think it is really sweet that Cas pretends like he’s never heard of the Winchesters despite the fact that as far as other angels/demons know Winchesters are way more interesting and at this point Cas is their weird tag along friend so if there’s an angel chillin’ with them it’s not exactly going to be anyone else. :P

> LUCIFER  
> Loyalty. Such a nice quality to see in this day and age. 

Not for nothing but I’m pretty sure loyalty was kind of the issue on hand with Lucifer falling in the first place and now he’s pointing out Cas has loyalty to the Winchesters - Cas himself narrowing that down to falling for Dean (in every way imaginable :P) - and the whole thing Lucifer was talking about in 5x04 was specifically love. 

I mean like, family love to God, but still. :P There’s some peeps who won’t even acknowledge that much so I feel I should point out everything making it very clear how much Cas loves Dean from the actual text. 

Can’t be a broken record about this one thing, anyway. :P

* * *

Lucifer honestly doesn’t seem to know his name except by second hand report of someone telling it to him (someone probably = Meg since she’s like the only demon that isn’t murdered by the end of this episode so apparently has some good seniority. I’d assume she’s done her own digging on the Winchesters in the course of things… Who knows where she was over season 4.)

Still wondering about how old Cas is in relation to Lucifer. A question for season 11 apparently. Hopefully. >.>

* * *

Lucifer is still wearing Nick’s wedding ring. Never noticed that before.

* * *

*Cas angrily sticks up for Sam* :3 

*eventually lets Sam get possessed by Satan*

*but is also very very eventually the one who saved Sam from the hell visions so in a very long roundabout way his word paid off* :P

* * *

> LUCIFER  
> Castiel. I don’t understand why you’re fighting me, of all the angels  
>   
> CASTIEL  
> You really have to ask?  
>   
> LUCIFER  
> I rebelled, I was cast out. You rebelled, you were cast out. Almost all of heaven wants to see me dead, and if they succeed, guess what? You’re their new public enemy number one. We’re on the same side, like it or not, so why not just serve your own best interests? Which in this case just happen to be mine?  
>   
> CASTIEL  
> I’ll die first.  
>   
> LUCIFER  
> I suppose you will.

*biting hand not to screech* I forget how much I love Edlund!Cas writing even in the last week or so since I watched 5x04 :P I mean Cas isn’t doing *much* here but it’s just the whole thing of him being in front of Lucifer and Lucifer comparing him to himself (don’t forget Zachariah already equated Dean to Lucifer and Cas too by implication except he was dead at the time) this has been hanging over Cas all season - 5x03 Raphael also suggests Lucifer resurrected Cas - and with all this we get the really clear picture of just how huge what Cas did was, and having Lucifer actually reach out to Cas as Raphael suggested he would (though also subtly confirming that he was NOT in fact the one to resurrect Cas) drives the point home JUST how isolated from Heaven Cas is… 

(All of it for Dean :P)

Blaaargh anyway give me a few more minutes with Cas standing his ground against Lucifer and not giving an inch to listen to this speech.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Well, this is great, been in town twenty minutes and already lost the angel up our sleeve.  
>   
> SAM  
> You think, uh, you think Lucifer got him?  
>   
> DEAN  
> I don’t know what else to think. 

Meanwhile the “main characters” whoever they are are concerned about Cas.

(Dean sounds like he’s just sad a useful asset is gone but trust me, those are his worried shoulders. :P)

A+ application of eyebrow, Meg.

I also love the way she says “your favourite!” (which is good because it gets used as a clip for basically every hellhound episode after)

Did Dean kill the one he shot? I assume you CAN use the Colt to kill them?

Dean grabbed by hellhounds willing to use himself as bait to let everyone get away :(

Jooooo :<

*quiet whimpering*

* * *

Also A+ non-pornographic actual pain-sounding whimpering from Jo.

… I don’t LIKE how she sounds like she’s authentically dying but I appreciate it still. :P

* * *

> BOBBY  
> It’s okay, boy. That’s why I’m here. 

:<

* * *

Bobby is on “Cas” terms and Ellen is still on “Castiel” - guess that car ride wasn’t completely relaxed. I was hoping they listened to music and had the windows down to get wind blowing their hair but… Eh. 

* * *

> DEAN  
> You mean, like, as in this dude and taxes are the only sure thing? 

:D *continues fangirling over Dean and Death despite how it went inevitable like taxes.*

> BOBBY  
> Not this guy. This is—this is the angel of death. Big daddy reaper. They keep this guy chained in a box six hundred feet under. Last time they hauled him up, Noah was building a boat. That’s why the place is crawling with reapers. They’re waiting on the big boss to show. 

I’m intrigued that Bobby seems to have proper sources on when Death has walked the Earth. He has some good books. :P

I know Lucifer enslaves Death once he gets him out, but do we know who put Death under the Earth in the first place? I AM FASCINATED ABOUT THIS.

* * *

> MEG  
> I got the Winchesters pinned down. For now, at least. What should I do with them?  
>   
> LUCIFER  
> Leave them alone.  
>   
> MEG  
> I—I’m sorry, but are you sure? Shouldn’t we—  
>   
> LUCIFER  
> Trust me, child. Everything happens for a reason. 

I’m assuming he wanted them to get out so he could monologue at Sam as he does, since he’s pretty confident the Colt won’t kill him? (*glarin’ down at Endverse here since Edlund couldn’t leave it well enough alone as a tragedy*)

I feel somewhat amused because Lucifer dislikes demons so much - as this episode proves in like 3 other places - to think that in this moment where Cas is already plotting how to get out of the fire, Meg shows up and Lucifer is like “lol chill here”.

You know, considering how Cas gets out.

Is it bad that Lucifer could have encouraged him to do it and set it up? And that Cas did it? I mean it’s not like regular angels are expected to like demons any more than that. :P You’d think it would be obvious they like them less… So it’s not exactly a morality test. 

Maybe since he suggests Cas change his mind, the idle hope that Cas being a devious bastard and getting out via Meg would somehow inspire him to come help him. :P

(ANYWAY probably explains why we don’t see Meg again for like an entire season worth of episodes. :P)

* * *

*loud sadness about Jo*

* * *

*louder sadness about Dean n Jo*

I managed not to sob angrily about that while watching season 2 anyway so I’m catching up with how upsetting it was with him being just as concerned about getting her killed when she showed up that time to hunt ghosts.

* * *

*Ellen decides to stay* I usually assume because she kinda figured Jo was going to be unreliably dead before she could press the button.

Bye bye. :<

* * *

Yay huge expensive explosion :D *distracted by fireballs from tragedy* 

I’ve seen this episode too many times. >.> I don’t think I cried even the first time I watched it mostly because it was abundantly clear they were going to die at some point and this episode had alarm bells going from the start for Jo even before she got mauled. :P Ellen being thrown in with her was a bit more of a twist and yet also pretty inevitable because of a lot of tropes where parents tend to kamikaze after dead children or are otherwise not left alive.

* * *

I AM ALWAYS AMUSED BY LUCIFER DOING ALL THE DIGGING HIMSELF.

Not just because it’s funny that he didn’t make his henchmen do it or something, but because of things like [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil%27s_Dyke,_Sussex](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FDevil%2527s_Dyke%2C_Sussex&t=NjgxOGQ0MjQ2Y2JkMDY5Y2YxMmY5YzU1ZGEyYmJiMGY0ZDU0NThlMCxWU2Z0dk9qRg%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F127824894683%2Fspn-hellatus-rewatch-5x10-or-tragedy-for&m=1) which is basically just a legend that goes “lol Satan was digging a big hole to be a dick” which is essentially also the plot of this episode boiled down to the major mytharc point.

* * *

I have no idea how common those sort of stories are but the important thing is it’s canon in folklore that Satan likes digging big holes for nefarious purposes.

* * *

Lol that bit where Dean kills Satan 10 episodes into the apocalypse.

What a let down of an arc. What was the rest of this season even - 

“Oooowwwh”

Oh okay, he’s fine. :P

*heals away a gaping bullet wound but not the cosmetic radiation burn*

* * *

An under-appreciated “I’m so screwed” look:

Another bit where Dean is unconscious for a good chunk of interesting dialogue with Sam!

* * *

I’m like 99% sure the “five things in all creation” line was a total ass-pull to sound badass but it’s been fun to speculate over the years. :P

* * *

*Lucifer goes back to digging all chill and everything*

* * *

Cuz Lucifer likes digging.

* * *

How does Lucifer know about Detroit? Or is he self-fulfilling prophecy guy where he can just pick a location and have it happen now he’s said it? Or perhaps because certain things have been Written, even if Endverse was averted the moment Dean got back, that knowledge sort of filtered through? We don’t know who else was watching.

If he can see a clear vision of the future and Sam always says yes in Detroit, it’s interesting that Lucifer doesn’t know his own downfall is eventually coming, so perhaps the moment it was averted hasn’t happened yet. The current projected future is that the Michael vs Lucifer fight happens instead of Lucifer steam-rolling them like Endverse?

So the sort of middle ground.

And then within that clearly neither of them can know who wins it and that’s not predetermined (even if Michael has at least beat Lucifer once before) otherwise they just wouldn’t bother and whoever loses would be busy weaselling their way out of it. :P

I don’t know. I’m mildly interested about when certain destinies were meant to happen or not mostly because I write speculative stories branching off from events or playing with fate anyway, so at the very least breaking down the possibilities here is a good exercise? :P Sorry if you didn’t sign up for this much speculation.

* * *

> LUCIFER  
> I was a son. A brother, like you, a younger brother, and I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And one day I went to him and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael—Michael turned on me. Called me a freak. A monster. And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something, Sam. Any of this sound familiar? 

Honestly I get the feeling no one in Heaven can quite credit how effective the parallel was when they got the recap on what the Winchesters had been up to. :P Lucifer flicking through the Winchester Gospels just like “seriously? SERIOUSLY?” (maybe more likely getting a recap from Meg though)

Though, you know, if we’re talking 4x21 Sam was sooort of the one who beat Dean down after he was called a monster. (Never mind his own subconscious wound him up on the matter first with Dean’s face on.) (And then in 4x22 someone made a point of making sure Sam’s voicemail emphasised that again. HEY guess what would make Sam not  _quite_  so tortured as he looks here perhaps if we knew for sure they’d discussed it?? :P)

~communication~

But yeah, I think this may be an emotional appeal rather than a plot appeal? Dean wasn’t exactly great to Sam, but Sam wasn’t completely downtrodden like that.

* * *

:3 at Cas getting himself out of the holy fire the same way he was done over in 4x16. Well, loose pipe, not leaky pipe, but same basic thing of loosening a single screw. 

*ruffles his hair*

*ruffles his hair more than he’s being rude to Meg* Atta boy. 

> MEG  
> You don’t know Crowley. 

This sounds suspiciously like Meg DOES and that they have a shitty history. 

Honestly I mean they’re permanently at odds when Meg does reappear from time to time later but we never got backstory or exploration of it since she was so infrequent.

I wanna know about Meg and Crowley :P I would guess that he’s been less than helpful before, and Meg just knows he can’t be trusted.

Possibly amusing that Cas is ratting out Crowley to Lucifer (not that he cares :P) just because they might not have IMMEDIATELY realised Crowley actively helped without this comment that they’d been chatting to him all friendly? I mean shooting his own minions can also be used as part of making it look like he lost the Colt in a struggle - Crowley probably had that covered… :P 

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> He believes Lucifer is just using demons to achieve an end, and that, once he does, he’ll destroy you all.  
>   
> MEG  
> You’re wrong. Lucifer is the father of our race. Our creator. Your god may be a deadbeat. Mine—mine walks the earth. 

This is an unbelievably tangled pile of tragic backstory they share in this moment. :P Meg doesn’t even know hers yet and seems to die loyal which is the worst dramatic irony of the whole lot.

 _What? They’re just demons_.

I kinda feel sorry for her except for the fact she’s been unrepentantly awful up to this point. :P I’m MORE sorry she didn’t get a good arc carrying her out of this to explore how she might have felt about all that, but she was just too infrequent for it to matter, and she always popped up in a somewhat “vs Crowley” scenario and 8x17 traded a lot on this episode’s sudden development of her as a Lucifer loyalist which still seems rather opportunistic of suddenly “finding a cause” when it presented itself. (It seems vaguely contradictory but also in character - I suppose as long as you assume she was an old school Lucifer loyalist way back in the day BECAUSE of opportunistic cause-finding rather than it being something in her bones…?)

(Seriously though, Born Under A Bad Sign is literally Meg going ‘fuck that’ to the entire plan and then the next time she pops up 3 seasons later it’s just like hey cool I’m here for this apocalypse thing it’s times of wonder wooo. Imagine a complex use of her going back to her rebellion against Azazel, actually making her confront that Lucifer was actively worse for her kind than God was to the angels by passively chilling on that beach somewhere (#beach mytharc 2k15) and having her talking about causes and so on with much more bitterness about following Azazel until that backfired on her, following Lucifer until THAT backfired on her (she is conspicuously absent until season 6 after this so I do headcanon she noped out AGAIN and then her loyalty on return in season 6 was a retcon on her personality :P)… I dunno. I’m not even bitter about her being written off LATER since that had good reasons - I mean like season 6-7 when she was a little more around and up for stuff and they still didn’t utilise her :P)

* * *

*smitey-smitey-uuh…*

You know, this was probably meant to be a kindness before he trampled all over her, except he couldn’t smite her and he wasn’t exactly going to sweat it if this was the only available bridge and it happened to still be living :P

* * *

Teehee. 

I’m sorry for laughing, I don’t ship Megstiel. I have a lot of affection for the  _ridiculous_  chemistry in this scene and originally cheered on the Pizza Man moment on first viewing but he still stomps over her every time here and then season 7 happens… *realises I basically did the “oh god season 7″ wince about Sam and Becky last episode*

*eye starts twitching again*

* * *

From sneaky!Cas to just sneaky Cas

* * *

*is as excited as Lucifer to… not see Death*

 _Honestly_  my favourite character and his use over this season is the best. Always hold back your best villain. And you know what? We meet Lucifer in 5x01, Michael in 5x13… Death has the longest held ominous presence of the season even of the other horsemen. He is the actual looming challenge of the season until he’s not. :P

* * *

Ah yeah, Carthage just gets levelled by a tornado so the ritual sacrifice nature of the disaster isn’t so noticeable for clean up crews.

[sad ending intensifies]

Cas didn’t stick around for it though. He’s TERRIBLE at goodbyes this season. Although in this case I assume it happened off screen when he whisked them back to the car. So we can allow they maybe actually said something this time?

*considers how terrible he’s been at the goodbyes where he left first*

Naaah.

*feathery noises as I disappear*


	11. 5x11

Gah, this is one of my personal most uncomfortable episodes. 

* * *

If you pause it when we come back after the (disturbing) cold open, you can see the Doc is reading a file, and in fact that file is Dean’s where it’s already recommending he’s given psychiatric treatment - since they’re using fake names (they’re the Van Halen brothers this episode! :P) there’s no way to just glance at it on screen and speed read in the time they give you to see that. Anyway the camera pans up from the file to Dean’s face and then turns to Sam, so the suggestion is really clear it was about Dean through the camerawork, but I always vaguely assumed this conversation was part 2 of the scam and the Doc pretty much makes a snap decision to commit Dean as well, but it seems like that step was already under way.

* * *

> DEAN: Alright, look, Nurse Ratched, let’s get one thing straight. I’ve seen  _Cuckoo’s Nest_ , so don’t try any of that soul-crushing, authoritarian crap on me, hm?
> 
> HAPPY NURSE: (smiles) Okie-dokie.
> 
> DEAN nods, smiling uncomfortably.

Dean is super unsettled because he thinks [Okie-dokie](http://yaelstiel.tumblr.com/post/116117189208/nightshifter-2x12) is the gold star character standard.

You can’t be evil if you say okie-dokie.

* * *

(Spoiler alert: she’s the monster.)

* * *

(Does she have a name?)

<http://everyspnlady.tumblr.com/post/124942534877/nurse-foreman-in-511-sam-interrupted-crazy> Apparently! (Ctrl-F reveals it’s never said anywhere in the dialogue but maybe it’s on screen?)

* * *

> SAM: Besides, I just figure it’s best we keep busy. That’s all.
> 
> DEAN: Better than what?
> 
> SAM: Nothing.
> 
> DEAN motions for more.
> 
> SAM: Okay. Look…um…last few weeks, you’ve kind of been worrying me.
> 
> DEAN: (rolls his eyes) Oh, come on, Sam. Stop. Look, just because we’re in the loony bin doesn’t give you the right to head-shrink me.
> 
> SAM: Dean–
> 
> DEAN: Ellen and Jo dying–Yeah, it was a friggin’ tragedy, okay? But I’m not gonna wallow in it.
> 
> SAM: Dean, you always do this. You can’t just keep this crap in.
> 
> DEAN: (chuckles) Watch me.

I don’t know why but I had the feeling the last run of episodes was more of a Sam-weighted run of episodes (with the focus on his apocalypse guilt and how at least the last run of episodes before the more focus-neutral 9 & 10 were prodding him for that) and the opening of this with Sam and Dean has them using Sam as the focus of their diagnosis plan, with Dean pretty much literally dragged along in his wake for supporting his story.

It all kind of made me jump to find Dean the focus again, just because he’s been in the background - literally, as their scam to get in here showed. And then as soon as they’re in Sam switches it around and makes a point of being concerned about Dean’s mental health.

Also the “last few weeks” suggest that this dive in mood while maybe as this episode goes on to explore, connected to wider issues, has mostly happened off-screen, since we’ve been seeing him holding himself up quite well.

The recap had a glimpse of his Yellow Fever freak out just for the “crazy people” line to refer to them, but if you look at the full thing it did also serve to highlight all his insecurities and dislikes about the job and emphasise, as with many points through this show when he’s not locked into a fate, just how thin a thread keeps him on the road at times. 

Not mentioned but much more recent is him railing against the “Sam and Dean story” in 5x09, and like I said in that rewatch it seemed to offer a temporary fix by the end where he understood at least that there was some hope to be gained looking in on their lives… I suppose a good metaphor for him of the idea of him being heroic and having an outwards influence on the world with saving people: something that will come up this episode in his analysis from his personal imaginary doctor.

Which means I think I’ve outlined everything relevant for the start of this with me own recap and time to shush until later. :P

* * *

> SAM: We believe you. Have you checked any of the bodies? Found signs of an attack?
> 
> MARTIN: Well, uh, no…I don’t go around dead b-b-b-bodies anymore.

Filed under further things I really do not want to know about. :P

(The LEAST worrisome answer would be that he just got freaked out by a case involving zombies…)

* * *

> DR. FULLER: Well, to be frank, uh, the relationship that you have with your brother seems dangerously codependent. I think a little time apart will do you both good. 

This always makes me so angry because of being 4 years old and going to school for the first time and being split up from my twin into different classes for my entire education just so we’d learn to develop as people and not become a homogeneous hive mind with our own language and psychic powers.

(On the one hand: it was extremely depressing to be torn apart. On the other, considering how I’ve spent years in a row sick and he keeps getting hit by cars and breaking his toes and stuff I’m kinda glad we don’t share a psychic link?)

* * *

Anyway yeah is that other time anyone drops that word about Sam n Dean? So much ink has been spilled on that word but while it may be valid for other reasons that fandom has interpreted based on their canon interactions, this guy did come to it because he thinks they’ve got a shared hallucination of starting the apocalypse. And like with stopping me from mind-melding with my twin (LOOK I will be sceptical about anything else in the universe but not the magic powers twins have :P) the fact they’ve been committed BECAUSE their fake rich fantasy life is shared is presumably kind of the point as far as this doctor’s thought of treating them is concerned right now.

There’s probably more you can extrapolate about the shared hallucination as a metaphor but eh. Not my department. :P

* * *

Hey Doctor Cartwright :3 

> DEAN: Yes. I actually got some questions for you.
> 
> DR. CARTWRIGHT: What a coincidence. I’ve got some for you, too.
> 
> DEAN: Well, then…Quid pro quo, Clarice.

I think like with the prison episode, Dean’s built up a nice wall of expectations based on popular media to help him keep afloat in the situation, and that’s probably a first level chunk of WHY Dr Cartwright. He’s got [genre savvyness](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FGenreSavvy&t=M2E0NmY5YjE1YjIxYWU3MTdlNTg5NTFhOWIxNTE4NDQ0NGY3N2ZmNSxCNkFlUjlKQw%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F128051092813%2Fspn-hellatus-rewatch-5x11-gah-this-is-one-of-my&m=1) about him and it comes across more in these random cross-over genre episodes where he immediately references everything that comes to mind - his comment about Nurse Ratched basically SHOWS that he’s on his defence about being in there to us - and so his delusions starting completely off-guard not as his behaviour but something external is basically how they can sneak up on him.

And of course a deeper level is how he projects his problems and fears outwards and shuts them away from himself and so them taking an external face to talk back to him - as with many instances where Dean talks to a version of himself - is interesting in presentation. She IS another moment when Dean talks to himself (the wraith says it only emphasises what is already there, so this is taking Dean’s issues and pushing them to the extreme - Dr Cartwright is not a construct of the wraith by design) and so their give and take is very interesting.

It comes across as he opens up about his lack of sleep and drinking and no stable relationships as him being genuinely honest with himself for once in a blue moon - BECAUSE he doesn’t think it’s himself, or perhaps because they clicked because she secretly is and so he doesn’t feel uncomfortable talking to himself (well he feels UNCOMFORTABLE but not like he can hide? The answers come very quickly from him and yet…).

(Also interesting to have an aspect of Dean - his self-reflective side currently dressed up as a psychiatrist to reflect the surroundings I guess - represented as a woman. Again, catching him off guard? Also probably representing the way he tends to end up with female mirrors quite often)

And because she’s floating these questions from within his own head, they’re things he has been concerned about himself, which makes it that much more interesting to have her ask this:

> DR. CARTWRIGHT: Okay. When was the last time you were in a long-term relationship?
> 
> DEAN: Define long-term.
> 
> DR. CARTWRIGHT: More than two months.
> 
> DEAN: Never.

Suggesting that this is part of Dean’s insecurities or things that he feels have an impact on his mental health. If you’ve been following along with this rewatch you know I am actually keeping an eye out for Dean vs romantic desire and that it’s the rarest of the rare. :P I was prodding at this train of thought sneaking through season 3 exploring Dean and (dream!)Lisa, and once again this is a season where Dean pretty much does not see a happy ending because, well, the apocalypse is nigh, and this season ends with him and Lisa - possibly depending on when the everyone dies ending was averted by renewal not something on the table yet, BUT the looming downer ending serves to put his mind in focus anyway?

I dunno, obviously also compare 10x16 and the confessional scene with this where Dean’s facing down awfulness and actually expresses a desire for more. It takes a LOT to force even quiet subtext that Dean isn’t perfectly happy with this state of affairs.

In this case it’s less a desire for more, and probably mostly a wistfulness that this has never happened for him (and probably never will) that he won’t admit to but Dr Cartwright asking him about immediately begs the question since it’s on the list of things to throw in his face. It shows I suppose just that buried deep down there is that little hole in Dean where he would like the chance of something more.

> DR. CARTWRIGHT: So… (leans towards DEAN) let’s talk about your father.

Aaand as with Asylum when the psychiatrist asked Sam about his brother, end scene. When Sam catches up with him he looks really messed up and complains about the conversation as if it were a mental violation: obviously Dr Cartwright basically kind of acted as a way to make him spill out a ton of thoughts that he would normally keep locked up.

For Dean the biggest enemy in his own head is self-reflection.

* * *

(I also think it’s interesting that he obviously didn’t get any useful info from her about the hospital but that means he doesn’t mention her to Sam except for the allusion to the fact the conversation existed in the most abstract way.)

* * *

Sam’s breakdown comes a bit more subtly - he randomly yells at Dean to back off while they’re trying to save the guy who’s killed by the wraith next.

* * *

It was not discussed but Dean ended up the look out while Sam did the exploration of the brain. Dean’s looking more obviously grossed out with stuff than normal (and he NORMALLY makes Sam do the gross things but then just kinda jokes about them being gross :P) and then the next scene there’s pictures of clowns on the wall, and Dean is drawing a ton of attention to them and Sam is super grumpy about getting back on topic, because Sam vs clowns.

* * *

(I’m just mentioning because Dean vs the wraith’s disgusting spike thing is a crowning moment of gross-things-phobing Dean so on top of everything else the wraith’s venom amplifies his germphobia etc. :P)

* * *

Hahaha because he’s looking in a mirror with his mirror?

> DR. CARTWRIGHT: Why you?
> 
> DEAN: Why me, what?
> 
> DR. CARTWRIGHT: Why do you have to hunt monsters? Why not let someone else do it?
> 
> DEAN: (shrugs, smiles) Can’t find anybody else that dumb. (thinks for a moment) It’s my job. Somebody’s gotta save people’s asses, yours included.
> 
> DR. CARTWRIGHT: So, is there a quota? How many people do you have to save?
> 
> DEAN: All of them.
> 
> DR. CARTWRIGHT: All of them? You think you have to save everyone?
> 
> DEAN: Yep. Whole wide world of sports.

2x20:

> DEAN: All of them. Everyone that you saved, everyone Sammy and I saved. They’re all dead. And there’s this woman, that’s haunting me. I don’t know why. I don’t know what the connection is, not yet anyway. It’s like my old life is, is coming after me or something. Like it like it doesn’t want me to be happy. Course I know what you’d say. Well, not the you that played softball but… “So go hunt the Djinn. He put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness for all those people’s lives, no contest. Right?” But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom’s not supposed to live her life, Sammy’s not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad?

BASICALLY THE SAME THING

Well she’s the one asking why it’s his job and why he has to save everyone, and he’s kinda just stating facts and explaining what he does, but especially laying out the pain of dealing with the apocalypse, and her telling him it’s a crushing weight is just dragging everything out and  _making_  him think about it. So the same basic emotional trauma about why is it Dean’s job etc shows up.

> DR. CARTWRIGHT: I mean, apocalypse or no apocalypse…monsters or no monsters, that’s a crushing weight to have on your shoulders. To feel like six billion lives depend on you…God…how do you get up in the morning?
> 
> DEAN: That’s a good question.

Probably the moment you should get suspicious of her. :P

* * *

> MARTIN: You don’t know the half of it. God, I used to be just like you two. I used to think I was invincible, and then…Well, I found out I’m not.
> 
> DEAN: Martin, you’re still a hunter.
> 
> MARTIN: No. I’m not. I’m useless. Why do you think I checked myself into the Hotel California? I’d give anything to help you boys, I would. But, I-I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t.

>.> How did Sam ever think this guy would be up for hunting again? 

* * *

It is interesting that Sam’s violent attack on the Doctor was on Dean’s bad information from HIS breakdown, and while Sam kinda goes a little scary and overboard with the fight and doesn’t notice that the Doc isn’t the wraith until Martin points it out, it’s like, near-typical fight scene violence except for how Sam shrugs off the orderlies when they’re obviously not a part of it.

He doesn’t realise he’s going OTT on it and probably feels, since he’s hunting a monster, the violence is totally justified, and so it slips by until hindsight of realising how far he went. And also, of course, the outside POV from the Doctor that his patient has this violent turn which he can explain as thinking the guy’s a monster legitimately and yet will still look crazy from the outside and fit into Sam’s ongoing diagnosis that’s backed up by the conflict between the truth and the lives they lead vs what people think is the truth and how monsters can’t exist.

I dunno, just appreciating all the threads that tie up in Sam attacking the Doctor. I did not talk nearly long enough to emphasise how the link back to Dean is interesting to me. :P

* * *

*Dr Cartwright swoops on Dean the moment he is alone*

> DR. CARTWRIGHT: Come on, even you don’t believe that. All this pressure that you’re putting yourself under, all this guilt; it’s killing you. You can’t save everybody. You can’t. (her voice becomes hard) Hell, these days, you can’t save anybody, Dean. (turns to leave) 

Names are important :3 She wasn’t supposed to know he was called Dean.

I mean to START with, the earlier bits with her calling him by the name he was under cover with is taking Dean’s comfort in being other personas that aren’t him to that extra level… 

> DR. CARTWRIGHT: Please. The world is gonna burn, and there is nothing that you can do about it. 

Woo isn’t it fun when your fave has no self esteem? :P 

I do like this though because Lucifer told Sam last episode to nurse his anger and that it would be good for when he possesses him… And of course Sam’s wallowing in that anger while wraith!crazy, but it’s a sort of calm that Sam actually has through some of the most important bits of 5x22. And obviously Dean DOES manage to do something about the whole apocalypse dealie…

* * *

Also interesting that Dean’s breakdown is specific to the case - like, there’s a lot of things he could have seen but being focussed on the job, and looking for wraiths in the mirror, he began to see them everywhere. 

Kind of a metaphor in seeing the monster in everyone? And missing spotting the real monster because he walks right past her and sees her actual reflection, but he’s too busy seeing everyone be awful to ID her from the crowd…

I dunno, mirror based break down for Dean. Yep.

* * *

Meanwhile Sam seems to be doing much better because he’s upright and trying to calmly rationalise his way out of the locked room in order to win some freedom to get back to hunting the thing: which means, of course, more lying for him, literally denying their entire job. He should be about the same stage as Dean but he’s that much better at pretending to be calm and normal? I mean say what you will about Dean bottling up and lying to himself, we all know he’s doing it because he’s just so BAD at keeping it firmly under wraps. Meanwhile this is sort of what Sam does :P

* * *

> DR. FULLER: Well, I’m glad to hear you say that, but, honestly? Monsters are the least of your problems. People can learn to live with delusions, but the anger I saw in you…You hurt those two men, and you were going to kill me. The look in your eyes when you came after me, I…It was like you were barely even human…like a man possessed. 

Whoops, accidentally going some touchy places.

Theeeen we get some Sam POV with him surrounded by a random sample of the population all yelling terrible things at him (a fear of not fitting into society? Fearing this judgement? Generic people blaming him for the apocalypse because he feels he doomed everyone?), and Dean in particular repeating to him all the kind of horrible words that were thrown at Sam at the end of season 4…

Meanwhile actual Dean in the corner basically reduced to a quivering wreck, because fear is his big weakness - again, Yellow Fever where the sickness picked on him (and I still think especially with this episode too that the ghost sickness wasn’t picking on him because he was a jerk, but because he was susceptible to it for the same reason he goes down this route)

* * *

Anyway Dean still manages to work out what’s up because he’s a smart cookie.

> DEAN: Okay. Okay. So-so we got infected. You know, something shot us up with crazy. You know, something… Maybe…maybe it’s the ghost of my dad… 

GOD this show.

I wonder if he was seeing John while descending into a quivering ball of jelly.

I wonder if there’s  _anything_  to say about linking John with Dean’s crippling fear. 

* * *

But as soon as they hear a scream Dean stops freaking out about the floor cracks and just runs in normally. Saving people is more important. :3

* * *

Wow do we see Sam filmed upside down tied to a bed a lot.

* * *

> THE WRAITH: Of course, it’s me. I gotta say, you hunters don’t exactly live up to your rep.  I mean, Martin’s a wreck. He’s harmless. And you and your brother come in here, talking tough about killing monsters…kind of made you easy to spot. Then all it took was a touch…

*shakes head*

* * *

Ew.

* * *

> SAM: She was right.
> 
> DEAN: No, she wasn’t. She’s dead, okay? Let’s hit the road. I need a drink, or twelve.

Guess who hasn’t learned anything from this despite their offered analysis from their subconscious :P

* * *

> DEAN: Stop. Stop it. So what if you are? What are you gonna do? You gonna take a leave of absence? You gonna say yes to Lucifer? What?
> 
> SAM: No, of course not. I–
> 
> DEAN: Exactly. And that’s exactly what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna take all that crap and you’re gonna bury it. You’re gonna forget about it, because that’s how we keep going! That’s how we don’t end up like Martin! Are you with me?
> 
> SAM is silent.
> 
> DEAN: Come on, man. Are you with me?
> 
> SAM: I’m with you.
> 
> DEAN: Good. Let’s get the hell out of here.

Wow that’s a downer ending.

I mean this isn’t something that can be resolved (and Sam at least doesn’t get his time off until between season 7-8) and the 2 options Dean suggests are what they already tried and realised wouldn’t work, and the option they’re trying to avoid right now. They’re not trained to deal with this, so all they can do is accept they’re back to some sort of baseline “normal” as in not currently in the middle of a breakdown, and ignore the rest so long as they have work to do.

If nothing else, good episode to draw on for character analysis. :P


	12. 5x12

… and this is my most least favourite episode for second hand embarrassment! Wheeee.

 _Honestly_  season 5′s plot episodes vs season 5′s MotW.

* * *

> SAM  
> [holding up I.D.] Well, I’m 26. As you can see. From my license. 

Holy crap I am still younger than Sam in season 5. This is roughly equivalent to my “omg I’m not even as old as Dean in season 1″ moment every time he says he’s 26 in the pilot.

Next year is gonna be rough when I catch up to them both. 

In the mean time, I enjoy the horrifying thought that at my age Dean was already off hunting on his own and I can’t even walk to the shop without getting dizzy, and Sam at my age started the fuckin’ apocalypse and I’ve written a few k words of cheesy fantasy.

* * *

I like that the ex-babysitter makes lemonade and has a plate of cookies for them. Little link back to their childhood with food choice?

* * *

> WOMAN   
> Well, when I was a maid at the Mayflower, out on the interstate – long before you were even an idea – their daddy used to pass through town and leave the boys with me while he went off to… work. One time, he was gone for two weeks.
> 
> TEENAGE GIRL  
> Two weeks?
> 
> WOMAN  
> Mm-hmm. Oh, he’d always come limping back. He loved you boys.

(Wow the transcript is great at naming people - they’re apparently called [Katie](http://everyspnlady.tumblr.com/post/125452692811/katie-in-512-swap-meat-did-you-know-what-he) and [Donna](http://everyspnlady.tumblr.com/post/125367188452/donna-in-512-swap-meat-yeah-first-it-was-uh).)

Anyway yeah, coming RIGHT AFTER Sam, Interrupted I’m just like, okay, he loved them but he was Dean’s apparent deepest seated fear that completely destroyed him last episode? Naaaah. Not convincing.

*Sam n Dean exchange a not-quite-look which seems to suggest that being left for two weeks vs being loved is still more complicated than something that can be waved away like that*

  


It’s sort of more of an uncomfortable shift into each other’s attention without making any eye contact but just kind of checking the other’s reaction or seeing if they caught that or  _something_. Dean looks like he might have said something because he opens his mouth but it carries on being the conversation between mother and daughter about them.

* * *

> SAM  
> Dude, don’t tell me you’ve still got the hots for our babysitter.
> 
> DEAN  
> What? No. That’s weird. [chuckles] I’m just saying that she, you know, she – she’s – she’s doing good. You know, with her husband, her kid. This whole Amityville thing being thrown at them, and they’re hanging tough.
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah.
> 
> DEAN  
> You ever think that you’d want something like that? Wife, rugrats, the whole nine?
> 
> SAM  
> [shakes his head ] No, not really my thing anymore.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah. What do you got?

(I mean yeah he still kinda had the hots for the babysitter probably but the rest is tragic :P)

Like with last episode, Dean begging the question of why he’s even asking (Dr Cartwright counted as Dean asking) because obviously the presence of settled happy families put something on his mind.

Also Sam acting all cool and unbothered about not really wanting the white picket fence any more - the early seasons were an exercise in stomping it out of him.

And Dean dismissing the thought like yeah okay, it isn’t our thing is it? Moving along…

Anyway yeah that’s 2 episodes in a row prodding at them for their relationship to John AND happy endings. Theeemes for the middle of the season.

* * *

This diner is aggressively American.

* * *

*Sam takes like 2 steps into a graveyard as a shortcut home* *hears a weird noise* 

*fallen moose noises*

My god you think they’d learn better in their line of work.

* * *

I can never decide if it’s funnier that they had to make big Gary clothes or tiny Sam clothes.

* * *

Honestly the fact Gary stole all the phones out the front of the car and ditched them but the phones return mean that  _someone_  dumpster dived after the credits.

I assume Sam as penance for whatever this is.

* * *

Poor Baby. This is why Dean doesn’t let other people drive her.

* * *

I like how Sam has zero chill about ruining Gary’s life. 

* * *

I mean… fair enough.

* * *

[longest run of Dean not realising Sam isn’t Sam ever]

* * *

Who the hell lets kids carry around tranquilliser guns like this? Where do they get them? Why do they all have them? This is extremely irresponsible. 

* * *

> DEAN   
> Okay, who are you and what have you done with Sam?
> 
> GARY  
> W-what do you mean?
> 
> DEAN  
> Bacon cheeseburgers now?

*facepalms*

This is one of those episodes we kind of collectively ignore when building the case that Dean is not as dumb as he looks sometimes. :P (said lovingly, obviously he does not look dumb)

Anyway, look, the floaty el sol of un reality in the reflection because of course (like with last episode) the reflection is where the truth is:

* * *

I suppose Gary’s meltdown about the “Plan” does fit into their lives enough to sound like an apocalypse-related meltdown, and there is a sort of need to figure out who they are still? I don’t know. Sam doesn’t seem prone to have an identity crisis any time soon, but I guess Dean thinks it’s vaguely understandable that he would?

Maybe??

* * *

The contrast of Sam to salads and Dean to burgers has sort of finally become a thing - Sam gradually gets more health-foody after this as a rule. Within the episode it’s used to contrast Sam and Gary, and burgers have sort of always been Dean’s thing for one reason or another. I always have a lot of thoughts be the end of this about Dean being way more like what Gary wanted to be (and so agreeing with his music choices, thinking Dean-stuff was cool, ordering the same food as him etc) and how that also reflects on the surface level Dean as the sort of persona a kid like Gary would idealise.

(Also: Sam seems to canonically be the more Star Wars-y of the two of them (while Dean leans due Star Trek - TELL ME there’s meta on this :P), so him judging Gary for that is A: harsh and B: rare moment of projecting Sam? :P I think Gary embodies some Sam stuff but the weirder Sam stuff: his affinity to darkness with the witchcraft, dietary problems (gluten vs demon blood lol) the issues with authority and rebelling against his family… since I really CBA to remember this episode exists outside of watching it, the upcoming Dark Side of the Moon weird thanksgiving dinner heaven has Sam looming over a family table as a memory of himself as a kid so there should have been a gawky teenager to their eyes, exactly like that breakfast scene…)

* * *

> DEAN:
> 
> ……………………………………………… the fuck?

* * *

Honestly the creepiest thing in this episode is the siblings who captured Sam wearing practically a matching uniform with their green jumpers and brown shirts.

* * *

Ugh. Gary. Pls don’t.

* * *

> NORA  
> We’re not allowed to talk about him? We were down here, goofing around with that book.
> 
> TREVOR  
> Um, I wouldn’t exactly call praying to our dark overlord “goofing around.”
> 
> NORA  
> Don’t be a loser, Trev.
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah, Trev.

Trev is a loser.

* * *

There’s lots of yellow lanterns now it’s getting all demony.

* * *

This random demon is having a great day. I like how it just assumes Gary basically = empty vessel as far as Sam is concerned.

* * *

You’ve got to credit Sam for trying to warn Trevor not to be terrible at dealing with demons even though he is a total loser and Sam has absolutely no reason to care about him because he’s actively being terrible for Sam’s health. :P

* * *

I can’t believe this dumb body swap episode practically got as far as a Lucifer cameo. Why is this practically a mytharc episode?

* * *

I’m glad Dean learned the exorcism finally. Mostly. :P

* * *

Not much concern in the narrative for the girl who had her body borrowed and used to kill her brother and taste her brother’s guts… Yep. 

(I mean Trev was a loser.)

(But still…)

* * *

> DEAN  
> That was a nice thing to say.
> 
> SAM  
> I totally lied. That kid’s life sucked ass. All that apple-pie, family crap? It’s stressful. Trust me – we didn’t miss a damn thing.

Obviously Gary’s life is not what they’d idealise because yeah, but even so, the bizarre comparison between that breakfast scene and Sam’s Heaven thanksgiving dinner? :P Normality has a much more confusing relationship with Sam than he’d ever admit.


	13. 5x13

Or: their family reunions are always a disaster. This one takes the cake though.

This rewatch is a disaster.

* * *

I honestly only remember the plot beats, not the emotional thrust of this episode. Like, at all. Not sure why because I normally remember that more than the plot or dialogue. :P Random impression before starting is that this episode is an emotional anomaly (thanks to the subject matter of displaced timelines, random deaths, and wiped memories, and Anna’s treatment/actions) and so I tend not to be able to casually weave it into my emotional impression of the season, and so it sort of floats slightly adrift all the time. I’ll be trying to reconcile it I guess.

* * *

It’s an Anna episode and even if it’s the  _terrible_  for Anna episode it still features her being a cutie pie, so lots of screencaps, sorry.

(A cutie pie whose tragedy will go completely ignored and only explored in season 8 if you bother to take the time to look backwards from Cas’s story. (THAT is where the “arc stealing” thing comes in :P))

Anyway *waves to Naomi presumably lurkin’ in her head*

If Anna is in Dean’s head and Naomi is in Anna’s head…

(Given how it goes with Michael at the end, the only real explanation for Anna’s behaviour if she was sent to do this IS this neutral Heaven-aligned force that’s trying to stop everything before it starts which is not on Michael’s side. It’s this which also leads me to think Naomi never  _had_  a side beyond “heaven”… Which doesn’t gel with how Cas in 4x21 was helpful in  _starting_  the apocalypse, unless you assume after being reprogrammed back to Heaven alignment, the corruption just wasn’t widely known (as Zachariah implied) and so Naomi wouldn’t have known handing Cas over to go back to work would be setting everything in motion? Perhaps Anna, having needed a lot more work after years of freedom, was kept back until now and at this point there’s no end in sight for a single agent to achieve except for stopping the apocalypse in its tracks by doing this one thing at the root cause… But it’s Naomi trying to recover the mistake she made in giving Cas back…)

* * *

But literally, though, the last line of the recap is:

> CASTIEL  
> Destiny can’t be changed, Dean. All roads lead to the same destination. 

from 4x03 and I find this episode a fascinating corruption of season 4 as a whole.

Obviously destiny  _isn’t_  changed, by the end, and it has the same outcome as that original episode. (I suppose the future is up for grabs but the past, having already happened, can’t be altered in the same way). With Anna and Uriel making guest appearances the whole thing has a season 4 vibe, and yet it’s so much not.

Season 4 also was the whole set up for the demons vs angels thing which has been much more absent this season with Cas adrift from Heaven and no friendly demons (except Crowley, who, like Cas, is acting outside his obvious allegiance): Dean’s dream dancers end up dancing together (how season 4 ended with Heaven showing up late and just working in harmony with the demons’ plans to free Lucifer). Anna is Cas, showin’ up in Dean’s dreams as a little reminder of Cas in 4x20, but also on the stage yet not a player in “the dance”. (And she dies for it as Cas did at the end of season 4)

I dunno. :P

Thought in progress.

* * *

> ANNA  
> Cas. Right. Now, there’s a friend you can count on.
> 
> DEAN  
> What?

Dean seems genuinely bemused at the idea of Cas as unreliable, and at this point his pre-apocalypse reprogramming is a thing of the past as far as Dean is concerned, since 4x22 put paid to that version of Cas… Anna noticeably seems to be blaming Cas instead of Heaven, despite the fact she’d presumably, having just gone through it herself, know full well his actions were not his own.

> ANNA  
> Prison. Upstairs. All the torture, twice the self-righteousness.
> 
> DEAN  
> Why wouldn’t he have told us where you were?
> 
> ANNA  
> Because he’s the one who turned me in. Don’t look so shocked. He was always a good little soldier. Did anything under orders.

I think Cas not telling them what happened to Anna would come more under the heading of shame, given how he felt after doing it…

(Yeah there’s like 12 random screenshots I kept from season 4 and that’s one of them. It’s pivotal. :P)

It’s interesting to go back to their season 4 love triangle of sorts and see this as Anna casting doubt on Cas to Dean almost just for the way in which Cas has supplanted her here. (The “Oh Cas right” comes after Dean says that Cas has literally concealed him from Anna), as always not *meant* to be that way but how it ends up happening. If she’s just trying to get to Sam on orders, it’s how she tries to swing things - using her connection to Dean, trying to convince him to trust her again over Cas…

Anyway now another Winchester comes between Cas n Anna, and it’s about killing Sam instead of saving Dean.

Just interesting that Cas has been off other places busy for ages, and there hasn’t been a clear emotional arc between him and Dean (the points are building up towards turning it into an emotional arc they share, and 5x02 put all the groundwork in place to MAKE it a shared moment, it just hasn’t bloomed yet) and so Anna showing up comes back in dragging up all this drama between them, and suddenly once again we have the parallels between their relationships, and the messy tragic subversion of their original story.

(I mean, turning the heaven vs hell thing into a strip dance is really a  _perversion_  of it :P)

* * *

Anna’s got red light aaaalll over her or behind her, and Dean’s framed in gold.

Heeey he wakes up with the old diamond patterened bedspread behind him. I missed that thing. :D Maybe it’s more about destiny these days or something, I dunno.

* * *

Anna walking into the old warehouse has her pass behind a few random valves, to remind you of how they play a part in angel drama from 4x16 I guess. 

* * *

Look at her standing in the middle of all the lights instead of underneath one:

And then all the old lights busting in the signature rain of sparks, and a shot like this:

to parallel the way Anna showed up behind Cas in 4x16? They conducted a lot of conversation time that episode standing behind each other one way or another. :P

(Also in 4x20 obviously after the dream they go and find Jimmy alone with no Cas, and now Cas is the only one here :P) 

> ANNA  
> Well. If I didn’t know any better… I’d say the Winchesters don’t trust me.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> They do. I don’t. I wouldn’t let them come.

It’s interesting that Anna went for Cas in that conversation with Dean and so the obvious thing for him to do if he fully trusted her would have been to come to see her without telling Cas a thing because his loyalty had been cast into doubt. Instead just by telling Cas (because Dean seemed to be alone when he woke up? So he’d have had to call a council of war about this?)

(Wait I am just assuming Cas would be next to him when he wakes up. Lizzyyy)

he’s basically admitted to Anna through Cas showing up that he at least wanted to fact check what she said.

(To be fair I’m flashing back to 4x03 for other obvious reasons but it is where Dean DID wake up next to Cas.)

Even if the argument off-screen was Dean challenging Cas about what Anna said and the implied tension of “I wouldn’t  _let_  them come” suggesting that the doubt Anna sowed might have had some effect, we only get the aftermath, and Anna’s actions quickly turn around (Annaaaaaaaaa) to make Cas right, and prove his trustworthiness to the Winchesters when they have to treat her as the threat.

Sooo… that tension is not worth showing? Because within a few short scenes it will have dissipated for the sake of Cas being firmly established back in their good books vs Anna attacking them?

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> If you’re out of prison, it’s because they let you out. And they sent you here to do their dirty work.
> 
> ANNA  
> And what makes you so sure?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Because I’ve experienced…heaven’s persuasion.
> 
> ANNA  
> You mean when you gave me to them.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> That was a mistake.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Anna, whatever they sent you here to do—
> 
> ANNA  
> They didn’t send me. I escaped.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> No one escapes.
> 
> ANNA  
> All these centuries, and you’re underestimating me now?

I reeeeeeally don’t buy this. (I mean for one thing she’s already avoided blaming Heaven for anything when telling Dean what Cas did, and even though Cas says it’s a mistake, like it was his fault, he also immediately before that mentions what Heaven can make them do, and all of 4x21 and most of 4x22 was us seeing Cas unable to do what he wanted until he did it…) Talking down Cas’s brainwashing also takes away the issue of Anna’s, making this narrative of her as just now randomly evil and murderous, and yet it’s unavoidable that brainwashing and control is a part of their story and literally the crux of Cas’s arc in season 4. 

(I’m always reminded at this point about the bit in LotR where they’re talking about Gollum escaping from Mordor and going after Frodo and the ring - “Escaped? Or set loose?” - it’s very possible that the idea was planted in her head and then she was given this ‘chance’ to escape and so she feels like she has her agency and that she is doing something she feels is the way to fix everything… But in fact in the ultimate tragedy for Anna’s free will, she’s being controlled every step of the way.) 

(Also dude if someone could escape from somewhere, it would be Cas. Have you SEEN him in a tight corner? :P If he’s been up there and not found his way to escape, it’s pretty correct and in character to assume that it is a situation that can’t be escaped from. True Cas facts.)

* * *

I’m sorry I literally trust none of the dialogue in this episode at all. :P

I think this is probably the worst episode to take a surface reading of, but also, unfortunately for Anna, the one where the surface reading [apparently prevailed](http://oranges8hands.tumblr.com/post/119662270958/musingsdeme-oranges8hands-hey-so-remember). >.> And it’s also, through the writing, the encouraged reading it feels, leaving Anna at the mercy of this terrible farewell.

So.

/angry Anna blogging continues

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> You want to help?
> 
> ANNA  
> Yes.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Then what are doing with that knife?
> 
> A long pause. ANNA draws the knife.
> 
> ANNA  
> I’m not allowed to defend myself?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Against whom? That blade doesn’t work against angels. It’s not like this one.

On the other hand that was a preeeeetty badass Cas moment.

I am so conflicted by my two loves being set against each other. :<

* * *

Cas’s hair looks pretty good too.

* * *

> CASTIEL  
> The answer’s still no. Because Sam is my friend.
> 
> ANNA  
> You’ve changed.
> 
> CASTIEL  
> Maybe too late, but I have.

Awww Caaas :3 It’s nice how his “changing” is marked by his shifted attitude towards Sam. 

> CASTIEL  
> Anna, we’ve been through much together, but you come near Sam Winchester and I’ll kill you. 

Aargh this is definitely a sign of how my brain is melting because I know that first part is a Destiel line but I can’t even get “animal vegetable mineral?” for the season let along why when where. :P Anyway, blurry blurry blurry between Cas n Anna, Dean n Anna, Cas n Dean. Surprisingly. 

(Also 2 out of 3 will now happily threaten to murder you for trying to kill Sam.)

We haven’t had much clear Cas stuff for a good chunk of the season - he’s been in the background a lot and there’s allusions to him helping them off screen as well, so we can sort of assume Sam has mostly been growing on him off-screen plus generic fight together bonding from the times we’ve seen their stories overlap. 5x06 I STILL think was overkill from the writers grappling with Cas for the first time, but I’m going to write it off as Lurking Issues they’ve set aside for the sake of fighting together (these lurk for ages) because their background interaction over the very last few episodes they were together has at least proved they get along in person when nothing directly challenges said Lurking Issues to be a problem. Anyway, at least on Cas’s side he’s genuinely showing care for Sam (I think he would have fought for him much earlier, but “Friend” would be new for season 5 as Anna comments, and obviously the early run of episodes Cas had minimal interaction with him, and I think that ‘friend’ thing would only apply by extension of Dean. :P)

Anyway it is now taken for granted from this point on that Sam and Cas are tenuously friends and they don’t actually tend to fall out but they also don’t have a ton of interaction so these little moments are nice and keep things ticking over. :P

(It’s a lot tell without show really.)

* * *

Honestly, noping out of a conversation back to 1978 is pretty awesome.

* * *

* * *

> SAM  
> So the plan to kill me, would it actually stop Satan?
> 
> DEAN  
> No, Sam, come on.
> 
> SAM  
> Cas, what do you think? Does Anna have a point?
> 
> CASTIEL  
> No. She’s, uh, Glenn Close.

Aw man Cas isn’t very good at lying. :P The slightest hesitation or not sounding completely a million percent sure immediately reveals he thinks she has a point. >.> But nice of him to try and save Sam’s feelings. You go, Cas. :3

* * *

(Bah Dean putting Anna in the “crazy ex” box and indirectly calling her a “psycho bitch”. BAH I SAY.)

* * *

But Cas doing magic. Yeeeeah. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

* * *

I have absolutely no idea how I feel about this episode. Cas looks adorable and I love the aesthetic of the motel room with all its pleasing neutral orange and the reappearance of the circle theme (THE INESCAPABLE CYCLE OF FATE), and “I don’t understand that reference.” comes from here… Everything would be great if I hadn’t completely latched onto Anna from her earlier episodes and every time I watch this I just sob about her being a random villain. :P

* * *

You know, Cas didn’t let them go to meet Anna the first time, and now they’re insisting they go with him (which wears him out and means that he’s useless so in another universe he went alone and fought Anna and it was all about Cas having an adventure) so that’s a switch around from earlier - Sam and Dean argue they have a stronger motivation to go because it’s about THEIR family, which wipes out Cas’s further influence on the story literally.

Anyway, further to the perversion of season 4 going on here, of course this time Sam goes with them when he didn’t before. 

* * *

Poor Cas. :<

* * *

Did they filter out their money for only ancient coins and notes, or are they just casually going around spending 2010 money like it’s no big deal?

* * *

Random things I have discovered while tagging the back of my blog:

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/95352167073/ssjdebusk-the-fact-that-they-did-not-shoot-this>

* * *

> SAM  
> Yeah, we might have to if Cas doesn’t recover. Is he all right?
> 
> DEAN  
> What do I look like—Dr. Angel, Medicine Woman? He’ll wake up. He’s, you know, tough for a little nerdy dude with wings.

Sam being concerned for Cas \o/

Dean adorably describing Cas with his odd fanon Cas goggles \o/

* * *

It’s weeeeird them pulling up outside the house with their car in front of it. 

Baby probably isn’t even called Baby yet.

* * *

> DEAN  
> What, that their sons are back from the future to save them from an angel? Gone Terminator? Come on. Those movies haven’t even come out yet. 

The dialogue in this episode is ridiculous.

I love it.

* * *

The Winchesters’ kitchen is  _aggressively_  yellow and I can’t even work out how to describe this themed cosplay Sam n Dean are doing:

  


Sam why r u dressed as the kitchen

I don’t understnad but I’m scared

* * *

I suppose they moved out some time in the couple of years when they transformed into their other actors. Moving house and raising Dean is a trial. :P

* * *

Sam’s face in the background though after trying to rush up to the house because he’s so excited to see Mary and then finally fiiiinnaallly meeting her. :<

Dean has a tiny bit more chill because he’s done this before but he’s not exactly coasting through it. :P

*pushes Sam’s chin up because he’s just gawping open mouthed and will catch flies*

* * *

Sam’s “Oh shit John” eyebrows are even worse.

* * *

I can not believe that Dean imprinted on John, so much he remembered him later after 2 random encounters. :P I guess that’s part of Dean’s charm.

I wonder if John later, towards the end when meeting season 1-ish Dean again after a few weeks off elsewhere or perhaps when he caught up with them IN season 1, would remember the guy who convinced him to get the car.

Maybe that’s why he GAVE Dean the car.

Maybe he didn’t actually think it exactly, but there was a weird connection there as Dean’s face began to get more familiar…

* * *

Sam, meanwhile, is actually welling up. DUDE. You are the WORST at this. This is why Cas doesn’t invite you to the past.

* * *

> JOHN  
> Oh. So you knew Mary’s parents?
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Mary’s dad was, uh, pretty much like a grandpa to us.
> 
> JOHN  
> Oh. That was tragic—that heart attack.

Oh dear. :P Samuel-related stuff gets a lot worse in hindsight. Especially ironic since he and Dean barely got on when they first met and they were just permanently at conflict all season 6.

Anyway I wondered how it all got rationalised to John in the aftermath, and considering he was lying around with a stab wound in his stomach, John must have been PRETTY FUZZY after his temporary death to not have a clear picture to let Mary tell him this story.

Wheee relationships built on a foundation of lies.

* * *

> JOHN  
> Uh, look, please stay. You know, it would mean a lot to me. I haven’t met much of Mary’s side of the family. 

For some reason…

* * *

I really like the bit where Anna does the guy’s voice. Probably a cheap joke but we know Cas has done it with pretending to be Bobby before so it’s an established angel skill, which is their most random plot useful skill that only exists for the sake of the story. :P

* * *

Anyway, Sam decides to actually tell the truth instead of lying about stuff even if it means having to explain angels, so, you know aside from introducing themselves in a complex web of lies, I guess this relationship is finally getting some honesty? 

* * *

Aw man, Anna didn’t have to burn out that guy’s eyes. 

*continues to screencap her being murdery but cute*

* * *

*Mary does the flippy thing with an angel blade* 

They haven’t worked out all the rules yet - Mary cuts Anna and she doesn’t bleed light.

* * *

Aaand then John finds out and then you KNOW that this episode isn’t going to work out the way Anna wants. It’s either commit to a total AU with new rules based on John knowing about angels and the pretence at normality that Mary wanted dropped before Dean was even born, or a hard reset. 

But it does mean we get to see them doing the awkward family road trip, even if Mary and John don’t quite get that yet. :P

* * *

I think I’m just taking double the number of screencaps after not taking any last episode or the one before.

* * *

Hey the family hunting lodge! As in devil’s traps and holy water, not deer heads.

It has a version of the family rug but it seems to be the same yellow and grey/green as Sam’s shirt/the kitchen. (Cas’s rug is orange and the TFW motel room was too :3) 

* * *

Sam and Mary talk about Anna as “it”, the faceless monster hunting them, but Dean calls her “her” still.

* * *

Dean and John have awkward bonding, with Dean teaching John to ward off monsters and that innocent young!John thing dropping away and him freaking Dean out by resembling the John he actually knows for the first time, as if exposure to hunting takes all of a couple of hours of knowledge of monsters existing, and suddenly the shine is gone. (I mean obviously 4x03 plus random John comments from earlier canon establish he was a soldier and so on so it’s not like this comes from nowhere. I was talking last trip back in time about how his happy family man type exterior was as much as mask as the faces Dean wears, so seeing it slip isn’t “sudden” or a character change. But Dean’s experience of young!John has got tarnished by realising just how close this other version of John was to the surface.)

* * *

…

*squints at the close up of the house*

I am SURE someone has already pointed this out because I feel like this hollow laugh is one I’ve laughed before, but:

[http://www.homeofthenutty.com/supernatural/screencaps/displayimage.php?album=192&pid=233379#top_display_media](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.homeofthenutty.com%2Fsupernatural%2Fscreencaps%2Fdisplayimage.php%3Falbum%3D192%26pid%3D233379%23top_display_media&t=ZGI1MzIzN2I3OWRjZDkwODdkYjVlMDI4MDRkZDliMmQ4OGJkMTExZCw1clgxeHZKTA%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F128149350803%2Fspn-hellatus-rewatch-5x13-or-their-family&m=1)

Heya Cain’s house. (I think they moved the windmill around and that hedge it’s next to in this episode is the one in the corner over there +4 years growth?

Wait, Cain? Not… 

> MICHAEL  
> It’s a bloodline.
> 
> DEAN  
> A bloodline?
> 
> MICHAEL  
> Stretching back to Cain and Abel. It’s in your blood, your father’s blood, your family’s blood.

Oh, that Cain. :P 

Apparently the house is in the family too! \o/

* * *

(In other news Robbie Thompson spends a great deal of time chuckling to himself probably.)

* * *

> JOHN  
> I don’t care. You know, what kind of irresponsible bastard lets a child anywhere near—Y-you know, you could’ve been killed!
> 
> SAM  
> I, uh…came kind of close.
> 
> JOHN  
> The number it must’ve done on your head…Your father was supposed to protect you.

Have heard people offer this as evidence that John was a good father because he cared, without noticing the crippling irony that these lines are basically only in here because John doesn’t know he’s talking to Sam who is his own son raised from literal infancy with the threat of monsters, and used as bait by John himself in their earliest chronological flashback save the Pilot and all things connected to that night.

I mean like yeah John gets it but that’s because he hasn’t lived it yet, and just because this is his politics from a place of privilege doesn’t magically handwave the neglect/endangerment from later…

Dramatic irony is fun.

* * *

> SAM  
> He was trying. He died trying. Believe me. I used to be mad at him. I—I mean, I used to… I used to hate the guy. But now I—I… I get it. He was…just doing the best he could. And he was trying to keep it together in—in—in this impossible situation. See… My mom, um… She was amazing, beautiful, and she was the love of his life. And she got killed. And…I think he would have gone crazy if he didn’t do something. Truth is, um, my dad died before I got to tell him that I understand why he did what he did. And I forgive him for what it did to us. I do. And I just—I love him.

Meanwhile: Sam has been through so much crap that their history with John seems mild and extremely understandable and a path Sam has walked and so, hilariously, right as the text is loudly suggesting that John was a terrible father, Sam forgives him for it.

(Noted conspicuous absence: Dean, who’s still got WAY too many issues as explored a couple of episodes ago, to come to a sense of personal peace like this.)

This is kind of like the Anna thing where she’s just written off as evil here, where the text goes out of its way through this emotional conversation to forgive John, and we get Sam’s sad tearful eyes etc, and so surface level that’s just what we’re doing, despite the fact it hasn’t been addressed often enough, or completely enough, for a full resolution (the scars Dean carries going much deeper) and so we’re just not in a place where this CAN close because the last scene with Dean literally just showed how it was still open. 

* * *

Uriel’s young vessel is really cute. I feel sorry for the guy. Anna stabs him in like 30 years. I hope he had a full life in between these angel possessions.

> URIEL  
> You’re not the Anna of now. 

He does the same look down that 2014!Cas did to 2009!Dean. I suppose they’re meant to be looking somewhere deep inside? I always liked the lore that the soul was housed in the liver, not least because on this show that’s a fun metaphor with all the heavy drinking in a dark arc like season 9-10. :P Maybe the core of an angel lurks there too.

> ANNA  
> In the future, these people are going to kill you, Uriel. I’m giving you the chance to kill them first.
> 
> URIEL  
> Thank you.

Poor Uriel. He’s presumably not corrupted until the apocalypse, so is still the friend Cas had at this point - a useful tool for smiting things, obviously, but not actually evil. 

And on and on with perverting what happens in season 4 while Anna is trying to influence him to pervert the past even more.

He’s got to know messing with the timeline is a bad idea.

I feel if Anna is mind-controlled, though, these dark twists on her own story - using Uriel to kill Dean when she once killed Uriel to protect Cas and after he got Dean badly hurt - is just twisting the knife in the wound really…

* * *

*paaaaaaaaaaaaaainful Dean and Mary feels* 

Season 10 traded in on that a looot but the Hey Jude thing was probably the worst bit? *sobbing still*

* * *

The most awkward moment of Dean realising he’s in the same room as Dean.

Honestly, he could have said that she goes off and raises him as a single mom, but Mary apparently has family values about this sort of thing. 

…

birth control, though. Dean being born doesn’t mean Sam has to be, considering the brother in question is the  _younger_  one.

* * *

I am pretty sure the angels were just outside, so Uriel and Anna basically make this huge dramatic entrance for fun.

* * *

Oh I forgot it was Sam who died in this episode. I misremembered it as John.

Pfft actually losing track of dead Winchesters. 

* * *

Aww no, Anna’s “Oh no, Michael” expression. 

* * *

Bye Anna. :(

* * *

Nighty night Mary.

* * *

Okay now everyone in the room is dead, possessed, asleep or banished… (And me on my naive first watch waiting for Cas to pop back up and save the day :P)

> MICHAEL  
> Well, I’d say this conversation is long overdue, wouldn’t you? 

I suppose Michael’s archangel powers mean he’s either time-travelling Michael from 2010 who just knew this was going on and dropped by, or he’s still from ‘78 but well aware of the trouble he will eventually have with Dean peering through time towards 2010 and so is equipped to talk to him about those issues.

* * *

I think we often overlook this excellent pun in a moment of stress:

> DEAN  
> Awesome. Six degrees of Heaven Bacon. 

(Which is Dean shrugging off his connection to Cain, quoted above with the farm…. I am sure this will be of no significance whatsoever.)

There’s a vague spoiler going around for season 11 that the vessel thing may or may not be important to the mythology next year, and I kind of hope so just because the Darkness sort of whooshes away the relevance of this entire arc on a grand scale by being so much bigger than it: this always was a petty cat fight between Michael and Lucifer, but it also seemed a very inherent part of the universe, and my whole “Dean is the centre of the universe” theory springs from this sort of cosmic level relevance he and Sam had here. Getting the Mark from Cain was basically a follow up for Dean on this, and then within the same season as “it’s called the Mark of Cain for a reason” it turned out the Mark actually was all to do with the Darkness and as of this long summer its direct relevance to this brother-based mytharc that powers the show kind of got really obscure. 

So, basically, hoping they actually do infodump more about all this and  ~~confirm Dean is the centre of the universe~~  explain how it all ties back together and stays thematically relevant.

* * *

> MICHAEL  
> You know, my brother, I practically raised him. I took care of him in a way most people could never understand, and I still love him. 

More for the pile of things where the archangels lead  _unbelievably_  similar lives to the Winchesters…

* * *

> MICHAEL  
> But I am going to kill him because it is right and I have to.
> 
> DEAN  
> Oh, because God says so?
> 
> MICHAEL  
> Yes. From the beginning, he knew this was how it was going to end.
> 
> DEAN  
> And you’re just gonna do whatever God says.
> 
> MICHAEL  
> Yes, because I am a good son.

_Someone_  needs to go through Dean’s season 1 and 2 character development, because  _honestly_. Michael, if you just paid attention to what your vessel was up to you’d have learned all sorts of important emotional lessons about not killing your brother just because Daddy said so. He’s further down the road than you are and you’re billions of years old. That’s just embarrassing.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Okay, well, trust me, pal. Take it from someone who knows—that is a dead-end street.
> 
> MICHAEL  
> And you think you know better than my father? One unimportant little man. What makes you think you get to choose?
> 
> DEAN  
> Because I got to believe that I can choose what I do with my unimportant little life.

Dean vs destiny: spitefully not letting Michael possess him just because he said it was inevitable and free will was an illusion, so just to be really catty, Dean founds Team Free Will this episode.

It’s funny how often Dean ends up giving angels advice about their dad based on his own dad (funnier still talking directly into John’s face while giving said advice). 

Just aaaargh at Dean saying that being a good son is a dead end street. Because it’s acknowledging that he doesn’t think it was worth it to cling to being that for so many years and it makes the link with him fighting this destiny to also fighting John’s influence - it’s probably not symbolic at all that these words are coming out of John’s mouth. It’s like the reverse of Dream a Little Dream where they had hoped to get JDM but with actor availability ended up with Dean confronting Dean - now Michael can’t get Dean (I’m blurring some metatextual lines here :P) and so he goes to him as John, and so the blurring between them all when it comes to John’s influence on Dean is huge. And Michael is of course someone who in-universe Dean is apparently basically engineered to mirror, and out of universe, Michael is engineered in the writing to mirror Dean with the heavy-handed parallels, but he’s this dark version who doesn’t believe in free will and does what he is told - even up to apocalyptic battles that will kill billions just because he think he’s supposed to.

He’s like the ultimate example of John’s influence on Dean being bad.

* * *

> MICHAEL  
> And you always knew that was going to play out one way or another. You can’t fight City Hall.

*continues to accidentally encourage Dean to fight City Hall very loudly*

* * *

*Dean quietly considering drinking in the background before Cas shows up*

Sam’s instinct is still “Castiel” not “Cas” when surprised.

(Dean’s is an alarmed “Cas!” of course :P) 

His “son of a bitch, you made it” suggests he’d been quietly very worried that Cas would not, in fact, make it.

* * *

Iconic scene with unconscious Cas in the foreground. Lol. 

I think one of the little nice things about this scene is that (well Dean doesn’t break out the Team Free Will thing until Cas is in the room) Sam and Dean both have their roles that they’re anxiously worrying they’ll give in to, but Cas is included in the Team Free Will thing and he’s their wild card who doesn’t have a destiny and, HONESTLY his role for the whole season is mostly just helpful following them around and providing extra badass points in a fight, but, like, that’s the whole point - the fact he doesn’t actually have any “good” reason to be there as far as destiny is concerned. There’s no hole in this epic mythology for Cas to fit into - no parallel he matches. He’s there at ground zero but, assistance to buy time aside, he doesn’t have his “destiny” tied up in this and so this stupid fate that Sam and Dean are wrestling with is not something Cas is carrying. As long as they keep Mr Comatose around they have someone with them who is outside the game and helping them. 

(Bobby too although his job is pretty much standing there being emotional support at the end of the day. :P) 

But yeah, Cas is sort of essential to the Team Free Will thing… literally by not being essential to the plot in the same way they are and therefore having all of his free will to himself.

It’s kinda beautiful. :P

* * *

> MARY  
> Ohh…quite a kick there. Troublemaker already. It’s okay, baby. It’s all okay. Angels are watching over you. 

I can never believe that the very next episode will somehow manage to make this last scene worse than it already is. That specific line is just a kick in the teeth for the whole Team Free Will thing Dean is busy founding with Mary obliviously dropping one last bit of time-travel-based dramatic irony to round off the day, but then we go on to find out that this was all engineered by Heaven too: they look so cute and happy while representing the perfect vessel breeding program. :P 


	14. 5x14

Or: This is why we can’t have rom com episodes.

* * *

I always end up thinking about this painting when I watch this:

[http://www.tate.org.uk/art/artworks/dali-autumnal-cannibalism-t01978](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tate.org.uk%2Fart%2Fartworks%2Fdali-autumnal-cannibalism-t01978&t=NzMzNWIxMTdkMzNkY2FkZWJmMzAwNDM4MTc5N2EyNjFkODYwZjQ5OSx0eG85bVNvbA%3D%3D&b=t%3AEoTmUHpiEEiE91JGAXVv3Q&p=https%3A%2F%2Felizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F128566583788%2Fspn-hellatus-rewatch-5x14-or-this-is-why-we&m=1)

It kind of haunts me. :P 

* * *

> ALICE’S ROOMMATE There was blood everywhere…and… other stuff…I think Alice was already dead.
> 
> SAM But Russell wasn’t?
> 
> ALICE’S ROOMMATE I think he was, mostly, except… he was still sort of…chewing a little.

*blinks*

*opens transcript*

“Written by Ben Edlund”

Yeah okay. 

I’m not sure how I missed the memo on this episode until now. There’s a certain “ _of course”_  happening to me right now.

* * *

I don’t know why I’ve taken against “sitcom!Dean” so much but this is yet another episode which opens roughly in that format but not (including 5x08′s own real opening :P): Sam comes in and Dean is sitting there doing his research like a good boy. In this case, however, Dean’s disinterest in hooking up (or eating giant sandwiches) is a plot point and so research!Dean is almost being offered on the understanding of sitcom!Dean somehow being the default, as a suggestion that something is wrong with him because he is staying in and not producing scantily clad women from the bathroom. While I’d say that sitcom!Dean is still wildly out of character no matter what season you’re in and is just a strange extra layer of Dean’s surface face projecting beyond the boundaries of, uh, his face, it is interesting that sitcom!Dean is sort of the cheerful version of Dean he seems to see himself as when he describes why he thinks Famine hasn’t got to him later - he eats, drinks, fucks whenever he wants to, and generally feels like his base needs are satisfied when he wants them to be. So somehow sitcom!Dean ended up being a warning of this depressive slump even before it overtly hits here? By giving us an exaggerated reminder of what a happy Dean should look like to contrast to the current Dean who we’ve had for a while, to show us that he’s not being that guy even when “that guy” was not ever a completely authentic version of Dean? (Like, season 1 Dean had his moments but…)

* * *

Anyway does it need to be said how much I love the motel room here? So much darkness and red… Never a good sign.

* * *

Aww, Dean already met the coroner once off-screen.

> DEAN I mean, their stomachs were full. Like - like…Thanksgiving-dinner full. Talk about co-dependent. 

Apparently he’s still sulking about that comment from 5x11. :P

* * *

> SAM That’s when a dog doesn’t eat– That’s when you know something’s really wrong.
> 
> DEAN Remarkably patronizing concern duly noted. Nothing’s wrong. We gonna work or what?

Thinking of 5x11, like within minutes of stepping into the hospital, Sam was expressing concern about Dean’s mental state there as well. 

I wonder if you take every instance in season 4 where Sam was on his power high and expressing that Dean was weak and couldn’t get the job done etc and see them as moments he was registering how Dean was not okay but just obviously seeing it wrong because of the state  _he_  was in, and belatedly he’s having those moments and instead of the terrible handling from season 4, now he’s expressing concern and trying to figure out how to deal with Dean and help him.

I dunno, I just feel like Sam has been pinging off this much longer than maybe even he realises and he’s only just getting to the place of being able to express this concern.

* * *

*stares really hard at Edlund for making me laugh at this*

> (without looking at him, Janice shoots Brad in the heart. He falls backward in his chair, dead )
> 
> JANICE What are we gonna do, Jimmy?
> 
> JIM I don’t know, baby. Seems like whatever we do, something in life is always gonna keep us apart– Work, family, sleep.
> 
> JANICE Now prison, maybe…

(Actually, given they were probs cupid paired, and somehow the pile of lore dumping in this stretch of the season hopping through John n Mary last episode, cupids this episode, and the stuff about soulmates in 2 episodes, this is super grim foreshadowing for that - the idea that people could go to Heaven together forever. Of course as regular random people they wouldn’t KNOW Heaven had a spot for them set aside, but they’re actually probably correct about this. I know they’re kind of played for jokes but they seem to be a little case study in some major themes :P If the “codependency” comment links our hungry couple from the opening to Sam n Dean harmfully emotionally devouring each other by proximity or something (I’m just going with the fact that the show has linked that word to them for whatever reasons but it continues not to be an official diagnosis and you’d think the 3 times it comes up being this sketchy in application would mean more >.>), this random couple are John n Mary, with the open question of if they would have made it to Heaven together since no answer on that is ever given.)

* * *

Meanwhile: Sam randomly develops demon X-ray vision. Except we don’t know that yet, so actually Sam just gets super into the camera guy. 

(I think it’s really important that Sam is already under the influence of Famine, suggesting that as soon as they get into town they’re under the influence, so while Sam’s is easily identifiable, it means we can talk about everything Dean does from the moment he appears on screen as analysis for how he’s affected this episode.)

* * *

> DR. CORMAN Agent Marley, you just can’t stay away. 

Yay, it’s the coroner. He’s so friendly! He likes Dean! Dean likes him! 

*faint sound of his impending doom for being a likeable guy*

* * *

This is probably why Dean feels empty inside.

* * *

(I mean he’s a guy who had a drinking problem and now masks that by being funny and trusting to these random FBI guys… Just casually leaves them the key (okay, tosses the key to Dean directly) and wanders off. I think this one randomly hurt more than most for Dean… There’s also the weird sort of trust that the people they encounter while investigating stuff in situations like this are sort of meant to be “safe” from the monster stuff, because they’re generally encountered in these removed situations and are the innocent civilians, handling the dead bodies but not knowing what they see, so their remove from the situation is that much more emphasised.)

> DR. CORMAN Not at all. But like I said -their… Good-and-plenties are already tupperwared.
> 
> SAM Super.
> 
> DR. CORMAN Leave the keys with Marty up front. And please, gentlemen…refrigerate after opening…

  


He’s tickled. :P (Sam remains bemused)

Well Dean’s pulling ridiculous faces all through this section, from start to finish. Messing around with the heart and not noticing it’s got the enochian squiggle on it but Sam does, who knows  _what_  was going on while he’s watching Cas in a little bit… Dean’s weird behaviour this episode is a wild ride.

* * *

10 minutes in and it’s a Cas problem. :3

* * *

Always loving how Dean has Cas on speed dial. He presses like 1 button after he gets his phone out of his pocket.

* * *

Why is there not more fanart with this face when Dean is lookin’ at Cas? When will fandom give in and admit he is a total dork with no control over his face in Cas’s presence? :P *cue second hand embarrassment hiding behind hands for the next couple of minutes*

I don’t caaaaaare I’m gonna screencap it and you can’t stop me

They like looking at each other. I like them liking looking at each other.

* * *

This is completely Dean’s fault. He could have just noticed Cas was there, been all “Oh good Cas is here,” and hung up the phone. But nope, he walked right into eye contact, turned stupid, carried on talking like they were still holding their phone conversation like Cas wasn’t in the room despite copious face examination, and trapped POOR CAS who did not ask for ANY OF THIS in their game of “no you hang up”.

Cas is new to telephones but this is absolutely not his problem.

(Cas drops several IQ points too but not quite so perceptibly as Dean. You could almost pretend he was just clawing his way out of an awkward situation with none of the social tools required to escape?)

Dean why do you do this to the poor angel? 

THIS time at least, Cas didn’t even appear so close to Dean but Dean kept walking? It’s been 10 or so episodes since “personal space” and Cas is getting some very mixed signals here. 

* * *

*Cas casually handles the hearts without gloves and then has blood all over his hand* *Cas trying to shake the blood off and wiping it on the edge of the tupperware container* 

Cas, I know human stuff is dumb and you’re above it, but gloves were invented for a reason. Ew. Dean’s isn’t gonna want to hold your hand now. And… what are you doing. That’s not an effective way to get the blood off. I know Misha probs can’t wipe it on the trenchcoat because the costume department will kill him but you…

*Cas goes way gruffer than normal in overcompensation*

(Okay I know from random gifsets I’ve seen from cons (because I don’t really watch the actual panel videos) this was one of their goofier scenes they ever filmed for ~some reason~ but the level of general incompetence all of them are displaying through this is somewhere on the scale of that time Cas fucked up the basic task of walking through a door just because Jensen was leaning all over Misha for no reason. Basically I’m not sure if we’re meant to discount all mannerisms from this scene as actor tomfoolery or something. :P Even Sam in the background is like 100% goofier than he should be “Naturally!”)

*cut from Dean eyeing up Cas and staring intently at him while Cas gets dramatically into the moment, to a shot of a “Be My Valentine” heart decoration in the restaurant* 

Such unfortunate circumstances. 

I feel like Dean walking into Cas just up there is roughly equivalent to the accidental Destiel faceplant the scene transition just took. 

This whole thing was a disaster.

A total disaster. *shakes head*

* * *

Anyway Cas specifies “dozens” of cupids all over the world, which is actually a pretty thin number, with pretty wide territories given how big the world is. They have quite possibly disarmed/killed 2/3rds of all the cupids they’d ever likely meet. 

* * *

I am amused that the bar looks pretty classy but the low class yellow and red ketchup and mustard bottles are back (we even had proper branded ketchup on the table in a recent episode in a not so fancy eating establishment). 

Sam phrased it as “doesn’t eat” when talking about Dean hooking up, but then he also literally doesn’t eat here. Like, it’s sneakily obvious on rewatches that Famine is behind all this just because of the emphasis on food and hunger (and the recap with all the emphasis on War and horsemen shhhh). I actually thought at first watch that Dean was the more obvious example of Famine’s influence that made more sense with the reveal, because he was actively rejecting everything and demonstrating that emptiness as a positive representation of what Famine does i.e. causing starvation. Which turned out to be backwards from the point of the episode (in fact the whole causing hunger thing seemed backwards to the inducing starvation that seemed to happen to Dean), but before that conversation was how I’d initially parsed his behaviour.

Anyway, I do think that Famine has an effect on him across the entire episode and what we’re seeing is symptoms in Dean, not just markers of his underlying depression we would have caught at any point, it’s just that it’s amplifying something that can’t be fed in the same way others can feed it. Like, literally, Famine encourages that emptiness in Dean? And then when he meets him, by that point Dean’s pre-existing (thanks, recap, for running us through the highlights - did I mention how grim the recap was yet?) depression has been amped up to a billion percent so of course Famine sees nothing in him. I feel like the burger moment is the key to it: Dean rejecting or burying or losing parts of himself across the episode. Starting with the weird moment of playing into intentionally not being sitcom!Dean from the opening (with the weird mirroring to his intro in 5x08), and this moment then showing us expressly Dean holding something he loves - even putting all the ketchup on it like he would and making it ready to eat - and then rejecting it.

(Mishabethyname has that [awesome meta](http://mishabethyname.tumblr.com/post/54972201982/x-this-is-dean-experiencing-the-effects-of-one-of) about this moment and Dean craving abstinence which is similar to this line of thought and very interesting and I also agree with the interpretation, but I’m running with the vaguely surface level obvious depression metaphor here which I guess that interpretation is supplementary to?)

* * *

I feel so sorry for Cas being super badass and summoning the cupid and then the whole thing gets ridiculous in seconds. (How did I not realise I was walking into an Edlund episode?? In hindsight this is an obvious one >.> Disturbing, funny and then just plain depressing.)

Bonus points to the cupid for A: stealin’ Cas’s first hug and B: using angel teleporty sneakiness to catch Sam when he tries legging it out the fucking door while Cas is inconvenienced.

Very noble and loyal to your friends, Sam.

* * *

*Dean sells out too and he and Sam make Cas go talk to the cupid again*

*Cas loses his second ever hug to the Cupid*

* * *

This guy is a million times weirder thanks to the accidental retconning later that cupids can look like totally normal people who know what clothes are. The 8x23 cupid was a sweetie pie. I bet she watched a ton of rom coms in her downtime. Sob into her ice cream over fictional characters being in love. I’m assuming they’re all a little goofy. :P 

Not sure what the other one’s problem was.

* * *

> (Cupid hugs Castiel)
> 
> CASTIEL Ugh!
> 
> CUPID Love is more than a word to me, you know. I love love. I love it! And if that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right!
> 
> CASTIEL Yes, yes. Of course. I, uh…I have no idea what you’re saying.

But yeah, angels that mindlessly follow Heaven’s orders to do this creepy bloodline maintaining thing, under the idea that they just love love (which the cupid has to justify to Cas, another, higher order of angel, that this is something which is inherently “wrong” to other angels), and they’re all caught up in the romance of it all… Heaven creating a special group of weird angels that none of the other angels actually like interacting with:

> DEAN I don’t like it.
> 
> CASTIEL No one likes it.

(i.e. clearly this “no one” would all be other angels as they’re the only ones who’d interact with cupids) and so they’re all flooded with this gross human emotion to make them go along with their job believing because how sweet it makes them feel to see people falling in love, that they’re doing something absolutely unquestionably right, because their odd soppy programming is designed to get a rush from setting people up…

All because Heaven is a totalitarian dystopia and needs to run its ant farm properly and discovered free will towards love is something that can’t always be allowed to happen.

* * *

Dean looks so affronted when Cas tells him “I believe you upset him”… This is like the “baby in a trenchcoat” scene. Dean just casually going around hurting angels’ feelings. :P

But yeah Dean’s in an angry ‘need to punch something’ mood which gives me the weird feeling of a link all the way to 10x20 and him having to get all defensive about saying that. If we assume the Mark was both hollowing him out and replacing that with evil ~darkness~ then he’s at least halfway there with the hollowed out inside thing this episode. And it is framed as at least a slight angry over-reaction from Dean, despite how this obviously personally offends him.

Because, of course, it challenges the core narrative of his life. It’s the core narrative of most kids’ lives: at least at the age he was when Mary died, look ahead to his heartbreaking moment with her in DSotM coming up soon: he saw his parents having an extended fight and he still insisted that they still loved each other. Since Mary died shortly after, John took his love for her and turned it basically into the primary driving force of the rest of his life with the need for revenge. So the idea of his parents’ love for each other has the certainty of childhood that parents just love each other (as if by magic shh :P) and the weight of John’s revenge mission. 

The idea of that romantic notion of the romantic narrative actually being something coerced and lacking free will - Dean’s primary ethical motivator especially for the big questions pretty much - is like the lowest blow you could deal Dean. (And this is the other main reason I think there’s been a focus on Dean harping about the white picket fence sporadically over the last few episodes.)

*yet more moments hollowing out him out by kicking away important structural bits inside*

> CUPID Well, not me, but… Yeah. Well, it wasn’t easy, either. Ooh, they couldn’t stand each other at first. But when we were done with them–Perfect couple.
> 
> DEAN Perfect?
> 
> CUPID Yeah.
> 
> DEAN They’re dead!

Also interesting that his reaction is to point out that they’re dead - obviously people can be a perfect couple but then tragically die, so this is linking their deaths specifically to being set up. Dean more than anyone (since Sam missed 4x03) knows the story of John n Mary’s relationship, and so perhaps him tying in their deaths as if the mere fact they got together is the cause of their deaths (as demonstrated last episode by them trying to convince Mary to leave John so they’d not be born). Maybe not Mary’s exactly, but since John self-destructed on the revenge path, the corruption of his love for Mary into that sort of becomes what Dean blames for  _his_  death maybe? (Think of riiight at the end of 1x22 with John saying killing the demon came above everything - including his own sons’ lives since Sam had to make a stand of prioritising Dean over revenge.)

* * *

[week long break to be ill]

* * *

Still think it’s really sinister the contrast between

> CUPID Love is more than a word to me, you know. I love love. I love it! 

and

> DEAN Why does heaven care if Harry meets Sally?
> 
> CUPID Oh, mostly they don’t. You know, certain bloodlines, certain destinies.

Just the cupid seeming completely oblivious of how clinical his job is…

* * *

Sam goes back to the coroner alone - Dean and Cas left unaccounted for for a while.

(I assume Cas is off on his burger run - Dean seems to be alone again when Sam calls him.)

* * *

*Sam’s demon X-ray vision pays off*

*Sam goes super scary*

Like, scary enough to make a demon run away in fear. Can you even imagine them expecting that in season 1? :P

* * *

I have always liked this custom soul-holding briefcase:

  


It’s this sort of thing I love in modern fantasy stuff: the combination lock full of spellwork and so on… Like, this whole concept is just beautiful. I wish there was more of this kind of thing. 

* * *

Anyway, casually saving souls from being eaten.

(I suppose horseman level power is the only way to destroy souls? Death says they can’t be destroyed later, and unless they were just forgetting this episode’s odd soul lore (it’s all odd), maybe it’s like, can’t be destroyed in the natural course of things. Not least because demons are corrupted human souls which can be killed by a variety of things so the loss of humanity opens up the soul to destruction too and that’s constant ongoing canon.)

* * *

> CASTIEL Yes. Absolutely. But not just food. I mean, everyone seems to be starving for something–Sex, attention, drugs, love… 

… I think he glanced at Dean specifically on the last point. >.>

Sam expresses confusion about the whole famine thing applying to everything, and the fact the show’s taking a sideways look at how it might affect people means they need this clarification. Of course it’s to make Dean’s affliction stand out - obviously Sam’s comes somewhat under the bracket “drugs” and is one of the expected sort of afflictions Famine causes.

Dean craving that emptiness of feeling on the other hand is way too complicated to pin down or anticipate.

* * *

I’ve always liked Cas doing the big epic voice over about Famine (oh of COURSE it would be a Biggersons) while holding the bag of burgers and probably still eating them between reciting dramatic stuff. I love the balance of drama and sublimely ridiculous stuff this show strikes sometimes (blaming Edlund for a lot of my favourite mood in this story :P) and Cas himself is currently in two states of compromised by hunger and yet because it’s happening to his vessel not him exactly, free to do the dramatic voice over and keep on Cas-ing as normal. 

I dunno, it’s interesting to think about Cas in all this because we often overlook it because he has that obvious hunger… But that’s not strictly to do with himself. Interesting that Famine skipped affecting Cas himself, but triggered something in his (technically dead) vessel - Cas’s first stop link to humanity anyway, and while he’s on his first less-than-angel arc - he’s still far from being uselessly limited to human abilities like he is by the very end of the season (compare to him facing off against Pestilence where he makes a big point of how much angel is left), but he’s obviously cut off and losing power through this early/middle part of the season (last Edlund episode, for example, he completely failed to smite Meg).

So yeah, Cas brought low by his unfortunately human “side”… 

(Also to contrast with Dean not eating, Cas starting to eat: both signs of them being in a really weird state, literally earlier with Cas inheriting that unwanted burger from Dean - their afflictions sort of play off each other by linking Cas, for the first time, to burgers, the ‘Dean food’ on the show, as it were. Also I suppose because “burgers” is one of the few character quirks Jimmy had since in his first full scene he just kinda ate his way through a bag of fast food with this sort of enthusiasm)

I wonder what, if possible Cas himself could have been afflicted with. Probably one of the emotional afflictions. (Too much heart was always his problem :P Maybe him hovering around Dean and casually going in to confront Famine when it seemed like a really bad idea because he was already afflicted physically is a small example of Cas recklessly endangering himself to help Dean… Hm.)

*various disorganised Cas thoughts*

* * *

I wonder where he was going to get the burgers. Apparently not  _that_  Biggersons. Cas’s knowledge of where to find fast food restaurants is impressive even now. :P

* * *

I do appreciate that the restaurant goes dark except for a huge red “All You Can Eat” sign when Famine is devouring that demon.

* * *

It’s also really cute that Dean kept War’s ring in an accessible pocket of his jacket the entire time. I know it probably feels like the most important item they’ve picked up lately anyway, but pack rat Dean stuff always tickles me.

(Of course there’s literally nothing to suggest he isn’t still wandering about with 3 out of 4 rings in his pockets just because…)

* * *

Also amusing: Sam having a really serious moment in the mirror and Dean n Cas bickering barely audibly in the background off-screen while we’re supposed to be worrying about Sam:

> DEAN What are you, the Hamburglar?
> 
> CASTIEL I’ve developed a taste for ground beef.
> 
> DEAN Well, have you even tried to stop it?
> 
> CASTIEL I’m an angel. I can stop anytime I want.

Poor Sam.

* * *

> DEAN You got to be kidding me. (to Castiel) You got to get him out of here. You got to beam him to, like, Montana. Anywhere but here.
> 
> CASTIEL It won’t work. He’s already infected. The hunger is just gonna travel with him.

I am assuming Cas knows this because of how much time he’s wasted in fast food restaurants in the last day.

(Maybe he’s picking them at random by what has the shortest queue between him and more food.)

* * *

> SAM But, Dean…before you go, you better…you better lock me down - but good. 

I am amused by the assumption from “but good” that they do bad lock-downs.

Well, I did have a working theory that end!Dean kind of knew 2009!Dean was inevitably going to get out and was basically just grimly expecting to see him wandering around exactly like what happened.

(Also Edlund episode. Hm. :P)

* * *

Anyway one of the recap tragic moments was Dean being so done and tired because of finding out about Sam and the demon blood in 4x20 and now he has to lock him down to stop him drinking more, so that’s one more leg kicked out from under Dean’s emotional well-being.

* * *

*Dean n Cas go investigate the coroner’s office together* Walking in step yeeeeah. (so much unnecessary lurking next to each other from this point) And Cas has been convinced to not eat burgers for this scene.

Dean’s on first name terms with Marty as well. It’s kind of impressive how in 2(?) visits that we know of he ended up bonding with the staff. We didn’t see any of it with Sam around so presumably that was Dean flirting his way in off-screen before the episode started for them. :P

> DEAN Thanks. Crap! I really kind of liked this guy. 

:( Poor Dean.

(*knocks “saving people” out from under Dean*)

* * *

*Cas casually checks to see if the coroner’s soul is still inside him* I wonder if dying of Famine-related issues kind of meant your soul stuck around in a way that it could be harvested because it seems pretty clear from most other canon that dying pretty much = moving on instantly or becoming a ghost right away. 

Maybe there’s a tether between body and soul that exists obviously for the sake of resurrection because we see souls shoved back in bodies fairly often and at least Mother’s Little Helper much later showed souls going back to their living bodies pretty much just because that’s where they belonged… Perhaps there’s a waiting period where it’s easy to get the soul back (kind of like how there’s a grace period of a few minutes to resuscitate someone physically when they’ve died) and that can be exploited to harvest souls from the freshly dead.

(Like in DSotM where Sam and Dean are returned to their still freshly-dead bodies with minimal fuss, but Dean and Adam’s resurrections after several months/a year of death meant bomb site resurrections.)

(I did say this episode had dodgy soul lore :P)

* * *

Anyway Dean is super impressed by Cas’s serious soul-locating abilities. (Later canon from season 6 when this became a thing had him cramming his fist into people to touch their souls, but he can sense it just from a touch to the guy’s torso in this case.)

* * *

Quietly sobbing about Cas being concerned about Dean and Dean shrugging it off like naaah clearly I am just materially satisfied enough for this not to matter and somehow my boozing and sleeping around and what have you has somehow added up to me being completely immune to this massive supernatural force.

Despite how it’s been established upfront this need is emotional too and if there’s one thing Dean is not it’s emotionally well-fulfilled. Honestly, emotional oblivion was the kinder route this could have taken.

I’d suppose all the stuff Dean lists, from sex to sandwiches, are the covers on top of this emotional void that make it more bearable, and his rejection of them is opening himself up to having nothing between it and him.

Because him saying that these things satisfy him so Famine has no effect, just does not work with Dean rejecting everything all episode. (Obviously, I mean, I know that’s not the real answer, but Dean does not seem to have put two and two together even from Sam and Cas both outright asking him what’s up at the moment.)

* * *

Aw Sam nooo :<

* * *

*quietly counts to ten before Dean says “this is taking too long” about Cas*

He was spaced out staring at his last burger wrapper, did you really think he was going to be okay? 

* * *

*Dean redeems himself slightly by showing concern for Cas when Cas looks at him like “heeeelp” while stuffing his face on the floor of the restaurant*

> DEAN (gesturing at Castiel) What did you do to him?
> 
> FAMINE You sicced your dog on me. I just threw him a steak.

Dog imagery! Poor Cas! :<

*season 10 -> 11 hiatus problems*

Anyway.

*kicks “reliance on Cas” out from under Dean* (which… with Sam left behind several crushing moments ago, kind of turns it into the final straw for emotionally dead-ifying Dean… Lol.)

I’m still intrigued that Famine has the power to, at close range, completely overwhelm Cas’s angelic nature and make the vessel take precedence. 

Maybe it’s just a shortcut to controlling angels - can’t get into their “heads” and affect them, but they have this really obvious weakness of dragging around human flesh to interact with this world on a base level. Which can then be perverted by this power.

* * *

Seriously how does ANYONE in this show voluntarily eat at a Biggersons?

*driving through a new town*  
“Hang on, Sam, the only place to eat here is a Biggersons.”  
“So?”  
“We’re going home. Get someone else to work this case.”  
“It’s a 5 minute easy salt-n-burn.”  
“I’M NOT TAKING THAT CHANCE.”

…

“Also I don’t care what Cas says, the coffee there sucks.”

* * *

*loud sadness about Dean*

Although, Famine kinda gets the whole “performing Dean” aspect of this:

> FAMINE Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! 

Picking on that little bit just because it’s probably the clearest moment we get confirming that Dean’s jokey outside layer (that NEVER goes away in this episode considering Famine’s literally berating him for making a joke at him now) is all a front to his emotional trauma. And that Dean is always lying and concealing his inside feelings. 

(Also Famine touches Dean in the same place Cas touched the dead coroner to feel his soul, so I’m guessing the location of the soul is a surprisingly fixed location.)

The rest of that speech, every sensitive Dean!girl has probably memorised, so I won’t poke at it too much, since all my analysis of Dean over this episode has been basically just using it.

> FAMINE I disagree. Yes. I see. That’s one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can’t fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex.
> 
> DEAN Oh, you’re so full of crap.
> 
> FAMINE Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can’t win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just… keep going through the motions. You’re not hungry, Dean, because inside, you’re already…dead.

:<

Anyway yeah that “I can see inside you” is sad because Cas said the exact same thing in 4x22:

> CASTIEL  
> What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. 

Dean’s slide into despair has been going on JUST A LITTLE WHILE.

(Cas didn’t need to poke Dean in the tummy to feel what was in his soul. Probably perks of being married - having a direct line into his head.)

Some people just aren’t emotionally equipped to deal with the weight of the world on their shoulders. :P

* * *

Famine’s creepy love of Sam for his hunger is possibly the most disturbing thing in this episode. He’s absolutely delighting in what Sam has been made into. There’s a lot of prodding at Sam as a base creature this season - War taunting him about the blood and him being inspired to violence. The subtle mocking about sex from 5x07/08. 

*Sam does the BAMF thing*

* * *

I guess the fact he didn’t manage to send the demons back to Hell was because Famine wanted to keep them around? So he just struggled like for like power against Famine? He got the demons out but Famine wouldn’t let him send them away?

* * *

*Sam does an even more BAMF thing*

* * *

Aaaand cut to him back in the panic room with everyone angstily standing around outside looking sad. :< Because obviously that wasn’t exactly a clear victory. 

Cas being supportive, and also lurking around near Sam because probably feeling sorry for letting him out in 4x21 and generally mirroring that moment but now with Cas actually looking after him. 

<3

(If they’re all hurting after this, Cas’s inability to look after them after being brought up sharply by random human urges out of the blue would probably be a good line to follow)

* * *

*Dean goes out to the stretch of Bobby’s scrapyard used for all the most dramatic helpless praying*

> DEAN Please…I can’t…I need some help. Please?

*sobbing*

Just… Dean appealing directly to a higher power after all his struggles with faith… Dean still broken down by everything that happened in the episode (just like Sam’s left with horrible after effects) because it’s not like that emptiness came from nowhere… If anything, if it was amplified by Famine’s presence, then coming back from that leaves him actually confronting how far gone he was inside, and finally facing up to how he feels he can’t go on alone. Dean reaching such a helpless state the only thing he can hope to do is pray… After all, last time he vaguely prayed due up Cas came to help him in 4x18 and offered a solution. But he’s seen Cas brought down low and helpless now, and so he’s aware Cas is just as helpless as they are, and so once again he’s appealing over Cas’s head.

And of course, Dean breaking down and praying just due upwards puts him temporarily on the same emotional goal as Cas for needing God’s help in particular, now we’re 1 episode away from DSotM (I think?? Or my memory is faking out that it’s 5x16 :P). I guess he’s needed all this time to be beaten down enough to feel like  _only_  divine intervention can get them out of this and actually have as much investment in it as Cas would, given how sceptical he was in 5x02. Like, he needed this much run up to become that desperate. Cas was supposedly only doing it for tactical means, which is why Dean agreed and gave him the amulet, but of course it’s paralleled exactly to Dean looking for John, so Cas has an ulterior emotional investment… Now Dean has joined him there.

Blargh.

This is a gruelling episode. Time to be done with it after spending 100 years on it.


	15. 5x15

Or: gratuitous zombie angst.

emotionally relevant gratuitous zombie angst 5 seasons down the line tho

* * *

Love that cheesy zombie opening. Complete with busting out of the grave exactly like Dean did in 4x01, just in case it wasn’t clear how much they were referencing zombie flicks then.

He was a bit less muddy and gross.

Everyone on this show is a zombie.

(Actually has Bobby died yet? I don’t think Bobby has died yet.)

This may be a “now you know how I feel” from Death to the main characters.

* * *

That nature documentary cold open framing will never not be funny.

* * *

There’s been a big time skip and we don’t know where Sam n Dean have been, but Sam is all better now from last episode and they’re coming back into town. It seems odd to have them return like this after last episode ended dramatically at Bobby’s, but speaks of them doing Important Stuff off-screen, and considering most of the hunt for the Colt was conducted off-screen until it paid off, their apocalypse year is full of busy stuff off-screen.

(Also I THINK we’ve left behind MotW for the season and it’s all in that murky technically plot area for the rest of the season? Like, this comes across as MotW but it’s entirely caused by the Apocalypse and ties into the main arc, but personally affects them on a small scale way.)

(Much to Death’s dissatisfaction. :P)

* * *

Because it is a Carver episode, there’s a sharp uptick in Americana: in this case the diner has Mt Rushmore on the wall.

I’m not sure if Carver asks for this stuff or if it just kind of shows up in his episodes. Certainly shows up in his seasons.

Anywho it’s there. :P

I think after 5 seasons nearly of dropping by Bobby’s this is our first Sioux Falls episode which stretches outside his scrapyard?

* * *

I love how calm the ENTIRE town is about zombies.

Well I mean they got all their loved ones back and have not yet got a reason to question them, so, gift horses etc.

* * *

> DIGGER  
> Heads up. “Fargo.”
> 
> SHERIFF MILLS  
> Digger.
> 
> DIGGER  
> Sheriff.
> 
> SHERIFF MILLS  
> Gentlemen. I’m Sheriff Jody Mills. I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure.

*screams in delight*

Also pre-emptive sadness about her talking to her kid on the phone… She’s telling him to eat healthily which means he’s already hungry and disinclined towards fruit. Seems normal for a kid? :S

(Not normal enough.)

* * *

Ah the pitfalls of doing stuff in your own backyard.

Insofar as Sioux Falls is their backyard. (It basically is by season 5)

It’s weird to think they must have made a ton of grocery runs and gas stops in town and crossed Jody’s path without realising the part she’d have to play in their emotional journey.

* * *

Bobby conspicuously wearing his hat to answer the phone but without it and with smoothed back hair when they get to him - methinks a conceit to make you not realise yet that anything more was up with Bobby than just becoming hard to get on the phone.

* * *

Woooah

Dean made Sam do the digging.

> SAM  
> What is going on here?

Same.

(Okay Sam does SOME of the digging but we often see Dean in the grave, Sam watching :P)

* * *

This episode is a masterclass in bafflement and feeling upset about everyone pretending it’s totally normal for zombies to be a thing. Sam and Dean must be starting to feel like they’re the crazy ones they’re so out of the loop.

> DEAN  
> So, what? Sheriff’s on the take?
> 
> SAM  
> Yeah. No. The zombies are paying her off?

Considering Clay whined about being a taxpayer, it seems like such a middle class neighbourhood watch level petty “don’t make a big deal I’m back as a zombie” thing.

They don’t actually know there are other zombies yet?

They just kind of expect some sort of shadowy zombie conspiracy?

But it’s just regular folk looking out for their loved ones, and creating a huge befuddlement to snoopers who ask too many questions.

* * *

I suppose Bobby was telling Jody about Karen.

> BOBBY  
> There are zombies… And then there are zombies. Come with me.

When is a monster not a monster?

* * *

When it makes you 4am pie.

* * *

*Bobby chucks his hat aside*

Anyway from this point on, screeching feelings about Bobby and Karen.

I guess the sun came up so maybe they’re having like 6am pie or something.

* * *

I love the introduction of yellow to Bobby’s house. This looks an AWFUL LOT like the bedspread with the gold stars on it:

Which I don’t think has been seen since it briefly came out of retirement in 4x03 for that time Cas and Dean were sitting on the same bed together.

It’s generally wrapped up in faith or characters’ strongest emotional arcs, so it seems quite fitting to have a tablecloth homage to that bedspread for Bobby’s emotional gutting that’s coming up.

(Since, you know, he was the last member of TFW feeling remotely OK at the end of LAST episode.)

* * *

(Two pronged attack from the horsemen to unsettle them. Since Famine was obviously under orders not to kill Sam like all the other Lucifer minions, it’s interesting to wonder where that one would have gone if he hadn’t badassed his way out of it. But getting to Bobby is key to destabilising them.)

(Death keeping a much more arms length distance from this)

* * *

Anyway, Dean actually eats some pie. This is very important.

Like, Sam sort of grins and bears it while Karen is around, making like he might eat some, but Dean actively tries the pie, discovers it’s delicious, and tucks in like a guy who’s had 5 seasons of pie being snatched from under his nose. (Hey, Bobby isn’t dead yet and he’s presumably sampled the pie. :P)

He rejects it once they have the space to confront Bobby, but until then Dean was actually enjoying it.

Kind of think maybe there’s a point to make about him playing along and putting on a face and actually enjoying the moment for real… Playing at being surface Dean or any of the other personas he gets into. 

Anyway, there’s a great deal more symbolically significant about Karen, being this apple pie producing perfect housewife who looks like she comes from probably a couple of decades earlier than she presumably actually died in? She sort of represents a dead dream for them: at this point in the apocalypse anyways. The dinner table scene I capped has her serving them her zombie pie, and there’s a place setting for her, but she doesn’t sit with them but goes right back to the kitchen. Her behaviour just gets weirder as she churns out more pies than anyone could ever eat - a mockery of her “role”…

And yet she’s pretty much the most serene, beautiful character who passes through this season. She’s emotionally gutting to be around, yes, but the way she holds herself and talks and philosophises her situation and the questions of love… Just gaaah.

* * *

Anyway look. It Binky:

* * *

Dean talking about Death like he doesn’t even know offering him all this pie would be a great way to make friends.

* * *

*Karen humming in the background*

*little shreds of my heart everywhere*

* * *

> BOBBY  
> Look, just read Revelation. The dead rise during the apocalypse. There’s nothing in there that says that’s bad! Hell, maybe it’s the one good thing that comes out of this whole bloody mess.

As far as I recall from school, Judgement Day itself did feature all the dead rising either as zombies or like new (depending on what interpretation you had) and going off to paradise but certainly, for the ones who were judged fit for paradise anyway, it was a good thing… It’s quite possible the “paradise” everyone’s been waiting for (Raphael at least mentioned it - probably Zachariah too?) is something like that and Death was supposed to help with that. 

Instead, fail pancake zombies.

Ah well.

* * *

(Second best thing to Karen about this episode: Death’s background prickling professional pride about this whole thing.)

> SAM  
> Bobby… Why would Death raise 15 people in a podunk town like Sioux Falls?
> 
> BOBBY  
> I don’t know.

*Death narrowing his eyes at them for not getting the message that this was personal sooner*

* * *

I do like how this scene is actually pretty fairly balanced between Sam and Dean and Bobby - no one’s getting preferential POV treatment. It’s a real family moment between them.

* * *

Hey, remember when I got really sad about the empty rooms in 4x02?

And said it was probably because of Karen and then started speculating that Bobby’s house had a lot of that dark space?

Totally forgot how many boarded up windows there are in this rare long exterior shot. (It does look worked over by the SFX department so I can guess why. :P)

Gonna go out on a limb and assume that the reveal that the entire top of the house is off limits and has been for ages as far as we know (ALL THOSE ROOMS and Sam n Dean slept in the library in 4x02!) probably is a confirmation Bobby has retreated to the 3 rooms we actually routinely see, and since it happens in this episode that we get this good look at his house, this is a Karen-related thing. 

Kinda sad it’s a zombie house literally in that it’s got all this dead space in it. :<

* * *

(I always feel in the Bobby-centric episodes I have not consistently advertised how emotional I get about Bobby in the in-between phases. I get extremely emotional about Bobby. To date 7x10 is the only episode in the entire show to make me cry. Full stop. And it’s got me repeatedly. I may cry on this rewatch if I ever get there.)

* * *

*dramatic zoom to Dean*

What is often left out after that zoom whenever I see it giffed, is the camera swinging around to show Karen, Dean jumping a foot in the air, and Karen jumping and going “oops!” in alarm in response.

She’s such a sweetie. Tiny, cute, zombie. 

> KAREN  
> Oops. Did I scare you?
> 
> DEAN  
> No. No. No. There’s… nothing scary about you at all.
> 
> KAREN  
> Feel like some lunch?
> 
> DEAN  
> Uh… I’m good. Thanks.
> 
> KAREN  
> Come on, there’s more pie.
> 
> DEAN  
> I don’t think that Bobby wants me inside.
> 
> KAREN  
> Guess it’ll have to be our secret, then, huh? Come on.

Where does this even fit into the bro code?

Anyway, Dean resentfully goes and actually managed to turn down food, and is now looking like he totally isn’t going to get second helpings of the pie except that he probably is at least kind of tempted by second helpings of the pie…

* * *

I’m just gonna make myself more sad here, but… Jodyyy.

TRAGIC FRIDGED FAMILY HUNTER ORIGIN STORY.

If he’s like 10-12 or so (Lizbob Jones: canonically awful at judging the age of anyone under 16), he’d be, allowing the canon skipped years that canon doesn’t actually allow (I can’t remember if this applied to her either) the same age as Claire? And Alex? I feel like he was  _close enough_  in birth year (we don’t know how long he has been dead either - it may have been a couple of years for all we know since the dead are coming back without scars or decomposition) to make, at least in Jody’s case, the extremely long run of the show that much more powerful for handing her all these teenagers.

Like, if Alex happened to her next season it would be nothing on late season 9 for emotional impact?

* * *

Anyway Sam splits off to snoop on Jody, Dean stays to watch Bobby’s house and gets into a discussion with Karen, and weirdly enough these tiny decisions all the way back here shape things for miles into the show. Sam always has narrative favouritism with Jody. Dean, well…

* * *

This is about as tragic as the Jody & family screenshot:

Dean keeps on eating that pie!

I know fandom has a thing for Ellen as the other mother figure, but seriously. I like her fine, but Karen here vs Mary next episode in the Heaven memory? Bobby’s entrenched as the alternate father figure for Dean and Sam; Karen as his wife is like another missing dead mother to them. Tragic, yeah, but Dean eating that pie is a weird moment of bonding to this other mother figure. That tiny, stolen taste of what it would have been like to have Karen in his life. At this stage, snatched about as tragically as Dean enjoying a sandwich in 2x20 made by Mary or their moment in his Heaven.

Also more broadly, the pie is just symbolic of stolen domestic family life: something Dean gets just a taste of coming up with Lisa as a sort of year of a stolen moment, or has only stolen tastes of through his life in other ways. 

* * *

This pie is not for you, Dean.

:(

* * *

*creepy moment as he sees there’s at least 20 pies in the room*

> DEAN  
> I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that you like pies. Did you bake all these?
> 
> KAREN  
> I don’t know what it is. Since I got back, I can’t stop baking.

* * *

Of course there’s always the fact that Karen is making all these pies for Bobby too (I know she’s probably also really hungry but I’d assume her motivation is also to do something nice for Bobby)

> KAREN  
> Come on, Dean. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Keeping an eye on me? I know who you are. Just like I know Bobby’s not the same mild-mannered scrap dealer I married. You hunt things. I – I’m a thing. I get it.
> 
> DEAN  
> So then you know that Sam and I would never let anything happen to Bobby. That he’s like a father to us.
> 
> KAREN  
> I understand. And he’s lucky to have you looking out for him, Dean. But you’re not the only one.

She’s caring about him AND understands the changes that her death brought. I think this brings me to the point I touched on aaaall the way back in the first zombie episode: to me she read a lot like soulless!Sam. To split it up into meatsuit and soul, Angela was brought back with one but not the other (amateur witchcraft not being up for wrangling souls, like, say, Death seems to be the only one who does this kind of thing). On the other hand, these zombies are so assimilated back into their old lives, emotionally, that weirdness about being dead aside, and the growing hunger that takes them over as their bodies start to give out in disturbing ways, and the way Karen TALKS makes me absolutely sure that Death brought them back with their souls, and they’re a very special type of zombie, where the meatsuit is dead but the soul is still powering it around. They’re not vengeful ghosts or whatever, just their old selves, pushing around the meatsuits.

(Interesting then, for no reason whatsoever drawing a line between them, that just last episode we had Cas succumb to the hunger of his vessel with no control over its need to consume meat, despite the fact that inside he was still Cas and basically an unaffected party to his vessel’s weakness. Obviously it’s way more complicated with angel ownership and the fact that Jimmy may be gone but the vessel itself is categorically not dead in the sense that it’s still living bleeding flesh and it was a living hunger for non-creepy meat that Cas had… *anxiously backtracks to kick sand over anything that looks like it could back up the stupid “Destiel is necrophilia” argument*)

Anyway yeah. There’s that parallel going one way, and then in the other… 

> KAREN  
> I remember everything, you know. When I died. That demon taking over my body… and the things it made me do. And Bobby having no choice but to… Well, you know what he did. But I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. The guilt. It weighs on him.
> 
> DEAN  
> So why don’t you just tell him you remember?

(Since, you know, Bobby has already said that Karen has no memory of it.)

This gifset is one of the only things in my 5x15 tag at time of writing:

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/93533781643/clusterjam-5x15-9x06>

Not saying this is healthy for either Karen or Dean to do (because she’s trying to protect Bobby when she needed to talk to him, and Dean likewise was in deep with the lies at that point and it would have been the opportunity to at LEAST come clean if he couldn’t keep Cas around but the important thing is it was emphasised that he was coming from the same sort of emotional place as Karen: trying to keep Cas out of it and happy and not trouble him any more, as they spoke more generally too about things for Cas.)

I think if I had to guess about bringing the subject up with Dean now - and attaching it to him so explicitly of begging the question of Dean never being in love - they may have known about season 6 by now just because it’s only a few episodes before Dean packs it in and rushes off to say sad things to Lisa, so this is potentially the emotional build up to that.

I’d also say that Dean x Lisa is sad and bittersweet and an aforementioned stolen moment in Dean’s life he didn’t ever think he could have, and even then it doesn’t match up to this speech in the way Karen is trying to protect Bobby. Dean gets overprotective of Lisa, but he’s pretty upfront with her and really fails at the bringing her peace thing in all the interactions we see on screen. (Not least because his very arrival is an upheaval.) 

(Also beautiful: this conversation starts with “go out on a limb” and Dean accusing Karen of liking pie. As with last episode linking Dean n Cas through burgers, this episode Karen n Dean are linked through their shared love of pie. And then this phrasing:

> KAREN  
> I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you’ve never been in love. He’s my husband. My job is to bring him peace… not pain.

They’re going out on a limb a lot. Reading each other and guessing quite accurately, from context cues. Karen GETS Dean in the same way Dean can make a really “no shit Sherlock” deduction about her and pie. The conversation’s neat bookending of itself basically highlights how on the nose Karen was about this.)

Anyway it’s interesting that Karen has all sorts of emotional power imbalance over Bobby. She plays innocent about her death, but also about the message that Death ACTUALLY gave her to relay to Bobby. She’s playing house and making pies and probably all these zombies (the adult ones anyway) are aware their situation is SUPER WEIRD but the only way anyone can make it through is by playing along and trying to accept this situation for what it is. It’s a fantastically complex game Karen has to play, trying to be her old self, ENJOYING being alive again and doing what she can for Bobby and trying to ease the pain of knowing how he’s changed and how much of it was because of her death etc… 

Contrast that to 9x06 and Dean having all the emotional power over Cas: he had to make the call to kick him out or not, and then in the episode he’s burdened with the secret he’s not telling Cas, and the layers of it involving kicking him out, and Cas is basically helpless to Dean’s whims in his circumstances. Dean’s presence intrudes NOT UNLIKE popping back up from the dead and reappearing in the fragile half-life Cas made for himself. Karen brings civilian nostalgia to Bobby, Dean brings nostalgia for being a hunter to Cas and urges him into joining him…

Blargh. :P

* * *

Meanwhile: Sam vs sticky zombies. Just like them, my delight about this episode is turning.

* * *

I wonder if all the zombies knew the message Death wanted to tell them or if Ezra Jones just meant to eat him the entire time?

* * *

> BOBBY  
> Keep your damn voices down. Karen’s upstairs.

*looks at my previous comment about Bobby’s house’s upstairs and wails loudly*

* * *

Lampspotting!

(We knew from at least 4x21 these were the lights Bobby had outside in the scrap yard but even so, actually focussing the camera on them is probably important. Now he’s driven them from the property there’s a focus on the barbed wire, high fence, and caged lights.)

> DEAN  
> He’s crazy.
> 
> SAM  
> It’s his wife, Dean.
> 
> DEAN  
> So he goes “Full Metal Jacket” on us? We’re his family, Sam.
> 
> SAM  
> Look, man. Bigger fish, okay? I mean, we got a bunch of zombies about to turn this town into a giant chew toy.
> 
> DEAN  
> Yeah, and he’s alone in the house making pie with one of ‘em!

So Dean didn’t get the message that it’s going both ways that being with your beloved again after ages makes you do loopy things, like risk being stuck alone with a potentially face-eating zombie. 

Also interesting he says they’re making pies together. Just, you know, linking them together under the umbrella term of “making pie” as if to equate “playing house” or something. 

* * *

I don’t know what to do with Jody actually calling the doctor for advice for her feverish zombie son.

This seems like something they will not have information on.

* * *

Jody noooooooooooooooooooo. :<

* * *

Aw but Sam and Jody.

Poor Jody. :( Sam’s got you.

*tries to reach through the screen to hug her*

* * *

> KAREN  
> I remember.
> 
> BOBBY  
> You remember what?
> 
> KAREN  
> Everything. The demon inside me. You killing me. I remember.
> 
> BOBBY  
> Then you know… why I can’t do it again.
> 
> KAREN  
> I remember something else, too. When I came back… There was a man.
> 
> BOBBY  
> What do you mean, a man?
> 
> KAREN  
> At the grave. He was so thin. Like a skeleton. And he told me to give you a message.
> 
> BOBBY  
> Me? W-why didn’t you tell me this before?
> 
> KAREN  
> You’ve seen so much. I just… I just wanted to see you smile.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

She died holdin’ his hand though. 

*hugs Bobby too*

So yeah, Karen does the right thing and tells the truth to Bobby - about everything, not just the plot stuff - and they get their bittersweet but  _honest_  second send-off.

* * *

Listen, Karen Singer is the most precious cinnamon roll ever.

* * *

> MAN  
> Uh, you mind telling us who the hell you are?
> 
> SAM  
> Friend of Bobby Singer’s.
> 
> MAN  
> Town drunk.
> 
> SAM  
> No, I – I thought… (nods at Digger) he was the town drunk.
> 
> MAN  
> Who told you that?
> 
> SAM  
> Bobby Singer…

Love the commentary on people telling different stories.

Quite likely they BOTH fulfil some sort of town drunk status but they won’t admit it about themselves. :P

* * *

Was that the honest taxpayer zombie beating Dean up?

* * *

Anyway, another episode of Bobby being made vulnerable and being attacked in his own house. (Man, that window in the library gets smashed a lot) And in this case, Sam saves them!

Nooo the kitchen is still full of pies.

Anyway, ongoing tally of Bobby saving them vs them saving Bobby. 

* * *

Aw Jody and Dean did a zombie round up drive together.

*Sam is super concerned for Jody’s mental wellbeing* *sad looks are exchanged*

* * *

> DEAN  
> Hey, look, I don’t know squat from shinola about love, but… At least you got to spend five days with her, right?
> 
> BOBBY  
> Right. Which makes things about a thousand times worse. She was the love of my life. How many times do I got to kill her?

:< :<

(You have to be impressed that Death personally came to town for the sake of Bobby though. I mean like, Bobby vs Lucifer is a very understated thing in this show but Lucifer DID kill him personally in Swan Song. I like that Lucifer had to be super aware of this random bloke who was the Greatest Obstacle. Like, you know, medley of fallen angels, demons like Crowley, and then this bloke in a trucker hat as public enemies no 1 through 4.)

* * *


	16. 5x16

Or: I am regretfully going to have to set aside my vendetta against Dabb about being bad at writing car continuity for one episode.

… Don’t think I don’t see you writing yourself a nice neat little episode where driving continuity doesn’t matter. Nicely dodged, sir. Nicely dodged.

* * *

I do appreciate an episode that starts with a recap of gratuitous Winchester death.

The music is so tense especially through the recap of the samulet and Dean giving it to Cas. Excited for this part of their arc to pay off: like I said at the end of 5x14 it took Dean aaall that time to get on the same page as Cas in terms of desperately asking God for help. Cas has been busy on it all season with the times when they need his help being distractions… They DO feel a little adrift through the middle of the season because of this being on vaguely non congruent paths, but this episode swings it around properly to be a CasDean problem, and their subsequent interactions for the rest of the season basically are helped by this. Basically, key episode in early smushing them together, emotionally, since nothing’s actively smushed them since the end of season 4. :P 

* * *

The establishing shot to let us know this is a Winchester-occupied motel room is dozens of empty beer cans. (well, 15 and a more than half-empty bottle of whiskey)

Aw Deeean. :<

No wonder you were that much harder to wake up than Sam was. :(

* * *

Uhoh, red and black motel room. *ominous* I hope no one… dies… in here. :3

* * *

Amused by how Dean can recognise these guys despite the balaclavas. I assume he knows at least Roy extremely well to do that. Or he’s just got a good memory for faces.

* * *

> DEAN: Go ahead, Roy, do it. But I’m going warn you, when I come back I’m going to be pissed. C’mon! Let’s get this show on the road. 

I suppose Dean’s rationalised by now that they don’t get to stay dead - yeah he’s pissed, but I think after his initial D: moment when Sam died we’ve had even in the last 3 episodes Michael bringing Sam back from the dead after a 10 minute nap, and both have heard plenty about how they’re too indispensable to higher powers to let die. Dean knows Sam’s gonna be back and he knows he will, so he goes from mourning to just full on pissed they’d hurt Sam… Which makes him much more angry and focussed than he might have been if he was faced with the pure horror of a permanent looking Sam death, I think.

One advantage of having a huge destiny thrown at you: you know you will not end in a dingy motel room, hungover and gross, killed by D-list losers in your grand scheme of things.

* * *

I do think this is the one episode the title card of this season really works for. I’ll excuse it on the understanding it was designed for this episode. :P

* * *

Tiny Sam! Hello! 

Dean wakes up in the car and has steamy breath, btw. Not sure if Heaven is cold or if it was a frigid 4th of July. :P

(Canada problems. Just ignore them.)

> SAM: Got your lighter?
> 
> Dean checks his pockets and pulls out an old lighter.
> 
> DEAN: Whoa, I haven’t seen this in years.

Some of the more enthusiastic for statistics rewatches were keeping a tally of lighters (I saw several peeps doing this) so I think it turns out that Dean really does ditch the lighters in the graves etc after a salt n burn, and that he is ALSO nostalgic for stuff (because he has so few possessions) and so he probs used his Beloved Best Lighter for something and never saw it again.

This Heaven has everything in it :P

(smoker Dean subtext - him having a permanent fave lighter for a long time that Sam knew about as “his” lighter. Yet primary use of lighters in their line of work is to drop them never to be seen again.)

* * *

Nice mirrored upside down shot of Dean reflected in Baby:

I had seen some humorous wank-related wank about the soulmates thing pointing out Baby was in Dean’s Heaven when he woke up and therefore he and Baby are clearly soulmates (borderline canon anywho based on the way Dean n Baby mirror each other) and I laughed it off, but we saw her plates in After School Special, which would be around about lil Sam’s age, being something different, yet they’re the CNK plates she’s had since season 2 when we see her in the wide shots, not even the KAZ plates she started with in season 1.

Aka that’s present Baby and she’s literally in Heaven with Dean.

Being a car and part of Dean I can understand if she didn’t wait to “die” to come with him.

* * *

Anyhow Cas is here too.

> DEAN: You gotta stop poking around in my dreams. I need some me time.

How often does this happen, Dean? We’ve seen this… Twice?

This line comes under the same bracket as “we’ve talked about this. Personal space?” and whatever it was exactly Dean said about Cas watching him sleep in season 8. Technically all stuff we see happen, once or twice. Dean’s complaints? Way overblown if it  _only_  happens as often as we see it in canon. 

What I’m saying is we either miss a ton of DeanCas moments or Dean doth protest too much and either way it’s hilarious.

> DEAN: I’m dead.
> 
> CASTIEL: Condolences.

This was… weirdly non-sarcastic after what I expected from seeing it on snarky Cas gifsets so many times. I mean we all know, Dean knows, Cas knows, that Dean is not dead for long. I suppose Cas could have been extremely dry but it tripped me up because I was expecting way more drollness in the way he said it compared to what actually floated out of the radio.

> DEAN: Heaven? How did I get to heaven? 

This on the other hand is extremely more upsetting than I remember because he sounds so perturbed about it, like he can’t credit at  _all_  that he would just naturally go to Heaven in the course of things. Maybe he still doesn’t credit it and just assumes they wanted him up there for their more important purposes rather than anything he  _deserved_.

Oh Dean.

* * *

Meanwhile: Sam has a really weird Heaven. Thinking of stolen normal moments. Sam playing at being the average kid, nothing strange about him… You can hear in the background of Sam and Dean’s conversation, the father asking Sam what it is John does - obviously Sam’s stepped out of the hologram to chat to Dean, so we don’t know what he would have said, but OBVIOUSLY he lied about it, so there’s the whole side of his Heaven being just flat out denying who he is and enjoying this moment of liberation from their lives.

Interesting that it’s another event holiday. Sam traditionally bad at Halloween, but had starry eyes for Christmas in season 3. I talked a lot in the Christmas episode about Sam only in the course of that episode giving up his ideal Christmas which would be the Christmas equivalent of this Thanksgiving, or, basically what the MotW in that episode had for their Christmassy house, minus all the cannibalism, in exchange for actually enjoying what he had with Dean. 

The terrible Christmases they had seem roughly on a level with this:

> DEAN: What are you talking about? We had Thanksgiving every year.
> 
> SAM: We had a bucket of extra-crispy and Dad passed out on the couch.

I think it obviously worked to change his attitude on the holiday in that episode, but Sam’s need for normality is deep-rooted and so this as a powerful memory sticks around, and despite this being after his True Meaning Of Christmas moment, has gone back to being something he remembers fondly, just for how it felt. I think I’m just gonna link [this deleted scene from 10x05](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/128718456278/yourfavoritedirector-unaired-scene-fanfiction) which was posted today, and move on. :P

(Oh but one other thing: I’m not sure because we don’t have Thankgiving but someone explained to me once that of the 2 holidays, Thanksgiving is the more family-oriented one than Christmas in America? So Sam getting a replacement family for this Heaven is somehow more of a low blow than if he went off to celebrate Christmas with someone else?)

> SAM: Okay, how are we in heaven?
> 
> DEAN: All that clean living, I guess.
> 
> Sam shakes his head.
> 
> SAM: No, no. Okay. You… I get, sure. But me? Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’ve done a few things?

Got to love how they’re all convinced they’re going straight to Hell, hence not crediting this with being actually Heaven. :P

Oh Sam.

* * *

I guess the angel-warding on their ribs carried through to Heaven? I mean they’re them at time of death but they’re not obviously shot at this point. So there’s room to wonder if they were completely remade. Or maybe the branding is slightly spiritual and carried through.

Anyway, Zachariah needs to use a searchlight to find them.

* * *

> DEAN: I don’t know, but we are taking the escalator back downstairs. (He hits the radio) Cas!
> 
> SAM: What are you doing?
> 
> DEAN: What’s it look like?
> 
> SAM: Like you’ve lost your mind.

Apparently it’s not totally normal to expect your boyfriend to be in the radio?

Like… what does this even look like to Sam aside from that? That Dean has broken down and in a fit of mania started yelling for Cas as if he is a household appliance? Like Dean just expects him to be? Or he literally thinks the radio is Cas?? Whatever it is it’s a fixation on Cas in the oddest way.

Anyway, while I’m tentatively okay with the soulmates thing for the sake of Horrific Heaven Dystopia and this all being a big conspiracy to make them do what they’re told etc (because there’s no way with this universe’s world building that soulmates would be an uncomplicated, good thing), Cas’s instructions to follow the road to get to the garden are exactly the same to get Dean to Sam’s Heaven - just keep following it. Suggesting these are distinct stops along the way and maybe they are on a similar branch (see: the Bobbies) but they’re actually moving from one distinct Heaven to another because obviously there’s no place for Dean in this Heaven (Heavens seeming to be 1-2 room affairs it’s not like there’s 100 miles of city outside where Dean can go be across town in an equivalent moment in space and time of where he was at that exact moment); Sam despite being dead first wasn’t the Sam present in the fireworks memory, etc… I go back and forth on the details of if they’re grimly trapped together in their bubbles of mis-matched memories suffering for their incompatibility as soulmates, or just that because they’ve been woken up to being in Heaven they can use the road to move around within it at random, and the only thing Cas knows for sure is that the end of all the branches of the fractals of Heaven get you to the Garden if you know how to get onto the road, which is what he’s taught them to do.

In this case telling them about the road is the same as Bobby being alerted to the fact he’s in Heaven, breaking him out of the soporific Matrix haze, and letting him find his way out.

* * *

> SAM: So… What do you think?
> 
> DEAN: I think we hit the yellow bricks, find this Joshua cat.
> 
> SAM: (looks surprised) Really?
> 
> DEAN: What? You don’t?
> 
> SAM: No, uh. I’m just surprised you do. Last time I checked you wanted to break God’s nose, now you think he can help?
> 
> DEAN: He’s the only one who can. I mean, come on, Sam. We are royally boned. So prayer? The last hope of a desperate man.

Does it need saying about 5x14 again? :P

Anyway yeah, Sam is just… not on their page. Dean’s like, yeah, okay, time to find out what God has to say, good thinking, babe, but Sam is alienated from his and Cas’s shared interest in the desperate need to find God, because he hasn’t been brought, emotionally, to that point in the same way. He could actually be convinced of it for  _legit_  tactical reasons, but it’s Cas who has the paralleled to Dean in season 1 investment in finding God, and it’s Dean who has the hanging by a thread faith that’s been so tentatively built up and then kicked out from under him already, so they’re leaping on it as an emotional journey that they  _need_  to see through.

* * *

Anyway, the car disappeared. (*Dabb wipes away a bead of sweat from his forehead*)

The forest that sort of fills the gap probably isn’t any specific memory, and it creeps up around the edges a couple of times here. I think forests are a sort of liminal space in people’s subconscious in this universe - think about Sam putting himself back together after the wall was broken in his head for example. This all feeds into my vague ideas of what Purgatory might be aside from what they tell us (because there’s some odd gaps about purpose and use there, since the link between monsters and leviathan and Eve isn’t clear) (ALSO 10x19′s “purgatory”). I know it’s recycling easy outdoor locations (Dean’s hellhound dream in 3x16 feels like it may even have been an exact stretch of forest used in this although I’ve never compared :P) but it still interests me that this random forest crops up here, and it’s never assigned a reason for its presence, it just  _is_.

It’s like the fog of war around a computer game map.

* * *

Heh, Dean finds a road in the closet. To his Heaven. Dean’s Heaven is in the closet.

* * *

Dean tie your shoes.

*tries to spot the sock monkey*

*notices Baby instead*

She’s not on the road! 

Dean used the little blue car instead. BETRAYAL.

This is probs season 7 foreshadowing.

(Or I get to accuse Dabb of being bad at cars because.)

He has so many little cars in his room :3 And a fireman hat! He wanted to be a fireman and save people  _even before the awful happened_.

The basic interests of a young boy: football, baseball, creepy puppet

What is this?

I am coming to the conclusion Dean’s childhood had its own disturbing moments.

* * *

Not the same kitchen as 5x13, because the wallpaper is flowery instead of Sam’s shirt.

(He’s changed to maroon for this scene which does match the flowers on the wall. HM. There’s some tins on the side which also have poppies on them - kind of unreal dream theme? Poppies = opium = sleep. Emphasising the lack of reality to this especially since Dean is interacting on 2 levels of taking part in the memory and also breaking character to talk to Sam, who is presumably an infant upstairs. Was it 5x08 I was talking about their interaction in playing a game? Yeah, in the Dr Sexy bit… It was Dean who bought into it there, and Sam who was standing around like a confused potato. In this case Sam intentionally has nothing to do in this scene.)

I still feel weird about switching actresses for a ~4 year time skip. Obviously Mary as Sam Smith is just an extra emotional punch they’re going for. Being so close to the other Mary in time and most recent visit to the character is weird though - it lends this extra sense of meta-level nostalgia to the change up, like picking the Alpha Mary just for emphasis.

* * *

Anyway, Dean steals his moment of comfort from Mary and then ends up interacting in his Heaven to offer HER comfort instead. 

Since Sam is apparently born already there’s only a 6-month window this could have happened in. We’ve had a long stretch since the Pilot, but John was asleep in front of the TV there, and not in bed with Mary: seen comments on it going either way about his own issues driving him to insomnia and it being indicative of a non-perfect marriage, but despite all the prodding at John’s character over the show so far, his relationship with Mary has never honestly been challenged openly in the text until now?

It’s interesting coming so soon after the comment from the cupid, because it does show that these “perfect couples” aren’t actually perfect (beyond the “they’re dead!” that Dean complained about) but also, with both the vessels born, it’s like they almost don’t  _need_  to still be together because their breeding purposes were met? Their marriage is threatened by normal human fights and Heaven’s gonna have no interest in patching them back together…

* * *

> MARY: You are my little angel. (She smiles too wide.) How ‘bout some pie? Okay. 

… My eyes aren’t prickling. Go away.

Anyway yeah if I had any doubt about comparing Karen Singer to Mary last episode it just evaporated.

Canon link between home/Mary/family and pie established for Dean. 

And he has it snatched from him all the time… I mean, any show could have a character who liked pie, and then was constantly not getting his pie, and it be just the dorky funny thing it looks like on the surface, but instead we get one moment where Dean gets his pie, and then this boot in the gut about how important pit is and why… 

(One of the points of [Dean vs Cake](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/tagged/dean+vs+cake/chrono) that came up was that cake was sort of representing Dean shifting from this nuclear family old school approach to slowly embracing the idea of the bigger, weirder family, you know, that don’t end in blood and all. Except for the whole thing with the end of season 10 but I guess we’re not going there right now :P This is already one of my more season 10-ish rewatches)

* * *

Oh! Something else from my rewatch - in 4x20 I got hung up on the milk drinking as a wholesome family thing, when the Novaks creeped me out by drinking milk with dinner. The weird thanksgiving family Sam was with were drinking milk, and Dean was too obviously when Mary poured it for him in this scene.

A whole lot of drinking milk symbolism here. Interesting that it happens in both their Heavens.

(Contrasted, I suppose, to the upcoming drinks of choice in Ash’s Heaven)

* * *

Anyway, Winchester family temporarily saved for like 3 weeks before Mary dies, Sam starts the search for a way out.

(The wallpaper is kinda plaid in the Winchesters’ kitchen!)

I’m honestly not trying to pick a fight, because this episode really does make Heaven out to be awful so the whole soulmates thing is basically just another unromantic dick move if it is true, but I’m still thinking ahead to Dabb’s follow up Heaven episode, where Cas explains to Bobby how to get out his bubble:

> CASTIEL: You need to find your heaven’s escape hatch. Look for something that shouldn’t be there, and that’s your way out. 

Obviously the toy cars were from Dean’s heaven in Sam’s, and this post card is from Sam’s and he’s finding it in Dean’s… Basically, something that shouldn’t be there, offering them a way to move onwards. An escape hatch, if you will.

Of course it’s continuing the road symbolism, within this episode’s language, but the follow up using this same method for escape from a set location does feel like it’s drawing some lines between Sam n Dean’s bubbles.

* * *

Whatever else this scene is about, Bones is extremely cute.

* * *

This scene is just straight up awful to watch, but I am impressed by how much stuff Sam managed to accumulate in 2 weeks… Unless he’s just crashing somewhere and only contributed the pizza?

Bye Bonesy. :(

* * *

I think the saddest thing in all of this is that Sam is completely innocent (note word use and not “oblivious” or something condemning. He was a kid.) to how his desire to run away, at least at that age, affected Dean? The fact Dean recognises the motel room/trailer/whatever it was Sam was staying in suggests he actually showed up here to take Sam back (with or without John) and I can bet Dean acted mad with Sam at the time (passing on whatever John’s reaction was? Probably issues expressing his fear and concern healthily too). Sam probably just thought Dean was being angry and strict to drag him back, without considering the emotional damage Dean took of thinking Sam was dead, never mind dealing with John finding out Sam was missing, whatever happened there (but causes one of the most horrifically traumatised faces we ever see Dean pull ever at the memory of). 

To Sam it was just this great 2 week holiday, and then he was in trouble, but like, what could they even really do except for drag him back on the road? Dean and John being pissed with him after would only seem like them stopping him from being himself blah blah teenage rebellion… We don’t get an age for Sam on this, but the memory feeds directly into Leaving For Stanford: out the door and into the next memory without finding a road, we see a cleaner transition without needing an artefact or obvious path because we’re staying in Sam’s bubble, specifically the “leaving home” section of it.

(I’ve also noticed that their new wardrobe change has put Dean in a plain black jacket and Sam presumably in generic Sam clothes but ones he wore when he ran off, scaled up to his current size like the Wuv Hugs shirt.)

(Thinking of that, the Wuv Hugs shirt being scaled up and then Dean sitting in the kitchen being looked after… never mind the parallel I drew watching Swap Meat to Sam’s Thanksgiving memory, the subversion of the breakfast table scene as Dean’s nice moment with Mary is even worse. Sam didn’t belong in either scene, but Dean in the same humorously scaled up attire is in his element as a kid in a domestic situation.)

* * *

Anyway, we get to that scene that Colin Ford is apparently currently the exact right age to film, so season 11 is going to be one long “why are they not doing this flashback?!?” if they don’t do this flashback properly.

Sam’s learned from the Flagstaff memory - you can  _see_  the “shit this is not going to go over well” on his face.

Since I took Sam’s side over Flagstaff, I’m just gonna quote Dean here:

> DEAN: (turning away) Yeah, he wasn’t the only one you got away from.
> 
> SAM: Dean, I’m sorry. I just, uh…
> 
> DEAN: I know. You didn’t, you didn’t think of it like that.

As they go on to say, they’ve just ended up, despite spending a significant chunk of their lives together, with completely opposite ideas of family and what they want from it. Sam loves Dean but his Heaven’s happy memories aren’t  _about_  Dean. Dean’s got one happy memory with Sam - as a kid in a way that is preserving a very pure moment - but his memories also stretch back further than Sam’s ever can (I think it’s important Sam was already born at that point to highlight it). Sam isn’t trying to escape  _from_  Dean although this is how Dean saw it in both instances - Sam getting out from under his “watch” (i.e. Dean as the jailer to Sam’s freedom) and pointing out how Sam wanting to get away from John was leaving him too.

This all works pretty well with the season 1 emotional arcs tbh of how Dean approached and saw the need to put their family back together and the way Sam came cautiously back to it. 

(Every time I go to check what other episodes Dabb wrote Superwiki reminds me that he and Loflin wrote some prequel comics leading up to leaving for Stanford, so this is actually their home turf I guess? They presumably made a good study of these emotional arcs. Basically, I don’t trust them to write cars believably but I’m absolutely here for their handling of the childhood/pre-show stuff. :P)

* * *

> ZACHARIAH: Wow. Running from angels. On foot. In heaven. With out-of-the-box thinking like that I’m surprised you boys haven’t stopped the Apocalypse already. 

I can’t help it, I laughed.

* * *

[obligatory “it was night and now it’s day” comment]

* * *

Since I assume it’s pretty hard to mail order stuff in Heaven, we’re going to have to go with the fact Ash had that outfit at the Roadhouse the entire time.

Ah, season 2. You were so murky. /nostalgia

* * *

Okay fine, he puts the lights on.

*waves at the monkey*

* * *

While I think the montage in the opening was funny, I should point out that at the very least it was confirmed  _in_  Mystery Spot that Dean was fast-tracked to Hell each time, plus his other major death was to Hell, so I think Sam’s been up here more often than Dean? If Dean has even been at all? I can’t remember all the deaths they showed, but at the very least Wishful Thinking and the 5x13 death were normal clean deaths for Sam and he would have moved on for 10 minutes in each.

* * *

I’ve actually already lost track of Winchester deaths.

* * *

It is kind of sad that Ellen and Jo aren’t in the Roadhouse even as holograms. I suppose Ash’s memory was a peaceful alone memory.

He heard from angel radio that Sam n Dean were up this time, so I’d assume Ellen and Jo just didn’t make the headlines, being rather less important. Now he knows to look for them I hope he finds them. Mary and John, though… Well, [who knows](http://rainbofiction.tumblr.com/post/125429848239). 

* * *

> PAMELA: So. (She reaches over and swats him lightly on the head.) That’s for getting me killed.
> 
> DEAN: Yeah. That’s… probably less than I deserve. Makes you feel any better, we got Ash killed too.
> 
> At the bar, Ash raises his hand in a rock salute.
> 
> ASH: I’m cool with it. (He snaps his fingers.)
> 
> DEAN: He’s cool with it. So you… you good?

I do like how chill everyone is up in Heaven. Nice long perspective. Sense of having made it.

I do wonder how Ash found Pamela when they were never obviously connected in canon. It could be something someone said, or he’s just got a better idea of the network and keeps an eye out, OR her death in proximity to Winchesters DID make the headlines, and Ash, snooping on the apocalypse as he is, pulled her in out of curiosity and made a friend. They seem a good set to be friends.

Pamela has her eyes, so I guess she was snatched from a favourite memory which required her to see… Not sure how this works with wondering if Sam n Dean have their angel warding or not.

* * *

> DEAN: No, I do, it’s just, you know. Spending eternity trapped in your own little universe while the angels run the show, that’s lonely. You know. That’s not Nirvana. That’s the Matrix. 

Whether he thinks that that’s a general comment for Pamela (despite how content she is) or about his own Heaven it’s still interesting… I remember from season 3 a few instances of Dean being linked to “lonely” despite Sam’s presence, so whether you take the fact that Sam shares a Heaven with him or that Dean dying long-term would eventually lead to him finding Sam and by extension Ash et al, breaking the rules by going into different Heavens, the implication is that Dean craves a wider circle or more interaction than  _just_  either his memories or his memories + Sam depending on how you’re taking this episode.

It’s  _probably_  an instinctive recoil from Heaven being so totalitarian and anti-free will, without expressly considering what combinations of friends and family he could potentially spend eternity with with their back door travels, or just feeling this way empathetically for the human race in general, despite how it’s obvious Heaven’s focus on its soul factory is “complacent and happy” so the general population is not complaining.

Pamela, in fact, who should be quite aware of all the wider issues since she knows about the Apocalypse struggle, actually gives him some advice which Dean rejects right now but is key on his little slip towards temporarily trying to say yes next episode/the episode after:

> PAMELA: Just saying. What happens if you play ball with them? Worst case.
> 
> DEAN: A lot of people die.
> 
> PAMELA: And then they come here. Is that really so bad? Look. Maybe you don’t have to fight it so hard. That’s all I’m trying to say.

* * *

I do like how Dean melts into pretty much all kisses thrown his way.

…

Kinda think if Cas ever kissed him he’d go along with it easily enough. :P

* * *

Oh hey, everyone says Dean never says “I love you” but he actually does say it here?

> MARY: Honey. Why are you up?
> 
> DEAN: Look. I’m-I’m sorry. I love you but you’re not real and we don’t have time—

Yellow eyed Mary is one of the scarier things they’ll ever see. :/ (That’s everyone but Dean who’s had yellow eyes in this family now?)

> MARY: Don’t you walk away from me. (Dean stops) I never loved you. You were my burden. I was shackled to you. Look what it got me. 

Tralala what’s the worst possible combination of words to throw at Dean Winchester?

(Of course throw in the cupid, orchestrated by Heaven marriage and reminder of its wobbles, how Mary was  _made_  to have Dean and Sam outside of her free will, and Dean’s got some room to panic that these words aren’t just a random nightmarish conjuration.)

The green lighting is such a fake house of horrors thing.

* * *

*Zach is totally signing his stabbed in the face death warrant*

* * *

> ZACHARIAH: Let me tell you something. I was on the fast track once. Employee of the month, every month, forever. 

You think Naomi is smugly pleased about his downfall? I bet she gets the spot after this.

> It’s personal now, boys, and the last person in the history of creation you want as your enemy is me. And I’ll tell you why. Lucifer may be strong, but I’m… ‘‘petty’’. I’m going to be the angel on your shoulder for the rest of eternity. 

He’s a fun villain. :D

The good old “love to hate” looong before Metatron.

* * *

Hey Joshua!

> SAM: This is heaven’s Garden?
> 
> DEAN: It’s-it’s nice… ish. I guess.
> 
> JOSHUA: You see what you want to here. For some it’s God’s throne room; for others it’s Eden. You two, I believe it’s the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. You came here on a field trip.

Heheh. I’ve always liked this detail. Right after Zach says his thing about having three faces etc. Even the nice angels have to point out how limited human vision is about these things. 

(Also, you know, budget.)

(But mostly the ongoing human perception of Heaven thing.)

* * *

> JOSHUA: God saved you already. He put you on that plane. He brought back Castiel. He granted you salvation in heaven and after everything you’ve done too. It’s more than he’s intervened in a long time. He’s finished. Magic amulet or not, you won’t be able to find him. 

I like that aside from all the other questions they’ve been hopefully attributing to God over the season, Joshua throws in the clarification they’re in Heaven because God forgave them and granted them this - not that it’s of ANY comfort to them at the time, especially considering it’s also a “well you would be in Hell if I hadn’t decided to do this” kind of thing.

Eh. :P

I’m with Dean on the horror of getting so far only to be told to sod off.

* * *

> DEAN: Forget it. Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right. I’m used to that. I’ll muddle through. 

:< Oh Dean. Equating God directly to John with how  _he_  feels too - I forgot about that. Gah, so he and Cas were on  _exactly_  the same page here.

*lies down and sobs*

* * *

*fresh pan over all the beer cans* Oh! I missed one! 16!

* * *

Sam’s back from the dead hair is the worst.

* * *

And that’s about the saddest Cas screencap you can get.

‘cept maybe this one.

* * *

Everything hurts.

I’m too sensitive about Cas to even tackle anything else in this scene :P 

Let’s see, Sam being all desperately optimistic in a “just because he can’t let this get to them” way, when he knows exactly how much it got to them and has no actual plan or solid hope (if anything his moment of despair here will be a foundation to move on to his actual desperate plan to end things, because now he’s been in this hopeless place); his face on seeing Dean chuck out the samulet because, well, Sam was briefly the True Meaning of Christmas guy but he blew it on Thanksgiving… (I did not realise this episode worked so neatly with the Christmas episode for more than just the samulet story bookends.)

Dean being the sort of cross-over point being sad about EVERYTHING for everyone and his own stuff. Sad Sam didn’t have a place for him in Heaven and he was shown just how opposite their core desires were - Dean clutching to family, Sam scrambling away from it… And then the obvious cross over with his and Cas’s stories, get a whole new load of absent father angst to supplement the pre-existing stuff… Knowing exactly how Cas feels and feeling it himself… 

Being the emotional core of the show is dangerous. :P

* * *

Car’s okay though. Turns out she was outside the entire time. 

But we know. We all know. 

Dean n Baby canon soulmates 5eva.


	17. 5x17

Or: this is it. This is my ultimate “I am so sorry for what you have to put up with, Sam” episode.

* * *

This recap is depressing.

* * *

Fortunately into loads of distracting action.

Off-screen apocalypse again: it seems like  _just_  killing demons or helping out random towns full of demons is so hum-drum now we don’t even see it happening. This one’s only interesting because a Big Name Evil is here that facilitates emotional breakdowns by the dozen.

I wonder about Dean’s comment about the “whole corner of the state” - obviously there’s a ton of damage in this world (lampshaded in The French Mistake when Sam determines from Gen that none of it ever happened in the mundane universe) but we’ve never had any actual episodes revisiting anywhere blighted by the apocalypse so far as I can recall, and yet from the sounds of it Minnesota at least has quite the story to tell and a lot of towns that would be ghost towns (literally or no) or at least very traumatised. 

It’s looong past the point to explore this (I suppose season 6 would have been the time but with the year gap I suppose recovery was recovery and then they just don’t go those places) but it would be interesting for season 11 if there is as hinted once again wide-spread damage, for the history of this world’s large-scale struggles against evil to float up.

Like, this half of the season especially really reminds you of how all-out it got.

* * *

teehee the board says “psalm 69″ in the church and I am 10 years old. *sniggers*

I somehow get the idea it was not-Leah’s fault.

* * *

I never put together the emergency marriages we join the townsfolk engaging in, with Dean x Lisa at the end of the episode. 

Nurr.

*Sam can’t believe this*

* * *

Anyway, hot dad priest with a thigh holster. Also, only remaining decent guy in town by the end. (Dean checked out the guy’s thigh holster. We get a very obvious reaction shot of him looking him up and down and noticing the gun. I’d assume it’s just his habit to give people the once over for danger.)

The church basement is probably deliberately reminiscent of the one in 5x02, since it’s a similar set up - just with more people around and less sense of people-on-people strife until things hot up. Giving us a moment of unity - almost, to Dean, a utopia :P

> DEAN   
> A whole town full of hunters. I don’t know whether to run screaming or buy a condo. 

Weird overtures of domestic!Dean? :P 

He’s lookin’ to settle down. *points at Lisa again*

Teehee.

> SAM   
> So why not call the National Guard?   
>   
> PASTOR GIDEON   
> We were told not to.   
>   
> SAM   
> By who? 

*Sam can’t believe this*

(Lizzy can’t believe they’re seriously considering calling the actual authorities to deal with demons.)

* * *

We cut to Sam trying to get Cas on the line: at the end of last episode Dean n Cas just kinda *deflating farty balloon sound* *splat* but Sam was like “there’s got to be a way” even if he didn’t have any ideas, he had the forced optimism of recognising it was up to him to say something reassuring, making him the de facto “together” one (poor Sam).

At this point I don’t think this is actually a “Cas problem” as far as they’re concerned, even with the prophet thing, especially since they were outnumbered until they got to the town, and now there seems to be a strong community spirit which, at this point, looks like the most capable damn group of people they’ve ever seen. Sam could be calling Cas for a confirmation there’s nothing sketchy about it, but aside from an unregistered prophet hanging around (which they don’t know anything about the ins and outs of prophets, i.e. there can only be one) there’s nothing actually sketchy here?

> SAM   
> Cas, hey, uh, it’s me. So we are in Blue Earth, Minnesota, and um, we could use a little help. I…hope you get this. 

The “prophet” is unexpected but the lore they know from Chuck suggests in fact that Leah if she were an actual prophet would be the other safest person on the planet to Chuck, thanks to the archangel protection that entails. 4x18′s whole dramatic end was based on the fact demons don’t stand a chance around a prophet.

I like to think this is Sam deciding that doing stuff might be good for Cas, and ‘help’ is more like ‘come chill with us’. Leah is an, at the moment, flimsy excuse to check in on Cas anyway.

Go Sam, desperately trying to keep TFW upright without collapsing under their weight or his own issues.

* * *

Huh, there’s an El Sol on the wall behind them - something’s not riiiight here.

> SAM shakes his head.   
>   
> DEAN   
> What?   
>   
> SAM   
> Just these angels are sending these people to do their dirty work.   
>   
> DEAN   
> Yeah. And? 

Dean’s IDGAF face is impressive. I count one person who has completely and utterly checked out on his ability to save people.

Sam, your TFW wrangling skills are about to get some more exercise.

> DEAN   
> We’re all gonna die, Sam. In like a month—maybe two. I mean it. This is the end of the world, but these people aren’t freaking out. In fact they’re running to the exit in an orderly fashion. I don’t know that that’s such a bad thing.   
>   
> SAM   
> Who says they’re all gonna die? What ever happened to us saving them? 

> SAM   
> Wanna go to church?   
>   
> DEAN   
> You know me—downright pious. 

(I’m skipping Sam’s eyebrows for this one because they’re funny but he’s not  _completely_  done and there’s already a pretty high standard set for how done Sam is about everything)

Anyway. *waily noises about Dean (and Cas)’s complete lack of faith from last episode* Dean  _almost_  seemed pious in season 4 - he was dragged quite some way after he accepted angels were real in thinking that the higher purpose for him might be worth it, and I can’t remember what made me think it but, even after he found out about the apocalypse being orchestrated from above, he managed to at least keep up with Cas’s thought that God, being removed from this and above petty apocalypse starting might be useful.

Now though?

Baaah.

> PASTOR GIDEON   
> Thank you. I’d like to offer a prayer. “Our Father in Heaven–   
>   
> DEAN   
> Yeah, not so much. 

* * *

> ROB   
> Wouldn’t miss it.   
>   
> PAUL  
> Someone’s got to cover Rob’s ass. 

I ship it.

(I can’t remember anything about these guys except one of them is the bartender and something happens to him?)

* * *

Anyway, huge fight, demons probably rather pissed off Winchesters are here with a demon killing knife instead of just these random people with their fake exorcism.

* * *

*Sam does the badass knife thing*

*chills out in the beanbag pit*

* * *

He’s wandering around with demon blood on his hand and holding the knife. He seems reeeeally chill about that. *suspicious since unlike 5x02 it is actual demon blood and he only detoxed in the last 4 episodes*

Hm, he seems to have cleaned up by the time they get to the car. *suspicious that he either developed angel mojo cleaning powers or licked his hand clean*

* * *

*demon who was pissed off the Winchesters showed up and started actually killing demons enacts some revenge and kills the kid just to show the town who’s boss*

> DEAN   
> Ma’am, we’re just, um, very sorry.   
>   
> JANE   
> You know…this is your fault. 

That’s got to do wonders for his self-esteem.

* * *

I always thought Leah was a jerk for interrupting the funeral once I knew she was evil. Like, ther’es sending everyone to their doom and then there’s common human decency.

* * *

> LEAH  
> Jane, Rob… It’s going to be okay. You’ll see Dylan again. When the final day comes, Judgement Day, he’ll be resurrected and you’ll be together again. We’ll all be together. With all our loved ones. We’ve been chosen. The angels have chosen us. And we will be given paradise on earth. All we have to do is follow the angels’ commandments. 

Actually this is one of the few times anyone ever mentions that proper Biblical judgement day - obviously the post-apocalypse we saw in 5x04 was far from that. It’s never been entirely clear what the paradise the angels talk about if Michael wins would have looked like either.

(Pamela last episode seemed to suggest that everyone would die but that’s fine because Heaven is so awesome and everyone killed in the apocalypse would hop right up there, unless they were already destined for Hell I suppose.)

* * *

> SAM   
> So, uh…you’re cool with it?   
>   
> DEAN   
> I’m not cool. I’m not, not cool. I’m just, look man, I’m not a prophet. We’re not locals. It’s not my call. 

*continues to send a series of sceptical looks after Dean as he walks off*

* * *

*loud sounds of Dean considering it*

> DEAN  
> Don’t take this the wrong way but…are you on the level?   
> […]  
> About paradise.   
> […]  
> I want to know what the angels are telling you. Everything.   
> […]  
> LEAH   
> There’s gonna be a prize-fight. And…it’s gonna get bad. But after we win—and we will—the planet gets handed over to the chosen. And…it’s finally peaceful. No monsters, no disease, no death. You’re just…with the people you love. 

Even though she was totally making up everything else, I think this kind of influences Dean just because of what Pamela said? Like, even though it turns out she was saying false things, he’s already batting around the idea now that he’s given up, and just like how Sam was going around floating the idea of being possessed with Lucifer with everyone later in the season, Dean’s sounding things out trying to see if the idea of this “paradise” works for him as a happy ending for the planet. 

I think although Leah was preaching that really exclusionary “chosen few” sort, Dean’s actual politics and experience would suggest he believes the idea that  _most_  people would go to Heaven: helped by his life of othering himself into a hunter while everyone else is a precious civilian… Leah corrupts this down by drawing out underlying pettiness and causes them to do terrible things to cancel their ticket upstairs but it seems to me when I watch this that it was implied that everyone probably would have made it,  _potential_  for awfulness aside, if they just  _hadn’t listened_  to Leah.

* * *

(Also her fake paradise ideal sounds like Heaven but social, while he was upset about the loneliness of what he observed in Heaven so it sounds like the answer to the one thing he was worried about most.)

* * *

> SAM   
> Hey. So what happened to, uh, “the Apocalypse is good for business?”   
>   
> PAUL  
> Oh yeah, right up until Leah’s angel pals banned the good stuff. 

Hehehehe not for nothing but this is a good contrast to certain other angels who have  _no_  problem slamming back a few drinks as we’ll find out in a few scenes.

Well that’s kind of extremely depressing and showing his slide into humanity but shh.

* * *

Anyway, Sam drinking! That also doesn’t happen often. It’s a terrible sign.

Sam, you can  _not_  have a crisis right now, people are  _depending_  on you. You made yourself the dependable one!

> PAUL  
> Not a true believer, I take it.   
>   
> SAM   
> I believe, yeah. I do. I’m just. Pretty sure God stopped caring a long time ago. 

>.> Sam. No. You poor child. :(

Bah, he got the message a long time ago that Heaven didn’t care for him, so I almost feel like he took this one better because A: personal devastation at the end of last episode was more important, and B: he already grimly suspected it. Still as bummed out as the others about it, but coming at it from a different angle that let him burn out slowly. The whole God arc on this show never really happened in front of him as far as I recall - at least not until Changing Channels? The rest was beautiful room stuff, or Dean n Cas stuff. Or Dean n Anna stuff. Basically everything about Dean soaking up the Heaven arc, so Sam never was even in the room most of the time when angels were talking about God being gone/dead.

(I think the bartender is pretty into Sam but Sam’s oblivious. He gave him free drinks earlier too.)

* * *

Sam is wobbly.

*pushes him to see if he’ll stay upright*

If Cas shows up right after this, Sam doesn’t even get to be drunk and having a crisis of faith to himself, because Cas shows up so much louder and drunker. Poor Sam. Younger brother syndrome with the emotional subplots. :P

It’s probably something to do with being tall: you become the literal tentpole holding everything up. 

* * *

> SAM   
> You hear they shut down the cell towers?   
>   
> DEAN   
> No. That’s, uh, news to me.   
>   
> SAM   
> Yeah. No cable, internet. Total cut off from the “corruption of the outside world.” 

*screaming in horror*

(This is one of those very rare Sam episodes where he’s just acting a way that I really enjoy and he rightfully fits into the centre of the episode. I feel like compiling an off-the-wall list of fave Sam episodes which is basically never the lists I see other people make with all his big hero moments. I dunno, I have a very narrow window where Sam’s characterisation overwhelms my love for Dean or even Cas and he becomes my centre of attention. I can literally name 2 episodes other than this one off the top of my head which fit with this - 2x07 and Plucky Pennywhistle’s, although I think we’ve been through a few others in this rewatch I can’t remember right now but I began rooting for Sam loudly.)

* * *

Oh no, Sam can’t even be grumpy about apocalypse stuff without Dean being a bigger drama queen about it.

Every time I think I’ve got the best face of the episode Sam pulls another:

> SAM   
> Don’t you get it? They’re turning this place into some kind of fundamentalist compound.   
>   
> DEAN   
> No, I get it.   
>   
> SAM   
> And all you’ve got’s a “hmm?” What’s wrong with you?   
>   
> DEAN   
> I get it. I just don’t care. 

Yep, we’ve lost Dean. He’s drinking coffee through this which contrasts Sam coming in drunk (what a rebel) to show Dean playing along as he’s supposed to:

> DEAN   
> Angel world, angel rules, man. 

* * *

> DEAN   
> Since the angels’ got the only lifeboats on the Titanic. I mean, who exactly is supposed to come along and save these people? It was supposed to be us, but we can’t do it. 

I mean was Sam actually surprised when he legged it at the end of the episode?

* * *

> SAM   
> I got one thing, one thing, keeping me going. You think you’re the only one white-knuckling it here, Dean? I can’t count on anyone else. I can’t do this alone. 

Ugh. We just don’t get much Sam stuff until it all bubbles over, you know? (Admittedly this is me writing a week after watching any other episodes after my holiday so my short term memory is already disposing of all the other episodes but it feels like Sam hasn’t got to say anything for a while.) This is a sort of show-long theme of them depending on each other but it was only last episode that it got challenged by Dean loss of faith, paralleling losing it in both God and the basis of his relationship with Sam because of how emotionally divisive their Heavens were. Sam was trying to be optimistic after that, but Dean being done with the world is also, at this point, paralleled to his relationship with Sam again like with last episode - the reason Sam looks so imbalanced trying to prop the others up this episode is because the push back towards him has been retracted where Dean has been with him so far, so his attempts to be supportive are just going nowhere. This is basically bringing them back to the division that Endverse made clear was such a bad idea, and through events of the season they’re losing the “together we’re stronger” theme that Dean tried to apply back to them. Him taking it away again leaves Sam in that same unsupported state which then opens HIM up to vulnerability to things like being possessed by Lucifer, although obviously Dean is trying to end it quickly before that can happen, his being with Sam over this season has basically been an emotional defence against the horrors of Endverse. 

* * *

Anyway, Leah is busy making society crumble.

* * *

Hi, Cas. You’re, uh, looking good.

I am amused by how Sam came staggering through the door like 10 minutes ago and then this drama queen shows up and Sam’s got to be the Responsible Adult again.

“I swear to God life would have been easier if I just said yes to Lucifer the first time he asked.”

* * *

Cas is such an adorably surly drunk. Probably for the best because he is also a flirty drunk in the right conditions (aka Dean’s presence that one time). 

I’m pretty sure he’s angling for a fight though which is just making me laugh because Sam would never, so Cas is just being ridiculously rude and grumpy and “your voice is grating” “don’t ask stupid questions” and aaaah Sam. You poor thing.

*Sam  _literally_  supporting Cas again when he starts slumping forwards and Sam has to haul him upright again*

> CASTIEL   
> Don’t ask stupid questions. Tell me what you need.   
>   
> SAM   
> T-there have been these—these demon attacks. Massive, right on the edge of town. And we can’t figure out why they’re—   
>   
> CASTIEL   
> Any sign of angels? 

Cas grumpy about being on call for the Winchesters forever and ever. And interrupting Sam to ask if there’s anything with angels going on. He doesn’t care about the demon stuff, but he does apparently have some unstated vested interest in what the angels are up to because the message we heard from Sam didn’t mention it (I can’t remember now if the end of that message was cut off or we saw Sam say everything and hang up but Cas complains about the message being long) so apparently he does still have some vague plan or secondary motive that he’s got going in the background? Aside from drinking? Or rather, something with angels would inspire him back to action sooner?

*Cas rolling his eyes at how all the prophet’s names are seared into his brain.*

He seems rather resentful about his Heavenly programming right now for some reason. 

* * *

I like the way when the poor bartender gets shot, Dean and the priest rush to kneel by him together: obviously the priest dude is picked on to be the “true servant” blah blah but linking Dean to him like that as having them both trying to be the mediators in the fight and then both concerned for the poor dead guy in the same way sort of shows them both filling a certain role… 

(Also having it based on their general non-crappiness as humans is interesting since the good humans generally seem to be massively better, morally, than the “good” angels etc. After all, Heaven is just as bad as Hell over the apocalypse :P)

Anyway, Dean slipping away from caring specifically about his friends and family (i.e. Sam n Cas having their first proper alone time ever?) but generally out to help humanity.

* * *

> SAM   
> We went out looking for—You alright? 

Okay, but off-screen during this episode: Sam and drunk!Cas wandering around looking for Dean.

That must have been  _hilarious_.

* * *

WAIT I think I found the best Sam face.

I’m going to be honest I have kind of forgotten what I’m even doing here aside from giggling about Sam’s face.

* * *

Oh no wait I did have a vaguely serious point I wanted to make about Sam n Cas:

> CASTIEL   
> Not you. Or me. Sam, of course, is an abomination. We’ll have to find someone else. 

(wait let me just screencap Sam’s face at being called an abomination for the collection)

Okay yeah

Back in the anti-Christ episode I got upset about how harsh Cas was with Sam there and it how it came across very personally meant (”you didn’t” or something he said to Sam about basically his entire descent arc). Of course he’s spent like 30% of his lines THIS episode hilariously trash talking Sam but it feels different? Like, Sam’s all “wow thanks” about that, but even though Cas is being delightful company, it’s being treated a lot more like a joke by the show, so softening it just with the presentation, and then Sam is kind of laughing it off. Cas being drunk is making him kind of unfiltered, but there’s something so matter of fact about the way he delivers the “of course” it isn’t judgemental in the same way. I think in this respect the emotional mauling of the intervening stretch of episodes has helped a lot - it was after that that there was a lot more Sam and Cas interaction, off and on screen. I suppose the fact Cas sort of had Sam filed in the “abomination” box explains a lot of how he did or didn’t deal with him - his relentless attention on Dean in some episodes (like the conversation in 5x02 very noticeably) can also be seen from the other angle not of Destiel per say but Cas loudly ignoring Sam (I wouldn’t be surprised if that was an actual direction for Misha which kind of turned into Destiel in the delivery). 

I dunno, I think I had more coherent thoughts about the way things change with Sam and Cas when I was making quite good progress through the season and I was saving up a fair few thoughts about it here but now it’s been a week or so since I last watched anything, so obviously I have completely lost the flow of the season-long discussion with myself. :P

Anyway. I like that Cas n Sam get this interaction time, and I actually weirdly do kind of like that Cas is being such a little shit to Sam, just because it lacks the edge it had back at the start of the season? It’s still going to take them a while, but I think this is actually more of a sign that they are on better terms than it might look, just because the sting is all gone. Sam gets a fraction of a second reaction shot to this line which can only be used to convey moderate displeasure with the amount of attention given to his reaction, and despite how consistent Cas’s attitude is, there’s no actually narrative of not getting along between him and Sam - in fact they’ve researched together off-screen AND went looking for Dean together. :3

* * *

“We’ll have to find someone else,” Cas says, and it cuts directly to the priest. 

(I’m just complaining about the implications of transitions when sometimes certain transitions imply all sorts of funny things… :P)

* * *

> CASTIEL   
> Pastor David Gideon.   
>   
> PASTOR GIDEON   
> Yeah. Who are you?   
>   
> CASTIEL   
> I’m an angel of the Lord.   
>   
> PASTOR GIDEON   
> Yeah, sure.   
>   
> INT. MOTEL - NIGHT   
>   
> PASTOR GIDEON   
> What the hell was that?   
>   
> DEAN   
> Yeah, he wasn’t lying about the angel thing. 

I love how Dean knows exactly what Cas said. I can predict it went something like “I’ll go tell him I’m an angel and bring him to you” “Oh yeah that will work - Cas?!” *wing rustle* ^ loop back to above conversation.

Cas’s directness does actually save a lot of hassle though. :P

* * *

I do like the priest’s costuming: he’s got all the layers of hunter-y coat, hoodie which has its own complex language for likeable characters on the show, and then under all that, his priest collar. 

* * *

> PASTOR GIDEON   
> It’s just…Why does it have to be me?   
>   
> CASTIEL   
> You’re a Servant of Heaven.   
>   
> PASTOR GIDEON   
> And you’re an angel.   
>   
> CASTIEL   
> Poor example of one. 

*quiet sobbing about Cas* Cas you are the best angel. You’re the only one actually doing what you’re supposed to right now and  _helping_  humanity and trying to protect them from the apocalypse. I suppose he’s referring to the fact he’s in a crisis of faith - Anna said waaay back when that not having faith was a capital offence to angels. Cas has already been in capital offence territory since rebelling even without breaking his faith (after all Lucifer made him a job offer back in 5x10), but now he’s basically damned from Heaven’s eyes multiple times over. 

All this over the right to stab someone with a point stick >.>

* * *

Hangover Cas!

Dean lookin’ after him. :3

Dean relating painfully to him. 

That  _look_. 

… whatever that eyebrow wiggle was. 

Dean must you bring down the tone of every good Destiel moment? 

I’m so sad about “how do you manage it” because it implies that Cas actually thinks Dean has some reliable advice on coping mechanisms which aren’t exactly what he just implied about looking at Cas all hungover and just saying “same.”

This season is their falling in love stage (more completely than the fireworks at the end of season 4) and they don’t even know it and I’m sitting here making heart eyes at them. 

* * *

It’s kind of creepy how Leah is still in her fluffy pink cardigan. All the others in the town are dressed something like hunters at least in neutral/dark tones. It really makes her stand out among them, like, wolf in sheep’s clothing except the other sheep don’t even look as much like sheep as she does. :P

*is tired - these points are not meant to be coherent*

* * *

Poor Cas. :( You never have a good time in these fights. I can’t believe he still counts as too powerful to allow him to join in so moar Cas rolling around on the floor in agony while everyone else does useful stuff. 

* * *

> LEAH  
> This is why my team’s gonna win. You’re the great vessel? You’re pathetic, self-hating, and faithless. It’s the end of the world. And you’re just gonna sit back and watch it happen.  
>   
> DEAN   
> Don’t be so sure, whore. 

Makes you wonder what of all the various accusations above Dean was saying “don’t be so sure” about. The “just gonna sit back” thing seems the most obvious considering where he goes next, and that he probably wouldn’t refute things like “pathetic and self-hating” because, well, Dean. Makes you wonder about the “faithless” though because whether he’s just killing her on a technicality (he did have that marriage-like agreement with Cas in 4x21 where he just about in those words made himself a servant of Heaven) or his decision to say “yes” let him do it because he was giving in to Heaven’s will, he did actually fulfil a role that no one thought he actually could?

I don’t know. :P

* * *

Basically just one more screenshot for the road of Sam’s hair after the exploding whore wind ruffling it took:

* * *

(Oh Dean also makes a judgement on whether that woman who was going to set all the kids on fire was worthy to go to Heaven. It wasn’t exactly hard to come up with that diagnosis, but Dean was given the words to come out of his mouth…)

* * *

Awww yess, Dean is the one who carries Cas out of the church. :3

His hand… mysteriously appears on Cas’s shoulder when the camera angle changes. I have no idea where it was before then.

* * *

Amazingly I was wrong and Sam isn’t even done with being done with herding these cats, and makes the very obvious conclusion about Dean:

> SAM   
> Are you gonna do something stupid?   
>   
> DEAN   
> Like what?   
>   
> SAM   
> Like Michael stupid.   
>   
> DEAN   
> Come on, Sam. Give me a break. 

There is no way he can top the look he gives Dean after that.

* * *

I honestly don’t think they utilise Sam’s angry face enough despite all this.

* * *

Bye Dean. 

* * *

Aw no now Sam just looks despairing this isn’t funny any more.

* * *

Hello emergency apocalypse wife. 

I wonder what blue symbolises here because they’re both wearing it. 

I can’t believe Dean says Lisa moved which means he had to stalk her to her new home because he didn’t have a number for her either. This is almost as sketchy as the  _first_  time he looked her up out of the blue. Dean, you do not understand how lucky you are Lisa took you in.

Anyway yeah she is both totally out of the blue (haha is that why they’re wearing blue?) as a character to crop up again after basically 2 seasons with no mention, and weirdly expected for the thematic arc we’ve been on, especially taking in how she was layered into Dean’s season 3 story by Sera, and so the majority of Dean vs the empty space in his life or Dean vs the white picket fence was sort of metaphorically represented by  _dream_  Lisa from the dream episode to be the sort of “ideal”… With nothing better to fill that gap in representing actual genuine boring humanity and the promise of that  _normal_  life, Lisa is still the most likely target in Dean’s life, and so here he is.

> DEAN  
> Look, I have no illusions, okay? I know the life that I live, I know how that’s gonna end for me. Whatever. I’m okay with that. But I wanted you to know…that when I do picture myself happy…it’s with you. And the kid.  


	18. 5x18

I found this post checking my tag for this episode to see what was to be seen and I still think this is one of the best theories we have as a fandom:

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/91375076768/cas-not-for-nothing-but-the-last-person-who>

* * *

I know we’re probably not meant to think too deep into it and Zach is sulking at this bar as a parallel to this businessman guy just to make a direct parallel between Heaven and middle management strife (a link back to his intro in It’s A Terrible Life, which he didn’t really need to get in character for and served to make the same comparison then :P) but it does amuse me that he’s laid off from work and goes to a bar to drink, making him in an equivalent place as Cas’s off-screen bender from last episode. Maybe not so full on despair and drowning of sorrows as Cas obviously went for, but he’s still not at  _any_  post and taking time off in the middle of the apocalypse to go drinking, and he just assumes Michael is there to smite him when he catches up and makes the offer. Zach’s actually temporarily a rebellious angel except he is too snivelling and eager to get back in line to be interesting about it. :P

* * *

(I do enjoy Michael’s presence in this episode literally just as a loud screeching noise. It’s got its own weird parallels back to 4x01 and the non-malicious angel that was wandering around exploding glass and burning out eyeballs and making high-pitched screeching noises. This episode’s got quite a bookending feel to it considering the Adam parallel to Dean in 4x01, and how Dean is usurped, and then thanks to accidentally-deliberately sacrificing Adam to Michael, Dean’s part in the story is effectively “over” so far as it’s ~written~. And then of course the DeanCas stuff to show how far they’ve come since then…)

Anyway, fave quote of the episode:

> MICHAEL:  
> SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

* * *

(It’s not in the transcript but it should be.)

* * *

I’m pretty sure “When the Saints go Marching In” is a judgement day related song. Admittedly I only know the lyrics from learning to play it on keyboard in primary school but I remember stuff about trumpets which is good enough for me to make the connection. :P

* * *

To compare waaaay down to the line to 10x22, here we have the original Box Of Here’s What We Know About Dean Winchester:

Which is depressingly sparse in personality compared to the other, when he’d been nesting awhile longer and building up an identity outside of that bleak box. Also he chooses what goes into this box so it’s a very carefully chosen view of his identity, while in 10x22 he wasn’t there and so completely vulnerable to what he’d left in his room while nesting being picked apart for the Styne guy’s amusement. Here Dean makes a judgement of his most precious  _inheritable_  items, and incidentally gives us a quick run down on his macho outer shell. In this case, 3 things he inherited from John… Car, jacket, nice gun symbolic of himself as a hunter (never mind all the other last letter to loved one stuff - the way Dean checks the gun is frighteningly evocative of the symbolic suicide he’s about to commit by handing himself over to Michael). 

His identity as he picks it, anyway, and even if we know he might have the picture of Mary in his wallet and some other stuff like the tapes in the car, he just doesn’t have the material  _stuff_  of his more sedentary self post-Bunker. That box had precious vinyls (i.e. much more easily smashed than tapes which can knock around in a shoebox for years until they demagnetise themselves) and a huge collection of photos which were dragged out over and over in season 10, as well as flannels and books, but no weapons (books are the best weapon :P) - the jacket is armour while Dean down to just a t-shirt and flannel is (still in a billion layers jeeeze) naked and unprotected. (Random for example: Dean only exposing the purple plaid for the Burger Date in 10x09, wearing a jacket all the rest of the time when he wasn’t exclusively alone with Cas.)

Anyway, Dean chucking out identity, self, etc, because his is going to be a symbolic death of self within his body if he goes through with it. 

I could keep writing about this bit all day so let’s move on. 

* * *

> SAM  
> You’re going to kill yourself, right? It’s not too hard to figure out the stops on the Farewell Tour. How’s Lisa doing, anyways? 

Sam knowing so specifically about Lisa is probably important. He witnessed the moment in Dream a Little Dream where Dean saw his ideal dream!Lisa and so Sam has been aware just as long as we have that Dean’s idea of retirement wears Lisa’s face. (I mean that quite literally since he barely knows her as a person and after watching last episode, [butterflydm](http://tmblr.co/m6lqux59YC7t1HMuHj_pOFg) helpfully looked up that  _we_  as viewers never know much more about Lisa than we learn in the first 10 minutes of 3x02, aside from her emotional character traits which are specifically tested by season 6 and that she has endless pocket for buying houses. 

<http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/129245748663/butterflydm-replied-to-your-post-spn-hellatus>

(scroll down to the notes on that one since there’s more comments and as far as I know my blog is still eating attempts to reply to replies >.>)

Anyway it means Sam’s been kind of reading what Dean seemed to be yearning for longer than just that one moment, or he remembered it clearly enough to think of her as the one person Dean would go to in the civilian world… I wonder if he thought about it in those moments like in Swap Meat where Dean asked him if he was still interested in the white picket fence? I mean… probably, if he came to the correct conclusion about where Dean went here.

We don’t often get much evidence or pay off that they actually think deeply on the random character stuff they accidentally reveal to each other. :P

(This kind of reading of Dean is why the Sammy Knows meta people write about bi!Dean or Destiel seem so plausible to me.)

* * *

Actually the whole stop off at Lisa’s before going into an even more gruelling supernatural event is pretty much how their story inevitably concludes anyway: Lisa ends up being only a temporary respite: in terms of Dean actually living with her, their relationship ends as soon as season 6 starts, really… He’s just too much in this world for her to ever be more than a doorstep kiss in the grand scheme of things, and that desire for normality just a dream that Dean can entertain but not actually feasibly keep or even really  _enjoy_  for himself whenever he gets it. 

* * *

> SAM  
> How could you do that?   
>   
> DEAN  
> How could  _I_? All you’ve  _ever_  done is run away.   
>   
> SAM  
> And I was wrong. Every single time I did. 

Ahaha and we’re starting early with Dean lashing out at his family. Earlier than I anticipated.

This I suppose goes directly back to Dark Side of the Moon which re-established running away as Sam’s primary character trait, but of course season 1′s Sam arc has a lot of this in it for obvious reasons so it’s not new.

(Which makes it an interesting parallel as well that even though obviously Lisa was just a stop on the way to Michael, we have Dean dropping by to wistfully say goodbye to a normal life, and a normal life is what Sam was trying to run away to every time.)

* * *

> SAM  
> You know I have to stop you.   
>   
> DEAN  
> Yeah, well, you can try. Just remember: You’re not all hopped up on demon blood this time.   
>   
> SAM  
> Yeah, I know. But I brought help. 

*BOOP*

Yay, more Sam n Cas working together stuff. 

Amusing that Sam managed to wrangle Cas off-screen to make him wait for the opportune moment to drop in. I can’t imagine what Sam must have said to Cas to earn himself a minute to actually talk to Dean before kidnapping him back to Bobby’s. Cas’s method would be much more to just locate Dean, grab him, and get him back without argument.

(I rather prefer how grumpy and inflexible Dean n Cas are together - they’re much more likely to barge into a room together. It’s just funnier and I like that dynamic since it gets us a lot of Dean looking helplessly at someone like “you heard the angel” when Cas gets his way and then Dean goes along with it and can’t help looking at him all admiring and proud despite how grumpy he was earlier… What was I even doing here? :P)

Anyway yeah, Sam implies heavily he’ll have to fight Dean because I can’t remember if the phrasing is exact but it’s definitely a good enough parallel to 4x21, which is still their worst fight, thanks to the overt mention of it. Interesting to look at 4x21 and the fact that Dean  _couldn’t_  wrangle Cas there to get him to stop Sam well in advance of the main event, because he had to go through the whole “making Cas rebel” stage to have him usefully trying to get him to Sam at (shock horror) the expense of tons of personal relationship development between him and Cas. Whereas Sam has the advantage of no significant character-based arc with Cas this season: there’s literally no reason to make him dance around for Cas’s help because it won’t serve either of their arcs except this off-screen camaraderie that’s built up between them that showing them working together so neatly only implies… (I mean obviously they’re not in a place in the story where that would happen, but what I guess I’m getting at is that this is one of those rare times the writers are allowed to use Cas as the deus ex machina (haha) to whoosh them out of tight spots because they don’t want to re-tread any of this ground and Sam n Cas are cool with each other now so there’s no on-screen obstacles to overcome… If Sam and Cas were having an emotional arc it’s likely something (say, Cas being a shit-talking drunk last episode :P) would have caused a rift which needed to be discussed for the sake of cooperation and showing them working on the relationship on-screen and then we’re 10 minutes into the episode before we can get to Dean’s part of the story)

* * *

Anyway, to the depressing bit of the story where everyone is sulking.

* * *

(Oh hang on there’s a gifset I probably have in my queue right now for this episode which basically compares Cas folded arms and grumpy and Dean folded arms and grumpy on the other side of the door in a kind of “learned it from my boyfriend” way for Cas, but actually Cas was cross-armed and grumpy FIRST and then Dean subtly mirrors him by leaning  _after_  walking around the scene a little. So he’s the influenced by Cas’s behaviour, not the other way around.)

* * *

(Dean uncrosses his arms and moves again and there’s a totally pointless shot of Cas uncrossing his arms and continuing to lean. So the influence is going both ways then, and they want us to see that.)

* * *

> BOBBY  
> You can’t give up, son.   
>   
> DEAN  
> You’re not my father. And you ain’t in my shoes. 

_ouch_.

(I just saw that bit from 2x22 after Dean sold his soul and Bobby is like whyyyyyy as well as a gifset on my dash. BAH I say.)

*Sam shakes his head in total disappointment at you, Dean Winchester*

The first time I watched this when Bobby pulled out the gun I thought he was gonna shoot Dean. I think Dean does too for a moment.

* * *

*loud sad noises about Bobby*

> BOBBY  
> I  _never_  do it. You know why? Because I promised  _you_  I wouldn’t give up! 

Over these couple of episodes we sort of see the other characters reacting to Dean giving up by showing him as their support system or motivation. Sam says similar last episode and obviously we have Cas’s emotional investment in Dean coming up, but I think by not fighting Dean, Sam already kind of won? He doesn’t (get to) have a similar breakdown (hence my sympathetic laughing at him last episode while he veered close but everyone else’s problems piled on top of him, and I was temporarily a Sam!girl) and just by handling getting Dean back calmly so the bulk of his search happens off-screen, I kinda think he’s already won, in a way? Like, this is the character development the others will be eventually weighing up at the end of the season and they haven’t really noticed or credited yet that Sam is the most mature one in the room (which is saying something when someone in the room is a billion years old).

Anyway, his calmness in the opening is contrasted to Bobby and Cas I guess, who… don’t exactly have a bigger stake in Dean because it’s unfair to compare that sort of thing, but do seem to both be relying on him in a way that unlike Sam, is quite dependant on Dean not giving up. Not to say Sam isn’t affected at all, but his inner strength comes across too.

(ALSO it is nice that in Swan Song Dean  _doesn’t_  give up to the bitter end after this wobble in conviction, and drags Bobby and Cas with him and I kinda feel like this is why they can be inspired to go pointlessly stand in the same space as two scrapping archangels at the promise of pretty certain death? Because Dean’s one of those just accidentally inspiring people I guess. As long as he seems to be on top of things, they’ll go right along with him, because as this episode shows, he’s a serious emotional prop to them. 

(I suppose they’re rewarded for that faith in him by both being brought back after said certain death… I dunno. Am I really stretching my Dean-is-the-centre-of-the-universe theory over that? WHY NOT :P)

* * *

The eternal question: Is Cas Okay?

Dean Winchester edition. (see, he DOES care he’s just being pissy this episode :P)

Cas did have that hangover last episode and this is like a day later, so maybe he is just being melodramatic.

(I’m not going to lie my favourite aesthetic on the whole show is Cas n Dean in Bobby’s house. I don’t know why - it trumps even the bunker no matter how much bunker fluff I read. I just miss them chilling here. Bobby was such an important part of the show. Bah.)

* * *

I wonder if that wasn’t Cas getting a headache because of Huge Cosmic Events happening, i.e. the Story literally being re-written to allow Adam into it. Angels catching news on Angel Radio never seem to be in so much pain, but obviously raising someone long-dead is a huge amount of energy (grave sites looking like bombs hit them) and Michael is fucking around with destiny now since Dean won’t play (I guess they really aren’t keeping a close eye on current events…)

* * *

Anyway I like how his speedy exit is marked by extreme wind machine effects in Bobby’s house to show just how fast he moved. :D

* * *

Cas cast detect Winchester. It’s super effective!

* * *

Well Adam isn’t really a Winchester but you know, same principle.

* * *

Cas’s got to be there to haul the bargain basement Righteous Man out of the ground anyhow. 

* * *

Cas like “who are you?” because he doesn’t go to the non-plot relevant MotW episodes.

*gratuitous Cas and hands and angel blades and books screenshot*

* * *

Welcome to the family Adam :P

* * *

Always amused by how they cut from him with urgent questions to him showered and clean with a drink. And yet no more plot discussion has taken place since? I really want to know what that transition was about in a sort of fan fiction gap way because in the plot it’s just a way to get Adam clean and settled down but for all the interesting characters they have a ton of tension they didn’t discuss because this is something that could easily have happened the moment they sent Adam off to shower:

> CASTIEL  
> Not necessarily.   
>   
> DEAN  
> How do you mean?   
>   
> CASTIEL  
> Maybe they’re moving on from you, Dean.   
>   
> DEAN  
> Well that doesn’t make sense.   
>   
> CASTIEL  
> He is John Winchester’s bloodline, Sam’s brother. It’s not perfect, but it’s possible.

Assuming our characters are allowed independent thought and not that a life of being told plot revelations directly for the sake of dramatic tension has removed their ability to guess it :P

I propose a headcanon that Cas thought Adam smelled funny after being buried and just mojoed him clean and then they got him the drink and we only missed 20 seconds of action.

* * *

Anyway. Dean not sure if upset that he’s not speshul any more, or angry there’s a loop hole and now it’s all going to happen and be out of his control and like, he was ready to do it but now it’s just another awful thing happening…

If nothing else I guess he doesn’t like it because Adam has been dragged into it and the whole this family is cursed theme floats up again, and despite Adam not exactly being happy to BE in said cursed family, Dean will reluctantly fight for him or at least in this moment feels the obligation to protect him immediately mixed with the fact that because Adam is up and about and alive he’s inevitably, inescapably involved in this.

The double edged sword of Dean vs destiny: trying to duck it means destiny’s attempts to happen bounce off and hit someone else.

* * *

Holy moly, I was gonna focus on certain one side of this ANYWAY but I can’t even remember a time elsewhere in the transcripts where they  _italicised_  the text for emphasis.

> CASTIEL  
> Maybe they’re desperate. Maybe they  _ **wrongly**_  assumed Dean would be brave enough to withstand them.   
>   
> DEAN  
> Alright, you know what? Blow me, Cas. 

Heheh. 

Anyway yeah Dean’s side of this has been talked to death. Blah blah lashing out at Sam for long-standing running away from family trauma, lashing out at Bobby for established strongest emotional connection as father figure, lashing out at Cas for ????

But aside from all the folded arms and huffing, Cas hasn’t really been so vocal in his opinion of the Great Dean Winchester Betrayal of ‘09 yet. He said  _nothing_  in the episode at all until Adam was raised, and while he was rather rude while discussing the plot, the  _wrongly_  is the first time he really obviously is sniping at Dean for the sake of pretty much just expressing his displeasure rather than implying it with his folded arms and scowling and terrible attitude (again, just breaking his personal record for surliest angel ever last episode so is this even new? It’s just switched targets from Sam to Dean :P).

But yeah, if we go with the idea that each character gets their allotted rude response from Dean, Sam earns it for expressing his sadness about Dean running away, and getting a stab back. Bobby tripped it by calling Dean “son”. While Cas is bitter all through his dialogue before this, it’s only when he calls Dean out for being cowardly that Dean lashes back at him. This one’s a bit more slow burn because Adam’s in the room and the main problem and we don’t get Cas giving an equivalent emotional reason to be upset about Dean like Sam or Bobby until the alley scene, and after this we go back to Sulking DeanCas and a Sam and Adam exchange (Sam still maybe feeling vaguely nostalgic for the little brother they never had despite all the bonding in Jump the Shark being for nothing?). 

I suppose I should save poking at Dean n Cas’s dynamic here until it bubbles over (because wow is this episode one of the true classic best/worst Destiel episodes so I’m not going to run out of things to say :P) but I’m noting for now that jokes from earlier aside, if nothing else, Adam’s arrival pretty much negates Cas’s entire point so far in the narrative and this is a dark shadow of 4x01, since Cas was the one who yoinked Dean out of Hell unknowingly for this very purpose. The act of pulling Adam out of his grave is the moment where Cas’s sort of accidentally encourages that, and Zach being responsible for Adam (and this time getting to him before it’s too late and feeding him lies to turn him against the Winchesters so he’ll be easier to manipulate, vs Dean being free to make all his choices) sort of makes him a very unfortunate equivalent to the poor kid. 

Basically, even though they’ve actually already done a great deal of work on this mysterious ~profound bond~ (look they had an arranged marriage in 4x21 and you can’t convince me otherwise) already, it’s just, like, one of those emotional knocks which shouldn’t mean anything, but actually kind of does? Just because? (IRONICALLY I AM TYPING THIS ON DEANCAS DAY AKA 18th SEPT OR THE DATE OF LAZARUS RISING) Obviously for Dean it’s more complicated and less about Cas, but for Cas - as this episode goes on to make extremely clear - this was everything. So being snarky about Dean giving in is also highlighting that he’s been replaced and is useless to the narrative now so fostering more of the sense of despair. And the obvious surface level sniping at Dean is bad enough.

(Funnily enough, the most sexual things Dean ever said about Cas in canon until now were all his comments about the unknown rescuer in 4x01 where it was non-stop jokes about being ridden and perky nipples and so on. I’ve written SO MUCH on how erotic DeanCas across season 4 was so I won’t repeat myself, but talking about Cas this way isn’t new, just something he hasn’t openly expressed for a while.)

* * *

> SAM  
> Look, no way. After everything that’s happened? All that crap about destiny? Suddenly the angels have a Plan B? Does that smell right to anybody? 

Sam figures out it’s a trap not least because he has a much better grasp of destiny and at least the need to lean into it unlike Dean n Cas who prefer rejecting it (see above: rebound into their face, resulting marital problems from the fallout of their destined narrative disappearing :P)… 

But Adam is an acceptable plan B for the universe, because destiny is actually much more fickle than it seems, and they don’t realise this yet I guess.

(more signs that Dean will be able to get away with changing the story because despite how epically it was billed, the apocalypse CAN get going with “only” Adam.)

* * *

Probably the best exchange of Sam going >:| and Dean being like :3 on the whole show with Dean’s laden with dramatic irony “power of love” thing. Funnier still that it’s Sam’s love that does it and the reaction is an A+ bitchface. :P I know there’s a popular gifset that must have passed through everyone’s blog making fun of Dean for being wrong to be sarcastic (I love the “always right when they’re sarcastic” character… I think Ron Weasley is another :P) we really don’t give Sam enough credit for thinking the idea is stupid and Dean is being wildly unhelpful when he’s actually telling Sam the cheat code. 

* * *

> ADAM  
> Give me one good reason.   
>   
> SAM  
> Because we’re blood.   
>   
> ADAM  
> You’ve got no right to say that to me.   
>   
> BOBBY  
> You’re still John’s boy.   
>   
> ADAM  
> No, John Winchester was some guy who took me to a baseball game once a year. I don’t have a dad. So we may be blood, but we are not family. My mom is my family. And if I do my job, I get to see her again. So no offense, but she’s the one I give a rat’s ass about, not you. 

Whoops apparently being related to someone e.g. your own father doesn’t necessarily mean they count as family if they weren’t there for you :P 

Considering Dean’s mood, I swear he’s smiling when he looks away during this speech - I have a hunch if he was and he’s not continuing to be annoyed, he’s feeling vindicated about being so upset about John’s treatment of Adam in Jump the Shark, where he was MASSIVELY upset at this disordering of their family as he knew it. Adam rejecting John’s love, even if he might be speaking from a similar place of bitterness as everyone this episode, does kind of score Dean some cruel points to notice that Adam didn’t feel like he got any extra love and John’s treatment of him  _didn’t_  make him feel special in the way Dean jealously resented at the time when ghoul!Adam was playing it up.

* * *

Anyway Sam tries to be cool and down with the kids bonding personally with Adam later. He’s trying so hard. Kind of reminds me of him lying to that kid in Swap Meat about how his life was great. He only actually takes a chill pill and sounds like normal Sam when he’s complimenting Adam’s snarky attitude.

> ADAM  
> Really. You see, it was me and it was my mom. That’s it. She worked the graveyard shift at the hospital. I cooked my own dinners. I put myself to bed. So you can say whatever you want about our dad, but the truth is, I would have taken anything. 

*faint sound of John Winchester being father of the year two times over*

* * *

*louder sounds of Dean plotting his escape*

*Cas also smouldering audibly*

> DEAN  
> haha then what ;)

*slam*

* * *

I feel like if nothing else it’s making a pattern: Dean n Cas don’t have the most obvious relationship to label at this point… I think however you interpret it ‘profound bond’ is probably the best thing to call it just because it’s a pretty label free way to say that they’re extremely close? It has no implications either way of family, friendship or romance, just that their relationship is special. Anyway, Sam is *obviously* the brother, Bobby is boxed off as father, and Dean’s comments to Cas devalue whatever the hell is between them by reducing it to sexual comments. I really don’t think Dean can be totally oblivious… Just hopping to the first Carver episode of this season for a clear line of thought between here and there, 5x03 had plenty of borderline awareness of their chemistry and a lot of projecting and weird comments and making things into a big deal that should not be a big deal. (Getting trapped worrying about personal space and MAKING Cas back off instead of removing himself from the situation like sensible people would is point by point the same ‘trap’ he fell in with the phonecall in My Bloody Valentine) 

SO I kinda think (at this point before Dean actually goes through any self-examination regarding his feelings for Cas which the end of season 6/all of season 7 would force in a way to, you know, actually make him think and paving the way for the romantic escalation of season 8) I guess my headcanon for how far he is down the rabbit hole, is that he’s internalised that he and Cas are, to borrow Cas’s words anyway, bonded, and he knows it’s something more ~profound~, whatever that means, than what he’s used to in a non-sexual relationship (aka they are totally in love and have ridiculous sexual chemistry but can’t see the forest for the trees at this point). He’s always been quick to lash out with sexual comments when feeling threatened (i.e. his arsenal of “we don’t swing that way” comments), but this is a one-off for Dean being  _so_  direct and also a different sort of threatened (emotionally, not physically) and upset. He’s absolutely going for the throat with everyone, and so the important thing to wonder about is why he is like this with Cas.

I’ve always just seen random gifsets rather than a full meta on this episode thanks to it being so far down in the history of the show, so I have no idea if anyone’s actually made this next little logical hop, but of course it needs 3 parts to be a pattern, and of all the characters Dean verbally attacks, his thing with Cas gets drawn out in these distinct parts because it’s a little story arc leading up to him using Cas to escape from the panic room. And of course that escape is dependant on Cas’s concern for him making Cas a bit dumber than normal (see above: “I’m going to hang up now” - confirmed IQ drop in Dean’s presence that Dean has witnessed so is aware Cas can be as defuddled by him as he is by Cas). Basically using the fact that Cas is emotionally compromised by Dean (5x02′s angry speech wouldn’t have done any harm either as it mirrors the alley scene in vague dialogue ways and so that level of emotional investment in Dean from Cas is also something he is aware of). 

If he’s aware of this ~bond~ between them already, the other attacks are going for its throat, trying to get at Cas by turning this at the moment mostly platonic, incidentally romantic (as in, so much so they can quite conceivably not notice it yet themselves :P) thing into “just” a sexual connection, which I suppose is calculated to undermine the emotional connection by implying Cas’s care for him is just gross sexual interest. Then he uses it from the other side to get out the panic room by actually relying on that emotional attachment instead for ulterior motives.

tl:dr - Dean totally knows Cas is in love with him enough to base his entire aggressive campaign against him on it. 

(I can still see Dean being totally floored by the idea of Cas  _in_  love with him if you told him, at literally any point in canon past this, including after some rather screechingly obvious moments for the rest of us. :P)

* * *

> DEAN  
> That kid’s not taking a bullet for me.   
>   
> SAM  
> Dean…   
>   
> DEAN  
> I’m serious. I mean, think about how many people we’ve gotten killed, Sam. Mom, Dad, Jess, Jo, Ellen. Should I keep going? 

Let’s just… not think about Adam.

* * *

> DEAN  
> I just…I—I don’t believe.   
>   
> SAM  
> In what?   
>   
> DEAN  
> In you. I mean, I don’t. I don’t know whether it’s gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they’re gonna find a way to turn you. 

I think the actual outcome is probably the best way it could have gone? I am very sold on season 5 wrapping up the emotional arcs completely and (unfortunately for every following season) basically concluding the whole arc from start to finish with the brothers. (Hence how all the drama from then on has to be manufactured and draws complaints.) Anyway, Dean specifically expressing the idea of Lucifer getting to Sam because of his weakness (see above: viewer at home currently maybe the only person in the room who’s noticed Sam is on an upwards character arc right now) and then letting Sam go and Sam taking on Lucifer specifically because on the basis of hoping to be strong enough to fight him completely subverts Dean’s fear here. This conversation is kinda awful, but extremely necessary for the end of the season.

* * *

Wait, Cas immediately goes down to check on Dean the moment Sam goes upstairs? We’ve lost maybe a minute either side between the end of Sam n Dean’s conversation and Cas coming down the stairs. 

As soon as Sam left Dean began plotting to escape via Cas? 

I suppose he figured Sam wouldn’t be back to talk to him any time soon and Bobby couldn’t take the stairs, so Cas was the only one who would feasibly drop by so he just set up to go and it’s chance that Cas was there so soon.

* * *

*Cas is a worried birb about Dean*

Nooo Cas don’t go in there. 

(The knocked over chair always seemed to me to be worryingly suggestive that Dean was trying to convey a suicide attempt so I can see why Cas panicked and opened the door. Along with the ambiguous shot of Dean writing a note and then checking his gun there’s a lot of momentarily suggestive imagery in this episode.)

(You know, aside from Sam and Bobby outright talking about it.)

* * *

I hate the way Dean says “Cas” before he banishes him. :(

Kinda like, just the fact he said his name at all. This was personal and he knows it. He can’t say no hard feelings. He can’t really say ANYTHING because he’s set on doing this. But he still says “Cas” instead of just banishing him without a word. 

Cuz he has a heart you know.

* * *

> BOBBY  
> Where’s Cas?   
>   
> SAM  
> Blown to Oz. 

Since this now exists in canon, AU where…

* * *

Ah, playgrounds. All the time with the angels looking at them too. It happens a lot when contemplating innocence and humanity, but Adam seems to be in a memory and the colouring where it’s all slightly gold and hazy is reminiscent of Cas in Dean’s dream in 4x20, while the playground for them would be 4x07. (I wasn’t kidding about interpreting Zach as an AWFUL Cas mirror to Adam’s Dean :P)

* * *

Anyway, Zachariah keeps sellin’ the Winchesters to Adam with some words which randomly made a chunk of the fandom Zach stans who take him at face value, because obviously he is just being straightforward with Adam here instead of trying to skeeve him out about his captors in order to get him back or something more obvious in context.

* * *

> ZACHARIAH  
> Really? Trust me, kid, when the heat gets hot, they’re not gonna give a flying crap about you. Hell, they’d rather save each other’s sweet bacon than save the planet. 

*sound of Dean in the previous-ish scene being really sad about Adam’s involvement and wanting to take the fall instead of him*

(As well as the disillusionment about feeling like he’ll have to be the one to kill Sam as Michael to Lucifer, although that’s more specific to right now in this episode’s funk)

Admittedly it’s been a year since I was down this end of canon so I can’t remember the staging of the end of the episode but I do feel like they really meant to get Adam out of the beautiful room and not let what happened to him happen to him. 

* * *

Uhoh, El Sol sign. 

It’s near Dean but considering we’ve just cut from Zach manipulating Adam in a dream I’d say there’s a chance it’s a warning about that? Dean’s experience with reality this episode is pretty on the level?

“You pray too loud” is possibly the best [enter stage left] on the show.

* * *

Anyway it’s this scene.

Someone has a lot of pent up anger despite trying to vent it in snippy remarks all episode.

I’d guess someone also didn’t appreciate being blasted to the other side of the planet with an apparent long cooldown on returning. 

> CASTIEL  
> I rebelled for this?! So that you could surrender to them?   
>   
> DEAN  
> Cas! Please!   
>   
> CASTIEL  
> I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.   
>   
> DEAN  
> Do it. Just do it! 

Like how Dean was randomly panicked Bobby was about to shoot him earlier (and convinced Sam was going to fight him) he now thinks Cas is gonna do something to him - maybe even kill him? I dunno, Cas looks preeeetty pissed and Dean’s in the worst funk we ever see him in (for at least like another 5 years anyway) so he might more be  _hoping_  Cas would be pissed off enough to kill him.

I suppose Zach at the beginning is a subtle reminder of how much stuff is a capital offence to rebellious angels (seriously stop me paralleling them it’s making me itchy in the same way paralleling Cas and Metatron later makes me itchy :P) and therefore a reminder of just how dramatic it was what Cas did. Of course returning to the beautiful room soon, our last sight of it was Cas’s rebellion for Dean - everything is looping in on itself.

(After this the apocalypse pretty much runs smooth to the end, like, just the action beats of it, really, plus the final emotional clear up before the end, so this is really resolving Dean n Cas for the season in a way. Not like they stop interacting, but this is the arc.)

Anyway, Cas horrifically beats Dean, Dean feels like he deserves it, Cas has been emotionally mauled all season and pretty much the only thing keeping him moving forwards is the reassurance of Dean’s alternate fuck destiny mission so this is at least massive personal disappointment… Cas wasn’t even  _awake_  for the Team Free Will speech, but like I said there, he didn’t need to be. He’s the one flying the flag for it because he’s the one who  _absolutely depends_  on Team Free Will being the right course (see: this scene) and he’s the one who embodies it most. He’s not even meant to be there. :P Like, six times over at least already. 

And yeah it’s Destiel-y not because of Cas beating Dean up or getting right in his face or anything gross like that, but because of how it loops from 4x22′s dramatic end and Cas’s sort of re-commitment to their relationship, as being in this fight together. It was obvious in context of that episode that he changed his mind specifically because of Dean and not because of his general appeal but because  _Dean_  knew it was the right thing to do and because Cas had faith in Dean and if he thought it was the right thing to do then… (See above: shh I’m not making this about my Dean is the centre of the universe theory)

Obviously Dean commits betrayal of their commitment by giving up (hence the failed marriage sulking and sniping and the specific framing of it being weirdly reminiscent of marital strife because the end of season 4 had a lot of ~marriage~ moments between them) and betrayal of their bond by being crude to Cas, and betrayal of their whole fight together thing by attacking him with the banishing spell…

I dunno I’m rambling and it just passed midnight so let’s carry on. :P

* * *

Dean > Adam parallels: Cas showing up carrying them and dumping Dean on the bed: in his  _rightful_  place i.e. reclaiming their connection by not letting Adam usurp the place. It’s a weird statement but eh they’re not conventional.

* * *

Hello beautiful room.

Wasn’t it El Sol beer in there the first time? Now it’s changed to another brand for Adam.

Guess he and Dean don’t have the EXACT same tastes.

* * *

> ZACHARIAH  
> Mmm, not so much. Hey, if it’s any consolation, you happen to be the illegitimate half-brother of the guy we do care about. That’s not bad, is it? 

Love to hate this guy. He has some of the best lines this season.

* * *

> ZACHARIAH  
> The Winchesters got  _one_  blind spot, and it’s family. See, Sam and Dean, they’re gonna put aside their differences and they’re gonna come get you, 

Oh hey apparently Zach was lying in that earlier scene talking to Adam and they do care.

Funny that.

* * *

I love the shot of the burger in the foreground and Adam coughing up blood… Like, it is just so evocative of the idea of him as bait, and he fell for it and took it.

Sorry, I gotta screencap it out of appreciation for a good visual storytelling moment.

ew.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Word to the wise: don’t piss off the nerd angels. 

Dean: canonically impossibly unable to judge Cas’s BAMF level, consistently thinks he’s a 5 foot tall, weedy, pale dork with striking eyes, dark hair and sensible shoes. Holding a harp.

Consistently surprised when Cas is not fanon Cas.

* * *

Meanwhile: Sam shows  _staggering_  levels of maturity and level-headedness and isn’t even aggravatingly calm and righteous like he is probably only a shade away from. 

> DEAN  
> Isn’t that a bad idea?   
>   
> SAM  
> Cas and Bobby think so. I’m not so sure. 

See above: Cas n Bobby established as a step behind Sam all episode.

> DEAN  
> You know, if tables were turned…I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I  _have_  let you rot in here. 

See above: all the 4x21 parallels/subversions (i.e. this episode runs backwards to it: Sam DOESN’T fight Dean in the opening, Dean escapes in the middle, Sam doesn’t leave Dean in the panic room.)

(Also to my not so long ago point about this being the end of the arcs, of course it’s loudly wrapping up the mirror narrative structure to the end of season 4, sandwiching all of this arc between 4x01-5x18… You could even say that because only in the last few episodes we got this change in Sam and the lead up to Lisa, that wrapping here and starting that off, we’re going into a branch of the story now that leads to the ending we got. If we’re going for the metatextual moment we officially stepped off the path of the story having any chance of ending how it was supposed to be ~written~ by the original destiny, it’s this (poor Adam, victim of season 6′s renewal :P). I kinda feel like the real off-book moment happened either in 4x18 or 5x04 as I blabbed about there, but now we are well and truly going to enter into the run of the story where we suddenly get a plot mcguffin to end it neatly, Sam’s on-track for one thing, Dean on the other… And all but the bare bones emotional arcs, even some of these Sam and Dean ones which could carry to the end, are tied up neatly.)

* * *

Anyway. We have sadly reached and passed my favourite line of dialogue in the entire show. All downhill from here:

> DEAN  
> Where the hell are we?   
>   
> CASTIEL  
> Van Nuys, California.   
>   
> DEAN  
> Where’s the beautiful room?   
>   
> CASTIEL  
> In there.   
>   
> DEAN  
> The beautiful room is in an abandoned muffler factory in Van Nuys, California?   
>   
> CASTIEL  
> Where’d you think it was?   
>   
> DEAN  
>  **I—I don’t know. Jupiter? A blade of grass? Not Van Nuys.**

Dean, even now, even after  _everything_  and every disappointment in angels and God and Heaven, seeing the literal Garden of Eden being some botanical garden in Cleveland,  _Cas_ , had fanciful, impossible notions about where the Beautiful Room had been.  _Dean_.

(I know this is a Carver episode but I have my own fanciful notion that at some point between the idea of the beautiful room being conceived and writing this episode, there was some writing room banter about where this place could possibly be. I don’t know why but this line seems to have a great big Edlund thumbprint on it. :P)

(Also just the fact his imagination took him these places. The cosmic and the microscopic… Another reason I see Edlund inspiration on this is because blade of grass/head of a pin since the full quote is something like “how many angels can dance on the head of a pin” and gives this idea of angels occupying a minute space)

Look I restrained myself to 3 paragraphs. If you have your own totally random favourite line you will instantly think of if challenged for a favourite line from anything ever, you’d understand.

* * *

*returns days later exhausted and confused*

Fortunately the next thing that happens is Cas starts stripping off and Dean kinda zones out too so we shall just have concentration problems together.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Whoa, wait. You’re gonna take on five angels?   
>   
> CASTIEL  
> Yes.   
>   
> DEAN  
> Isn’t that suicide?   
>   
> CASTIEL  
> Maybe it is. But then I won’t have to watch you fail. I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does. 

Back to the suicide theme, effectively linking Bobby, Dean and Cas, and leaving Sam out of the loop. In a good way. For Sam.

I’m over here sobbing for my three small sons who I just want to hug. :P

Anyway, noting the word “faith” because before we didn’t have it  _quite_ so clear that Cas was effectively replacing faith with “following Dean around”.

(Which makes his apology for this in a couple of episodes that much nicer that when he re-joins them maybe some of these notions they’ve all been holding each other too are (maybe for the best) gone, but Cas is still following Dean and believes in him again. :3)

(We’re allowed to see the end of season 5 for the positive character development it was re: everyone and leave it for season 6 to be more uncertain how much was good or bad or just leading into more terrible things, since Cas’s story, in 6x20, is linked directly back to the  _good_  feeling of victory at the end of the season, + brodependency shows up again obviously after all this lovely work. >.>)

* * *

Anyway Cas does the thing. :3 I like how despite removing the tie he buttoned all the way back up on his shirt. Like, he’s gonna take until 9x06 to learn about man cleavage.

What a badass though.

* * *

I love the unassuming box in the middle of the warehouse.

* * *

Amused by Zach flinging Sam across the room with the painting of the girl in the swing in the background because she’s have much more fun “flying” :P

* * *

> ZACHARIAH  
> But I should have trusted the boss man. It’s all playing out like he said…
> 
> […]
> 
> ZACHARIAH  
> You know there’s no other choice. There’s never been a choice. 

Ahaha Michael you loser. You’re so obsessed with destiny. It’s almost ridiculous how Michael is  _the most_  obsessed with this idea of a destiny that can’t be avoided, and his vessel is  _the most_  adverse to the same idea. I mean, last time they met he was so certain destiny would win he inspired Dean to found Team Free Will then and there. I’m really not sure “the boss man” has realised how incompatible he and Dean are. :P

*Dean makes a choice*

He’s so rude.

> DEAN  
> I said…before Michael gets one piece of this sweet ass…he has to turn you into a piece of charcoal. 

Self-confidence took a boost though. :3

> ZACHARIAH  
> You listen to me. You are nothing but a maggot inside a worm’s ass. 

I am gonna miss you, you slimy weasel. :’)

I love how if you look closely you can see his face in Dean’s eyes, it’s not just the light but the whole :O expression. Even the little detail of the blade going through his chin and up through his mouth. :3

* * *

Did Dean take one of the angel blades Cas left behind after the epic banishment, or the ones Cas put on the desk at Bobby’s?

*rewatches Cas vanish himself again* Guess one from Bobby’s.

* * *

Still think it was a terrible idea to look directly at it.

* * *

Okay yeah Dean really didn’t mean for Adam to get caught :P I’m not sure where I heard that/why I thought it.

I almost hope Adam just said yes right away when he was snatched because poor kid. :<

* * *

Aw Dean is seriously concerned about Cas unprompted. *pats him on the head*

Obviously of course though he credits the moment of changing his mind and choosing free will again to Sam, the camera shows him concerned about Sam and Adam, and the episodes makes it clear his decisions have an effect on others that he loves with Bobby and Cas, so the overall feeling that saying Yes to Michael is a bad thing is not JUST about the next thing Dean says - it’s the pivot, but enough airtime was dedicated to Bobby and especially Cas with his sacrifice moments before that Dean’s got a whole tapestry of influence and concern to draw on when making this decision. Like, Cas doesn’t express faith in him like Sam so he doesn’t get the below quoted credit, but he still brought them there and cleared the way possibly at the cost of his own life, so right after Cas angry about giving everything for Dean, he just goes and does it again. That’s got to at least leave something unspoken in the back of his mind, as with everything about Dean n Cas I suppose. :P

> DEAN  
> Honestly? The damnedest thing. I mean, the world’s ending. The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you and all I can think about is, “this stupid son of a bitch  _brought_  me here.” I just didn’t want to let you down. 

*quiet sounds of Sam’s mental strength being important in influencing the plot*

Naaah. :P

> DEAN  
> Just…let me say this. I don’t know if it’s being a big brother or what, but to me, you’ve always been this snot-nosed kid that I’ve had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that’s not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you’re grown-up enough to find faith in me…the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way. 

If “destiny” is metaphorically represented by Michael and Zach was his sort of “avatar” then he kinda already did screw it in the face. :P

Anyway woo character development. \o/ Well, this is a 2-parter with Dean sort of letting Sam go at the start of 5x22, but hey, this is a start. :P And it’s Sam finally getting some recognition for this quiet growth arc he’s been on.

For Dean’s sake, I’m not entirely sure the last few seasons have really been ABOUT him worrying about Sam as the helpless little brother, considering season 4 and Sam’s scary moments in season 3, but I suppose aside from that, like, in general, Dean always thinks to himself no matter what of Sam as the little brother he’s supposed to be looking out for, him recognising that this is an oppressive way to relate to Sam is a start… Obviously season 1-2 this was their dynamic a lot as the main plot, building up to Dean selling his soul, so a lot of the focus was on selling that dynamic to show just how helplessly locked in Dean was to that thinking. Season 3 onwards he defended that position but Sam was A: actually looking more adult just with Jared being older too and B: the plot meant basically Dean was forced to consider Sam growing up and surviving without him just because of his own impending death, so things like teaching him how to fix Baby etc was a sort of growing up/coming of age arc for Sam, from Dean’s perspective of having to accept this… And season 4 was the result of that, focussing for the first time so strongly on how Sam was messed up by all this, with Sam scarily independent/breaking away from Dean/rejecting him looking after him with the season long theme of Dean being weak/afraid and Sam feeling much stronger and more capable than him… But yeah, thanks to how he was raised, Dean’s always going to be protective towards Sam, so here we can enjoy a rare moment of acknowledging Sam as an adult and that the strength to support each other can go both ways and this actually being a really good thing in the ways of them choosing each other…?

Like, their real end goal that not giving up entails would be saving the planet without the catastrophic death toll of the Michael vs Lucifer fight, so it’s not like they have a better idea how to do that (yet… Next episode! *does the suggestive Gabriel eyebrow wiggle*) but rather than this being a “screw the world, we got us,” decision, it’s kind of just committing to continuing to try and find a way to do this without a body count?

Anyway. Like I said, season 5 in its own bubble while I write these. Maybe season 11 retreading some old ground re: bringing up the archangels again in casual conversation will make them remember all this good work. :P


	19. 5x19

Since Cas isn’t in this one it’s technically an average Monster of the Week. I don’t make the rules.

(That logic also means 8x08 is a major plot episode but eh)

* * *

I love the little details of the hotel coming to life. I’d kind of liked to see more, but it looks expensive :P

* * *

Honestly, Biblical downpour aside, the most unlikely part of this episode is that Sam and Dean would have stopped at such a fancy hotel. 

Anyway, damp Winchesters etc

* * *

Dean facing the greatest challenge of his life picking between apple pie and the lemon meringue pie. *Dean rejects the apple pie and steals some random other chocolate thing just because he wants it as well*

This bodes well for him and Lisa getting the apple pie life next season :P

* * *

The best bit about Dean “how you doin’?” Kali is not that he uses Joey from Friends’ pick up line but that in hindsight he will know she could have literally vaporised him on the spot. I think his fear is clear enough without knowing that. Like, he might not  _know_  but I think the whole “vaporised on the spot” thing is sort of unspoken in this moment.

“No.”

*puts her picture in a frame next to my bed* :3

* * *

Dean is busy having dessert, Sam has apparently not touched a meal which seems to be steak and corn on the cob and lots of veggies. There’s crumbs all over Dean’s side of the table to suggest that he has managed to demolish an entire main course while Sam has been playing on his phone. No wonder Dean complains at Sam to eat something.

* * *

The patterns on the wall are sort of squashed hexagons but from a lot of camera angles they just look like honeycomb. Considering the Bees of Pacifism theme from later in the show (Cas in the end of season 7, Charlie in 8x11, Cain in 9x11) I wouldn’t be surprised if the honeycomb effect was belatedly for Gabriel as he finally gives up the whole extended vacation from responsibilities thing.

* * *

> SAM  
> It’s biblical. Exactly. I-it’s friggin’ Noah’s ark out there, and we’re eating pie. 

Well, Dean is. :P I like that ‘we’ like, Dean’s letting the whole side down by sampling the all-you-can-eat buffet. 

> DEAN  
> How many hours of sleep did you get this week? What? Three? Four? 

Interestingly Sam vs sleep really hasn’t come up that often while Dean’s sleeplessness is pretty much permanently a given for most of the show in the background? I think the last time I remember it being an issue for Sam was in season 1 when he was having his Jess guilt dream/hallucinations, and then in season 6 and 7 it’s used to show what’s wrong with him? (And then in season 8 he sleeps too MUCH)… I dunno, it stands out right  _now_  when Sam isn’t sleeping anyway.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Nobody’s giving up. Especially me. We’re gonna find a way to beat the devil, okay? Soon. I can feel it. And we will find Cas, we’ll find Adam. But you are no good to me burnt out.   
>   
> SAM  
> Yeah. Yeah, okay.   
>   
> DEAN  
> Come on, we’ve actually got the night off for once. Let’s try to enjoy it. 

This is at least reasonably suggestive that they’ve been tearing around looking for Cas, which I approve of. :P

* * *

The kitchen with a random hand in it has literally no effect after watching Hannibal. :P Looks so corny and unstylish when you know Hannibal would create a masterpiece out of it. They’re just, like, leaving it out on the side with the bloody sleeve still on? Nah.

AU where they hired him to cater for this event.

(Hannibal wandering past when all the carnage is done, stopping to taste one of the dead gods, nods to Lucifer and heads out the door?)

* * *

*Dean stealing the chocolates off their pillows in the hotel room* okay what is with Dean and stealing chocolate this episode? Is there something I’ve missed? :P

* * *

He’s got a good eye for shiny things. I swear, between randomly finding the ring in the fluffy carpet and his high Detect Hidden Doors skill he has definitely got a higher than average perception score.

Except when he’s walking past random elephants. 

Ah man, one of the best visual jokes in the show. 

* * *

Of course they immediately go check the kitchen. I suppose it’s the easiest to access behind the scenes place if they can’t figure out where the office is? I’d think trying to find a main office would have been a priority, but no. We’ll go look at the kitchen.

* * *

One of the things I really like is the little intro to all the gods showing you their name badges and then some art from all the lore books the guys would inevitably have read. It’s also semi implied to be from Dean’s POV as we hav close up reaction shots from him to start with? So subtle Dean and research stuff, showing he does actually remember some useful random lore sometimes. :P

* * *

(One of the things I  _don’t_  like is how all the gods randomly just start murdering people to eat later but HEY O this episode happens and I suppose it’s equally disrespectful across the board, aside from I don’t think Kali ever stoops to random eating people? And she’s from one of the largest world religions, so there is… that… at least. :P)

* * *

Huh, Sam has to whisper to Dean like, “Gods!?” because he didn’t notice AT ALL what they were dealing with when Dean had already had his zoom in/remember research moment on all of the gods in the room. So Sam either needs glasses or this is a seriously understated smart!Dean moment where Sam doesn’t put it together until he’s told… Again with Dean having the much higher perception score of the two of them.

* * *

Anyway just for delivery of this line, possibly my favourite from the episode:

> ODIN  
> I don’t know what everybody’s getting so worked up about! ‘Cause it’s just a couple of angels having a slap fight! There’s no Armageddon. Everybody knows, when the world comes to an end, the Great Serpent Jormungandr rises up, and I myself will be eaten by a big wolf!

I know, I know, “don’t mock my world turtle” and the elephant in the room joke are good. But seriously, his face as he chuckles about being eaten. :3

(Why does he have an accent but Baldur is British? (And I suppose, Loki American :P) Why is he speaking English but the Chinese god is the only one speaking a native language? But they can all understand him apparently? This episode has no internal consistency. Is that a point they’re subtly making about the influence/variety of the gods?)

* * *

Loki never gets invited to any parties. I feel sorry for him. He seems like he’d be fun to have at a party, you know?

I wonder just how much Gabriel ever did as Loki that’s from his legends. (Or that compelling theory that he is literally possessing the god Loki so no one realises at all that he isn’t a god.)

* * *

I just love this sort of “recalculating” moment:

“Even for our wacky episodes, this is ridiculous.”

(The chocolate is back on the pillow - did Gabriel zap them back to his room? Or did Dean put the chocolate back on the pillow?)

(Hang on… *checks* Dabb/Loflin. I should have known. I’ll stop asking questions and let them get on with it. :P)

* * *

I feel like Dean has defensively turned his collar up since the start of the episode but I wouldn’t be able to tell you when he did it >.>

* * *

(They really aren’t more than pawns in this episode for the entire time as they debate what they can actually do in here - they get a tiny weeny bit of agency to try and save the people that haven’t already been butchered, and Dean gets to talk to Gabriel with a message he already tried once, but they’re officially the least alpha personality characters in the whole episode, and their helplessness is really quite a nice thing in here - there really is nothing much they can do except for try and keep afloat, and steer the fear of the other characters in their direction - because all the gods are terrified as well or they wouldn’t be there.)

* * *

Anyway Gabriel pls take your feet off that table, it was only just magically restored.

*Lizzy’s ongoing theory that Gabriel and sofas is a thing* 

> DEAN  
> Well you know what, bite me, Gabriel.   
>   
> GABRIEL  
> Maybe later, big boy. 

Always amused by that line. I swear the fandom may have latched onto Sabriel as an alternate angel/Winchester ship, but we really do not talk enough about Gabriel vs Dean if only for considering the implications of him weaponising Dr Sexy against Dean. :P If we’re talking about using weaponised sexuality to assert dominance over the other, then Gabriel has Dean’s number.

Also compare to Dean basically saying the exact same phrasing but “blow me” to Cas last episode and  _not_  getting the snarky comeback and the totally different way their dynamic played out over that episode.

* * *

> DEAN  
> Wow, 'cause a couple of months ago you were telling us that we need to “play our roles”. You’re uber boning us!   
>   
> GABRIEL  
> Ohh… The end is still nigh. Michael and Lucifer are gonna dance the lambada, but not tonight. Not here. 

So I suppose he starts off still technically rooting for the end where they are still meant to be playing their roles? Dean’s words about standing up at the end of Changing Channels do come up again at the end of this episode, but this episode is sort of Gabriel doing the whole character arc in one go really (I mean we still have the bit with him hiding in the car to go so he’s not exactly full hero mode yet :P) 

So he just came to rescue them for the sake of them being free to carry on doing their whole destiny thing? Like, he doesn’t think the gods will come up with any better alternative than what’s already on the table (if he’s not interested in standing up to the apocalypse yet and doesn’t think it could be done)… If his motivation is still to have it just be over and done with… I dunno. At this point Michael & Lucifer both have their back up vessels so  _technically_  the fight could happen at any moment except that Lucifer at least is still holding out for Sam and maybe the conditions aren’t right yet? I suppose Michael being so obsessed with Destiny and doing things properly would be like one of those old school generals who allowed the enemy to pick the time and place of the battle, or at least we know from Swan Song there  _is_ an official place that it ~has~ to happen so probably a time too…

* * *

> DEAN  
> And why do you care?   
>   
> GABRIEL  
> I don’t care. But, me and Kali we, uh, had a thing. Chick was all hands. What can I say? I’m sentimental. 

I honestly do pretty much take him at face value on this one tbh :P It would be very like him to only incidentally get involved in world affairs for a sideways reason like that. I mean he’s been technically doing nothing as far as we know for like 11 episodes while being perfectly capable of helping out and some pretty huge events have taken place. Now he COULD be popping up right now because Michael is off possessing Adam and getting warmed up for the right or… As is the way with family gatherings, everyone just happened to be here and so Gabriel shows up for Kali, incidentally needs to save the Winchesters because that’s how to look after Kali, isn’t quick enough and Lucifer shows up… Such is his life. :P

* * *

Anyway 

> GABRIEL  
> Forget it. It’s gonna be hard enough sneaking you mooks outta here. 

Kinda funny them getting called “mooks” because it is often used to describe the hired muscle for more important people - like I was saying, Sam and Dean aren’t just technically the least important people here, but literally in the narrative of this episode can barely do anything :P

* * *

Okay, but did Kali have to be partially undressed in this scene?

> KALI  
> Leave. 

*nods*

I can’t remember exactly how this episode goes but does she know he’s Gabriel the whole time? She says Baldur is uncomplicated which would work on a character level anyway because he seems so, and “Loki” more like herding cats even in character as “Loki” but… :P

* * *

> GABRIEL  
> I’m taking this seriously. Ship’s sinking, time to get off. I mean screw this marble. Let’s go check out Pandora. 

Heh, another space reference. I am 100% convinced that despite their long-standing no aliens policy and lots of anything but aliens and it looks like aliens but it’s not… It’s canon in the SPN universe that aliens exist just that  _so far_  there’s been no interaction with them.

…

I bet you anything that Gabriel’s at least gone looking. :P

* * *

I do wonder if the freezer full of people was partially a ploy to give the Winchesters something to do to keep them here?

* * *

> KALI  
> You must take me for a fool… Gabriel. You’re bound to me. Now, and forever. 

I think they just got married.

* * *

You know, no one looks at all surprised that Gabriel is Gabriel. I feel like all the gods have probably known this entire time that something was up with Loki, and just didn’t mention it because they figured, like Kali, there’d be a chance at some point to use it against him. She just managed to cash it in first. :P

* * *

> GABRIEL  
> You can’t beat him. I’ve skipped ahead, seen how this story ends– 

Hmm.  _When_  did he do that though? If this is something he can just casually ~see~ all the time, then that annoyingly upsets all my theories about what is ~written~ having already been changed,  _but_  if he snooped ahead some time say when Lucifer first popped out of the ground and Gabriel would have had a very good in-the-moment reason to check how this went, and has based all his actions on it since, he may not have noticed that all season things have been changing away from how they may have been much more certain - literally last episode we had a ton of moments that pointed towards the story ending how it will and not how they think it will… I think it’s been off-course for most of the season or even working up to being off-course since they went meta in 4x18, although Gabriel’s involvement only starts at the beginning of season 5…

Anyway, he’s a major reason why they are able to resolve it the way they do, and so his actions help definitively knock the story off-course once he gets rid of this idea and thinks that it might be worth fighting to change the story. So the latest possible moment that destiny gets knocked off course has to be when he makes that dodgy DVD for them. :P

* * *

> KALI  
> Your story. Not ours. Westerners, I swear. The sheer arrogance. You think you’re the only ones on earth? 

An easy way to make me forgive this episode for the caricatures of the gods even within the episode. :P

I noticed some time recently that one of Loflin’s solo episodes in season 8 was Remember the Titans, so I’m tentatively pointing at him for caring about other gods? :P

* * *

> KALI  
> And we were here first. 

I was thinking about her actual role as a god being something to do with the Hindu cycle of creation/destruction (I haven’t studied it for like a decade or something but I vaguely remember their creation story?), so she does theoretically maybe exist outside of it, making her another entity to potentially throw in with all the various pre-creation things and specifically to look at depending how much more lore we get about the Darkness from pre-history. Certainly the show’s own lore just from that speech from Death in 10x23 suggests that the archangels are potentially younger than it so Kali might potentially actually have been older than Gabriel?

Who knows, he’s presumably still dead until proven otherwise and she’s extremely unlikely to come back in season 11. :P

* * *

*stabby stabby*

Poor Gabriel. I mean I guess he comes back to save her from Lucifer in 15 minutes so he doesn’t exactly hold a grudge about this.

* * *

Dean exercises some agency about saving the people, after Kali has proven to the assembled crowd that angels can be killed - despite the gods having the upper hand Dean seems to be able to twist this to his advantage despite the fact he  _also_  isn’t responsible for luring Lucifer to them which is exactly what he promises them to  _get_ this agency. See what I mean about them having no real impact on this episode except for as observers?

* * *

I understand the idea of hiding in the back seat of the Impala for safety.

* * *

> GABRIEL  
> You think I’d give Kali my real sword? That thing can kill me! 

immortal lines.

(not so immortal character)

* * *

I do like how this is another one on one Dean vs Gabriel conversation. I feel like trying to convert Gabriel to their cause is sort of helpful for Dean just because he was in a slump last episode, and if we look at it this way, he talks Gabriel onto their course even though he has no idea what to actually  _do_  to stop the apocalypse, and as a reward for winning him over, Gabriel gives him the way to stop the apocalypse Dean had been lacking. It is  _only_  because he did that that he gets his way through. And even before he gets that reward, the talking Gabriel onto their course is in itself almost its own reward just because he has to speak with conviction that there is this acceptable non-giving-up course. Gabriel wanting Dean to play his role is something Dean literally rejected last episode, and he doesn’t know where to go from here. Gabriel is hanging onto the old notions and he’s in Dean’s mindset from last episode in a way, but that just isn’t a valid course of action any more…

I’m not sure what the point is to this but I like that Gabriel is a sort of past-present-future mirror for Dean this episode, starting out arguing something that Dean had been thinking, coming around to helplessly fighting as he is now, and then actually showing the way through.

I really find his death too meaningful in so many ways that for YEARS I rejected this idea he should come back. 

* * *

> DEAN  
> I see right through you, you know that? The smart-ass shell, the whole “I could give a crap” thing? Believe me, it takes one to know one. 

:>

Oh look is that proof Dean puts a turtle to shame with the thickness of his shell and he knows it? And he identifies it in Gabriel… (And probs knows Gabriel has seen it in him - again,  _Doctor Sexy_.)

> DEAN  
> Yes. And maybe those freaks in there aren’t your blood but they are your family. 

Dean and the whole family don’t end in blood theeeeme

*Dabb n Loflin probably with a Dean characterisation bingo card somewhere while writing this*

> GABRIEL  
> I can’t kill my brother.   
>   
> DEAN  
> Can’t or won’t? That’s what I thought. 

*Dabbflin happily scribble in the centre of the card and submit it for consideration*

* * *

But interesting that Dean seems to treat Gabriel not being able to kill his brother as a moral weakness that he should step up and do. I mean he  _did_  say a couple of times that he should be the one to be possessed by Michael to kill Lucifer because he had to see it done or something, so he seems vaguely pro-fratricide this season, also implying that if Sam was possessed by Lucifer it would be moral weakness.

I suppose the set up we got was because Sam  _wasn’t_  possessed by Lucifer because of moral weakness but because of the literal opposite where he was betting on strength of character to defeat him, and hence Dean in turn had his role as the brother who would have to kill him subverted…

But it does imply/reinforce the idea that Dean  _would_  kill Sam or at least think it was the right thing to do in other situations - of course endverse had him ready to go shoot Lucifer wearing Sam and we don’t know if 2014!Dean ever managed to pull the trigger (with 5x10 giving us a clear indicator that could have happened because the Colt doesn’t work…) but he certainly managed to get all the way up to Lucifer without chickening out and accepting that he had to do it.

Hm.

I suppose you need this as the ironic other side of the coin for the fact Dean has been so programmed to save Sam at any cost. That he would at least always consider it and feel it had to be done.

(Puzzling my way through this season is helping me see deeper into 10x23 at least. I don’t know how I FEEL about it but seeing it as a dark subversion of all the threads in this season could help a bit…)

* * *

> SAM  
> Sort of. I just need you to squeegee some stuff from my ribs and he’ll come running.   
>   
> KALI  
> Breaking them would be easier. 

Does make me wonder how protected they are still. :P

* * *

The implication of Dean coming into the room to complain that they were tricked, and cutting immediately to Lucifer ringing the bell for service is that Dean literally had Lucifer stroll into the hotel behind him.

*deducts any points I’d given him for having a good perception score*

* * *

Meanwhile Sam has I suppose a very specific “detect Lucifer” spell.

* * *

Kali lasts a little longer against Lucifer. :3 She seems at least a little more matched to him? (Having a big religion behind her too I guess.) 

I wonder if he’s just so powerful right now against these gods because he’s in his apocalypse so the universe is just sort of tipped in his direction.

Like, when/if Ragnarok comes around, the Norse gods will actually be this level of unassailable because their destiny is all happening at once.

I don’t think in season 6 they ever implied the Fates were angels or angel adjacent, and used their Greek mythology names, so I’m hoping they’re allowed to just sort of  _be_ and not lean specifically towards one religion or the other.

* * *

I feel it is important to point out:

> DEAN  
> Whoa. “Casa Erotica 13” on demand. [ SAM Scoffs ] What? 

[…]

> GABRIEL  
> Not really. Better late then never, huh? [GABRIEL hands DEAN a copy of CASA EROTICA #13 on DVD] Guard this, with your life. 

Who knows if they’re actually the same or what, but the continuity is there that this is apparently what was on the TVs in their room the whole time. :P

* * *

Anyway Loki saves Kali. :3

(Gabriel has to fight Lucifer.)

I like the spike in sad dramatic music right before “you’re my brother and I love you” and you’re like  _awwwww_  but. no.

* * *

> GABRIEL  
> Play the victim all you want. But you and me? We know the truth. Dad loved you best. More than Michael, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn’t handle it. So this is all just one big temper tantrum. Time to grow up. 

[conspicuous absence of the Mark of Cain] I SUPPOSE you could say that God loved Lucifer best = trusted him with the thing = no one realised that the thing was actually turning Lucifer douchey = Lucifer throwing said tantrum and everyone just assuming it’s a personality flaw without stopping to attribute it to the Mark?

(Also I guess since Metatron said that Lucifer-level magic could remove the thing we can fill in the gap that he passed it on wholesale to Cain and therefore Gabriel is not also falling into the same trap Michael would be in that Lucifer literally can not be killed at all, so he’s feeling he’s in with something of a chance!??)

* * *

> KALI  
> I’m not getting in that thing.   
>   
> DEAN  
> Just get in the car, princess. 

This sounds extremely Star Wars-y but maybe the “princess” comment is throwing me off. :P It sounds like a template Han/Leia conversation anyhow.

Fact is Kali has ridden around in the Impala and that’s something Baby can be proud of. :P

* * *

Gabriel picks humanity cuz he’s the best.

On the other hand, dies. 

:<

I just had a scoot through some prominent full-body lying down deaths (Mary, Jess, the angels in 4x16) and none of them hook their leg like that - Uriel dies stretched flat out, and the 3 who die for fridging purposes (including the unnamed blonde angel for Cas in On the Head of a Pin) all die with their legs bent outwards, knee facing in to their straight leg, for whatever that means (mirroring each previous death in the show’s own language?). Gabriel’s death on the other hand is reminiscent of the pose of the Hanged Man tarot card which, inverted (i.e. looked at with feet at the bottom head at the top per this camera angle) can be symbolic of martyrdom. 

Random FYI which I have no idea how much it has been discussed.

* * *

My yearly round of “I can not believe the universe was saved by a porno”

* * *

> SAM  
> Gabriel wanted you to guard this with your life?   
>   
> DEAN  
> Maybe he’s a fan. It is a good one. 

Pfft.

* * *

Painfully forcing myself to ignore the door number (except to point out Gabriel/this porno company have the same sense of humour as Leah the false prophet?)

The corridor that Gabriel comes in from is all blue skies and clouds - a sort of suggestion he is talking to them from the afterlife?

* * *

I always wonder if they started collecting horseman rings at the start of the season just with a sort of vague idea that it might be useful or if this was really the plan all along.

Because I mean seriously.

I am not entirely sure what episode tripped me up into watching the end of the apocalypse all in one night until the small hours of the morning the first time I ever went through this season, but I know this episode is definitely in that final run for me. :P I tend to think of the whole end of this season as just like one big movie for that reason.

* * *

Ew nope nope nope I do not approve of Pestilence’s introduction.

Ugh.

UGH.

Focus on this:

His numberplate is SIKN TRD aka Sick n Tired.

(I can’t remember if War and Famine had funny numberplates? I know Death does :P)

Anyway. Ew ew ew ew ew ew.

Least favourite Horseman.


	20. 5x20

Or: ah yes my look of blank horror about Dean and Crowley has come to visit me from the future. Hello blank look of horror. 

I’d say “long time no see” but the deleted scenes from 10x14/10x23 have kept us on good terms this summer.

Nothing is sacred forever.

* * *

I’m pretty sure you can see a shadowed Herpexia advert (based on the yoga lady’s silhouette) in the lab this episode opens in.

I love the little easter eggs all over this season which link it all together. It also blurs fact and fiction - e.g. the Casa Erotica DVD that saved the world from last episode exists apparently in a normal unadulterated form, and in the one that Gabriel made for Dean and Sam.

(I feel like there are a lot more of these easter eggs I’ve caught before - even on only first or second watching, and never bothered to point out or list, or just take them so much for granted I don’t think of them as easter eggs any more.

Kinda like how I stopped thinking of Destiel as an easter egg if you liked queer subtext round about 6x20 :P)

* * *

Actually glancing up at season 10 for other reasons before I inevitably begin to regret everything (I don’t know I’m just guessing based on what I remember of this episode :P) the cold open where the demon sticks Croatoan in that guy has a lot of the same marks as the attack dog spell. Obviously they have their differences in application etc but the actual effect on the person who has it? I got pretty distracted talking about it back in… whatever episode Gordon became a vampire, thanks to noticing the eye effect was very similar, and here we have very similar behaviour, and again it seems to show up with redness around (but not in this time?) the eyes, and pretty identical behaviour, minus the control aspect. 

I dunno, interesting to compare the tropes specific to the show, I guess. Probably just something to note in case in becomes interesting in season 11?

* * *

Everyone has swine fluuu.

*rubs nose* I was a recent victim of Swine Flu the first time I watched this. >.> I felt very on-trend. (They also make a Michael Jackson reference so basically within like 3 seconds this scene hideously dates itself. Ah historical relics. :3)

> SAM Day and a half?
> 
> DEAN That’s the same time those statues started crying.
> 
> SAM Yep.
> 
> DOCTOR I’m sorry. What was that?
> 
> DEAN What was what?
> 
> DOCTOR Did you just say a bunch of statues started crying?
> 
> SAM What? (laughing) why, no. No. W-who would –
> 
> DEAN Who would say that, huh? Crazy people.
> 
> SAM Exactly.
> 
> DEAN Yeah, which we are not.
> 
> SAM No.

Heheh.

But yeah also more statues crying! Off screen! Which is why I can never remember where there’s another example of this whenever it comes up!

I would guess that unlike in IRL stuff I read in the Fortean Times (for that weird period of my adolescence where it was delivered to our house and no one knew who had ordered it), where statues crying seemed to be connected to miracles or was the miracle by itself, it’s is a general marker of evil nearby in the SPN world and serves as a warning… I suppose a lot of the apocalypse’s events and broken seals might have been heralded by it in their world, which, since I had that Fortean Times reading phase, I sort of internalised as this idea that this was  _all over_  these seasons when in fact it happens once on screen and is mentioned once off screen here. Hence my confusion at never being able to find examples when I wanted to talk about this. :P

* * *

Apparently they’re in Nevada. *Nevada is wet and tree-lined and the windows of the car are covered in raindrops*

I never knew.

(I got distracted by someone pointing out you can use VLC media player (which I watch on because it’s the only media player that even recognises DVDs in less than half an hour on this godforsaken laptop) to aid you in making gifs so, um, have a gif of Baby whooshing along the wet and misty “Nevada” road to illustrate my point I guess. Don’t expect this luxury all the time.)

([nyoooom](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/129777667448/nyoom))

* * *

Okay so they don’t use these states very often for that exact reason so it’s  _completely unfair_  of me to make fun the one time they risk it.

* * *

Crowley’s reintroduction will always be hilarious. On the other hand,  _expensive_  damage to Baby’s leather seats when Sam almost stabs him.

I feel like I should probably be keeping a tally of the number of times Sam has ineffectually but with  _full intent_  tried to kill Crowley since he seems to be the one who actually keeps a low key burning rage and full intent to murder him going the entire time. We’re up to 2 already after he attempted to shoot him in 5x10, which, now that I think about it, he had the gun right in his face in exactly the same way Dean had it in Lucifer’s and then the gun was unloaded for Crowley, and didn’t kill Lucifer so that was probably foreshadowing. Well done Edlund.

* * *

After all that blue… conflict colooours

Crowley is the one noticeably in the red(ish) light, which is funny because he also shoots that light off while trying to win them back to his side. 

Dean accidentally setting in motion the Thing He Will Regret Most forever and ever and ever…

> DEAN Give me one good reason. 

*me gesturing desperately from this side of the screen*

There is a lot of pointing in this. Dean points at Sam while suggesting they hear out Crowley as well. Crowley finger-gun’s the light.

Sam is like “wtf we are actually going to listen to him?” 

I feel like if nothing else this is actually surprisingly consistent all the way down the line?

*Sam does the angry shoulders and angry eyebrows*

*Dean rolling his eyes as hard as he can*

I enjoy their old school Crowley interactions so much.

* * *

Anyway he knocked out the light and they begin to turn around to sort of going along with his next wacky plan to stop the apocalypse.

* * *

Woo back to the good old boarded up shack. I’m sure this is every other boarded up shack from the entire show.

> CROWLEY (sighs) here we are –My life on the lam. How the mighty have fallen. Single-pane glass, Used contraception in the fireplace. The water damage alone –
> 
> DEAN My heart’s bleeding for you.

What I find funny is that even with this hair-pulling horror of season 10 lurking over them, I don’t think Dean’s casual attitude to Crowley ever changes. :P He’d still have exactly the same reaction now. 

* * *

Crowley calling Pestilence “Sneezy” :3

* * *

Oh! Honeycomb again!

I feel I should change my interpretation of what it means right now. 

Like, worker bees vs free will or something. Demons as drones? (and still generally oblivious to the fact Lucifer, their queen bee, really doesn’t care for them - Crowley is a reminder of that because he was the only demon who really got it in 5x10 and they contrasted his healthy love of his own skin with Meg’s starry eyed admiration for Lucifer, and, well, her skin did not do well that episode. :P)

* * *

I feel like there’s something sinister about Brady’s blue and yellow tie as well. *squints suspiciously* Did Dean Smith have a similar tie? This whole thing has weird undertones of It’s A Terrible Life just for the office setting. Brady has desk toys (and, uh, his creepy blood phone bowl with all the horrible faces around the edge) and a similar hairstyle to Dean Smith, and the whole screaming at the workers to do better thing is rather in the spirit of the late Mr Sandover ghostily making his workers work themselves to death…

*sad because I can’t read Brady’s laptop screen*

There’s a lot of background yellow here as well.

… it’s so gross how flies come out the blood to show Famine speaking. Ew.

Yet funny that it sets off the toy on his desk.

Edluuund.

* * *

I like the sinister red glow coming from within the cabin.

* * *

> CROWLEY Yes. Yes. I am. Sam, keep the home fires burning.
> 
> DEAN What are you talking about?
> 
> CROWLEY Sam’s not coming.
> 
> SAM And why the hell not?

…

Because Sam is Myth Arc Guy and Dean is Emotional Subplot Guy and so by constant, endless repetition of this pattern Sam is left out for ~dramatic reasons~ and Dean is given extra character building with everyone while being snarky and charismatic and eventually 5 years down the line this pattern accidentally has created the horrendous possibility to imply Dean n Crowley hooked up on their ill-advised demonic summer vacation together.

> CROWLEY Because I don’t like you…I don’t trust you…And – oh, yes –You keep trying to kill me.
> 
> SAM There’s no damn way. This isn’t gonna happen!
> 
> CROWLEY I’m not asking you, am I? ‘cause you’re not invited. I’m asking you.(points at Dean) What’s it gonna be? (scoffs) gentlemen…Enjoy your last few sunsets.
> 
> DEAN Wait. I’ll go. (to Sam) What can I say? I believe the guy.

Ooooh Crowley is bathed in smug red light when Dean gives up and agrees to go. :>

(I am trying so hard to set aside my season 10 headache and carry on enjoying this episode as I once did despite how clear it is to identify the terrible little breadcrumbs of where bad ideas come from. :P)

I know that was a false reason not to invite Sam along, but it does underline that Sam is up to 3 spirited attempts to murder Crowley and Dean so far has actually not attempted to lay a hand on him, and keeps on trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

(Like how Sam spent a good chunk of the season being built up to being predisposed to ask “the Trickster” for help at the start, I guess. An interesting flip of their previous “alignments” from season 4 - Sam is willing to get the help of an angel, but not like any angel they’ve ever previously met AND the angel he has the biggest beef with. Dean is being given the odd reason to trust a demon, despite everything about his distrust of them, and despite Crowley getting people they cared about killed, because Crowley’s odd integrity (I suppose in direct parallel to Gabriel’s tricks) strikes Dean.)

* * *

Okay but:

> (Sam watches Crowley and Dean leave in the Impala)
> 
> SAM (on the phone, holding a bottle of whiskey) And then Dean just walks…(scoffs)
> 
> (cut to Bobby on the phone, also drinking)
> 
> SAM …Right out the door with Crowley.
> 
> BOBBY Well, look, Sam, I got no love for demons, and, yeah, this whole thing is crazy, but…I don’t know. After a year of chasing up zilch, maybe it’s time to go crazy.
> 
> (cut back to Sam)
> 
> SAM (scoffs) yeah, maybe.

The gossiping about Dean n Crowley. >.>  

(Rare drinking Sam spotted too! :O That means whatever he says next is important. She says as Sam floats The Idea for the first time.)

* * *

Bobby nooo.

> BOBBY Kid…It’s called “possession” for a reason. You, of all people, ought to know.
> 
> SAM I’m strong enough.
> 
> BOBBY You ain’t. He’s gonna find every chink in your armor, Sam, and use it against you –Your fear, your grief, your anger. And let’s face it – You’re not exactly Mr. Anger management. How are you gonna control the devil when you can’t control yourself?

I know some doubt is important for the sake of, like, not having everyone holding hands and skipping cheerfully to the end of the season with no fear or doubt to create dramatic tension, but it’s really sad that Bobby still feels that way. I remember back around season 3 I began looking for moments of Sam bonding with Bobby and noticing (as above, commenting on how Dean gets the face time with other characters) he just didn’t really have the same moments? Like, Dream a Little Dream was a really Bobby-centric episode, and had a huge Bobby and Dean moment and Sam just kind of wandered out of the house to get on with the episode’s main plot? I think I noted a Bobby and Sam moment somewhere, but generally Bobby and Dean are consistently given stuff and Dean’s emotional struggles are given some extra texture and depth from Bobby, but Sam gets this luxury much less often - this is one of their biggest one on one conversations ever. I can’t remember at this point exactly how Bobby dealt with Sam over the end of season 4, except I feel the way Sam knocked him out in 4x21 may not have done any favours… In season 6 we get that truth spell moment where Bobby says Dean is his favourite, and at the end of this season we have Bobby grudgingly admitting he’d missed Sam’s character development that got him to this point…

I suppose Bobby being still hurt about season 4 and generally more distant from Sam means he hasn’t noticed this growth; Sam has hypothetically reached the point he can defeat Lucifer, but needs a moment of doubt, and so there’s the handy moment to have him reach out to Bobby who he assumes would support him, but while Bobby loves him and cares about him he just doesn’t have that solid faith in Sam, and so Sam’s doubt is given another episode and a half roughly of episode time, because Bobby has his own problems with Sam that are rarely explored. 

(Like with how Cas seems to have become friends with Sam, it’s a mostly off-screen or as a consequence of Sam and Dean moments that the side characters seem to grow on Sam and vice versa…)

* * *

Anyway, Crowley and Dean are doing a big stake out with binoculars and sass.

* * *

Dean has some serious adjusting to do with working with a demon. 

*Crowley hauls him by the sleeve all the way out of the room with the dead innocent humans in it*

I do like this sort of evil where Crowley isn’t making some sort of big statement about being evil; killing some humans to get what they need is the fastest, most efficient way, so he does it, like, no big deal for him, that’s just how he is.

I love Edlund’s Crowley so much. 

Anyway, as per yellow being eval demons again, their whole exchange about the dead guys is in front of more yellow light. Dean’s being set up in pretty much the same way as Brady just set up that guy whose throat he slit with the way he and Crowley both lie to their poor human dupes. :P

> CROWLEY Go get 'em, tiger.
> 
> DEAN wh–You’re not coming?
> 
> CROWLEY Oh, no. It’s not safe up there. There’s demons.
> 
> DEAN Yeah, I get that.

Pfft.

* * *

(Seriously Dean’s got gruffer and angrier and for a moment sounds like season 9 Dean or something at the end - and then Crowley puts him on a gauntlet to go kill his way through the lesser demons upstairs all by himself (*sounds of Dean being a badass off-screen*) to get to the main demon - a dark mirror of Dean - to talk to him to get stuff Crowley needs (info in this case).

*squints at 9x11*)

* * *

Tee hee Dean wiping off the demon knife on one of Brady’s jackets.

* * *

> BRADY Well, then, you’re just on time. Have a seat. How’s your brother? 

>.> It seems such a casual question when they’re always called “the Winchesters” and never one without the other…

* * *

> CROWLEY That’s what you get –working with a demon. 

Meanwhile Crowley: “Teamwork! \o/”

* * *

Useful info: how to keep a demon in the meatsuit, never used again :P

> DEAN Hey, hot stuff, watch the upholstery!
> 
> CROWLEY Up yours, mate.

You can’t see me to verify this but there may be tears of horror streaming down my face right now because of how much they’re hate-flirting.

* * *

> CROWLEY Look, we can’t take this guy back to your brother.
> 
> DEAN Why the hell not? Crowley!
> 
> CROWLEY They got history, all right?

I have literally never assumed that Crowley actually didn’t intend anything more than warning Dean about this rather than trying to keep Brady out of Sam’s hands.

Thinking of:

Wow I love this shot.

And then him coming down the stairs in the dark:

I mean that’s season 1 level murk all over again.

(not for nothing the Pilot had a lot of shadowed stairway shots in it - and of course we’re barrelling towards a retcon/new info about said first ever episode…)

* * *

> CROWLEY I begged Dean not to come back. We should be miles away…from you. He replied with a colorful rejoinder about my “corn chute.” 

OH GOOD WE MISSED MORE HATE-FLIRTING.

Somewhere far away Cas is waking up from his coma in a cold sweat like  _NOT ON MY WATCH_

* * *

> DEAN I need you to stay on mission, okay? Focused.
> 
> SAM I don’t understand. What’s all this about?
> 
> DEAN I’m doing this 'cause I trust you.
> 
> SAM Trust me to what?

\o/ Trust exercises! Of course, more poignant because Bobby was just like “lol no” to The Idea, and so all trust in Sam is now a metaphor for trusting him to jump in the pit, and of course Dean doesn’t know that yet but the narrative sure does. :P

* * *

*quietly in the middle of all the bro angst*

> CROWLEY Well…sounds like you got him nice and fluffed.Thanks so much. 

*bro angst loudly continues without them paying more than a glance to Crowley*

I always love how perfectly and continuously he plays everyone this episode. :3

* * *

Honestly, despite the fact Crowley is weirdly trustworthy (in the grander scheme) this season Sam yelling at Dean that they trust him now “like Ruby or Brady” is, um. 

Dean.

Pls pay attention. I know multiple blogs who tag “Crowley is Dean’s Ruby” or similar to cover roughly what my “Worst Ship on the Show” tag does. :P

* * *

In the case of this episode and season, though, Dean is being proved right and Sam is being proved angry, which sets an unfortunate trend, I reckon, of Dean being tolerant, no matter how grumpily, with going along with Crowley ideas in general… Built up with big events like early-mid season 6 where they are FORCED to work with Crowley, and mid-late season 7 where Crowley is FORCED to help them again to normalise that he’s someone they keep ending up in resentful partnership with… Makes those other cross-over moments when you think “Well we got Crowley chained up in the Bunker to ask for help, what’s the worst that could happen?” that much easier to justify… 

* * *

This is practically domestic.

> CROWLEY Where’s your moose?
> 
> DEAN He’s cooling off.
> 
> CROWLEY All right, then. Get bent.

Moose! \o/

I have come to the conclusion that Dean n Crowley dialogue is basically just “put in as many references to butt sex as possible between actual plot and you’re golden” That “get bent” doesn’t even have proper context until Crowley explains, and he doesn’t even mean “fuck off this partnership is over” because he still goes and does the thing he’s complaining about. He literally just took a moment to say that for the sake of saying it. >.>

* * *

I am choosing to interpret the moment after Crowley vanishes to end the conversation as Dean abruptly thinking of Cas doing that in the “god that’s annoying” way and then remembering Cas is missing and the grumpy exhale as he settles back into his disgusting armchair is like 50% fuck Crowley and 50% I am worried about Cas.

* * *

Cut to Dean washing his face and staring moodily at his reflection (I guess the skanky armchair was too gross for him to stay on? :P) and as a consequence of self-reflection, gets trapped by Sam. 

Despite how Crowley can’t possibly have engineered this to the last detail, I generally also assume that  _Crowley_  assumed that leaving Sam, Dean and Brady alone would result in some variation of this situation, because Crowley is ridiculously good at manipulation and executing cunning plans this episode. 

* * *

> BRADY  But ol’ yellow eyes didn’t send me back to be your friend. No, we could tell we were starting to lose you. You were becoming a mild-mannered, worthless sack of piss. Now, come on. We couldn’t have that. You were our favorite.

This is pretty much the most we ever get acknowledging that season 1 and 2′s plots really don’t line up with this destined vessels bloodline arc (and even season 3 although that can excused on the demons having no idea what was going on/Ruby obviously not sharing if she did)… And even this just repeats the possible contradiction that Sam was “only” a favourite. I suppose in a waaaay season 10 in 10x14 finally overtly pointed out how a bloodline can get spread over a huge chunk of the planet just by massive amounts of time, and so then you track that all the way back through season 5′s plot, and then hop back to Azazel trying to find his special child but having a vast pool to pick from, and then you can get a sensible canon-approved explanation scratched together to explain why hundreds of special children but only Sam. 

Also just that they didn’t know who the correct destined one was (but the angels did because they track genealogies better) and Azazel was guessing and basically shaking up a ton of potential kids to try and make the correct one rise to the surface, and just shadowing it in “favouritism” to keep them guessing.

And he felt the others were so disposable because they didn’t have the right configuration of siblings or otherwise showed the potential…

* * *

Anyway, Sam shows a massive amount of excellent restraint in not killing Brady. A+ resisting temptation, being a good guy, etc. If we’re selling that he’s got the mental strength to take on Lucifer, not revenge-killing someone with  _that_  level of taunting about his original Fridged Loved One is a pretty good sign. :P

* * *

> CROWLEY Went over to a demons’ nest –had a little massacre. Must be losing my touch, though – Let one of the little toads live. Oops. Also might have given said toad the impression that you left your post last night because you and I are –wait for it –Lovers in league against Satan. 

That “wait for it” makes me wonder about the influence of How I Met Your Mother. That thing had like 8 or 9 seasons and ended ages ago - must be a case to make there. :P

But yeah, look at Metatron employing Crowley’s methods with the whole “leave one alive to tell the story” thing.

* * *

I am slowly becoming aware that Robbie Thompson has been watching a lot of Edlund episodes for inspiration.

* * *

Is this what Crowlatron has become?

It’s nearly 1am I do not have the brain for these questions.

* * *

> DEAN Was that a hellhound?
> 
> CROWLEY I’d say yeah.
> 
> DEAN Why was that a hellhound?

If anyone knows what that is :P

* * *

Dean is extra sarcastic at the moment. I think being around Crowley is bad for him. I would advise they don’t hang out any more after all this? K?

Oh hey this is the episode with the dramatic zoom to the salt.

As well as the fantastic invisible dog attack. :3

(You can’t see Crowley’s hellhound in the POV shot from the first dog. Boo.)

* * *

> CROWLEY Mine’s bigger. 

Okay but the LOOK he gives Dean (AND AGAIN SINGLING THIS OUT AS A DEAN/CROWLEY INTERACTION) (ostensibly because Dean vs hellhounds which adds an interesting dimension to this already complex relationship). 

Anyway Crowley’s not even hate-flirting any more >.> Oh god what has season 10 done? THIS WAS HALLOWED GROUND ONCE.

Well, perhaps utterly unholy, but either way they shouldn’t have messed with it. :P

* * *

For some reason, a lingering shot on this old advert in the alleyway, which I can only assume means something to someone who has not taken medication that makes them loopy at 1am on the assumption they will soon be in bed:

It was a close shave?

The watch/ring/sleeve colour combination weirdly looks like Dean’s hands (considering he’s wearing his grey shirt today).

* * *

Oh man, Sam’s rage shoulders. How does Brady not know that Sam is about to kill him?

* * *

And then that final little moment where Dean’s drawing the salt line (bent over in the background) and Crowley comes up to him riiight as Dean nearly reaches the edge, and he pauses to let Crowley scuffle through, giving him this disapproving look, and Crowley looking… suspiciously at him? It’s a long moment.

Ah man. What have we become?

* * *

Anyway, Dean gives Sam “permission” to kill Brady now it’s safe to do it.

I can’t remember why I mentioned Dream a Little Dream earlier but I’m gonna bring it up now because for Sam this is pretty much the encounter Dean had with demon!Dean in that episode, but as with a lot of things, flipped and twisted:

> DEAN You see, Brady…We’re the ones you should be afraid of.
> 
> BRADY I bet this is a real moment for you, big boy. Gonna make you feel all better?
> 
> SAM It’s a start.
> 
> BRADY Gonna make up for all the times that we yanked your chain –Yellow eyes, Ruby, me? But it wasn’t all our fault, was it? No, no, no, no. You’re the one who trusted us. You’re the one who let us into your life, let us whisper in your ear over and over and over again. Ever wonder why that is, Sammy? Ever wonder why we were so in your blind spot? Maybe it’s because we got the same stuff in our veins and, deep down, you know you’re just like us. Aaah! maybe you hate us so much because you hate what you see every time you look in the mirror. You ever think of that?! maybe the only difference between you and a demon…is your hell is right here.
> 
> SAM Interesting theory. 

First off, Sam has Dean with him here. 

Second, while Brady sets himself up as a potential mirror to Sam (or, well, demonkind in general, represented by him as one who slipped by unnoticed as part of Sam’s inner circle in his civvie life) he’s the one suggesting it, while dream!Dean was taken right from Dean’s subconscious and he had no control about the meeting and he KNEW that the demon was speaking truths to him because he couldn’t avoid it being in his own head - as he reminded himself.

Dialogue callbacks:

> I know how dead you are inside. How worthless you feel. I know how you look into a mirror… and hate what you see. 
> 
> vs
> 
> maybe you hate us so much because you hate what you see every time you look in the mirror. 

…

Of course, the important part being Dean’s internal struggle versus, never more clear, Sam’s external struggle. (Reflecting back on him, emotionally, just as Dean’s internal emotional arc can affect the mytharc, e.g. for the topic on hand, selling his soul.)

> You can’t escape me, Dean. You’re gonna die. And this? This is what you’re gonna become! 
> 
> vs
> 
> we got the same stuff in our veins /  maybe the only difference between you and a demon…is your hell is right here 

The difference here being self-made fate (the emphasis on Dean sending himself to Hell and nominating himself for transformation into a demon) vs destiny and Sam’s demon blood problems running right back to Azazel giving him blood when he was a baby - all the time Sam knew Brady was in that time between when he was altered and felt vaguely unclean without knowing why, that stretch of time just before the visions started without any demon blood, and it all just seemed  _inherent_  in Sam before the reveal that it had been done to him…

The “hell right here” bit is also interesting because is again shows the difference between Sam and Dean’s external/internal plot stuff. And we know Dean went to Hell with the threat of becoming a demon, but Sam’s demon blood arc took him right up to corrupting himself enough to have the black eyes while never setting foot in Hell. So this literally was true -  _while_  he was afflicted. 

> No. No, all there is is, “Watch out for Sammy. Look out for your little brother, boy!” You can still hear your Dad’s voice in your head, can’t you? 
> 
> vs
> 
> let us whisper in your ear over and over and over again. 

Pretty self-explanatory, to compare Dean getting fucked up long-term by John’s parenting vs Sam’s short run up to it with Ruby. In this case I’d say Brady is definitely just going for a sore spot about the long-term influence based off the one example of Sam’s weakness to demons to try and make him  _doubt_  everything else.

Part of Bobby’s speech from earlier this episode as well:

> BOBBY You ain’t. He’s gonna find every chink in your armor, Sam, and use it against you –Your fear, your grief, your anger. 

And of course Lucifer shows Sam the whole Team Sam assigned to him to watch over him (minus Brady of course) pretty much the moment he’s got control over Sam in his head, so this is actually foreshadowing how Lucifer basically does his best to try and keep Sam down after possessing him.

Bonus from earlier:

> DREAM DEAN  
>  You’re as mindless and obedient as an attack dog. 
> 
> vs
> 
> SAM Sure we are. (Sam attempts to stab Crowley again, but Crowley teleports)
> 
> CROWLEY Call your dog off –please.

And of course, Sam concludes this with the most badass “interesting theory” because like I said near the top, all Brady can do is try to replicate the experience; he can’t be sure it will stick, just that he can hit a lot of nerves along the way. But then in a great symbolic moment, Sam strides, off, right across the prominently placed salt line, basically symbolically, like, I’m not a demon. 

So the greatest irony of this speech is that (awful moment in Swan Song aside) it hasn’t got enough claws compared to dream!Dean to actually get into Sam in the same way. Agreeing with all the meta that says Sam’s long-term friendship/trust issues can stem back to this betrayal revealed over these two episodes, but basically the whole internal/external thing works in Sam’s favour in that he has the luxury that he can even  _pretend_  it bounces off him, which is a great way to lead to convincing yourself it actually has, at least for the short-term. I don’t really remember this haunting Sam openly, Swan Song aside.

* * *

Anyway Dean just kinda stands there and lets him go. He’s got nothing to contribute. :P He doesn’t even watch Sam leave. Maybe he’s catching a few z’s while pretending to be clued in. Like, Sam’s got this, I can get a few seconds of shut eye…

* * *

Back to Bobby, because Crowley’s not done getting his way.

… 

For Ruby/Crowley parallels, remember how back in Sin City (3x04?) I rambled on about how when she pops up while Bobby is testing the Colt, she taunts Bobby to the point of testing the gun on her? There was a lot of discussion of keeping meatsuits alive elsewhere in the episode (can’t remember if Ruby mentioned hers) but it was the moment where if nothing else had happened to Ruby 1.0′s meatsuit, that was where she died for all intents and purposes.

Anyway, nothing bad has happened to Crowley on-screen that we’ve seen, until he shows up, tells Bobby about the literary agent he’s possessing, and a moment later Bobby shoots him, which does nothing to Crowley but  _does_  definitively kill his meatsuit.

So.

There is that. :P

(takes a wee bit longer - 4 years or so - for the whole Ruby thing to kick in for Crowley, but you know, just sayin’.)

* * *

> BOBBY Well, then get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt, you crap margaritas. 

Bobby is not quite so skilled at this whole hate-flirting thing. :P

Okay mostly just commemorating this line because I love it.

* * *

> CROWLEY Quite the contrary. Look, you’re right to be suspicious. But I’m your ally. Enemy of my enemy and all that. I need the devil back in his stock. In fact, my delicate ass depends on it. I promise you –temporary loan. I’ll give it…Right…Back. 

*narrows eyes suspiciously*

TBH this should have been the major drama of season 6. Imagine Weekend At Bobby’s but like, 22 episodes. 

Like season 3 but with Crowley popping in to chat instead of being a mysterious presence like Lilith, and with Bobby hellbent on breaking his deal unlike self-sacrificing Dean, and just Crowley outwitting everything as Bobby and TFW (or, Team Free Bobby) slowly piece together the way to do it.

Sign me up. :3


	21. 5x21

Or: is “i’m a Death appreciation blog” a weird thing to write?

Also srsly season 10 you couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? As if I didn’t have enough issues with last episode being the little tiny seed for all your Dean x Crowley :P

* * *

I do kind of feel the last little chunk of episodes are like a movie all in their own.

Movie where you had to watch 4 and 3 quarters seasons of a TV show beforehand.

* * *

*continues loudly not being a Pestilence appreciation blog*

Ew.

* * *

Cas! I’m glad he remembers Dean’s phone number.

> DEAN Are you okay?
> 
> CASTIEL No.
> 
> [4000 years pass, empires rise and fall, the apocalypse becomes a mere footnote of history]
> 
> DEAN You want to elaborate?

* * *

Poor human!Cas. Kinda. :P I guess the theory that grace somewhat charges from Heaven and him being cut off means literally powering down has… not survived the seasons very well. I liked this theory. 

I mean okay so Heaven’s currently sort of broken until further notice, so maybe grace is working differently but no angels have run dry in the same way? And grace itself is a resource, indefinite when applied to the correct angel, but something that depletes when eaten? Who even knooows.

Things were simpler back in the apocalypse. :P You could just say Cas burned through all his remaining mojo here  _not_  dying and no one was going to give him more, and that was that.

* * *

Just don’t ask why Lucifer, also fallen angel, has plenty of mojo. Blame the Darkness now or something.

* * *

*the great yo-yo of plausible ways to explain canon*

* * *

Anyway who cares Cas is showing knees.

* * *

I think Cas is actively trying to “zap” shortly before saying he can’t which is what all the straining was about, and given Cas really doesn’t seem to care about stuff like this, he probably would pop up in a hospital gown in front of them if he’d had the juice.

I mean, we know by season 8 he was nostalgic for the suit and tie, but that’s no guarantee he didn’t just change back into them here because the hospital wouldn’t let him walk out the door in nothing but a paper nightie.

* * *

I would so not want to be a nurse responsible for Cas in this episode.

* * *

Also because I am determined to get there before Kayanem at least once, ~endverse~ because Cas asking for painkillers.

* * *

> CASTIEL Dean, wait. You said “no” to Michael. I owe you an apology.
> 
> DEAN Cas…I-it’s okay.
> 
> CASTIEL You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be.
> 
> DEAN Thank you. I appreciate that.
> 
> CASTIEL You’re welcome.

:’)

Dean is terrible at taking a heartfelt apology right now, probably not just for normal emotional repression reasons but because there’s still a lot of adjustment to that genuinely meant but sounds like a backhanded compliment way Cas has of describing him right there. :P 

* * *

I can’t believe how much drama is crammed into this episode. Horsemen used to take a whole episode and now they’re ten a penny. *huffs about back in the day*

* * *

> SAM Great. A whole building full of people. We don’t know who’s human, who’s demon, and who’s pestilence. So what do we do?
> 
> DEAN Hang on.

Smaaaaart Deeeean.

…

> SAM Eunice Kennedy?
> 
> DEAN That’s the beauty about improv, Sammy. You never know what’s gonna come out of your mouth.

I maintain that Dean’s improv skills are a part of that but Sam has his doubts. 

(I mean Dean randomly improvs all the time and Sam  _always_  gives him a look and sometimes it doesn’t go over so well but it’s a very endearing Dean thing :P)

* * *

I like the way Pestilence is blurry and distorts a line out of the CCTV footage. It’s like the whole statues crying thing he (and presumably other Great Evil) causes (probably some sort of EMF-related emittance but grand scale? Who knows what causes demon omens but it involves a lot of electrical storms and stuff :P). 

Also: that feel when we already loop back to the cold open within the first 8 minutes of the show. Like daaamn. This episode is packed. And leaves you marvelling about if THIS was the big opening number and it’s done in like 15 minutes, what’s even left to happen??

* * *

Least dramatic Winchester entrance of the show. 

(parallel to Sam, Interrupted, when Dean was staggering through a hospital corridor then with blurring vision - or just a reoccurring theme?)

TBH with this last run of plot episodes I’d just go with reoccurring theme since there’s nothing aside from perhaps a subtle pay-off for germphobe Dean and a final round of Sam (and Dean but this happened to Sam all season) having a STI:

> PESTILENCE Hmm. You boys don’t look well. It might be the, uh, Scarlet fever. Or, uh, the meningitis. Oh! Or the syphilis. That’s no fun 

Scarlet Fever and Meningitis at least are illnesses I’d associate with childhood? (Meningitis can happen to anyone but the childhood form is something always being advertised in doctor’s surgeries as something to keep an eye out for on like 100 posters per waiting room) I can’t remember if Scarlet Fever is something vaccines deal with these days but it seems uncommon in my impression of everyday life vs like, Victorian novels where people came down with it all the time.

Interesting combination of diseases to chuck at them. 2 at least affect the brain - syphilis can cause madness before death and meningitis is inflammation around the brain. Not sure what Scarlet Fever does.

Anyway whatever, it’s rude of him to tut at them for having syphilis like he didn’t give it to them.

* * *

> PESTILENCE Disease gets a bad rap, don’t you think? For being filthy. Chaotic. Uh, but, really, t-that just describes people who get sick. Disease itself… Very…Pure…Single-minded. Bacteria have one purpose –divide and conquer. (Pestilence steps on Dean’s hand) That’s why, in the end…It always wins. So, you’ve got to wonder why God pours all his love into something so messy…And weak.It’s ridiculous. All I can do is show him he’s wrong, one epidemic at a time.

Right after last episode where I was wondering about honeycomb imagery being a bad thing… And then this speech and of course later in this episode (shh spoilers) Death comparing Dean to a bacteria… 

(It’s interesting to rank the horsemen this way - of course, War, Pestilence and Famine are all human constructs - Pestilence may love his bacteria but what they  _do_  and how they spread and kill people is what he’s actually about. He may think people are messy but “pestilence” is literally a word about disease spreading and ravaging humanity. Those 3 horsemen are small fry human condition stuff. Anyway, he’s looking down on germs at this level and Death is looking down on people with about the same magnification lens on his microscope :P As a concept, Death outranks everything so long as there is life, after all…)

I suppose all these various speeches and symbols are sort of just here to really help you have an idea of how  _big_  the things they’re up against are. And helpfully this happens shortly before meeting Death to really emphasise the sheer escalation it just took. 

* * *

Anyway Cas took a bus.

* * *

Pestilence thinks he’s adorable. 

I think he’s a BAMF.

(I was wrong, this wraps up in the first 14 minutes.)

* * *

And now we have to have the talk. About what Bobby gets up to in his spare time.

* * *

I can’t tell if Dean’s just given up or if it’s nap time. 

He wakes up to roll his eyes.

* * *

A room full of Dean, Sam, Bobby, Cas n Crowley is the set up for the sitcom I keep on asking for and never get. 

Considering the literal Hell they all go through together from this point on in terms of interpersonal drama they become mired in this seems rather less like “we’re grimly gathered here at the end of the world how far we have come” and more a “oh my god my innocent children what a way you have to go” since this moment is a little light hearted fun.

…

> SAM Did you kiss him? 

And so it begins.

* * *

Fun over, Dean gets up and into Crowley’s space. Sam sits back. Once again, the line is made that Dean and Crowley can communicate, and Sam is excluded, even before teams are picked for the second half of the episode:

> CROWLEY I won’t, all right? It’s insurance.
> 
> DEAN What are you talking about?
> 
> CROWLEY You kill demons. Gigantor over there has a temper issue about it. But you won’t kill me… As long as I have that soul in the deposit box.

It is interesting that he blames Sam’s (3) attempts to kill him as his specific motivation for keeping Bobby’s soul, given what happens in season 6 with Soulless Sam working for Crowley and him having leverage over both? Or was Soulless Sam - being sort of in the most part falling back on pure instinct as a hunter too well trained to go for evil - actually too dangerous in Crowley’s mind? Certainly having Bobby’s soul would have not given S!S any actual pause to consider before trying to kill Crowley anyway if we’re talking about pure emotional leverage…

Hm. 

I am reminded that trying to work out motivation and who is working for who in season 6 is basically futile unless you’re keeping track of Dean episode by episode, because the only reliable thing all season is his alternating “???” or “fuck this” over everything.

* * *

> BOBBY You son of a bitch. 

*somewhere, Rowena is probably having fun and being cute*

(I still want to know what she was up to over this year because the Actual Friggin Apocalypse is really hard to miss. Like, some later big players like Metatron with their excuses, it’s like when Donna showed up in Doctor Who with no ideas aliens existed for reals despite like 3? seasons of aliens loudly tromping around London in her own back yard :P)

* * *

Look! The rarely glimpsed grenade launcher in the back of the car!

C’mon season 11, make good of this one thing you’ve teased at least. :P

* * *

*Sam comes and leans on the car and sighs loudly*

> DEAN Let me guess. We’re about to have a talk. 

You’re not subtle Sam.

Now pls stop saying depressing sad things about your self worth.

(He and Dean are dressed in plain red and blue - very obviously colour coded “teams” right now.)

Dean just manages to get in a “Sam” in all this, without being allowed to offer any rebuttal. I kind of think at least from Dean, since we don’t really have anything other than “you can’t” and based on what he says in Swan Song, it’s mostly?? about being over-protective rather than not sure Sam can do it because he’s weak, just that he doesn’t  _want_  Sam to do it because he’d die or worse. Sam’s internalised what Bobby said about him last episode to assume that Dean’s loud “NO!” was based on the same thing. I can’t remember the exact things Dean says next episode to Sam to let him know he’s cool with The Plan but I don’t think it was from this angle except to reassure Sam?

* * *

> CROWLEY And…Scene. 

Aah, I remember the good old days when this was the sort of mild fourth wall breaking the show got up to. *nostalgia*

Crowley really does want to direct. :P

* * *

*watches Death’s intro 3 times in a row*

I remember the first time I ever watched this, after this intro I kind of disassociated from the show in pure awe and just looked up at the sky and realised it was light again outside and I’d been watching all night, and I hadn’t actually noticed until I needed to take a breather from what I’d just seen. It’s sort of one of those moments that for an avid consumer of media is roughly equivalent probably to religious experiences. :P

* * *

Aw grumpy Cas. Don’t be grumpy. :( 

I think he’s just sad he can’t fix everything. 

I wish we’d got more exploration of Cas like this, but I guess this was depressing enough. :P

* * *

*distracted by headache from words*

  


[I kind of always wanted a gifset of that.](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/129865704953/deaths-own-kills-golly-demons-and-angels-and)

Anyway. This serves in a total exercise in futility since all Dean does is, uh, helpfully give Death back the scythe when he meets him. Because he absolutely only intended to do that and not try and kill him. Yep. 

(I suppose the fact Dean fully intended to give it a go at this point is weight towards the eventual doing of the thing…)

> CASTIEL How did you get that? 

Since Cas is apparently useless, his new job is watching everything with a scrunched up expression and asking  _really important_  questions.

I need Cas to just follow around all events of the show from here on out expressing bemusement and pointing out plot holes. Sadly this would involve standing next to himself all through season 6 asking important questions he doesn’t ask until 6x20 and by then it’s too late. Cas u had one job.

* * *

Anyway then Bobby is magically fixed. 

* * *

Cas is supportive to Sam’s Terrible Idea first! \o/

I guess this is the biggest character development of the apocalypse, and WHY they had Cas be SO INCREDIBLY hostile to Sam in 5x06 (am I over it yet? Nah). Going from that to Cas admitting (if only because DEAN did something that made Cas realise he shouldn’t despair quite yet) that Sam might have some strength of character he hadn’t accounted for is just delightful. 

Yay Cas n Sam.

* * *

> BOBBY Yup, they’re loading up hotshots of Croatoan in the trucks. Okay. First truck don’t leave for an hour. We get in, we plant the c-4 every 25 feet, then we pull the fire alarm.
> 
> CASTIEL That truck is leaving.
> 
> BOBBY Balls! Okay, new plan.

Bless you Cas

I am enjoying Cas’s temporary “I got nothing to do but commentate” position.

Why does this only last a couple of episodes?

* * *

Seriously Cas is an underrated part of this episode. I will normally stick up for Cas ANYWAY but you don’t understaaand. He’s BAMF even after he’s cut Pestilence’s ring off for fun.

* * *

Oh look these Croats have the same red eyes as the attack dog spell (this seems wildly inconsistent based on what the makeup department can manage even between 2 characters on screen at the exact same time. I hope they don’t recycle contact lenses - I don’t want Misha to get an infection >.>)

* * *

Meanwhile, Dean n Crowley:

> CROWLEY Hey, let’s stop for pizza.
> 
> DEAN Are you kidding?
> 
> CROWLEY Just heard it was good. That’s all.

Like, with hindsight, I am so upset.

* * *

*action*

*Dean wanders across the road with the confidence of someone who knows an extra is not allowed to run him over*

*Dean and Crowley being terrible and hilarious*

*Cas saves Sam, is angel with shotgun* 

Blah blah blah stuff happens.

DEAN N DEATH. YESSS.

* * *

It was a bit OTT to kill everyone in the pizzeria. I suppose he felt like if he was going to wipe the city off the map anyway it didn’t really matter I mean their lives are nothing to him, but in hindsight he just left a random pizzeria full of dead people and not much else to prove he’d been there except probably a few downed trees or something as the storm built up steam.

* * *

that face.

* * *

C’mon Dean don’t be scared of him. Win him over with your bumbling charm, be besties, eat junk food together… 

… was their “friendship” all a long con to get Death to trust him enough to hand him back the scythe? (but huge and dramatic)

I don’t even know what to believe any more.

* * *

> DEATH You have an inflated sense of your importance. To a thing like me, a thing like you, well…Think how you’d feel if a bacterium sat at your table and started to get snarky. This is one little planet in one tiny solar system in a galaxy that’s barely out of its diapers. I’m old, Dean. Very old. So I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you. Eat. Good, isn’t it? 

Never forget that Death kind of confirmed aliens exist. 

Never forget Dean n Death has been about space from the start.

He also moved the moon for him once.

I have no idea.

* * *

Just, damn. I love this character. 

Dean is terrible at being chill and eating pizza.

Death is like lol I will say the more alarming thing of the series while chewing pizza. Talkin’ with his mouth full.

* * *

Table manners are for lesser organisms?

* * *

> DEATH The leash around my neck –off. Lucifer has me bound to him. Some unseemly little spell. He has me where he wants, when he wants. 

I do also feel that this gives Death a slightly inflated sense of self? If that is possible? He CAN be bound, or buried for millennia. I mean he’s only been out of the earth at all thanks to Lucifer for a few months. He does not seem grateful. :P The universe has technically functioned without his intervention for a long time… 

I’m just trying to see this from another angle where Death doesn’t appreciate that if Lucifer or, later, Dean himself, can bind him just because there are random elements on this planet + a few words that can enslave him, Death isn’t  _all_  cosmic ancient power.

Ah well, I guess season 11 might have some more to say about this.

It’s like less than a fortnight away.

* * *

I love the thing where the rings all stick together.

> BOBBY  Feels so good, I’m scared it’s a dream. But then I remember that the world’s dying bloody, so, drink? 

Bobby’s go-to method to deal with the looming apocalypse. :P

I feel like they made waaay too much drama with the “you can’t cheat Death” “lol I lied to his face” and then next episode Dean’s just like, “Welp time to go get possessed by Lucifer, Sammeh.”

* * *

There’s a little more drama to it than that, but I do feel like they put a bit TOO much effort into showing Dean didn’t want Sam to do it for the sake of one last emotional arc after they cleared up a ton of emotional arc loose ends in Point of No Return including Dean’s potential to engage personally with the mytharc when he rejects Michael? 

Like, maybe he could be thinking of an alternate way to do it (sneak up on Lucifer while he’s still wearing Nick, distract him, and do the rings before he can realise what’s going on? Seems likely to get you exploded for your trouble :P)… Sam’s got a character reference from Cas and Death Himself, but nah. Dean’s got to take an even longer run up. :P

I dunno. 5 minutes here that could have been 5 more minutes of Death being badass or Cas grumpily narrating the apocalypse. 

Or the scene where Bobby sneakily practices high kicks as implied in their snarky dialogue here. :P

(Nah, I mean it builds up to that last line from Bobby and basically suggests Dean has been ahead of Bobby in regaining faith in Sam but his hesitation is just that he has to sign off of Sam’s death for the sake of the universe.)

Anyway. 

Swan Song next! Eventually!


	22. 5x22

This is crossing the finish line.

(I did 6 unnecessary laps before reaching the finish line, but I figured since this is the end of the journey for now with these ridiculous long rewatch notes (for my own sake) I may as well throw in the kitchen sink with random incomprehensible show-ranging meta, twice the normal tragic character studies, and headcanoning that Bobby corrupted Cas in amusing ways.)

* * *

Oh my god I forgot they used the dramatic Dean zoom from 5x15 in the Carry On Wayward Son bit, and that zoom looks all cool and badass until moments after it cuts in  _this_  montage, where in the original episode Dean then jumps out of his skin because cute tiny zombies offering him pie.

I feel like that is both Dean and this show in a nutshell, especially with the selective editing. :P

This is actually the worst montage because there’s TOO MUCH PLOT. 

Like, some seasons they show loads of random fights and just rock out, and then summarise the 3 random things you actually need to know. 

* * *

Caaaar.

* * *

Reminder: Chuck is spoiling the story in the opening. Chuck is spoiling the ending  _before it happens_  in canon timeline, since they go bother him while he’s busy writing ahead, and since he’s typing the very opening page with full knowledge Baby is the most important thing in the universe Chuck’s already seen the whole thing happening by the time they get to him and he’s telling them where the last boss battle takes place.

I feel like Dean would get really pouty if you told him destiny just gave up and changed its plans because of him and so he accidentally fell in line after all. 

I mean he is mostly interested in saving the world at this point so it’s not like it would actually be a huge loss but the fact he was predestined to do  _anything_  bugs him on some instinctive level as proven over and over, so if you told him he was predestined to stop and tie his shoes at a certain point and he did it he’d scowl just on principle.

* * *

Every time I see all those tires in the background of Bobby’s yard I just think about 4x21 and Dean n Cas’s weird 20 second staring competition. 

* * *

Dean lets Sam do the thing by actively realising he can’t actually “let” Sam do anything. :3

> DEAN: Might be. I’m not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, truth is… You know, watching out for you… it’s kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it’s… it’s kinda who I am. You’re not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can’t keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don’t know if we got a snowball’s chance. But… But I do know that if anybody can do it… it’s you. 

It’s just a very good, very important moment. Which isn’t at all devalued by later canon deciding to wring out the bro angst over various related and semi-related issues as long as you focus intently on this moment in time. 

(Mostly hand waved by resignedly accepting that building up to it once for the big day doesn’t mean that Dean’s going to be any better at letting Sam go another time, and considering the sheer amount of trauma they throw at the characters it’s grimly not surprising that he’d find it  _harder_  after knowing what it was like doing it this once and living through all the various amusing horrors of What’s Wrong With Sammy season 6, 7 and 8 throw at him before he snaps, I guess. This conversation has a bitter after taste it didn’t have watching it before season 8 was done :P)

(This shouldn’t really be taken as wank from my intent in writing, just sadness for what Dean did in season 9 and the ensuing fallout which, considering we’re sitting just before season 11 right now, is still falling out. And so there’s a fresh sadness about the old line that didn’t exist until more recently.) 

* * *

Anyway sparing some other hindsight sadness for Dean mentioning that looking after Sam has been his job and then escalates it to “who I am” - Dean letting go of Sam here is/should have been a coming of age narrative for Dean too to go along with Sam’s of THIS season (Argh the older brother having one in seasons following the younger brother’s so painfully backwards :P), but instead we go back to issues with Sam being the main problem for multiple seasons, dragging Dean along by necessity to look after Sam still or at least stir up that caretaker instinct. 

Nice to have a moment where Dean actually expresses that he has this issue with his main identity just being about propping Sam up anyway. (The “overgrown” is a funny comment about Sam’s height, but does emphasise much more the kind of tragic absurdity of Dean still feeling the need to treat Sam like a child still… i.e. also that Sam is figuratively over-grown for being treated this way too) 

* * *

I like how it appears to be raining in the background but Sam and Dean are  _completely dry_.

Is it symbolic of something (SAD RAIN ALL AROUND BUT HAPPY WARM DRY BROS WHOSE LOVE IS AN UMBRELLA) or did they just… not want them to get progressively soggier between takes?

Anyway. 

Stop ruining the classic episode, Lizbob.

* * *

Spare a moment for the extras who had to hang upside down looking like dead demons for the next scene.

* * *

> DEAN: As always, Yoda. Two stunt demons inside, just like you said. 

Another meta reference there, re: the demons. (After Crowley joking about it last episode) 

I do feel like Chuck’s narration alone makes this technically a meta episode. If only for a little format break and the specific use of the narration, since nothing overtly breaks the fourth wall (honestly, they have plausible deniability on everything except that bloody stare-into-the-camera in 10x05 when Dean knowingly makes eye contact with the audience and it’s to be interpreted as a personal exchange with him, whatever else you get from it :P). 

We’re being made aware of it being a narrative again, but the whole point is that the show went fourth wall break-y ages ago and every mention of destiny before or after within the range of the Winchester Gospels is suddenly semi fourth-wall-breaking just because of the method by which what is Written is delivered in this universe (books which absolutely break the fourth wall despite their plot-compliant existence). 

And the fact this is 2 season finales in a row where Dean will just go to Chuck to see what’s been Written to tell him where he actually needs to go next, exploiting the meta narrative of the episode to literally ask the writer where to go next rather than let it happen naturally… 

Anyway, all the wrapping up of what is Written is in itself a layered commentary on the story and of course the wrap up at the end is for the show (Kripke style) and this storyline that (some weird mythos wobbles aside) has been the story for all 5 seasons, releasing them from this sort of destiny thing. 

(and 6x20 is the sort of, I dunno, narrative reply to this episode. As of going to ask Chuck for help (amusingly “tearing up the pages” by, uh, going to consult the pages where it was all written down srsly the tragic misunderstanding from the main characters about this makes me laugh so much) and rolling up in Stull Cemetary we sort of enter Cas’s narrative from that episode, as Edlund works to salvage season 6′s coherency as a narrative, like, rolling up his sleeves and going back to where this one left off… In a way season 6 is off the books as far as destiny is concerned (since it’s over) because every single character is obviously paddling around trying to figure out what next without any of these certainties, dooms, prophecies, etc to tell them where to go next, as a strong theme of the season (and one of the last conversations of this episode/season/arc), but it’s only really addressed face on in that episode. 

And the Titanic one. Season 6 is weird. 

I have very mixed but definitely overall fond nostalgia for it. :P) 

* * *

Old-school 2 cars driving along in convey per the end of season 1 driving around with John as well. Except Bobby is the other car. Because we’re making some upgrades in this family. :P

(thinking of upgrades since season one, Bobby is driving all alone (and I was going to joke Cas should ride with him while I forgot it was an actual scene just because I like Cas n Bobby hanging out), because Cas decided he wanted to ride with the Winchesters, but then just conked out in the back seat. He’s part of the family!)

* * *

> DEAN: Aw. Ain’t he a little angel?   
>   
> SAM: Angels don’t sleep. 

I kind of feel Sam misses the point of the line? Like, Dean is just pointing out Cas is asleep, ironically, as if they are the parents on a road trip and Cas the kid in the back seat all tuckered out from a big day… Dean is fully aware that Cas should not be snoring right now or he wouldn’t have said a thing about it in the first place.

Which just makes me wonder what on earth Sam got from that if he felt the need to tell Dean what he was actually saying back to him like he was correcting him. 

Sam literally thought that Dean peered over his shoulder at the sound of Cas snoring and made a comment about how cute Cas was when he was sleepy. I mean, Sam is hella distracted with the whole upcoming Lucifer thing, so I’ll obviously excuse him for not paying proper attention, except that by missing the point he reveals he just assumes Dean might be genuinely saying that about Cas.

Irony is for people who are not about to be willingly possessed by Lucifer after all the demon-related crap life has put Sam through. *misapplied humming of Alanis Morissette’s definition of irony?* 

* * *

> DEAN: You know what I mean. Detroit. He always said he’d jump your bones in Detroit. Here we are.   
>   
> SAM: Here we are.   
>   
> DEAN: Maybe this is him rolling out the red carpet, you know? Maybe he knows something that we don’t.   
>   
> SAM: Dean, I’m sure he knows a buttload we don’t. 

I am quietly amused by Sam’s “buttload” comment. Guys, this is Satan. At least a little respect? Maybe? 

Anyway, yeah, this is some more leaning into their destiny type crap, and again, Dean using spoilers he’s had to guide them. Which means relying on the existence of a rigid destiny to fight said destiny - and then that makes Dean nervous that going along with destiny  _so far_  is, well, really ominous that they’re going to accidentally go all the way.

He has such an interesting relationship with destiny.

* * *

> SAM: So you got to promise me something.   
>   
> DEAN: Okay. Yeah. Anything.   
>   
> SAM: You got to promise not to try to bring me back.   
>   
> DEAN: What? No, I didn’t sign up for that. 

*Cas sleeping in the background* *Or resting with his eyes closed feeling terrible about overhearing all this*

Cas no. 

Cas go back to sleep and forget you heard this entire conversation - you don’t want to get any funny ideas about agreeing with Sam about not wanting Dean to sell his soul to liberate Sam from Hell and start a whole new cycle, so you go do it for him before he gets there first just so you don’t have to re-do your own meet cute with him a few years down the line. 

(Or forget hearing how Dean’s gonna go be with Lisa as Sam’s dying wish (and apparently Dean’s deep seated own desire to be normal and *sob* have no more contact with the supernatural - yes that includes you too) after this when all is said and done so you don’t have any place with him and can excuse a year’s absence up in Heaven without dropping by to even have the occasional beer on a slow day or SOMETHING.)

Apparently this episode actually just gives me season 6 sad feels early. 

Thinking of:

> SAM: You go find Lisa. You pray to god she’s dumb enough to take you in, and you – you have barbecues and go to football games. You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean. Promise me. 

I know Sam’s joking about Lisa being dumb, but it is only season 6′s work which salvages Lisa at all from this trophy character she was introduced as and stayed as for 2 seasons (and off-screen and unmentioned at all in season 4) - we  _know_  that Dean idolises her for the abstract traits she represents, and the pre-packaged family with Ben, and Sam even describes the kind of fun activities Dean can do as a normal human for HIMSELF (or with the “family”)… there’s no discussion of the relationship beyond “if she takes you in” and we have seen literally all of Dean and Lisa’s canon interaction after that fateful hookup on screen so far so we know exactly how deep their current emotional connection can go… 

I mean in season 3 Lisa was just teased to be the life he could never have, and now she’s being teased as the life he could have just as an extension of her original role which didn’t  _have_  to go any further than that, except that she gets this extension in the story. And if the show had ended  _here_  (but with the Lisa ending) then that’s all she ever would have been? 

In which case Sam’s comment in isolation is basically just pointing out she was dumb enough to take Dean in, which is basically the only commentary we actually  _have_  of using words to describe Lisa in the whole show so far. >.>

* * *

You ever spotted Sam going for a handshake with Cas when he goes to say goodbye? But Cas doesn’t go for it. 

But like, remember how when Sam first met Cas he instinctively stuck out his hand for him?

I guess awkward handshakes are their thing in the same way emotionally charged shoulder touches are a Destiel thing?

And standing awkwardly off-shot while the bros have their melodrama is a Cas n Bobby thing *Cas shuffles off into the background where Bobby was already loitering around a few feet removed facing away*

I assume while Sam and Dean have their moment, Cas and Bobby stand still next to each other without a word, just kind of… existing.

I mean this parallels all their not-always-on-camera loitering in the background while Michael and Lucifer chat in a little while, so really they’re just practising. :P First standing aside from Bobby’s dumb awkward family sorting their shit out, and then with Cas’s? 

The two of them just glancing at each other like “wow these brothers, huh?” *eye roll*

in an AU where smoking was allowed on screen I know for a fact Bobby would smoke in the awkward moments, and Cas would bum cigarettes from him in these times when they were required to be present but not directly involved in the melodrama.

… Can you tell I’ve sat through these conversations a few too many times?

* * *

I know Sam has magic demon blood consuming powers but I have never understood how he did not desperately need to pee for the whole next scene after drinking 4 huge bottles of blood.

Headcanon that he desperately needed to pee while talking to Lucifer hence rushing into the Yes despite plot complications. 

* * *

Blah blah sentimental lego and army men. 

* * *

Ah, back to Satan. Phew.

> CHUCK (VOICEOVER): The Devil doesn’t know or care what kind of car the boys drive. 

Satan not being a car person is pretty much why he’s the real villain?

(Not for nothing the only presence John has in this episode is in the opening montage reminding us he was once a decent guy who liked the Impala (and even that came from Dean :P) Like,  _even John Winchester_  has redeeming characteristics of being on the same side as the car, once upon a time before it all went wrong. And that reminder with Bobby following in his van, that in season 1 John had stepped away from the Impala and drove his own car now…)

I just like that Chuck throws in that comment to make it clear that this might be a hellish godless universe but there is one clear beacon of morality in this desolate wasteland, and that is people who like the car and people who don’t are bad guys who must be toppled.

* * *

(I’m not getting soft on John in my old age, but a straight up comparison to Lucifer does tend to make John look like a relatively decent guy, who, even far-gone on his revenge mission, still at least cared to point out Baby was rusty, at the expense of Dean’s feelings: the morality chart is weirdly unerring, with John doing right/good things by more normal standards of morality re: saving people occasionally, selling his soul to save Dean etc, and yet still hurting Dean emotionally in the process. I am unnerved by this metaphor so, moving on.)

* * *

I feel like Lucifer was genuinely kind of surprised that Sam would go right for the Yes.

I do wonder, from my comment on last episode, exactly how it would have gone if Dean just dropped the rings then and there and did the thing… I still think the chance of them being exploded is pretty high, since getting Lucifer under control where he couldn’t stop them is an important part of it, but still…

Anyway, Dean coming along really seems a dead give away that they’re up to something, since it’s off-script (Dean was probably meant to be possessed by Michael by now in some variations of this event, so like with him showing up at Stull, he’s a random loose end who’s already existing outside the agreed narrative?). It’s definitely at least off-script from the supposed events of what led to Endverse where Sam n Dean were separated, and since it’s apparently “same time same place”… Well, Lucifer did say that the details could be altered but it would always end the same way, and so it still works as a plausible threat for messing up this? I dunno.

Not poking this one for fear of how long I’d talk. :P

* * *

(I assume Sam wore all clothes he wouldn’t miss, despite the whole certain death thing. I hope he wasn’t wearing lucky underpants or something though. I guess Cas yanks him out in the same clothes, but those lucky underpants will always be his Lucifer Underpants in mental association from then on.)

(Once he has his soul back to care about things like the sanctity of his lucky underpants.)

* * *

I don’t think we talk about this enough:

> SAM: Deal of the century. I give you a free ride, but when it’s all over, I live, he lives, **you bring our parents back**  – 

I mean obviously both died through demonic happenings leading up to this event, so it seems fair to ask for them as the price since they’re already a price paid in the other direction… Not that Sam and Dean actually were assuming this would happen, but interesting that these are the fake terms and conditions Sam throws at Lucifer. It implies the idea that Lucifer wins (to be able to fulfil these terms and conditions) so they’d be living in the post-apocalypse, but with the family intact.

(Thinking back to season 1 and Dean’s desperate “put what’s left of the family back together” motivation throughout, and Sam until the last moment being dead set against that, and of course Sam’s long-term running away theme, mistaken or not from Dean’s perspective to be about running away from family and that more than anything undermining his faith in Sam… Now Sam makes this comment at the end of all things.)

* * *

> LUCIFER: Okay, can we please drop the telenovela? I know you have the rings, Sam.   
>   
> SAM: I have no idea what you’re talking about. 

I thought Sam was supposed to be  _good_  at poker. I was informed that Sam’s side of the Poker Witch episode was a metaphor for  _this_  episode. Sam. No. 

* * *

  


I am actively distraught we are not allowed to see them smoking on screen. Sam and Dean must have been up there at least 5 minutes?

* * *

If Sam didn’t weigh the same as a literal moose, Dean coulda picked him up and chucked him in the hole but nope. Brick shithouse. Apocalypse nearly happens. This is why exercise is bad.

* * *

I do like how Lucifer has a distinct personal variation of scary eyebrows on Sam’s face. They are not the usual brand of Sam’s going off the deep end eyebrows.

* * *

> LUCIFER (in SAM’s body): I was just messing with you. Sammy’s long gone. 

Have you ever considered crap like this is why you don’t get invited to more parties?

* * *

/vivid flashbacks to season 9 and all the gifsets I saw of Gadreel being like “I played him convincingly”

* * *

Gadreel at least had a little class about this whole thing, Lucifer.

* * *

> LUCIFER: I told you… this would always happen in Detroit. 

*gnaws inside of mouth* *stares helplessly in what I can only hope is the general direction of Edlund*

I’m not gonna make this a thing about time travel. I’m not gonna make this a thing about time travel. I’m not gonna -

* * *

(Lucifer disappears with a sort of nearly mechanical “whoosh” like a car going past at a distance, instead of the flapping of wings from normal angels??)

* * *

I feel like, to avoid explaining everything on my mind, maybe Endverse was a sort of popcorn event? Gabriel and Lucifer and most likely Michael too, since he orchestrated it, peeping in on it? Zach certainly did some of the loudest magic of the season there, so I get the feeling it wouldn’t be hard to miss.

Also Gabriel orchestrates his meeting a very short time after…I already rambled on my theories about how much he knew… And he did say he skipped ahead to see how the story ends…

* * *

Okay fuck it I’m just going to stick like one foot into the rabbit hole for a minute. :P This is my last intended long rambling set of rewatch notes for now, I may as well indulge myself.

So my theory in 5x04 about the timeline was that it was the future at  _that exact present moment_  that would have happened as a consequence of Sam and Dean’s separation since the end of 5x02 which opened them up for that timeline (which makes sense that they were on a path already, and it’s much less complicated to just fling Dean into his own future which just helps enforce the apparent lesson Zach wanted him to get - no hypotheticals about it, this is what is to come). 

So far as anything but my crackiest meta theory (see: 4x18′s rewatch notes) goes, the END of 5x04 was where the timelines branched to this alternative or at least [negated the actual possibility of Endverse](http://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/127380010634/bert-and-ernie-are-gay-isthemachinesinging) (see also: Chuck already writing about the car to open the book, putting the destined “army man” ending into the framing of the episode (against other alternatives “endverse” and, to borrow Gabriel’s phrasing, “dance the lambada” ending where the fight happens, as the fight did not happen in endverse), as Dean made a decision which actively derailed what was so far written as the most likely future as a consequence of seeing endverse, thus, only so far as WE the viewer know, leaving them open only to variations on “lambada” or the one way out safely via “army man”.

(Also worth noting, since I didn’t in my 5x04 rewatch exactly, rather just alluded to it, that since Dean did not say yes to Michael in that future (which at the time I think I mostly cared about just to point out the fight didn’t happen at all) Michael being all big on the importance of destiny, was well aware as things stood that he wouldn’t get the yes, and so he tried manipulating destiny his way, only to create an alternate branch where Dean ALSO didn’t say yes but for other circumstances. So even he was aware that destiny can be changed and fucked around with when it suits him and it wasn’t actually set in stone that he would get the yes?)

Anyway, so say NONE OF THE ARCHANGELS can actually see the future, and, new theory, the angels can’t casually go look at it (or the past) in the way we could imagine of them just, like,  _looking_. 

Let’s take a quick detour to 4x03: imagine that Cas was tasked to send Dean back to witness events (and follow him there) not just because Dean needed to be aware, but because the angels had no friggin’ clue either. 

Despite keeping a vague watch over the planet, they’d not been paying close enough attention to the nitty gritty soap opera so long as they knew the bloodlines involved had hooked up, rather assuming their part would come in when the demons, who if nothing else are persistent, finally managed to start the whole thing off (plausible deniability for the angels, fight happens, destiny prevails, everyone wins. Paradise on earth!). 

In order to catch themselves up on missed details, they NEED to send someone back in time, but angels perhaps can’t just hop around all over the place, or at least, are not supposed to. Sending Dean to look was a good cover to get their own eyes on the ground to witness it especially since like with the lesser demons all thinking Sam was the Boy King, not all angels seemed to be aware the apocalypse was meant to start (Cas definitely for the first half of season 4) and that Dean was only a useful weapon in of himself, since saying from the start he was  _only_  Michael’s vessel would rather give away that Michael was “only” angling for a fight.

Cas was learning along with Dean the events of those days in 4x03, with nothing more than the vaguest idea of where and when (I would assume Mary’s soul would have a record of the deal engraved in it, as demonstrated a couple of times by Crowley with his deals in season 6, although not a canon thing in the here and now.) So. Anyway, the angels knew the time and date of the deal, the location, and that Dean would be extremely motivated to do the rest of their work for them. :P 

~~(See also: Lizzy’s Dean is the centre of the universe theory - one day I will trawl these notes and assemble an essay but until then that note’s mostly for personal reference.)~~

Skip ahead to 5x13, ignoring 5x04 a tick: Anna, “rogue agent”, speculated to have been set up by Michael to orchestrate his meeting with Dean (I saw it said somewhere anyway and now can’t remember where, but I have assimilated the headcanon). Why the past then? If he was tracking her she could have met them anywhere and led him to them. 

She punts herself back in time on the idea that she has to kill Mary to stop Sam. This is wildly unimportant since Michael wants them all alive and casually resurrects Sam when Anna does kill him. The actual time and place aren’t important except for the details that make the trap work, just that Anna goes to a fixed point in time where the Winchesters will  _definitely_  be to defend their parents who are bait. (Thanks Cas. You walked right into that one :P if it was a set up and Anna killed Mary but no Winchester interaction occurred, Michael would have just popped in, fixed it to ensure his vessel survived, wiped their memories and left, no biggie.) 

Because Cas drags them to that place in time, there are time travellers present, with a bridge from past to present, and so it opens a direct way to locate the Winchesters (knowing exactly where Anna is and therefore where they will go) to have the chat with Dean. Michael timetravels from the present to have the conversation - I can’t remember anything from his side implying he was not just speaking Dean man-to-man as if was the same day of the week of their normal timeline, rather than a Michael of the past dropping by to forewarn him. 

Noteworthy: Anna told Uriel that the Winchesters kill him and Uriel did no fact checking of his own on this, taking it on trust, implying that angels could not casually see into the future for any old reason, even something potentially very important to him like that.

So. Back to Endverse. If angels can  _only_  see disturbances in time relating to their present being pulled one way or the other (i.e. Uriel has nothing to look at to check if Anna is lying; Dean is required for Cas (and the other angels implied in his dialogue at the end) to see what happened in the past in 4x03) no one at this point before Zach does the thing can  _actually_  see any possible future  _except for Chuck_. Who works only a short distance in advance, based on how he’d got a rough draft for Monster at the End of the Book including the Lilith encounter by the middle of that episode, and have spare pages about the laundromat scene and other short term future events to give them when they first met him.

So Zach catching up to Dean and flinging him into 2014 creates an open tunnel linking Dean from past to future (after all he needs a clear path to return home from: in all time travel instances they arrive back exactly where they left from, though the place they  _left_  the future from before their return is always some other geographical location), through which any interested parties can peer, and creating the only glimpse of the future than anyone can work off and recalculate their various approaches to destiny from. 

We know Michael would look because he was behind Zach the whole time. 

Gabriel has a pretty grim idea that they’re all going to die, and is keen to inspire Dean (and Sam) to say yes in 5x08, aware that this is something that still needs work. As “endverse” is the only ~known~ future all parties involved have to treat it as an eventuality because they can’t risk it, and Lucifer himself in this line implies that it’s the one of the 3 options most likely. (If he has an inflexible idea of time yet to come, then he assumes changes in detail, as he says, will still always lead to the same place, and seeing that place has convinced him it’s the only one.) 

Therefore Gabriel may be actively trying to make it switch from “endverse” to “lambada” with his attempts to teach them to suck it up, just because of the very limited options (as I said, he  _may_  have been the one to actively switch it to irreversibly “army man” in Hammer of the Gods (after 5x04 first opened up the potential of that future) but no one else but Chuck could know this definite switch, and maybe not until he just started writing this episode’s events down). Anyway, “lambada” benefits him more than “endverse” by miles (see also: end!Cas, with no power because Heaven closed up; Gabriel would be the  _other_  angel trapped on Earth and as of 5x04 we didn’t know this about him so it’s not like he’d have been in the episode. No I haven’t read Down to Agincourt yet  _don’t tell me if this is a plot point or bemoan that it isn’t_.)

(Of the options of the Michael/Lucifer fight there are of course 2 endings depending on who wins, and I’ve already speculated intensely that, ignoring later retcons about the Darkness, they probably CAN’T know what’s going to happen or they wouldn’t bother - although interesting to compare to Lilith trying to open another alternative destiny in 4x18, also futilely attempting to subvert what was Written, when she knew she had to die for it - would someone like Michael or Lucifer with their respective personalities really go fight the fight if one knew they were destined to lose? I took that episode to be a symbolic microcosm of the main Apocalypse arc and specifically about Dean’s role with destiny at the end of this episode - all he needs to do is show up off-book, so if Lilith stands for the archangels… The real question is, did Michael or Lucifer ever show a sign of blinking as Lilith did? Imagine if Anna was working for Michael post-brainwashing but he changed his mind about having cold feet and killed her to hide the evidence he’d wavered after some event in the episode changed his mind about wanting Mary dead -  _while_  pregnant with Dean… Perhaps that awful tearful conversation about wishing not to be born for the greater good etc. got to him if he was snooping… :P)

Anyway, allowing that the only way Gabriel could have known about any possible future was by snooping on Dean’s holiday to 2014, and having Lucifer quote himself from the future back to Dean so proving he snooped one way or another, we’re left with 2 options:

All of what I just wrote to conclude Lucifer was ONLY snooping on it.

Or, all the angels can see all the future(s) all the time and only pure uncertainty about what will be the actual one to happen stops them being even worse than they are with the destiny thing (Michael having bought into his own favourite future; Lucifer snooping on endverse and finding it funny to taunt Dean with here but without it meaning anything in particular - or, in fact, getting his confidence from his own perception this would be the ending so both Michael and Lucifer are barrelling towards their idea of paradise on earth convinced they will win because that is what they see, both victims of destiny themselves…).

In that case, Chuck would be the only one who can possibly know the  _real_  future (which is his true power: no uncertainty no matter how short term the foretelling it is infallible), and then see above: already writing as if “army man” is the only real possible ending, so then Lucifer is horrifically  _wrong_  in this scene but thinks he is right because like Michael assuming he will win the fight (also horrifically wrong), or, earlier this season, assuming he WILL get Dean to say yes, he’s just picked his favourite future, which happens to be the only one we saw. 

* * *

Okay I’m done now.

* * *

I think.

* * *

Did I mention book 8 of my own series I’m slowly and painfully working on is entirely an extended time travel sequence going through the canon of the previous seven books without visibly touching the edges when you re-read the first 7 books to try and catch me in a plot hole?

Puzzling out weird time travel scenarios is kind of my main hobby. :P

* * *

*goes back to yelling at Lucifer for being really rude by using Star Wars references at Sam when that is like the one thing Sam is canonically definitely more nerdy about that Dean, who is a Trekkie* 

See, here’s the difference between him and Gadreel: I have  _no_  idea how intentional this parallel was because Star Wars flows deep in this culture, but Lucifer has clearly trawled every nook and cranny of Sam’s brain to learn all there is to know about Sam in the last few minutes, and so despite a single year above ground with an apocalypse to run he’s confident to make the reference himself unprompted. Meanwhile, Gadreel rode around in Sam’s head, picking up a little here and there for defence and strategy, but when Cas blatantly references a key plot moment of the original film, he’s met with the blank look of angels vs earth pop culture. 

I like Gadreel, okay?

* * *

Anyway blah blah fractured reflection of Sam, Lucifer being awful, Sam being all angry-shoulders at Lucifer who is demonstrating what maddening calm really looks like.

> LUCIFER: You can’t lie to me. I see it all – how odd you always felt, how… out of place in that… family of yours. And why shouldn’t you have? They were foster care – at best. I’m your real family. 

Rude. A low blow considering the themes of the show and Sam’s historic issues with sticking with the family  _business_ , and desires to be normal, emphasised with Dark Side of the Moon this season. Not sure how effective the last point really is, although obviously this is right before Lucifer goes into the reveal that everyone Sam ever cared about outside of his family was a demon all along (except Jess, apparently, but they just used her as a sacrifice to get Sam moving again, as also covered recently…)

Not sure that revealing this huge subterfuge and betrayal of trust is how to make Sam  _care_  about this family though. :P If anything it enforces how Dean (as the sole remaining biological family he has anyway) is rather the only thing to actually trust in this world to  _not_ be a demon (hahaha :P) (Well also to point out not laughing at their season 10 luck but to make a serious point, the fact Dean literally does this in season 7 in that bit where he first helps Sam banish Hallucifer and ground himself - that’s coming back to a reversal of this moment I guess?)

* * *

I am amused by how Lucifer made Sam’s old prom date put on her prom dress again to help him remember.

* * *

*meanwhile. Apocalypse*

> DEAN: So what do we do now?   
>   
> CASTIEL: I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol… Just wait for the inevitable blast wave. 

There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, that was the  _real_  last night on earth speech.

(Three, narrative symmetry is a thing that exists for a reason and this is the literal last night before Judgement Day.)

* * *

That “waiting” would have been fun anyway. 9x09 confirmed Cas is a flirty drunk and at this point he’d have had absolutely nothing to lose. :P

* * *

But anyway yes, yet another example of Cas being an adorable drama queen about this sort of thing. See also: found a liquor store and drank it. No one’s bothered to teach him about proportionate emotional responses to stuff but he’s done a lot of learning of other things in a very short space of time (see also: Dean vs sensible proportionate responses. :P) 

> DEAN: I-I mean, how do we stop it?   
>   
> CASTIEL: We don’t. 

Of course, still got lessons to go - I’m sure learning that in the face of potentially hopeless defeat when all terrible things have come to pass, that there will always be a way to find some incredibly poorly planned, risk of personal safety plan to get out of it won’t… you know… cause any problems say in the next 22-odd episodes after this… 

Anyway at this point they’ve only been working on the idea of stopping it happening, and now it’s happened they don’t really have a plan for it. Cas is probably working on the basis that because they’re physically outmatched by the archangels (gah, no, more power is not the answer Cas) and at this point they’ve been left in the lurch because they’re not part of the story any more. There’s no “place” for them in the narrative that Michael and Lucifer want to act out. Cas dropped out of the narrative in 4x22. Dean officially was withdrawn in 5x18 despite multiple earlier threats to leave… Now they’re actually outside looking in (that is, peering through a shop window at TV footage of ongoing natural disasters - it’s a metaphor :P) Cas realises that this method of rebellion has left them with no control over the story from within…

* * *

I think Cas is almost crying in this. :(

Bobby definitely is when he wanders over to interrupt the lover’s quarrel.

> DEAN: You listen to me, you junkless sissy – we are not giving up! 

*sighs* Back to the “junkless” insult. I suppose aside from references back to 4x22 and in general Dean using that to insult angels as he did especially in season 4, it also is a reverse of the more recent Point of No Return, where now Cas is the one despairing, but in this case towards inaction, and Dean wants to carry on fighting. Also then an inversion of the insults used in it since Dean made so many sexual jabs at Cas.

(Which I mean is also a dodge around the potential for that recent line that passes as the last night on earth pick up line by reducing the idea of Cas having sexual interest in him again. :P)

* * *

*random car porn interlude*

*probably some sentimental crap about the brothers*

Pretty sure that clip of them sleeping in the Impala at the end of that was from Dream a Little Dream, right before Sam wakes up but not and leans over and tries to wake up Dean and it turns into the bad guy from the episode like GYAAAH that was disturbing.

Also the hustling pool is from 4x09 I think, at least in part? I don’t even know. 

This is like when people make sentimental AU gifsets and use out of context moments which are waaay not what they look like. :P

* * *

Anyway. Just to be clear, Chuck was writing the sentimental bridge about the car at the halfway point of the episode, AT the halfway point of the episode, and then we cut directly to him, like, existing in the episode at this point in time, so he definitely absolutely 100% knows the ending of the story through this scene.

> DEAN: Who’s Mistress Magda?   
>   
> CHUCK: Nothing. She’s a, uh, a – just a, uh… a close friend.   
>   
> DEAN: Yeah, I’ll bet – real close. Whatever happened to Becky?   
>   
> CHUCK: Didn’t work out. I had too much respect for her.   
>   
> DEAN: Boy, you really got a whole virgin/hooker thing going on, don’t you?   
>   
> CHUCK: Okay, this can’t be why you called. 

Like, that’s a whole minute of one of the most widely regarded season finales of the show.

*spends a minute of my notes on it wondering how much of that was Dean doing some literary analysis on Chuck based on the stories he writes*

*headache*

* * *

> CHUCK: I don’t know. It all has to end where it started, I guess. 

~narrative symmetry~

* * *

> DEAN: Well, do you have any idea what’s gonna happen next?   
>   
> CHUCK: I wish that I did. But I-I just – I honestly don’t know yet.   
>   
> DEAN: All right. Thanks, Chuck. 

[Originally posted by rorywillicms](https://tmblr.co/ZBewzrr8kSci)

(I have never believed him but it’s taken 5 years of this being one of my summer re-watch shows to figure out all the details of how :P)

* * *

*Bobby and Cas team up on Dean*

Listen. This episode is 90% Bobby and Cas off-screen interaction. I love it. 

* * *

Cas just leaned on the car. :3 (Okay for like 2 seconds before he had more important things to say, but the point is that right after a montage about how important the car is to them, he has a random moment of contact with it.)

Then Dean gets in the car and starts the engine, leaving Cas n Bobby to look at each other sadly and we have no idea if they get in the car with him because the scene changes, and when we see Dean next he’s driving up alone, so that  _almost_  looked like the last time we see Cas n Bobby for the season. :P AND OF COURSE HOWEVER THEY GET HERE THEY ARE A TEAM AGAIN.

…

At the rate this is going when I watch 6x20 I’m gonna be sobbing about how betrayed Bobby was and just ignore the other dynamics. :P

Anyway they HAD to have got in the car with Dean, if for no other reason than he didn’t tell them where he was going but they end up there anyway. But it’s never explained.

They must have had some interesting conversations on the drive over.

* * *

I bet Cas was really maudlin about their chances of survival.

* * *

But yeah anyway this conversation was presented as being about love for Sam as Dean’s motivation, but like I was blah-ing on about in 5x18, Cas and Bobby agree to go for love of Dean rather than any hope for Sam, and to at least offer their company/faith to come along with him to see what is to be seen. 

* * *

* * *

I can not believe how boringly all the archangels dress. I mean Michael is meant to be wearing a Dean knock off and wearing generic Dean-style clothes  _on_  said knock off to show that, and I suppose it’s part of the show’s charm/aesthetic, but even so. I mean, it’s Armageddon. You could have at least tried.

* * *

> MICHAEL: Oh, you know why! I have no choice, after what you did.   
>   
> LUCIFER: What I did? What if it’s not my fault?   
>   
> MICHAEL: What is that supposed to mean?   
>   
> LUCIFER: Think about it. Dad made everything. Which means he made me who I am! God wanted the Devil.   
>   
> MICHAEL: So?   
>   
> LUCIFER: So why? And why make us fight? I just can’t figure out the point. 

… 

So ignoring season 10, we have the question of destiny suddenly turning into Michael only doing this fight because he “has no choice” as in this is what he sees that he has to do based on his own sense of… justice? Generally people who say “I have no choice” are people who had a choice but don’t like the one they are compelled to do. I’d guess based on how God pops up as the topic of conversation, this is a silent acknowledgement of Michael’s issues with God paralleling the whole thing where we already did this with Sam and Dean when John told Dean he’d have to kill Sam if he couldn’t save him aaall the way back in season 2.

(I still think it’s funny that John has top billed father figure role in this universe, and so God is a mirror to him, not John being metaphoric of God :P)

(Not ignoring season 10, I suppose with a great deal of flexible twisting you can turn that to God giving Lucifer the Mark to make him what he was, rather than what Lucifer is actually saying here about his own inherent nature as a force of evil from the moment of Creation)

> LUCIFER: We’re going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad’s tests. And we don’t even know the answer. We’re brothers. Let’s just walk off the chessboard.   
>   
> MICHAEL: I’m sorry. I-I can’t do that. I’m a good son, and I have my orders. 

Once again, HOW did Michael ever think he and Dean were compatible, when their issues with destiny are literal opposites, because Dean HAS walked off the chessboard? And is now walking back onto it on his own terms…

On the other hand, of course, he represents the worst of Dean, and Lucifer represents the worst of Sam - the idea that that evil IS inherent in him, and Michael too controlled by God’s apparent orders to show compassion to his brother…

(Not helped by the fact his brother is inherently evil, and therefore if Michael is upholding “good” he does have to kill his brother.)

> MICHAEL: You’re a monster, Lucifer. And I have to kill you. 

lol.

~theeemes~

* * *

I like this instance of Dean picking the soundtrack and it fading into just being the show soundtrack in the background for the dialogue in the way soundtracks do - him influencing the TV show in a meta way, never mind all the stuff with the books. Also we don’t see him turn the music off. :P

* * *

The way Lucifer says “mountain of stupid” sounds so Sam it hurts.

> MICHAEL: Adam isn’t home right now.   
>   
> DEAN: Well, then you’re next on my list, buttercup. 

Compare and contrast pizza with Death to show just how chill Dean is here, hanging with two pissed off archangels in the way of their destined fight, casually calling Michael, who was his big threat of the season, “buttercup”. 

Dean, there are so many reasons I love you… :P

* * *

Probably while waiting for the opportune moment Bobby and Cas shared one last cigarette on the understanding they were so totally dead. Cas probs used the butt to light the holy hand grenade.

* * *

Do you think Michael teleported off to jump in the sea?

He probably jumped in the sea.

I do like how him yelling about how Dean is no longer part of the story is literally the way to summon Team Bobby n Cas.

(They’re their own team now.)

* * *

Aw Cas. 

:(

*Dean does the rage pout at Lucifer over that*

Bobby just is in shock that his new BFF is now pasted all over the nearby landscape and his face.

* * *

I can’t believe Bobby shot Sam. I mean, the rules for vessels of angels don’t seem to be the same as demons poor meatsuits, but Sam at least  _felt_  that? 

Rude.

* * *

*takes a poor moment to roll my neck to work a crick out of it*

* * *

Lucifer pointing out Sam’s present to hear him snapping Dean’s bones indirectly points out that he totally did feel Bobby shoot him.

So rude.

* * *

*conveniently Sam has only exactly 3 childhood memories of him and Dean doing anything in car ever*

* * *

*Sam pulls a series of the most ridiculous faces of the entire show*

*Dean probably too concussed to stop him tbh*

Stop him jumping in like the same way Michael just epically failed at but yeah I suppose that applies to the faces too somehow.

* * *

I’m like 90% sure this is somehow a direct play by play copy of the stupid number of endings that take up the last full third of Return of the King, including some of the same thematic beats with all the wrapping up of writing the story and handing over the narrative after defeating great evil. 

That bit in 5x02 where Dean made a joke about Mount Doom doesn’t sound so funny now, does it Dean?

* * *

Look Dean, friend! Angel friend! No need to be sad! 

Now you two go get married and drive off into the sunset.

I’d settle for one kiss before the end.

Nope, Cas decides to bring Bobby back because they’re besties now.

I have never seen anyone screencap or gif Bobby’s look of terror about this state of affairs.

Well, belated realisation that apparently he has to find something to live for now life’s apparently a moderately worthwhile investment after all.

* * *

> DEAN: So, what, you’re the new sheriff in town?   
>   
> CASTIEL: I like that. Yeah. I suppose I am. 

… Dean.

Dean, honey.

I just want to know what Sam would say considering how he laughs at Dean in 6x18, and now I’m feeling Sam’s absence and mourning him like I never really bothered to since I knew there was a season 6 when I started watching season 4. This rewatch is really getting me into the moment.

Mostly because no one is there to tell Cas about Dean and cowboys at this important moment.

* * *

(also this moment is simultaneously TERRIBLE considering this episode is inescapably about season 6 with hindsight. *screams a little more*)

* * *

> DEAN: Wow. God gives you a brand-new, shiny set of wings, and suddenly you’re his bitch again.   
>   
> CASTIEL: I don’t know what God wants. I don’t know if he’ll even return. It just… seems like the right thing to do. 

:<

Dean assuming Cas will go back to season 4 Cas, I suppose, flap off back to Heaven, and since Dean is loudly telling Cas what he doesn’t want him to do here, Cas goes and does just that and drops off the radar for an entire year. 

I can’t remember what Dean said about trying to contact him in 6x03, but I always assumed he mostly took this conversation as a break up because of this reset on Cas.

Meanwhile Cas is actually demonstrating a ton of character development considering some of the first lines they ever exchanged were about what God wanted for them to do. And here he is all grown up making decisions based on what he feels is right. 

:’)

(I’m… selectively choosing to ignore that this tactic worked for about 10 minutes when Cas got back to Heaven before he ran into a Raphael shaped brick wall.)

* * *

> DEAN: Well, if you do see him, you tell him I’m coming for him next.   
>   
> CASTIEL: You’re angry.   
>   
> DEAN: That’s an understatement.   
>   
> CASTIEL: He helped. Maybe even more than we realize.   
>   
> DEAN: That’s easy for you to say. He brought you back. But what about Sam? What about me, huh? Where’s my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole!   
>   
> CASTIEL: You got what you asked for, Dean. No paradise. No hell. Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom? 

Bah. 

Anyway. Grumpily added to “Dean is the centre of the universe” theory ammo. Cas tries to help Dean see that this was an ideological victory, which… is not what Dean wants to hear right now I think. :P There’s some huge fundamental differences in understanding through this, with Dean taking God’s involvement/lack of it personally. The twice mentioned idea of bringing their parents back floated in this episode too - an unrealistic world like his djinn dream but even more implausible - also makes “even just Sam” a halfway compromise. Considering season 1′s theme of Dean trying to scrape what was left of his family together and how strong that theme was, him losing every last bit of it at this point is probably more of a tragic ending than just killing everyone, Dean included. So for Dean this was an ideological LOSS. 

Even Cas saying God might never come back and at the moment sounding almost okay with that isn’t the same because he is optimistic about this new found peace and freedom, emphasis on the “free” part, and once again as at the start of the season in 5x02 when he was riding high on his first resurrection, he has that sense of purpose and an answer, so he thinks, from God which, after losing faith in the middle of the season, leaves him feeling he’s got purpose again now. (Unfortunately for season 6 :P) 

So, yeah. Unfortunate break up time, because after all their bonding, they’re temporarily incompatible, and are going to stay so for various tragic awful reasons until the veeeeeeeeeery end of season 7. :( 

> DEAN: Well, you really suck at goodbyes, you know that? 

* * *

(I mean it’s really important learning curve stuff to find out how much they really mean to each other when it hasn’t actually been tested with the same level of emotional strife, and then it’s about them coming back together more emotionally bonded in a beautiful way. But it huuurts and I want them to be happy already dammit. :P)

* * *

Oh well Cas is off to make some bad mistakes pulling Sam out of said hole to make up for this conversation, and Dean’s off to rake leaves.

* * *

> CHUCK (VOICEOVER):  But not Dean. Dean didn’t want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he’s got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn’t gonna do either. Because he made a promise. 

…

I never noticed the “didn’t want Cas to save him” part. I’m assuming the healing after the fight was Cas “saving” him? I mean I guess Dean was spectacularly unmotivated to get medical attention after the fight so he was probably internally bleeding somewhere and generally felt like lying down to die at that point… Healing him and putting Bobby in front of him gives him an unfortunate lack of excuse and a support network of Team Cas n Bobby. 

In any case the phrasing is more generic DeanCas language that seems to hark back to the opening of season 4 more than right here and now. Not like their conversation didn’t show enough that Dean’s depression and trauma was creating a wall between him and Cas with his new enlightened attitude (Like 20 minutes ago you were considering lying on the floor doing nothing until Armageddon, Cas. No need to act so zen now.) but this phrase emphasising the idea of Dean rejecting Cas’s help, emotionally, by resenting his continued existence, sets up a greeeat lead in for them next season. 

Anyway. Last couple of lines of that speech outline basically the worst reason ever to move in with someone you’ve met on exactly 3 brief occasions as their new life partner. It sounds like basically Cas just inflicted them on Dean because he couldn’t leave well enough alone and now Dean had to scrape his sorry self together and go sit at their table.

You get some sympathetic character development next season, Lisa.

Until then, you are pretty much the girl from his djinn dream, while we’re on the topic. :P

> DEAN: [voice breaking] Yeah. Uh, if it’s not too late, I… think I’d like to take you up on that beer.

I will bet you £100 it was El Sol brand if we’d seen it. :P

* * *

*random montage of more badly chosen clips in context just to emphasise this is the end of the show*

Bye Chuck.

Alternate theory: he drank so much he literally just evaporated.

* * *

Oh hey Sam, you’re looking tall. Did you get a haircut? 

* * *

*cut to black*

* * *

*phew* There’s still 5 seasons left to watch for fun, but no way am I carrying on like this, so this is a thanks to the handful of people who seemed to read all of these or at least vaguely support me translating my whooshing headache noise into rambling text. 

Endings are hard. I’m going to go put some over-sentimental gifsets about that stupid car montage into my queue and sob about how beautiful it all was in the tags and only people who read to the end of this will know I called it stupid so this is a secret we will share. :3

*disappears in a puff of smoke*


End file.
